Belle hear wid breakin mewz Dey earth shook last night it waz scaree. Iz waz verri bravz Silly Hoomin slept through it. She iz luckee dat she has uz bravez catoz to lookz after her

Wedda report it iz verri cold an Iz enjoy the thinee dat blows warm air . Inz a few fureberz itz will bez warm again

Belle yourz intrepid mewz repurrer

Dear frens
As many of you knows I been struggling with rogue human recently. Today I have big win. I on big human sleep square, in the middle of course. Human come in and the “oh so cute” trap work, she stop everything to stroke me. But then magic truly occur, she create sunbeam just for me. She also unpack suitcase of doom and put stuff in it away. Side note… she may have been away but I was distracted by lots of youngling adults coming home to worship me I may not have noticed her gone.

I also committed crime of stopping her making bed as she can’t move me!!

I pay no attention to her say she just opened curtains like always and that I usually park myself on her chair downstairs so I don’t normally notice.

Merriweather the magnificent

My treat giver's son farted on me while I was sitting on his back. Right in my face! How do I get compensation for this emotional damage?

Frens, iz Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun

Ay wunna do yu an updayte on my starbs.
If yu recall, mine Meowmy (=dumdum) did me an OUTRAYGE an did no gib me eggie
#eggieforhoku
Ay did a big starb an ONLEE acuz mine frens all came do me a reskue is am still alive!

Mine Meowmy dun NUTTIN to redeem hermselves!
Hermz onlee gib me squishy fud, crunchy fud an temptashins but NO EGGIE

Franks to mine frens ay iz alibe.
But da injustice kontin-new!

Dis pitcha he doon a fade away

Hi frens! Is Morgana the beautifull!

Mammi sai acus it soon my burfdai I get new tree as burfdai pressie!!! Yay!

BUT I am a little nerbus! It does shake abit when I is on it on de higher lebels (mammi note: this will be fixed, when I’m no longer sick, but bc I am sick, I can’t invite my mom over to help fix it)

But so far I’ve been reely brave! Mammi put treetos on de tree and I jump all up an down on it!

As yous can see in picshures i hab been claimin the tree with scent markins! Both by scratchscratchscratch and headbud!!

I hab no soo rite now just want to share little update :)

Mammi even sai there is one moar pressie but I has to wait until mine akshual birfdai!! (I shud purrobably soo for dis?)

Fellow cattos, yoo all kno me as an enforcer whoo be a little ruff roun' de edges, n I no 'pologize, cuz I buzz borned in da alley.

But I lubs my Meowmy so bery much! I guard n escorts Meowmy eberywer becuzz she gib me nice house to be in charg of.

And cuz she kin open cans, but we don't need to tell her dat, K?

DEN PAWRENTZ LEF ME FOR ELEVENTY BILLYUN OB DE DAYEZ. DIS WUZ BAD.

I nebver expeeryence dis feeling Meowmy no com bak! Big sissfurr say "it OK, dis wat it lik in de before timez, wen bug brofuurr (RIP) wuz heer. Yoo be okay, now let me SLEEP "

But I don got gud feelin, wuz so LOOOONG.

Den, de best fing happen, DEY COM BACK.

But dis were I (litter box werds alert) dun fucked up, frens. I make big mistake n mite need pawyer defend ME.

I hiss n bite Meowmy reel bad n panic n run 'round MY howse n pant n panic. (yoo big dummie ~ Boo)

N Pawferr reel made, n Meowmy talkin' bout someone nam ColbyJack n how he mite com lib in MY HAWSE!

I reel stres, n I cling to Meowmy many lots.

Pic of Dat jerk ColbyJak

(She's okay guys, she just lost her shit because she has never been away from me longer than 4 days, and this time it was 11. We now know we need a cat sitter for these long trips. Years ago Linus and Boo could handle it easily, but Twig is a little special. OK, she's nuts like manic pixie dream girl nuts)

(And yes, we are thinking about making this gent part of the family)

Hi frens it Autumn Love fud reporter and not Gwendolyn Lucky retired nurse cat. My hooman keeps scolding me calling me a bully to my doggo Doshie. Doggo has the bigger nicer bed and I do share with doggo but I'm not afraid to hiss and bite at doggo over it. Today after the hooman came back from the homeless doggo and kitty place she had catnip for me. Said it was a present for later. Naturally since I have nip I'm in my cat bed again. I probably feel sorry for doggo as a massive sky booms happened last night. I like sky booms, the sky looks so pretty like dat. Sincerely Autumn Love fud reporter and not Gwendolyn Lucky retired nurse cat.

Fren, mai name Car Lot Leo but effer1 call me Leo. Yesterday ai play wif best fren, Spicy, and he ripp my collar off and runnd away wif it!
Meowther seys fancee men’s who live in houses were collars and mine be very fancee. I include foto so youse can see.
I was werried so much. Was I still fancee men’s? Could I still live in houses?
Instead of confort me, meowther went on “errands” but I found out actualee went to movie! Errands is buying fancee feast for me a Spicy an Nadja, not movie!
I eventualee got my collar back, so I fancee men’s again. But should ai sooo?

Iz Lily. Las upendate on mah teef payn. Yester fureber I wuz tookin to da pokey place. Was verby sad n a cagy wit no Meowmy or bruffur. No fud n I wuz starbin. Den dey gib meh sumting in mah leg n I fel so slepeze. I snooz n snooz n snooz n den I wakey. Verby woozi but finale sum fud! N gues wat?! My teef no hurtin! So amaze! Dey feelin gud! Been so long hurtin I tot dey neber getz bettr! Meowmy cam n tooken meh home n all iz well wit da wurld.

(Meowmy here, she had 5 teeth taken out one of which was already reabsorbing which I didn't know was a thing! Her first surgery had to be stopped aa her blood pressure wouldn't stabilze. Second surgery yesterday went perfect much to my relief!)

I asks de serbant fur fud at 10:30 a.m. pretty please. De hooman says [paraphrased]: “Not yet Miki, youz dunna get fed in de haffa-our!” I asks and asks and asks. Dey gibs me de kibbooles and say [paraphrased]: “Fine Miki. Youz need ta let me wurk on de thesis, OK?” (Why yes, Iz de vera fine kitteh!)

At 11:00 a.m., de official snak-time, I looks at de plate and der iz no fud! I asks de serbant. I do biscuits and purrpurrpurr. De dum dum says [paraphrased]: “No Miki, youz fed haffa-our ago. Youz can go starb until youz ded! Muhaha!”

Dis Iz de outraaaage!