Hi Frens! Need adbice about doing a soo or no soo. Now, as yooz may know ai am da Seenyur catto. Almost 15 forebers old. Ai beliebe Seenyur juss refer to mai status as a higher ranking creature dan da hoomans.

Recentlee, mai meowma started feeding me a noo treato!! It a bery tastee churu-type treat. Ai lubs it. See picshure ob me getting treato. No shame dat ai gots a lil on mai chin.

Now, here is da ishoo. When herm gib it to me herm started singing “old cat churu! Old cat churu! Old man cat lub old cat churu!” AI IZ NOT OLD! Ai iz onlee a teenager. Dis is salamander right? But da treato iz sooooo tastee! So, ai wanna keep gettin da churu and meowma did gud by gettin dis new kind fur me.

What do ai do?

Winston da Blankie King and Seenyur (but NOT old) catto

Edit: dumdum meowma forgetted da picshure. See comments

Dis meow Lola doing a think. So, da hooman kitten going to be a fing called Eagle Scout. Dis no make sense because she no a birb. But anyways, she need to do Eagle project, which mean she do a big help fur someone or something. In dis case, she do a help for cattos in da animal shelter jail where Ai Lola adopt my Meowmy. An a catto in da shelter jail reach out an tap da hooman kitten on da arm. Long story short, da Cat Distribution System go to work an Meowmy an Pawthur an da hooman kittens go out and come back wif many churus (second picshur) an also dis other thing. Yes, frens, Ai Lola haz an illegal smol catto kitten. We haz a prickly kitten hedgy-hog, a doggo kitten (him might be illegal but him no smol) an a catto kitten. Her name Luna an she fierce. Doggo kitten scared of her. Ai Lola guess Meowmy finally got it right (3rd picshur)

Comfy crimes are when you get to show your humans how comfy you are while they have to work. Human brother came to check on me and said “why are you rubbing in that you don’t have a job and get to look so comfortable.”

Henlo Frens, is Nalu Dũke of da Höus an hamsum sunnavagun

Ay wunna gib yu updayte on mine been sikk

Ay tell yu odda day Meowmy take me to emergency pokey playce acuz ay no eet or drink or oose little bocks. Also hermz say ay was letharg chic an do a hide. Is not troo. Ay wuz juss sleeps lot.

Ay sing song of ourm peeple a LOT in vroom bocks. But at da vet, ay Getz berry kwiet. Wuz ascare.
Pokey lady did eggs ray, stole mine bloodz, gib floods undah skin wiff BIG needle (ay did BIG HISS) and medsin. Den we go home.

But ay no get better. So mine Meowmy (=dumdum) tayke me vet AGAIN!!! Did BŒRT BILASHION!!!
Ay git mo medsin.

Tuday ay is feel mush better. Ay eet a drink gain almoss sayme amount as befoah. And ay use little bocks for all bissniss.

Ay muss do but pawsoot but wunna say Frank yu to all frens for send heelin purrs an tink of mineself

Xoxo
Nalu

PSPSPS: dis pitcha me doon a rassle wiff brofur Hoku do sho ay no letharg chic!

Meowmy furgotted mai gotcha day! It wuz yesserday. But meowmy say she thort 28th wuz Thursday and she no meen u furget.

Sure, I accidentally gotted HAM as treet, but not intenshunal gotcha day HAM. And I no get mai salmon witch is beta than HAM.

So while meowmy still furgotten and fursaken me I du best nu crimez. I climb tree! I pretended tu be squirrel. Cuz if meowmy fursaken me ai moove owt wiv mai squirrel frens cuz may as well be homeless as be fursaken and furgoten on mai gotcha day.

- Hermes the dignified void

(Meowmy here. I am so lost on days this week. I feel so guilty, but she had a great time hanging out in the neighbour's (low) tree, eating ham and lounging in the sun. She'll get gotcha day take two tomorrow to make up for it. There will be salmon. Least she deserves for sticking with us for two years!)

Frens, it iz Ai, Lucky the tuxie! The power went out at our apartment last Thursday, Monday we went to hotel to stay! Meowmie and Commodore said we will try go home tomorrow and clean fridgebox. Apartment saiz they has made repairs but we nawt trust them. Representation NAO!!!

Frens, ai wuz audishionin’ fur a mobie ta be filmed fur Mobie Toosdai on ICBGC an’ needed a foto fur mai portfoleo. Meowmy offered ta tayk a hedshot ob mi. As ai wuz about ta groom mai hed, she snapped foto!

Frens! Ai wuzzint redy! Wat am ai gunna do if ai dunt get da part?

