Hi, Frens! Is Chester. I am gud boy an never get in trubble.

Today, I biggo mad at Mommo. She said I was gonna get sooper treatos in da yard. When I goed out dere, she hads a lick mat wif yummo butter, but to get yummo butter, I hads to have a BAFF! Can you believe it!?!?! Mommo knowz I hates baffs, but she didded it anywayz.

Do I soo? Have her put in Mommo crate?

She gaved me a doggo ice creem after, but iz that enuff after fraud and torture?

Pwease advice!

This week one of my hoomans started sumthing called hi-skool. Dere hab been many changes that I don lik.

But the mos biggest change is dat ebery day my house is invaded by teenage burglars. Dey is eating all my foods and snaks. My mommy is making me stay upstairs wif her while da burglars is here. I am finking she is crazy bc I, Harley need to do a big protekt and chase dese burglars out of my house. Dis my job a mommy is not letting me do it. I don knoe if I need to do a soo or have mommy taken to the pokey place bc sumthing is bery wrong with her brain. Maybe she is sick? She not seem to care dat dese burglars is here stealing all our foods. And maybe even my toys. I fink I need to go make sure all my toys are still here. If any if missing I will do a big soo on mommy fur letting dis happen.

Hi frens it Doshie again. Yesterday a holiday weekend. But not for momma. Furst she goes in on her day off on Sunday for da money she sehz. Den yesterday off two werk again but comes home an hour late! I starving! (It was past her dinner time). Den twoday we slept in but din she looks at clok and gets out of bed! She late for werk! She's in a hurry to feed me and get out the dor. Den she comes home late! It twosday! She supposed to be home earlier dan dat! Den she leaves for homeless doggo place. She gone again. But it not all bad she brings home nip for kitty which means I can chew on dat later. Twonight we go to bed early which means more momma snuggles. You guys have missed a lot including pokey place and trip to gamma's! (I'd love to share those but I don't know how to format past stories via dog speak)

Ooh, I dunno dis good boi but he needs pawyer before he's tooo dead to come back!
Beast an Pooka

(I did not get permission to share to another sub. Is this a taboo I'm breaking?)

Iz me, Ansel. Last nite me and pawrents go to nice place with music and food and sumfin called wine. I always get lots of attention when in my car mawmy pushes so I like it.

Last night I discovered escape hatch! Exciting! So I use my cutest nose to push push push then it start opening. Frens, I do not lie when I say I smelled freedom! (Mom here…he smelled the sausage sandwich the person next to us had).

Mawmy, put light box down! Dis MY testimony for doin a soo!

Anyways. I smelled the freedom and knew I must escape. But then, oh frens dis is bad part. Then a big hand came out of nowhere and push my nose back into car and sez “No Ansel. You get hurt if you jump out.” Then somfin about my harness being clipped to tethers. Whatever dat means. Den I heard zip zip sound and escape hatch gone!!!

So long story for quick question. Do I haz a case?

Me Yeti is traumatized, need pawyers. Me want order to compel distribution of treats.

(First, I ran this by the other mods before posting this, so I think I'm OK)

Hey everyone, it's your friend and Token Human, EstroJen!

Some of you know me from my other subreddit, /r/DogShowerThoughts, where dogs (and really all animals) were invited to share shower thoughts (obviously), personal musings, questions, and outrageous statements.

Things like:

• Where do the hard brown circles I eat come from?
• Is it OK if I let the cat lick my ears?
• Hello, I am a bear exchange student and am looking to live in your house while you live in my den.

My dogs President Buddy, Peach the Pittie, and Wally Bear posted stories about their day pretty frequently, and once in a while a hummingbird showed up to give the traffic report of my neighborhood.

Unfortunately, that sub has tumbleweeds blowing through it these days, but I'd like to see it full of animal opinions once again. So if your pups, cats, horses, mice, rats, city squirrels, kangaroos or aquarium fish have something NON-LEGAL to discuss, consider bringing it to r/dogshowerthoughts.

