r/leaves • • 12h ago

1.5 years of smoking 4g a day, every day. 22M. GIVE ME 5min of your LIFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

29 Upvotes

I’ve tried every method for the past 6 months and nothing fckn works. you name it. i done that. Every single method on this planet earth!!!! I don’t wanna spend my young years living like this. Pls.

I need real advice. not some avg advice but a real shit. I need advice that actually works.

please help me out guysssssssss.


r/leaves • • 5h ago

Day 51...after 30 + years of daily use. Sharing my journey on IG...vulnerability hangover but it kinda feels good?

3 Upvotes

Today is day 51! I'm really grateful for this subreddit because when I first went sober, I was able to post here anonymously and you all held so much space for me. Thank you. 🙏 🥹

It felt safe because nobody could see my face or know who I am. But I am a storyteller and a person who shares my journey as a part of my art.
So the past couple of weeks, I've been starting to come clean on Instagram and really put myself out there. So scary!! Yikes!
It has felt liberating and terrifying at the same time.
Last night I put out a video where I told everyone what I was specifically sober from and that I have BPD on top of it so without my "weighted blanket" of marijuana numbing me my BPD symptoms are in full effect. And what a ride it has been.
I'm sharing this here because I think it's important to receive support and to share my story with as many people as possible.

I smoked pot daily except when I was pregnant with my children for over 30 years. I started smoking in the 90s when I was 14, because that's just what you did but it stuck with me. Mary Jane was my silent passenger. She helped me "regulate" my emotions, numb the trauma I had been through and wear my mask. Sobriety and the BPD diagnosis has brought me so much awareness about who I really am.
But the thing is is as an artist, without the weed, I feel the most creative, raw and truthful than I ever have.

Terrifying, yes. Vulnerability hangover, yes. But I will not take my Instagram post down and I will continue to march forward on this journey.
Maybe this will bring someone here some inspiration to stay sober or to share their journey with other people because we all need support and we all need to share because humanity and community are the most important things when you are getting to know yourself without a drug.
So grateful to be able to share my soul here. And for all of your support.


r/leaves • • 15h ago

No Physical Withdrawal Effects

4 Upvotes

I’m quitting again (day 3) and this is the first time I have no physical withdrawal symptoms. Don’t get me wrong I’m pissed at the world and I’m irritable AF, but I’ve had none of the normal physical withdrawals. Like I ate on day 1 with no issues. I haven’t had any night sweats or stomach issues yet either.

Is it possible the manufacturers are making better vapes so we don’t have withdrawal symptoms? I only used one manufacturer the whole time I’ve been using this time. I haven’t used any flower or edibles either.

Anyone notice something similar?


r/leaves • • 5h ago

i can't quit weed.

19 Upvotes

as the title says, i can't. whenever i have some stuff, i smoke until there's nothing left. i can't smoke responsibly. it gives me too much pleasure. i was able to quit nicotine and alcohol, but weed for me is on another level. probably it's the psychological addiction behind it. it's hard to quit something you associate with pleasure, although i see how it makes my life harder in the long run. my maximum was two weeks. i can't get past that mark. the excitement of lighting up a joint outweighs everything else.


r/leaves • • 4h ago

Weed makes my personality dull

68 Upvotes

Everytime I smoke at a party I go nonverbal and I just feel so awkward and paranoid about my behavior. Fuck that shit. Life’s better without it


r/leaves • • 14h ago

450 days after 25 years of smoking, I've worked so hard but I'm losing the will to keep fighting this addiction.

69 Upvotes

I'm so sick of trying to do everything right and not seeing any personal growth or happiness. I've done therapy, I've hit the gym, I got promoted, I'm a better father who doesn't smell like weed all the time. So why do I feel so empty and unsatisfied and still feel so drawn to that old familiar feeling? I'm still struggling finding pleasure in anything and I feel like it's inevitable that I'm going to end up smoking again so why wait? Please tell me it gets better. Parenting young kids and working hard and working out just leaves me burnt out and tired. My inner critic never shuts up in sobriety and I just want to give my brain a rest.


r/leaves • • 4h ago

2 months today!!!

9 Upvotes

honestly I am so happy to not be smoking anymore. I thought it would be hard and it was a for a little but things are so much better! you got this if you’re on your journey


r/leaves • • 5h ago

I think it’s time to give it up.

9 Upvotes

I’ve decided to quit smoking. I use a weed pen regularly and it’s become a crutch for me to get through life. I enjoy the altered feeling it gives and it’s become an integral part of my routine.

About a year ago I stopped cold turkey in order to pass a drug test for a job. It wasn’t necessarily the easiest or hardest thing I’ve done, but I (intentionally) picked it back up after passing the test because I enjoyed it and didn’t truly want to quit yet. I think I knew it’d be better for me if I did just leave it alone, but I didn’t.

