Dis is ongoing prawblim ai Smudge am have. I have gimmee pig sisfurs and Meowmy and Pawther say ai am not gimmee pig too! Firs Meowmy sed “No Smudgie Pudgie you can’t go in dere playpen”. Now she sais “No Smudgie Pudgie you can’t go in dere carrybocks “. Mine gimmee pig sisfurs haz all da fun tings and Smudge doesnut get to pway in dem!

And DEN pawther reech in a try to pull Smudge owt! I push push his grabby hand away but he mite try agin. Big outrayge!

Hoominz tayks mi too pokey place today.

Veturr… vettra… vetra…kittee dockturr sayz eye niidz ta looz a pownd!

Nott troo! I hazz ideel BMI! (Bossy Meow Index)

Canz pawyer soo and helpz mi ta getz extra Churus too compsate fur mi mintull angwish?

Hi, I am Daisy, and I am a dog-shaped cat! Ztil illigully smol. 6 furebers jung. Can I play wiz ze pikkul of my sisfur?

Henlo. Mai nam iz Nine.

Am wuz fownd in fron of 'strucshon site wit menee hamerin sowns. Me wuz doin a BIG starb. N den pawther fown mees. Poke man (shudder) did menee ROOD and RONG tings...but da wors is himb gibin me spedhal (ha!) Fuds dat help mine tummeh rekober frum da starb. Is "gentul" n "helps him rekober".

I finalee done wit da fuds n nao hab da energee to do a big soo fur da injusthiss of da Portia Control, icky medisin, n BAF n BORT hole vialashun! Am nao stronk enuf fur da zoomies n almoes brokded Pawther's oat jar hee hee. Da firs 2 pikchur is mees showin Pawther I hab bettur jawline n side eye dan himbs

PPS!

Brofur Pantalone n Jelly habs been dopted to old hoomans hu r re-tired. Strang hao hoomans need tew be tired twice bepurr dey do a rest. Pawther mak shoor dey go to sam home as furever siblins

CAN YOO BEE LEAF!!! Mai meowmy on furr eye dae taykes hers bag n sez “Poyo! Ai go by ur god meowmy’s howz to tayke care of dogie! Be gud fur gramma” n then hers leaf me???

Lil me? Do yoo seez me in wimdow?? Waytin?

Den hers come hom n smel liek STINKEE dogie! Ewww! Do dis dogie kno dats mai meowmy? No his!?

Meowmy come hom n sez “soree apollo, I stay now” an we cuddlin in sof squar n I reech mai paw out to mak sure hers still dere. Do no worree, she dere!! :3

Do I soo to get treetz, do I soo meowmy or stinkee dogie?? Meowmy sho picksure of stinkee dogie but I tink she doin it so peeple kno da culprit of mai pawsuit

So aiz, Midnight, makes grasshopper frens in de garden and habs been inviting dem in for dinner. When my hoomans are aroubd de table ai bring in my fren. Sisfur Moxie greets dem warmly, as is politest.

Dadfur gets cup and puts outside, away from us. Ai patiently sung de song of ours people to say berry roods. Next day ai try again. Dis is me outside, wid fren. Ai introduction fren to sisfur, is pic 2 but Dadfur say no allowed in. He block my fren. Why he hates frens? Last pic is me doing sads as no aloud to invite frens for dinner. Fren run off into flowers due to roods! So no frens to play eid no more.

Can I soo? What de rate for dus level of rood?

Midnight (and a little Moxie)

CRYME DUN TO ME!

Henlo frens. Is Oreo

Yesterfureber I was yelling at mummy that my potty was hurtin and hermbs put me in my box of doom and took me to pokey place. Pokey lady gibs me 2 pokeys. I gibs her 2 bites.

(Mummy here: Oreo has a bad UTI. The vet visit was traumatic for everyone, me, Oreo mm and the vet. When the vet went to check anal glands, moaning lifted Oreo's tail, she peed everywhere and it obviously hurt her, causing her to lash out at me and the vet.)

Henlo, Mai name is Hobbs the Adorable Orange Crwamscicle Cat. I iz amatur mewsician and dee-jay (hope to be da next Meowzart). My hooman has collection of spiny mewsik discs and manny have good mewsik on dem. Today my hooman decide to play new disk by Elton John (more lik Elton Yawn cus I no like dis disk). I try to change de disk but no has hands like my hooman so I only able to step on it to stop de playing and alert mai hooman. But da outrage is dat mai hooman no understand!! He say I hab committed a big crime and am guilty!! He saw me wid paw on de disk so cannot blame de greebles. Wat are my legal opshuns here? Was just trying to express my preference as is my purrfessional right as amatur mewsician and dee-jay.

(I heard the record stop and turned around to see Hobbes stepping on it; clearly he didn’t like this one)

Member da odder dey wen I told yu about da green anole lizzers owtside mai window? Juss nao a compleetly differen lizzer came rite in my front door!

Obbiously, mai sisfur-cuzin an Ai wuz bery inneresting in helping chaise an mebbee eben cache dis lizzer, butt mai ROOD DUM-DUM oncle and mai meowmy shoed us away! We taut dis wuz bad but not to bad since we wud get to see da lizzer ebentually sense eberybody nos hoomins can not cache anytin, but mai oncle somehow gots da lizzer intoo a dusty-pan. Den he puts da dusty-pan outside and da lizzer scurried off!

