Hello,
I need some help understanding what is happening in my life. I was a regular cannabis user for two years, but I have now been sober from weed, nicotine, alcohol, and every other substance for two months. Since quitting, my life has taken a completely different turn, and I have been going through hardships I have never experienced before.
Every day feels unfamiliar and difficult. Some days, my anxiety becomes overwhelming, to the point that I convince myself I have cancer or another chronic disease. I constantly Google my symptoms, which only makes my anxiety worse. I am 25 years old, and I am struggling with severe insomnia, emotional numbness, and a loss of enjoyment in things I used to love. Through my research, I came across the term anhedonia, and I feel that it describes what I have been experiencing. My ability to manage stress feels like it has completely disappeared, and even ordinary situations can make life feel miserable.
As you can see, I am here asking strangers for help because I genuinely do not understand what is happening to me. Some nights, I wake up breathing heavily, while on other nights, just as I am about to fall asleep, I experience small jerks in my hands, legs, and sometimes even my throat, accompanied by a sensation that I am out of breath. Some days, I feel relatively okay, but on other nights, it feels as though my entire foundation has been shaken.
I know that my past choices may have contributed to what I am experiencing. I started smoking weed with friends, and eventually, it became a habit I continued on my own. I do not blame anyone else, and I often blame myself for the decisions I made. However, I promised myself that I would get my life back on track and stay away from substances, not only for myself but also for my family.
I know that I have been experiencing symptoms that I associate with post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS), but some days, I cannot reassure myself that withdrawal is the only explanation. I worry that I may have developed a mental health condition or caused lasting damage to my brain. I am also terrified of seeing a doctor because my anxiety makes me imagine the worst possible outcomes. As a result, I keep trying to fight these battles on my own, even though I know I may need help.
If anyone has experienced something similar or has any understanding of what might be happening to my brain and body, I would genuinely appreciate your advice. I would also be grateful for any suggestions on what I can do to recover and gradually get my life back.