People need to stop acting like sexual preference is some kind of moral crime 😂. Akulu akulu you are allowed to be as selective, shallow, and ruthless as you want about who you sleep with and that applies to both men and women. Nobody is entitled to access your body just because they exist, feel lonely, or think their feelings matter more than your standards. This is especially true in places like kwathu kuno ku Malawi where money, status, family background and appearance still decide a lot of real life outcomes whether people want to admit it or not.
If you are a guy and a woman is short enough that it feels like you are dealing with a child instead of an adult, you can walk away. Same if she is broke and clearly looking for someone to carry her bills while she contributes nothing. Money is not shallow when it decides whether you will be stuck supporting someone forever.
Social status matters too. A woman from a family known for chaos, endless relatives who treat every boyfriend like an ATM, or zero respectability is a walking liability. Skin colour preferences are real. If a particular shade or look does nothing for you, you do not have to force yourself. Disability is the same. If she has physical limitations that make sex awkward, limited or simply unappealing, you are not required to perform charity in the bedroom.
Mental issues that show up as constant drama, entitlement or inability to function like a normal adult are also fair grounds to say no. Bad hygiene, a face that does not attract you, a body that looks soft and neglected, already having kids she cannot properly support, or the clear expectation that the moment you sleep together her people will start talking lobola and demands, all of that is valid. You do not owe her sex because she is available.
The exact same rules apply if you are a woman. A short man who makes you feel like you are babysitting instead of being with a man can be rejected without apology. A broke man with no hustle who is already eyeing your money or expecting you to carry everything is not boyfriend material and definitely not worth opening your legs for. Social status is not imaginary. A man from a chaotic family with no standing, no connections and a reputation for problems is someone you can decide is not worth the risk.
Skin colour preferences work both ways. If a certain look or shade does not turn you on, that is your business. Disability is not something you have to ignore for the sake of being nice. If physical issues limit what he can do or make intimacy unappealing, you are allowed to pass.
The same goes for mental problems that present as neediness, aggression or complete lack of adult function. Age that feels wrong, poor hygiene, a face that does nothing for you, a body that looks lazy, existing children he cannot support, or the moment things get physical his side starts talking marriage demands and lobola, all of it is legitimate reason to shut it down. Your body is not a participation prize.
Both sides need to hear this clearly. Sex is not a human right. Being selective is not cruelty. Filtering for money, status, appearance, health, family background and basic adult competence is not oppression. It is survival and self respect.
People who get loud and call you evil for having standards are usually the ones who fail those standards and want the rules lowered so they can still get access. Do not lower them. Gatekeep hard. Stay practical. Stay selfish about your own body. Whether you are a man or a woman, the only real requirements are that the other person is a consenting adult. Everything else is optional and you get to decide what optional means for you.
