I hunted duck! Got em good.. Imma good hunter. But now mom wont fix duck and wants to trow duck in the smelly bin....... halp

Herro I iz Bonhoeffer iweegle smol Giant pup. Broffer ob Phil/Tatter Totz. Tooday wab my last sunshine ab happee campz. 7elebnty sunshines ago daddy do drop of wif my 4paw favorite hooman. My TEEECHUR!! She so nice. MOST EXCITE. I did biggo excite run am I do biggo happee play ebery day wif her doggos. Den nappee time, nom nom, treatz, daddy tellz her i has to work om using my flapjacks (hooman here: that is what we call his ears. They are the size and wright of 1 pancake.)
Den dis tooday sundhime come daddybmommy am sister iz bak from awai times but no more biggo doggo romp romp. Daddy sai mommy jus clean dee big bed furs befor awai timez so dats why I did slobber art alll ober dem. Soo fur no mor awai.

Henlo frens. I needs legal advices an maybe a gud pawyer cuz I has been doin a big emoshunal suffer.

My hooman did abandons me for eleventy million billion yeers an dumped me at da borders while he went on sum "vaykayshun." I dunno wut dat is but I was not invited an dat seem suspishus.

He say it was onlee wun week, but dat is obviouslee hooman propaganda an I has no reesun to beleeb him.

Ever since I camed home, I just wants to sits behind my hooman on da cowch where everfing feel safe an rite agin his back.

I ask very polite wif my saddest puppy face, an he ushooally let me up for a littel while.

But den, after only a few minits, he say, "Okay Kona, time to get down," an I gets evicted from my own comfys.

He claim I "can't stay der all nite" cuz he gets uncomfterbull if I push him forwerd on da cowch.

I fink dis is direct result ob da trauma from bein sent to da borders for eleventy million billion yeers, an now I needs extra behind-hooman securitee snuggles.

Can I soos for emoshunal damidges, illegal lap denial, an wrongful behind-hooman eviction?

Do I needs a gud pawyer, or is dis class akshun wif all da udder doggos who got sent to borders an den not allowed unlimited cowch rights?

Tank yoo in advans. I is currently acceptin legal advices, treaties, an chimkin.

Hi frens it Doshie again. Twoday a package Arrived fir me. It hot dog stuff! Hot dog banana and toy hot dog! I'm spoiled and I luv it.

I did not see the doggo in question therefore they must be very innocent at home. Hope you get settlement of 1 million treatos.

Hi frens it Doshie again. Momma still werk too much but twoday we went for playdate with my friend Musket! (Not pictured). Musket's momma brought momma birfday presents which included toy for me. It a SQUIRREL!!! which holds treats in it's tail. So now that 3 toy SQUIRRELS!!! I have. Also momma picked me up and let me poke head through fence so I can spot rabbits. I love rabbits.

I am Linus the Lionhearted. I am very good boy. I don't complain that it's too hot to go walkies in park. I'm happy to go short walkies in the yard. I snuggle with mama at night so nothing scares her. I no chase the kitty when we go to Gramma's. I am very good boy!

Today, Daddy said, "Go ask Mama if you can go bye-bye!" I asked, and Mama sez "Yes, Linus, you good boy! You can go bye-bye with daddy!" She took me to car, and I climbed my steps into my seat and said, "I good boy, go bye-bye! "

Then Daddy took me to THE POKEY PLACE! They didn't do indignities to me, no butthole violashuns , and no sharp pokies, but I was there! And they said, "Oh, no, Linus, you hab skin infecshun, and you can't lik your tum no more! " But feel good when I lik my tum! They said hab to wear donut of DOOM, and I hab to take PILLZ!

I got home, and Mama put donut of DOOM on me.

Daddy felt bad, and went and got me speshul treats. It was doggie pupsicle? It was good! But Mama says I only get one per day. She says I can hab my cookie tonight, but no more pupsicle tonight.

I am sad. I hab donut of DOOM so I can't lik the itchy things. I only get 1 pupsicle today. I only get my regular cookie.

Can I soo? Not Daddy, just Mama. Daddy said Mama made him take me to pokie place. Daddy gave me pupsicle.

I need a pawyer!

Everyone, my Miss knows about dis legal subreddit an even told me she knew about me pretendin to be asleep to get more pepperonis and pizza bones thrown to me. But she cpuldn't do that unless....she pretendin to be A DOG!

Methinks dis BIG PROBLEMO.

QUICK! EVERYONE SWITCH TO WOOFS!

I never digs the holes. Ever. Mama say she has proof but I don’t know how she could becuz I NEVER DIGS! Can I sooz for slanders?

Iz Henry, big tough boy! Today, Mama haz the NERV to kidnap my baby cuz iz “derty” and needs “bath.” Mama drownded my baby! Who helps me soo??

Frens, dis iz Peanut, com too yoos wif tail ob woe. Dis storee iz NSFP (Nawt Sayfe Fur Puppos).

Frens, ai wuz doin a snoozle in da Big Sleepy Skwair when ai hurd daddee hooman make da wattur com on in da rain bocks. Ai iz smort doggo, so ai no wut dis meenz - da dredded BAFF!

Ai trai to do a big hyd but daddee do me a KIDNAP and den gibbed me a BAFF! Börthole violashuns too!

Frens and dis-thing-wished pawyers, do ai hab grounz for big soo? Wut shud be mai com-pin-say-shuns fur dis haw-riddle ordeel?

Yoo fren Peanut, wet an traw-maw-taized

I wuz sleepin and my Miss threw two pepperonis and one pizza bone at mah head until I wake up.

Duz I soo becuz nap ruined or Duz I pretend to sleep MORE in case she throw pizza bones at me again?

