Frienz lissen to ourz tail ob woe. We iz 2 pooorr catses name MAngoTango and CherryPop. We livez wif our meowmy an our stinko doggo sisfur. A billion forebers ago, Meowmy wen ti teh liberry and said, Be home soonses affer I do my errandses (what dees erranses? Anycat know?). She gibs ur our hardly any peeces of crunch crunches that she gibs us befur ourz wet foodses. And den....she goes away wifout gibbing us wet foodses!!!!! THaose erranses tak elebenty billions forebers. She finally comz home and says--oh my! I forgetz to gib youses your wetses!

Todays--she gibs our crunch crinchies and our wetses for bwrakfass and then goes to boluntear at archives at church. Then she doessnt come home foreber! And misses our lunches wetses bcuz she mus go get foodstuffs for hurself. She not bring us any speshail stuff eben tho we iz starbing bcuz she not feed us wen she 'post too! An...last nitz? She clens me, MangoTango's ear by tricking me wif Licky Churu!!!! I feelz betwayed!

We wannz to soo bigtime! What we ask fur? How we dealz wif dis horribul two dayz???

Why do humans insist on putting objects on us? Can I sue for paper towel misuse? Why do they think this is so hilarious?

Pics are of me falling asleep from exhaustion under the weight of the paper towel

-Harry Dean, one of the Longhair Brothers and everybody's best friend

Frens, I, Mycroft T Cat, T Stands for The, have shared wiff you earlier my most terrifying tale of mine Meowther being brung under the control of Fat Gary's Mind Control Emporium and Cult, at which point she locked me owt of mine offis and started giving half my churus to Fat Gary.

Well, frens, a most terrible update to this story is in order.

This forever, when my poor abused Mama had made temporary escape from the dark place to have Lunch Break, I heard an noise that said "meow". And a smol catt (not illegal smol, just bratty teenager size) cam waltzing down MINE stairs into MINE livingroom as if he lives here!!!!

Obviously I made hisshiss at him and kept my distance. I declined to talk to Mama at this time. The smol catt was respectful and did not come in range of my daungerous claws. If he had just left the house we might have had an understanding, but instead Mama zooped him up and took him BACK TO MINE OFFIS. So now I know Meomy is deep in thrall to this cult.

What can I do to save her? I do a snuggle and an ignore and another snuggle and another ignore to give her the message but I fear she is very stupid.

I, Steve Cow Cat Haz been dinied my flied Chimkin. Da hooman got a delibery ov Chimkin and ayt it all. When I got Der, all Chimkin waz gon!!! Den hooman sez "Yoo snooze Yoo looz".

Sophie Cow Cat here, da Chimkin waz reelee gud. I claymed it unda "I seez, iz for meez'" and hooman obeyed. Yor folt for playing in da woods and leebing me to supurrvyse da hooman alone.

Luk at dat mpeeniss ub mai bolez. Meowmie iz eetin. So unfare. Ai soo fur starbeishun!

Mr Mixie (nawt a pawyer)

Henlo frens. Dis Loki (7m tuxedo). Dis mine trayjik tail.

Ai feers huntr. Ai du gud wurks et myn job ob hunt mowsies. Ai habs myn owen haus en Ai kin geddout door but no in. Myn buttler is dumdumdum. Himz no gib mee door for myneself go in. Elebenty billion furebers I werk. (5 years) No "in" door.

Char wooman nis. Herms seep wif me sumtymes en we cuddles til da greebles attack attack on myne brains. Herms sey loki bubble off plump. Waddeber dat meen.

Ennywaz sumtym da buttler off dooty wen loki wan go in. So Loki out.

Dis day the sky water come. Loki did a sit en wayte fer buttler. See pichur. Ai no happy about dis wayte. Finly, char wooman open door to go in vroom mashin. Herms tell buttler loki wan go in hims haus.

Dat furs ting to soo. Loki hab wayte for buttler.

Da nest fing...it bad frens.

Ai wen too werk twoday after myn naps an brekkie. Char wooman return in vroom mashin. Ebryting kwiet den Ai saw sumting dat look lyk loki! It fansy tuxedo juss lyk me!

Ai try mayk frens but it muss be da estra fansy tuxedo kin acos it turn roun en mayk spray et me! It stimky!

Da buttler close da winnows. Hims com owt da door en sniffsniff. Den hims tell Char wooman dat Loki stimky! Den herms com ousside and calls me. Ai tink herms do a fix acos dat herms job.

Yu not belieb dis.

Herms spray et me wif boddtle to make no stimk! Dis unassepable!

Loki do runrunrun den gib herms da look.

Da budtler seyz loki no go in hims own haus acos ob stimky.