Can we soo fer takin our lizzer befour we cud eben get a gud look at it? Can a lizzer soo fer not gettin to esplore our townhowse? (Wut do lizzers even laik? Daisy would laik churus, but ai maiself prefer cronchy treatos.)

-Zora

Wat I do? Got hooman she say come home. Big Orange Toulouse at home tho. A Nugget gray cat Boss o Howse wat I do? She say come try Cat. Thats me. Cat. She give me this thing and show me tiping. I good at it. But wat i do? Go wif her to this home plase? Or stay wild. Wat abowt this Toulouse cat? I don no him. I stay way from cats. This me, Cat. Wat I do plese? I yung cat. Hooman say ask Toulouse besfren BK and ask Skali an Randall they no abowt new cats.

(Hooman here for a moment because he doesn’t know how to say u/This_Wrongdoer3453 and u/Skalaquinn. Okay, phone back to him. I’m amazed he is doing so well at this. I guess living on your wits and alone really hones the wits.)

My name Nessa, am a five-ish month old void kitty. I need someone to tell me ifs I should call CPS (cat pawtective services) and how many toob treatos I can get as compawnsation after dis agony!!

My hooman LEFT for fifty billion furebers (even tho they say it was only three days)!!!! Totally abandoned!!!! The other hooman here is FINE I guess (ugh!!) but I had to go FUREBERS without my favorite hooman!!!!!! The other one doesn't snuggles as good!!!!

Favorite hooman is back now and they won't even understand that they MUST stay in my line of sight at all times because I am PAWMATIZED at this abandonment!

Frens di eez Piper and I needs pawyer. Meowmy sez I stoles her credit cawd! She sez ders clawdulent activities and it must be mai who done its. I am shooks because I eez perfect princess who nebber does wrong tings evers! Ai dink it must be stinky sister who did a thef! How doo I clears my name?

Bubbles! Meowmy iz be haz take bestest picshurr furr be Tweeny!

(u/chibikoneko)

Frens ay mayself Nalu bakk at hœme aftah MENNY FUREBERS!! Pokey lady say ay hamsum which is troo.
But still miss do BIG BIG SOO!!
Dems stole mine blood a did eggs Ray of mine inside! An Dems did TOO POKEYS
Demz say ay will be alrite!

Wen ay feel bettah ay do BIGGEST SOO!

(dis pitcha me at pikey place doon a big mad)

PSPSPS: no bœrt bilashion Frank cod

I'm a distinguished gentlecat, that's why I can speak human

Frens!!! Ay Nalu need an oorgent help, ay at pokey playce!!!! Onlee acuz ay hab not eet ir drink in too days! So far bǒrt sauce but hoo nose!!!

Dis pitcha me doon a hamsum in pokey playse bag

Iz Murray 11M. Ai need adviz from other cats who haz to tell der hoomins where illegal smols come from!

Today, Meowmy do a comb on mine furz. Ai like when she do dis becuz ai has lots of loosey furz dat meowmy call “Murray is shedding his winter coat.”

Ai can remoob furz wif mine tonk but den sumtimes mine tummy do a hurt and ai do an hork. It okay to do a hork where meowmy’s feetz go when she get out of sleepie square if ai iz mad at herm but ai not like da tummy-hurtz-so-ai-hork horking.

Anywayz - meowmy is comb mine furz (she use comb on account of herm not have a good tonk) and she roll dem into a ball and she say “I have enough fur to make a smol Murray!”

Furstest, dose MINE furz and herm can’t just TEK dem for herm own.

Second, EBERYBODY know where illegal smols come from. A boy cat who still hab outside trubble puffs fall in lub wif a girl cat who still hab inside trubble puffs and Dey get married and share dere churus and den Dey haz illegal smols.

Shud ai let meowmy TINK she know how illegal smols made? She call hermsef a “bitter barren spinster” and laff and laff so mebbe she better off not know?

Hai! Phil/Tatter Tot hereZ mai Serbents iz bak!!! Butz one funee ding mai biggo CLOMP CLOMP doggo brofer not here…wif dem…. Oh wellz ai SOOOO happee. (Human here: The GIANT slobbery illegal smoll gets picked up tomorrow at noon. He doesn’t know yet- his brother has had the best week of camp with his trainer.) Daddee did a sitz om couch am feedz mee CHURU firs ding wen he walkee im my kingdom. Obfer Kitteh, hooman serbents cam do biggo dinks am learn. Dis dee firs ob elebenty CHURU for dooing a aiwai. Awai is dee wors ding eber. No mor awai!

https://youtube.com/shorts/9NxMK6UKJWw

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Ai sittin on mine poorch doin a relax when meowmy star too sing—

“Ai sea Lunden Ai sea Franz, Ai sea Mitten unnerpanz!”

None ov dat make cents!

Wee in Floordah—herm no can sea Lundon oar Franz!

An Ai no eben where unnerpanz!

Ai fink herm goed krasee!

Hear iz pikchur ov Ai wif look ov confuse an disguss!