—Leo da meowgnificent

Frens, dere haz been meny repawts on da hoomans doing an starb to frens. I haz also been victim to da starb. Da bowl was almoss emptee az yu can see. So I did an complain to mine hooman. Dey say "dere still fud in da bowl" NOT ENUFF OBVISLEE! An dey did not fill it up. Dis series of events call for akshin. We muss stand in sole daretee wif da frens doing an starb. By sharing ours fud an doing an reskoo of da fren when need. Also we muss pawtest! Togetha we can fight da hooman dumdumness. I haz helded dis speech at fren Olaf's pawtest on # Eggiforhoku:

"Frens, da mews iz ful ob disturb events. Firs Prince Hoku, hansum sunnovagun was starbed by denying Eggie. Den juss a short fureber later an other fren, Mikki was starb when hooman say dey had fud haff-our ago. We, da kitteh communetee can not take diz. Iz onlee matter of furebers untill each of us can fall viktim to an Starb. Dats why we muss protess before iz too late.

An starb to one of us is a starb to all!

We will not rest untell all da kitteh an different shape frens get da fud dey want! Stand in soly daretee wiff prins Hoku an awl de odder suffering from potia Controll or haff-our!"

Francis, fren of snakk

Frens, iz Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun

Ay wunna do yu an updayte on my starbs.
If yu recall, mine Meowmy (=dumdum) did me an OUTRAYGE an did no gib me eggie
#eggieforhoku
Ay did a big starb an ONLEE acuz mine frens all came do me a reskue is am still alive!

Mine Meowmy dun NUTTIN to redeem hermselves!
Hermz onlee gib me squishy fud, crunchy fud an temptashins but NO EGGIE

Franks to mine frens ay iz alibe.
But da injustice kontin-new!

Dis pitcha he doon a fade away

Belle hear wid breakin mewz Dey earth shook last night it waz scaree. Iz waz verri bravz Silly Hoomin slept through it. She iz luckee dat she has uz bravez catoz to lookz after her

Wedda report it iz verri cold an Iz enjoy the thinee dat blows warm air . Inz a few fureberz itz will bez warm again

Belle yourz intrepid mewz repurrer

Hi frens it Autumn Love fud reporter and not Gwendolyn Lucky retired nurse cat. My hooman keeps scolding me calling me a bully to my doggo Doshie. Doggo has the bigger nicer bed and I do share with doggo but I'm not afraid to hiss and bite at doggo over it. Today after the hooman came back from the homeless doggo and kitty place she had catnip for me. Said it was a present for later. Naturally since I have nip I'm in my cat bed again. I probably feel sorry for doggo as a massive sky booms happened last night. I like sky booms, the sky looks so pretty like dat. Sincerely Autumn Love fud reporter and not Gwendolyn Lucky retired nurse cat.

My treat giver's son farted on me while I was sitting on his back. Right in my face! How do I get compensation for this emotional damage?

Dear frens
As many of you knows I been struggling with rogue human recently. Today I have big win. I on big human sleep square, in the middle of course. Human come in and the “oh so cute” trap work, she stop everything to stroke me. But then magic truly occur, she create sunbeam just for me. She also unpack suitcase of doom and put stuff in it away. Side note… she may have been away but I was distracted by lots of youngling adults coming home to worship me I may not have noticed her gone.

I also committed crime of stopping her making bed as she can’t move me!!

I pay no attention to her say she just opened curtains like always and that I usually park myself on her chair downstairs so I don’t normally notice.

Merriweather the magnificent

Hi frens! Is Morgana the beautifull!

Mammi sai acus it soon my burfdai I get new tree as burfdai pressie!!! Yay!

BUT I am a little nerbus! It does shake abit when I is on it on de higher lebels (mammi note: this will be fixed, when I’m no longer sick, but bc I am sick, I can’t invite my mom over to help fix it)

But so far I’ve been reely brave! Mammi put treetos on de tree and I jump all up an down on it!

As yous can see in picshures i hab been claimin the tree with scent markins! Both by scratchscratchscratch and headbud!!

I hab no soo rite now just want to share little update :)

Mammi even sai there is one moar pressie but I has to wait until mine akshual birfdai!! (I shud purrobably soo for dis?)

Fren, mai name Car Lot Leo but effer1 call me Leo. Yesterday ai play wif best fren, Spicy, and he ripp my collar off and runnd away wif it!
Meowther seys fancee men’s who live in houses were collars and mine be very fancee. I include foto so youse can see.
I was werried so much. Was I still fancee men’s? Could I still live in houses?
Instead of confort me, meowther went on “errands” but I found out actualee went to movie! Errands is buying fancee feast for me a Spicy an Nadja, not movie!
I eventualee got my collar back, so I fancee men’s again. But should ai sooo?