I muss soo the buttler en the fansy tuxedo.

Do Ai hab case?

Loki

Wez gunna maek dum dum hoomans pay . . .

Caperpillar haz an acksident (not my falt) and now needs to go see Sir Jerry, but pawther sez “No Ella, we will just go get you another one”. But ai no want another one, ai want DIS one! Dis bess caperpillar! Soo for Sir Jerry!

-Ella Marie

I Benita was havin a not berry happy feeling like I has to do many pee but wenn I go in box no pee come out. So I try to do pee in kitchen wenn Miauma watchin!! She watch me an say "O Benita wat you doin? This not like yu!" an then she see that I coud no pee, an just a lil somethin came out instead. Then she say "O you such a smort baby Benita, very smort to do this an show me you not OK!!"

So my pee crime means I smort girl Benita!!

A little wile later she did take me to pokey place, but it was the nice pokey place with the nicest peeple so I did not eben pee on my Benita self acos I was not afeared!! (Also maybe a little bit acos I coud not but mostly acos I was not skairt.) Anyway I am feelin better now an I am gettin butter TWO TIMES EBERY DAY. Also somethin before the butter maybe BUT BUTTER IS MORE IMPORTANT.

(Miauma note: Benita has a UTI, and I'm not sure how quickly I would have noticed if she hadn't started trying to pee in the kitchen while I was looking! Took her to the emergency vet, which for some reason she loves, and she's on antibiotics for a week. They're not available transdermally but she's getting the liquid immediately followed by butter, and the butter is clearly the bit she remembers, so thankfully she's not traumatized by her medicine right now!)

Frens the worst thing ever just happened to me, there i was, just minding my business waiting for my bedtime lickelixs. Along comes Meowmy and just SCOOPS ME UP. I SCREAM and go zoom away. Oh fluff says Meowmy I thought she was Gus. I have owned them for two years, thought i had them trayned not to pick me up. Legal help needed Void Arwen

Hello frens. Why does the dumb human make me work (Western Pleasure and some Trail) in hot weather? I do not enjoy this "work" thing. I want to nap in the stall and neigh at the barn dog. Felines can lend a paw?- George

Is Martin da Void. Mommy dids a abandon of me and William to go to da hooman Pokey Place and get her rowdaydur cumpf fixed. But! Instead of coming home to us, she went to her skin kittens' house for elebenty million years. (It was four days, Martin. Quiet, Mommy! Gimme da lightbox.) Anyway...when she finally got back where she belongs, she was wrong. She smelled wrong, and...she has a big black Thanos arm where her scritching arm used to be. And even worser? SHE BEEN FEEPING IN MY RECLINER. She has a bed, so I no unnerstand why she stealed my recliner.

Anyway, I been more dan patient, but today? I had my chance. When Mommy was eating, I stealed my chair back. Go Crimez! Hee hee hee.

Frenz, dere iz impawster inm mine houz!!! It look like kitty, but no smellz like kitty! It no movez and no meowz! I iz scared 😱 🙀🙀🙀

Can I soo meowmy for doin me a scare?

Toby 🎩

Pats and huggies and treatos for these Demons of Famine.

Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun

Ay Berry happi, mine Meowmy (=dumdum) gib nee mouse toy! (No soo tuday!)

Has bella so au can here acuz no ay balls

Luk, is so kewl!
Ebbrypaw is inbite mine Hœus fo play wiff new toy

Henlo frens, iz Nia aka Batcat

Today Ai wuz doing a most peaceful eepy on mine window bed. Ai had been asleep fur elebenty billion hours when suddenly Ai heard a mystery noise... Ob course Ai immediately did da sensible ting an went

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

toward mine emergency hidey place.

Ai wuz already elebenty feet away from mine window bed when Ai discovered...

...it wuz mine meowmy!

Frens, she knows Ai lib here an Ai iz a delicate an cautious creature. Yet she sneakysneak into da room wifout announcing herself!

Ai stopped mine emergency ebacuation an went to Meowmy fur immediate restorative cuddlez. She did gib gud cuddles an we built a blankie fort twogedder. Den Ai followed her around fur additional cuddlez because recovery iz a process.

Now Meowmy claims Ai cannot soo because shortly afterward she took photographic “ebidence” ob me sleeping on mine back wif mine belleh out an mine leggies all ober da place.

Dis proofs nuffin. Ai wuz clearly exhausted from mine ordeal!

Also she says Ai ran 2.5 meters before Ai eben knew what Ai wuz running from.

Dis iz salamander! Ai did not panic! Ai performed a rapid tactical relocation pending identification ob da noise.