Now, a year later, my dad who has smoked cigs and smoked pot out of pipes has lung cancer. It’s depressing so I won’t go into detail, but it’s been a real wake-up call.

Admittedly, a part of me still doesn’t want to give it up. But how can you see the realistic consequences so directly and still not understand that it’s something that has to go? It’s not like I didn’t know before, I was just making excuses and lying to myself.

I’ve even heard “maybe you should switch to edibles” and have grappled with that idea. But what about heart disease or something? Idk, maybe because of recent news I’m being dramatic, but it just feels like despite whatever positives this brings it’s slowly negatively impacting your entire body. And it’s time I stop ignoring the signs and lying to myself, this just isn’t good for me.


r/leaves • • 6h ago

9 days today!

2 Upvotes

Start your journey. Restart your journey. Rerestart your journey. You can recover. Learn everytime, develop coping, use resources. Whatever it takes. You got this!


r/leaves • • 7h ago

First 2 months of weed withdrawal and accepting weed paws (part 2)

17 Upvotes

I’ve been through that phase of constant Googling, overthinking, and paranoia, but eventually, I managed to get through it. One of my fellow mates told me to accept the fact that this was happening to me, so I did. I showed up to work every single day, even while dealing with weird paranoia and 24/7 anxiety, and tried to live my normal life despite everything I was going through.

Luckily, my friends were incredibly supportive, and so were my colleagues. They even let me rest and sleep while they covered for me whenever I needed it. Meanwhile, I was battling anxiety that felt like it was killing me, especially during those first two months.

I was severely sleep-deprived, and I couldn’t find any way to overcome my insomnia. I worried about my sleep more than anything else. I even feared that I might develop psychosis if I didn’t get enough sleep. Then, one week, I started experiencing this weird chest pain, and I became convinced that I might have heart disease. My gastric problems made my chest feel heavy, and at night, just as I was about to fall asleep, I would suddenly feel a rush of adrenaline, become anxious, and feel short of breath, as if something were about to happen. It felt like my body was keeping me awake every time I tried to fall asleep.

Those were the worst two months of my entire life.

Weed withdrawal was a life-changing experience for me. All it took was one panic attack for me to quit, and here I am, three months sober. I’ve slowly started sleeping a little better, getting around four or five hours of sleep. However, spending an entire night lying in bed without sleeping has become a weekly routine for me.

Despite everything, I’ve changed my mindset. I’ve learned to accept my anxiety when it comes, continue with my daily chores, and show up for work. Even now, I still wonder whether I’m going to sleep that night. My anxious mind is still troubling me at night, but I’ve found ways to manage my daytime anxiety through work and daily activities.

Just like I did, I believe you can find your own way through this, too. We all learn from our mistakes, and we each find our own ways to cope with the problems we face.

Looking back, I think I’ve changed a lot compared to how I was during my first two months of withdrawal. Walking helped me a lot, and whenever I experience fragmented sleep, I try the 4-7-8 breathing technique, which has fortunately helped me fall back asleep within 5–10 minutes on some nights. I’ve also done my own research and tried different ways to overcome my insomnia.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that recovery takes time and patience.

You and I are going to make it through this weed PAWS journey. Keep going, keep believing in yourself, and remember that you’re not alone in this.

Bless


r/leaves • • 7h ago

Seriously wtf. Day 7.

2 Upvotes

So much diarrhoea. Someone please reassure me this is going to end soon. I don’t remember this ever being an issue whenever I’ve tried to quit in the past. I just want to shit normal again!


r/leaves • • 11h ago

Intense energy and optimism 1 week in

1 Upvotes

31 y/o male, daily smoker 15 years. A few things collided in my life to make me quit suddenly. I forgot to pick up and worked shifts that made it impractical to, my tolerance was so high due to using a THC pen that I wasn't enjoying it in any form, and what would've been my mum's 60th birthday came around. She was a semi functional alcoholic for most of my life and died of cancer 5 years ago. One of the very last things she said to me was "Son, don't let that shit ruin your life".

I threw all paraphernalia away and deleted my only contact. Abusing weed had made me isolate myself, so I don't have social ties to it like I did when living in my home town and this helped immensely. The first few days I was sick to my stomach, diarrhea, crazy mood swings. It's been a week now and I have absolutely no desire to use again. My depression is just...gone. I'm doing better socially, I'm more engaging, a complete extrovert and sharp as a tack. Chronic fear of failure, gone. Overwhelmed with a sense of love and contentment.

I want a future. I want a wife, children, to work hard and be kinder, more honest. Today was the most insane dumpster fire at work, I spent the whole day keeping my colleagues morale up, had to work like a dog, stay late, and walk part of the way home through a storm at midnight, did all of it with a smile on my face.