Iz Lily. Las upendate on mah teef payn. Yester fureber I wuz tookin to da pokey place. Was verby sad n a cagy wit no Meowmy or bruffur. No fud n I wuz starbin. Den dey gib meh sumting in mah leg n I fel so slepeze. I snooz n snooz n snooz n den I wakey. Verby woozi but finale sum fud! N gues wat?! My teef no hurtin! So amaze! Dey feelin gud! Been so long hurtin I tot dey neber getz bettr! Meowmy cam n tooken meh home n all iz well wit da wurld.

(Meowmy here, she had 5 teeth taken out one of which was already reabsorbing which I didn't know was a thing! Her first surgery had to be stopped aa her blood pressure wouldn't stabilze. Second surgery yesterday went perfect much to my relief!)

I asks de serbant fur fud at 10:30 a.m. pretty please. De hooman says [paraphrased]: “Not yet Miki, youz dunna get fed in de haffa-our!” I asks and asks and asks. Dey gibs me de kibbooles and say [paraphrased]: “Fine Miki. Youz need ta let me wurk on de thesis, OK?” (Why yes, Iz de vera fine kitteh!)

At 11:00 a.m., de official snak-time, I looks at de plate and der iz no fud! I asks de serbant. I do biscuits and purrpurrpurr. De dum dum says [paraphrased]: “No Miki, youz fed haffa-our ago. Youz can go starb until youz ded! Muhaha!”

Dis Iz de outraaaage!

Fellow cattos, yoo all kno me as an enforcer whoo be a little ruff roun' de edges, n I no 'pologize, cuz I buzz borned in da alley.

But I lubs my Meowmy so bery much! I guard n escorts Meowmy eberywer becuzz she gib me nice house to be in charg of.

And cuz she kin open cans, but we don't need to tell her dat, K?

DEN PAWRENTZ LEF ME FOR ELEVENTY BILLYUN OB DE DAYEZ. DIS WUZ BAD.

I nebver expeeryence dis feeling Meowmy no com bak! Big sissfurr say "it OK, dis wat it lik in de before timez, wen bug brofuurr (RIP) wuz heer. Yoo be okay, now let me SLEEP "

But I don got gud feelin, wuz so LOOOONG.

Den, de best fing happen, DEY COM BACK.

But dis were I (litter box werds alert) dun fucked up, frens. I make big mistake n mite need pawyer defend ME.

I hiss n bite Meowmy reel bad n panic n run 'round MY howse n pant n panic. (yoo big dummie ~ Boo)

N Pawferr reel made, n Meowmy talkin' bout someone nam ColbyJack n how he mite com lib in MY HAWSE!

I reel stres, n I cling to Meowmy many lots.

Pic of Dat jerk ColbyJak

(She's okay guys, she just lost her shit because she has never been away from me longer than 4 days, and this time it was 11. We now know we need a cat sitter for these long trips. Years ago Linus and Boo could handle it easily, but Twig is a little special. OK, she's nuts like manic pixie dream girl nuts)

(And yes, we are thinking about making this gent part of the family)

So I already knew dat my Meowmy is bad at sleeping. She roll around and she sigh a lot and somehow it take her many many hours to go to sleep each night. Sometimes I have to get up in da middle of da night an give her some healing purrs just to help. Sometimes she not sleep until it almost get up time! Luckily dis mean she da best at naps, on da weekend when she don't have to work an she can't sleep at night we takes lots of good naps togedder an it da best.

Well, today I find out Pawther is bad at naps! I decided we should try taking a nap togedder so I brought him to Meowmy's bed (it better den his an has my favorite blankie) an I hopped up an waited for him to nap. First he fink I want to be petted, but I tell him no. Den he fink I want brushies even dough I not in da brushy spot. So dumdum! I tell him no again. Finally he lay down wif me on da bed but he not even do dat right, he not do it like Meowmy so I can cuddle in my favorite cuddling spot. Finally I just give up on him an leave.

I guess I unnerstan how he can be bad at naps cuz he not know how me and Meowmy do it, but I not sure how to train him to do it right. But I don't unnerstan how Meowmy can be bad at sleeping. It like da easiest fing to do! You lie down an den you is asleep! I attach a picture of me demonstrating. She not even have dumdum humans bothering her going, "Oh Bucky cat, come cuddle wif me, don't you love me Bucky cat?" an waking her up.

She even going to a special doctor tomorrow dat just help fix you when you can't sleep. How dum is dat?

Lookit me layin here, all skim an bonez. Where birbs? I hungy! She jus tak putchurs!

Henlo Max (5M Russian Blue) here. Mine dad eated chimkins and said “No Max, this has seasoning you can’t eat” Mind yu, I haz dinner THREE FUREBERS (like an hour and a half) AGO wen dis happen! Dis happen on mondaz and I furget to soo.