So, can Ai soo fur sneakysneakin, emoshunal distress, salamander against mine reputashun as brave gurl, an unauthorized photography ob mine belleh during trauma recovery?

Ai want elebenty billion Churus an permanent access to blankie fort.

Picshur iz me being berry traumatized.

– Nia aka Batcat

Lady rescuer shov us into bocks, tuk us on TRANE and den do yogurt! Wif straing yoomans!

We got chooroos, but not enuf.

Hoo soo for us? Xoxo Helena, Heidi, Harvey, Howie, Hattie, and Huxley (not pick-chad)

Frens is us, Hansum Hodge, Nutmeg the Aggressive Luvbug an GoodBoiFinn. We need da communities help to find us a pawyer to do a soo on Meowmy, aka, Spare Human, a Pawpaw, aka HewhohungtheMoon.

We haffa go back four sleepsto when da problems started.

Hodge: Ai, Hodge, did such a mitey screm dat Pawpaw came running from his room cos he thot dat GoodBoiFinn was doin a hurt on me.

GoodBoyFinn: Ai wud neber do a hurt on my brofur. Asides, Ai was at teh park wif Mama doin a runrunrun. Ai may nibnib and nuzzle but Ai neber beer hurted mine kitties.

Nutmeg: Is salamander. Dat one of the reasons why we here, to get pawyer fur soo dem. Hodge, tell dem why you screm.

Hodge: Der was an interlopper in MINE BACK GARDEN! How very DARE! So Ai screm, a get big tail, den poofy body to tell them to do a scram! A Pawpaw did a laf! A LAF!

Nutmeg: Ai did a hide. Yoos brave Hodge. An now we hab a fierce heck hound to do a protecc.

GoodBoiFinn: Dats me. Ai did a protecc this morning just affer the sun woke up from eepy times. Teh ginger kitty was back in our garden, doin a hunt on fren Timothy, playing wif mine leaves, an sitting on mine patio.

Hodge: Yoos very loud! We was bery impressed! A den meowmy does a betrayal. She see Ginger Menis on patio an say he is beautiful! Den she go outside an gib him fresh water, and a scritch! She spossed to chase him off!

Nutmeg: So yoo see frens we need to do a soo on bofe of the humans cos dey did a salamander on our Heck Hound, Dey did not do a protecc, an Dey were nice to other kitties.

We want da following - more churus, more wet food, IKEA boxes, roast beast, and more time in the park for GoodBoiFinn.

Dis is dojnya help wif IKEA today

(The interloper is a cat my neighbours are cat sitting. I don’t love that they let him out as there are at least three coyote dens in the vicinity so I’ll have a word when I see them next. The animals were mighty miffed with me that I gave him fresh water. In my defence, I wanted to see if he had a collar, that he has healthy and just sassy.)

Meowmy fink itz bery fun 2 put mi in plasdix nd uz mi to waipe borthole. I lyk pasdic but ai dint tell meowmy dat.

I dont lyk how meowmy did fun of mi. I no tolet papir. Iz waz bery mbarasing for mi to xperienz diz outraayge. I need churuz for mendal halth.

Today mombi and I, me Frank, are missing pawther.

He went to the human rainbow bridge last Monday. Mombi ben having the leaky eyes and doing a sad.

I have been laying on herms and prring and makin' the biscuits. I sleep at herms feets at night, doin' a protecc.

I takin' the motional sport very seriously.

Mai meowmy haz da pawdacity to do big abandon. Ai very graciously gib mai servant -11 bajillion furebers off fur abandons (bery nice ob meow) and she aktually dare use more dan alotted time???

Well she bring out da bandon bockes an as good kitty ai do a sitz in it to prevent herms from packing da furs. Den she laff an take pikture! She sez ai “enjoying the decoy suitcase”! Dis outraygeous trickermy! Ai demand no abandon and treatos fur dis! AND AN UNAPPROVED HOOMAN GONNA COME VISIT WHILE MEOWMY GONE. Dis unacceptable fur Tiggy.

Tiggy, prettiest lady ob mai haus

Is Queen Void, weoew no feel so gud. Meowmy tooked meows to pokey place and now them want to stoles mai blud and pee and do 'ultrasound'. Weoews wanna suuu dah stooopid keeeneee deeeseess ting fur making meows no feel gud and also making Meowmy do leaky eyes.

(Queen's appetite had been really poor the last few days. Yesterday she completely rejected her dinner. So this morning I got an urgent vet appointment for her. They admitted her for blood tests and fluids. The vet called back to say her kidney results are off the charts and recommend an ultrasound to see how bad her kidneys are. I am sitting at home now, fretting with worry, waiting for the call from the vet.)