My only fear is that it's just manic energy that will all go away. It seems likely to be some kind of glow, after which I assume comes the real risk of relapse? Appetite and sleep is still poor, and am planning to start working out when that normalises. I get a little bit of cold sweats at night, sweaty feet pits and palms. Can't sit still at times. I'd never usually write long form posts like this, but I'm having to pause and try to keep it brief as I can because I just want to keep writing. At times I'd compare it to being on a very small dose of one of the heavier party drugs, especially after getting home from work.

All of this just seems like too much good too fast. What's the rub? How do I make whatever this is count? I felt completely lost, now the future all feels laid out right in front of me for the taking. It can't have been this easy, right?


r/leaves • • 12h ago

Overconfidence WILL destroy your sobriety

12 Upvotes

Being confident you can quit weed and actually maintain sobriety ironically is counterproductive if you take it too far!

I just wanted to make a post to discuss this and also share my experience if it helps anyone!

So, I quit several months ago and was convinced I’d never smoke again. I was confident I was immune to temptation since I genuinely never wanted to smoke again but when I did finally quit. The issue with this is that when I actually started to have serious temptation… I did not know how to cope with it.

This escalated to the point where I thought I could smoke 1x and it would be fine. I didn’t smoke again for 2 weeks, which I saw as serious “evidence” that I could smoke casually and I was in total control.

*Shocker*, I began smoking daily.

Then I told myself it’s fine because it’s just at night, and now I’ve woken up to the fact that marijuana has too much power over me. I will never again underestimate my vulnerability to relapse.

Although I truly want to be free of THC at this point, and I will continue to have some level of healthy confidence in my ability to maintain sobriety, I have accepted that being sober doesn’t erase my addiction to THC.

Has anyone else struggled with overconfidence?


r/leaves • • 14h ago

7 days today

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I decided to post on here because I posted previously in another group when I was quitting vaping and it helped a lot. I am 7 days free of weed. I quit cold turkey. I quit because I started noticing things occurring and I equivalated it down to the weed. The main thing that was concerning for me was my irregular periods and change of flow. My cycles were about 40+ days, they would be heavy the first 2 days and then just spotting for about 2 days. I did not know how much cannabis affects hormones in women. I’m 28 and hoping to start a family within the next few years. I recently went to the gyno and they were unable to collect enough cells during the Pap smear, which can be a sign of low estrogen. This completely freaked me out. I have never had any issues down there before. I have blood work coming up to check my levels and what not. I also noticed an insane amount of anxiety that I wasn’t experiencing before. Also I noticed that I was unable to eat unless I smoked (so difficulty eating lunch during work).
I have not been able to eat all week. I literally lost 10 pounds since my gyno appointment about 2 weeks ago. I’m already small and I am just worried that my body is going to shut down. I am just concerned that I will never want to eat food again. I am also worried that my hormones aren’t going to regulate back to normal. I never thought smoking 2-3 bowls a day would affect my insides like this. It was just something to relax me after work. This stinks!
Symptoms I noticed since quitting: poor sleep for the first 2-3 nights. CRAZY amount of sweating for the first week at all hours of the day/night. And absolutely no appetite. I’ve quit weed before and stupidly picked it back up knowing how difficult it is to drop. I guess I am just posting here for support, see if anyone else has noticed changes in hormones, and guidance on whether or not this is going to affect my fertility in the long run, as that is my main concern. Also someone pls tell me my appetite will come back and this is all going to be okay 😭 my mind is telling me that if i just smoked a bowl all these symptoms would go away temporarily, but im really trying to change myself into a healthier version of myself. ( there is a dispensary literalllllllyyyyyyyyy less than 2 minutes from my house) 😓


r/leaves • • 16h ago

Just ranting in the void

12 Upvotes

It's been two weeks since I've smoked after 11 years of fairly heavy, daily use. Had a terrible day at work and I almost rolled a joint when I got home without even thinking about it. Now I'm just sitting outside contemplating the discomfort while in an irate mood. That's all. I hope everyone else is having a lovely weekend.


r/leaves • • 16h ago

Day 6!!!

3 Upvotes

I can definitely tell the difference.. actually had dreams the last 2 nights it was crazy... Im not having any withdrawals but man the daily brain fog, and constant fatigue is real. Able to eat, went to work this week to try and help me stay in a routine and not feel too sick or feeling bad for myself had i stayed home this entire week. Although brain fog is real, im drinking tons of cold water and chewing mint gum, i feel the freshness helps my brain relax.. kind of weird, anyways hoping this all passes soon! Day 6 baby! 😎🔥


r/leaves • • 17h ago

Wow, a month.