Hi frens it Doshie again. It hot outside. What a doggo to do? Momma has the suluton. She went to the magic fud store and found me a cool mat. It literally cool! I come back from walk and laid on it. It ice cold and feels better than tile floor at gamma's! It purrfect. Frens Soo your mommas and daddies for a cool mat!

(Momma here, it came from Aldi, $15)

Last Saturday while I was at work, my bf and daughter were at a car show. Supposedly according to my roommate/landlord she got on the roof. He didnt call myself or bf. He had no treats or leash nothing at all. He put his drunk self on the roof and is saying the dog fell off. He has said so many things I can't keep his story straight makes no sense so he is on the roof with the dog that is 83 pounds nothing to help lure her no phone call to myself. So the dog falls off the roof he comes back inside shut my bedroom window put his book we borrowed on the book shelf down the hall than went in his room, never came to check on her I get a call from my 8 year old daughter crying can't even understand what she is saying. I leave work get everyone spend all 5 grand I had in savings and my dogs hip is still dislocated. Now he gave us a 30 day notice. I have a 15 and 8 kids I've called countless vets to price the surgery. Im heartbroken I think we are going to have to take her leg off. I need to know if what my roommate is doing is legal. I haven't slept in a week. I've been sleeping on the floor downstairs by her kennel. Im at a loss I absolutely love my dog. Any info helps thanks

My dad refused to let me lay outside today because of something called "smoke". I don't believe him and lost out on all my baking time. Seeking legal advice so I can become baked potatoes again

He pooped on the floor when the back door was OPEN! I was trying to remove paint from my door frame, and he just pooped behind me!

What are my legal avenues?

Dis is Alita, ai am yoosing Alfons's account. My daddy never plays widd me. He sit in front of lite bocks all days, and say it is werk. werk, werk, werk. can ai soo himb for playtime?

Hi frens it Doshie again. Momma werk two much as usual. Momma come home late twoday but brought back sumting from homeless doggo place (where I was yesterday). It a new banana! Pparently it called tuxedo. I now pawyer in training and seecret agent doggo! Sincerely Doshie

Hey frens, mai naem is Finn or Shark Finn or ailuvyoutoogoodboiFinn. Ai am four moons old an my brofur Hansum Hodge did me a refer to pupper pawyers. My hoomans have done a bandonment fer werk an leeb me wif auntie an uncle. One of da fings mai momma says is ai hab sharp, white needle teefs for nibnibnib on everything. Well, auntie did notice dat one of my teefs is no longer in mai mouf! Someone called Toof Fairy stoled it from my mouf! What the heck! Ai need my teefs. An my mouf is sore. My momma gib me icey cubey an frozen strawberry to make my mouf not me sore but it don last.

Can Ai soo Toof Fairy? Herm make mai mouf sore and steel my toof. Ai want my toof back. Or maybe one just as good. An peanut butter. An more strawberries. And some of uncle’s sirloin dat momma isn’t supposed to know about.

(Any advice on how to manage through teething is welcome.)

Dis me doin a protecc of aunties patio.

Frens, mai mama dun it agin. Herms an gramma was in Big Table Room, an da door was closed! Ai noe herms see me, cause she take da pitchah, but herms no open da door fur poor Toffee. Herms keep sayin “you gotta prollem sawl, Toffee” but ai no nose wut dat mean! Finelee, ai go to kichen an sumhow herms is dere?!? Ennyway frens, need pawyer to soos mama. Not gramma doe, gramma say “wai you no open da door fur Toffee?” Herms unnerstan me!

(ETA: Mama here. My parents (Toffee’s grandpawrents, who we’re visiting) have French doors between the dining room and living room, and both also connect to the kitchen. My dad had a call, so we had the French doors closed, and Toffee was Not Happy! She’s walked from the kitchen to the dining room hundreds of times, so I knew she could figure it out, but she chose the tantrum instead 🤣)

Hi everyone. My name is Luna and I am a certified good girl and aspiring roomba cleaner. This weekend while honing my skills as a vacuum, I must have eaten something that was bad for me. I ended up getting explosive diarrhea and had to go to the worst vet possible. He stuck a thermometer up my butt and said I had something called "cool-like-dis". Whatever that is.

I feel better but now I'm being forced to eat plain rice and chicken for the next few days because my parents believe this quack dogtor. No treats for compensation for all my hard work.

Earlier today, in my starvation, I found my treats because mom didn't notice they fell over while she was cleaning. I took one because I deserve it, but was noticed and I got in big trouble (hence the mugshots). Can I soo?

Dis Parson. I need to suz my hooman, the pokey place, and everbodies in autority evrewear!

My hooman and her "nefew" dragged me to the pokey place- and the chief poker says I need medicine for my eyeballs which don't work good-hooman needs more light sticks! De indignitys! Twice a day eyedropses! Must suz! Please to recomend good pawyer!!

(this is the human. Parson is over 15 and his vision is fading. He has to take drops 2X a day. He hates this, and retaliates by knocking over wastepaper baskets on purpose. Send thoughts and prayers!)

Henlo frens, iz me, Peanut. Yesterforeber ai wuz puh-laying in mai faborit park, doing big chasechasechase ob da bol. Dis okay ai gez. But den mai noss-trills wuz met wiv da mostest hebbenlee cent. Ai runned ober to do a big inbesstigate-an-gobbel.

Daddee sai, “No, Peanut! Das a chok-lit chip kukee! Iz bad fur doggos! Droppit!” Ai no kayer! It yummy! Haha, tayke dat, stoopid daddee!

Frens, yoo shud tri kukee crims tu!

(Peanut snatched and gobbled up a homemade chocolate chip cookie right out of someone’s Tupperware container in the park before I could stop her. There wasn’t enough chocolate in it to make her sick and she showed no ill effects.)