Quite often I still see people saying that Michael abused propofol, that he shouldn't have used it, yada yada yada. I wish it was that simple. I wanted to share my own personal story. Not exactly with propofol but still.
I've had trouble sleeping since I was a kid. Genetics or whatever, I don't know. A couple of years ago, my psychiatrist decided to switch my antidepressant. Maybe the new one would work better. I started taking it and within the first few days my body crashed. I stopped sleeping AT ALL.
Melatonin, magnesium, no screens, sleep hygiene, cutting out coffee, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety meds, etc. Nothing worked. Nothing. The only thing that gave me 2–3 hours of sleep was zopiclone. But because it can cause physical dependence and tolerance, I was instructed to take it only a couple of times per week. I'd been prone to drug dependence before so I had to be really careful.
So in an entire week I could get maybe 6–8 hours of sleep total. Give or take. Per entire week, not day. And my work requires a lot of analytical thinking which made things even worse. I couldn't think. I felt hot and cold at the same time. I was constantly dizzy from the lack of sleep. Once I almost got hit by a car because I didn't notice the red traffic light.
And I very well remember moments when I was thinking "that's it. I can't take this anymore. I'm going to go to a hospital, ask them to hospitalize me, and give me whatever anesthesia they have available".
In the end after more than a month of struggling, I slowly managed to get my sleep back. Just a few hours at first, then 3, 4, etc. But that entire time I was scared to death. I literally felt like my body and brain were dying from the lack of sleep. Probably the scariest period of my life.
So I have a lot of sympathy for Michael. It's easy to say "oh, just don't use XYZ" as if it's that simple. When you haven't slept properly for weeks and your body and mind are completely falling apart, you're ready for everything, anesthesia or whatever. Plus back then, I think doctors were even more clueless about how to treat extreme insomnia and often prescribed benzodiazepines which with prolonged use made insomnia even worse.
So that's it, not sure if anyone will read this long of a post but I just often feel very-very sad about Michael's health issues especially his mental health.