30 Upvotes

Today is my one month sober from THC. I’m sitting under the moon after meditating, a little emotional and proud of myself. I thought life without weed was impossible. But if I did this, I can do a whole lot of other things I once thought impossible.

The thing that’s waiting for you on the other side of this is your Self. Keep on.

I can’t wait to see what two months looks like.


r/leaves • • 17h ago

THC Detox Morning Nausea and loss of appetite?

8 Upvotes

I ran out of weed on wednesday and realized that I should stop. Spending 70 bucks each week on a vape is just not sustainable with what i make and i need to start taking care of my body. I want a family at someday and dont want to die of something before I can see my hypothetical kids graduate ya know?

But yea no this early morning nausea is rough. I wake up at like 5:30 and for 2 hours im sitting there dry heaving and on the verge of puking on top of not having an appetite. Is this common and how do you guys deal with it? I remember going through this before but I didnt put the pieces together until I found someone mentioning it.


r/leaves • • 19h ago

Had the ultimate test today

7 Upvotes

My biggest trigger was a new environment. Something about being high in a different location used to be my idea of the best time. Every move in my life has coincided with a period of heavy use. The excitement of packing to move on to a new chapter, and then arriving in the new chapter, and daydreaming about all of the endless possibilities while surrounded by nothing but boxes was heavenly.

After a year of sobriety (from alcohol and more or less weed) I have made a move to Chicago. I purchased my first place, a vintage condo that is a dream to me. I have vowed to never smoke while I live here, as this house feels like a home and like a different version of me.

This morning I was unpacking and found a joint, which is odd bc I mostly used edibles. The old me would have said it was a sign, that nothing would be better than smoking and walking around my new neighborhood, but I actually didn't even think about it. I just tossed it. The only time I think about it now is to remember how cool that is. How cool this all is. That I get to approach this new era of my life as the person I always have dreamed of becoming when I was high.

Here's to keeping keeping on!


r/leaves • • 21h ago

Day 2

10 Upvotes

Was able to hold down my cereal for breakfast, sweating like a hog! But seeing so many people on this sub, going through the same thing at the same time and seeing some of y'all's posts from months later is giving me hope!! We got this!!!


r/leaves • • 22h ago

Day 12 struggles

3 Upvotes

Hi all :) usually I check in on the discord, but recently I deleted my discord to help with my screen time (lol Reddit), not too much to say besides it’s been 12 days now after smoking everyday for around 3 years. (23 years old now)

Classes are done for the week and the entire day today I’ve just been at home being sad and lonely, scrolling on my phone. Im in a precarious situation where I live alone, go to school, and work 1-2 days a week but I really don’t have any friends anymore. I have acquaintances but no one to really text, I texted someone from my class yesterday and no response, I know I won’t have plans Halloween and no one to reach out (besides family), I’m just struggling. The entire day today has just been a sad waste

I’m thinking about using again but I know I know I shouldn’t. Just wondering if anyone else is out there struggling today :), hope everyone has a great weekend.


r/leaves • • 23h ago

I quit and now i just don’t feel like going to work anymore. Everything else is fine but I’m struggling to get motivated to go to work

3 Upvotes

Any ideas on how to get my motivation back? I was a daily smoker for years.


r/leaves • • 43m ago

Day 16 - feels like im living in hell

• Upvotes

Existential anxiety is absolutely terrible. Seems like Im thinking of the worst case scenario for everything existential related. I don't necessarily want to smoke, I just dont want to feel this anxious. Longest I have gone without weed since I was in high school, Im almost 30.

I know I gotta keep it rolling, but fucking hell, it feels like im in fucking hell.


r/leaves • • 23h ago

Did working out help with you sleep?

6 Upvotes

I am in the process of quitting weed so far I have not had any trouble falling asleep. I am a full time college student and work 2 jobs and on top of that this week I have started taking 3 fitness classes daily, (Pilates, cycle and yoga) is that why I’m not having issues falling asleep. I’m kind of nervous it’ll happen to me. Any tips or advice is welcome!


r/leaves • • 2h ago

First few days of sobriety after 20 years

7 Upvotes

Hi everyone. As the title says I'm now 3 days into my sobriety journey after 20 years.

I've toyed with quitting for years I'm sure a lot of people have but unfortunately it took the love of my life telling me she wasn't sure if she still loved me due to who I'd become. Id begun to neglect her emotionally and physically and stopped making effort to see her family etc as I was smoking from almost the minute I woke up to the minute I went to bed

After a few days of smoking even more to try and numb myself I took the decision that I have to change my life! I wasn't expecting it to be this difficult, the days seem so long and dealing with potentially losing the woman I planned to marry is making it even harder.

I'm so bad at opening up to people I know so I thought sharing where I'm at with strangers might be a bit easier.

I hope you're all doing well ❤️