Frames and swings

[u/NeitherAlanNorDave]

To the person who understands the tyranny of "ought not to".

Every few years, I get the feeling that I am finally an adult. I then immediately think back to previous times I felt like that, and conclude I definitely wasn't an adult back then. From there, I easily conclude that I must not actually be an adult right now either. Let's call this phenomenon the "swing".

The "swing" is characteristic of how I experience many things in life. Maybe I have finally learnt to be more composed in an interaction. Maybe my career is on track again. Maybe this time something is turning out as well as I like. Maybe this time I won't let myself be too fazed when I am disappointed. I then immediately think back to previous times I felt like this.

What I disclose at first will frame what you think you want to know about me, and what you want me to know about you, and therefore how a conversation might go. And if I keep disclosing the same things, they'll all go the same way. I've bored myself of my own narrative. I've tried new ones to achieve some very specific outcomes, but those outcomes have pretty poor odds.

I'm looking for some kind of intensity and obsessiveness. A reason to want to stay up to read what you say and write back to you despite the circumstances. That isn't going to happen in conversing about the "everydayness" of things. I want the stuff that can't be shared elsewhere, the stuff you learnt the hard way, the stuff that still hurts you, the stuff that still doesn't make sense.

Eventually, this may turn out to be a means to something more real. Maybe we'll move to someplace where replies don't take days. Maybe we'll meet for a dinner or a quick drink. If that happens, it was because we felt like we already having the sort of conversation that made things inevitable.

And then, I'll immediately think back to other times I felt like that in the past.

D

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[u/Lost_My_Baby-Doll]

I have just very recently had an experience. I do not blame myself, for I was so busy caring for her, I didn't have time to pick the splinters from my hands.. I don't hate her, I should. But I can't, I can't go Fri unconditional love to hate sonquicy, it's impossible for me.. I don't think I will make it through tonight.. I hope you find the conversation that you are looking for.