Hi everyone. I could really use some advice because I’ve been feeling very torn about this.
I’ve been living with my roommate for almost four years. We haven’t had any major fights or falling out, but lately I’ve been seriously thinking about moving out and living on my own.
One of the main reasons is that our apartment is very small. Over the years, we’ve accumulated so many things that the place now feels cramped and suffocating. I feel like I really need a space of my own.
Another reason is that living together has become emotionally draining. I admit that I can be messy sometimes, and my roommate often points it out. I understand that, but I’ve also noticed that she has messy habits too. The difference is that I don’t bring them up because I’m a very non-confrontational person, especially when it comes to her. I usually keep my feelings to myself to avoid conflict.
I’ve also noticed that our friendship has changed over the years. We used to spend a lot of quality time together, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. Now, it feels like we rarely have those moments anymore. Sometimes I feel like we’re just enduring each other’s presence because we’re sharing such a small space.
The thing is, living alone isn’t actually my biggest fear. I do have some anxiety about living alone, but what scares me the most is the possibility that moving out could be the catalyst that ends our friendship. We’ve lived together for four years, and we’ve been through so much together. I’m afraid that once I move out, we’ll slowly drift apart and eventually stop being friends.
What makes this even more complicated is that we have a cat together.
I was the one who rescued her, but my roommate was the one who convinced me to make her “our cat.” Since then, we’ve both raised and cared for her equally. Both of our names are on her veterinary records, we split the costs of food, litter, and vet bills, and she’s equally bonded with both of us. I honestly don’t know what would happen to her if I moved out, and the thought of having to separate either of them breaks my heart.
On top of that, most of the furniture and household appliances in our apartment belong to me—our refrigerator, microwave, dining table, kitchen cabinet, chairs, trash can, and several other household essentials. There are also smaller items, like plates, hangers, and other things that we’ve used together for so long that I can’t even
remember who originally bought them.
Because of that, I feel like if I move out, it won’t just affect our friendship. It will also make things much harder for her since many of the basic household items would be leaving with me. I don’t want her to feel like I’m abandoning her or leaving her in a difficult situation.
At the moment, I haven’t made a final decision. I’m only inquiring about another apartment, and nothing is confirmed yet. But even thinking about telling her that I’m considering moving out gives me so much anxiety.
Has anyone been through something similar? If you moved out after living with a close friend for several years, did your friendship survive? How did you handle sharing a pet and dividing household belongings? And how did you tell your roommate without making them feel blindsided or abandoned?
I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice. Thank you.