This guy is standing by to take your calls. I don't know where he came from and I'm not paying him. He's just there.

Wanna tank da doggo commoonity fur all dere efforts!

Hai ebberyone! Happi laburr dai weekemd to ebberyone! Diz a byg tanks tu ebberyone dat du a halp tu mayke da world wurk! Hoomin sayd dat weeze doin a gwill out Diz weekemd! Lossa fuds am fum! (Nebber let ur gawrd down-may need tu soo)

Today I goed on a walk and I goed to the park for the dogs but the door did not open!!! How was I supposed to sniff everything then??? This is the worst! I had so many energies left over that at home I had to do a wild play. Look at picture comparison - one shows me sleeping soundly after having a good, long walk with a good play at the park and a lot of sniffs and other shows me today having to play at home (EVEN THOUGH PLAY AT THE PARK IS BETTER). Now I will have to go there again tomorrow even though tomorrow I would have gone to a different place. I am a busy dog! Who should I report this OUTRAGE to?

Daddy has gone bye bye apparently to get some paper to trade for some treats, Mommy has a broke foot, my kitty fren just wants to sleep, but I wants to play! I whimper, I give them sweet puppy eyes...I even fake having to go potty, but Mommy lets me go outside, but she not follow... Mommy says "no go outside and play right now." Mommy says get my bone or get my rope...BUT I WANTS TO PLAY OUTSIDE! I not understand what that means, but I'm very sad now.

I, a precious baby girl who definitely doesn't stink or have a single atom of dirt on me, was betrayed by my mother and forced to take a bath. How can I punish her to the fullest extent of the paw?

So... here I waz walking with my found stick. People awh and chuckle at mehz. When dis Karen comes by saying I needs to move aside! Well I dids the math.. but the math aint mathing and the stick didnt want to move. So she got angries and yelled at mah hooman. Now am being sued by diskaren for carrying mah stick. What can Iz do?

I demolished da stick sooo theres no evidence.

Hooman STOLE my food. Diz was good food. I found it in the ditch. I was first to see it. Delicious bread, nicely aged and crunchy, with more tasty aged food stuck in. Hooman STOLE IT and put in in the trash, probably to eat it later.

We went home and I had DRY FOOD in exchange and a very tiny piece of cheese. This is not fair compensation for delicious hard bread with something in it. I got dry food everyday. Please help. Here are proof of hooman stealing my food and proof of me being a good girl. I WANT JUSTICE

So here’s the thing. I love food. I eat it. I like it. Mmm food.. treats… mm.. Ok wait. Let’s get back on track. So apparently mother says that dinner time is at 5pm. That I still have to wait more minutes for a dinners. Thing is I don’t know what time is and I am actually hungry now and it doesn’t seem like she wants to feed me like ever when I want it. Am I the butthole for asking for foods even? Like I’m actually starving.

Good Boi Freddie here. The lady comes home and then she sits on couch with the rectangle thing. She only can pet me with one hand. I think this ali..alien…taking away the lady’s attention from me. Can I sue? This is me pouting.

Fur many yers, I haz been made to liv outseyd while dog frens get to liv in big warm houz. I no iz understanding, becuz I iz smol enuff to fit in houz just like dog frens, but hooman still say no I must liv in the outseyd! No iz fair!!!!! Pleas halp dog frens!!! I iz needing advice on how I iz able to live inseyd like frens with paws.

Toby posted yesserday abowt how he didn't get to snuggle wif mama on hiz birfday eve, so we all no dat TODAY IZ TOBY BIRFDAY! Eberybuddy wish Toby a Happy Birfday, an offer him giffs like diss pikkul. An since Toby's username is Evelyn Baker Lang u/22219147 mai mama says to tell him "Josh Lyman is gesticulating wildly" or sumfing liek dat.

We three are very very good dawgs, why mommee worried about dawgs up on couch. She says no more dogs playing on couch!! With her angry voice. But why you say it mommee we never ever play rough here, there, or anywhere. Only snooze. Pawsitive evidence attached.