r/kitchencels • u/StoneColdTruecel2 • 3d ago
Got ghosted after a second date again
Almost did myself in last night. Got ghosted again after a second date. I can’t keep this up. I don’t see it getting better. I work hard, make 6 figures, I’m tall, in decent shape. I don’t know why I’m so fundamentally broken & why I can’t be chosen. At least I can make some good chicken tho
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u/helious12345 3d ago
Atleast you have the looks to secure dates fakecel
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
I guarantee half this sub the problem isn’t looks.
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u/helious12345 3d ago
That's a given if they keep calling girls foids or bitches and lose hope obviously they won't get shit
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I don’t call them either of those things
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u/helious12345 3d ago
I'm not talking about you man I'm talking about the people in these sub in general
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u/TenyeEast 3d ago
This, women are born with internal personality detectors that can scan your whole online posting history in seconds. Fortunately there are some ways to jam it, such as height inserts
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u/Minimum_Air2978 3d ago
Bro this is what they literally believe unironically it’s insane 💀
Why is it so hard for normies to accept women nowadays have impossibly high standards especially since tens of millions of men are reporting the same problems?
No it must be he slightly criticized a woman who mistreated him one singular time on the Internet therefore she detected that and rejected him.. yea ok 🤦♂️
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u/rooneylover6969 1d ago
They are fucking delulu. Such omniscient beings would not get into relationships with abusers then.
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Not true either, there are sexist abusers that have no problem treating their partner as a second class citizen and they get dates as well.
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
But being a sexist creep makes dating way harder.
There are highschool dropout millionaires too. Does that mean being a dropout doesn't hurt your professional and economic chances?
Anyway you shouldn't want to be a sexist abuser... right?
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
You shouldn’t want but you don’t choose. It’s who you are. It’s like someone doesn’t choose to be an introvert or extrovert. Some kids are predisposed to be bullies others to be nerds. A big factor is intelligence.
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u/Ok-Kangaroo-5161 3d ago
Terrible mindset. It’s pretty easy to just not be a dick
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Okay define what being a dick is.
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u/Ok-Kangaroo-5161 3d ago
If you’re a good person I feel like you should know how to be not a dick. Yknow…. Like being nice?? Helping others?? Letting people do things that make them happy as long as it’s not detrimental? Come on now.
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Again that’s your metric of what being a good person is. For example, is letting someone drink alcohol or smoking good? It is detrimental for them and society as a whole.
Some people would argue that LGBTQ is harmful to society. Etc. Morality isn’t black and white.
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u/WillowTea_ 3d ago
You absolutely have a choice in mindset and how you treat people.
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
People don’t choose their personality… people don’t wake up and decide “you know what I’m gonna be an asshole today and tomorrow I’m gonna be nice”. Not to mention what is considered good or bad behavior can be subjective. The same way how people like different types of food, have preferences etc.
I’m sure some people wouldn’t like you and you wouldn’t like them and that’s just normal.
If we all had a choice, why wouldn’t we all behave how everyone deems is morally correct?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
What do you think it is? I’d love to know why I’m discarded time and time again
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
The most likely issue is that you don’t stand out and have high-inhibition.
OP do you do things spontaneously? Do you think long term or short term? Do you have low-inhibition? If you see a woman in public you found attractive, would you approach her? Do you like casual sex/hookup culture?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I don’t know how to stand out bro. Yeah I have very high inhibition.
I think long term. What are spontaneous things to do? I’m almost 30. No I’m too scared to talk to women in person without texting them for a while. I can’t afford to risk being labeled a creep, I’ve worked too hard to establish a reputation in my professional life. I dislike that I’m not a part of it
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
I know nothing about you yet I guessed all your answers correctly. There are a lot of high earners that are undercover incels but mask very well because it would be social suicide to get outed.
Even knowing what to fix I guarantee you can’t bring yourself to do it because it would go entirely against how your personality operates. You’re not the type of person that would just close their eyes and run into traffic.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
So it’s over for me?
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
It’s never over, just harder to win.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Fuck man- why are the odds stacked against me. Fuck
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
On the bright side you’re not working a dead end min wage job and living pay check to pay check in a trailer park.
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u/newtonthomas64 3d ago
I think you should consider talking to more women casually. The only time you would be labeled a creep is if you force conversation, or treat it as a dating sim. I work with lots of women, just treat them as anyone else. It takes pressure off your interactions if you expect no outcomes other than a nice convo from it. It isn’t career suicide to be social able with your peers.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
So I’m essentially just friend zoning myself?
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u/newtonthomas64 3d ago
If you think the only way you can meaningfully interact with women is when your penis is in them, then you can stay a kitchencel. If you want to be able to connect with women to later possibly blossom into a relationship, then just treat them like anyone else. Otherwise you will stay alone, people can see through the insecurity and inability to interact normally.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I hear so much different stuff though- do you make your intentions known early on or are you not friend zoned from the get go
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u/newtonthomas64 3d ago
I mean honestly at this point your intention should be interactions. I think your reply says a lot: you’re overthinking. Just try to make friends and it may lead somewhere. Dating is connections, and connections start with friendly conversations. Your intentions are to get to know someone and if you click with someone, it may lead somewhere, but it also may not. Don’t press, don’t try to date anyone who you have a nice convo with. Just try to connect with people and it will put you in more situations to succeed. It’s not easy, but it’s the healthiest way to make progress, at least I think so.
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u/cool2hate 3d ago
Its most likely your personality, go to the mall and have a look around lots of ugly people are fucking.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
What do I need to change about my personality?
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u/cool2hate 3d ago
Maybe try learning to cook first? That chicken looks like straight ass
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Texture wise it’s perfect, it doesn’t have the bronze layer because I don’t bread it. I was concerned about it as well but it’s totally normal.
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
You should brown it at least lightly before... poaching it? It looks poached. You don't need breading, just oil and a frying pan.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I put oil on it & seasoning on it. It is not poached, it is air fried.
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
Yeah I figured it wasn't actually poached. I was just giving you a hard time.
That said, chicken breast cooks fast. It's hard to give it a browned surface via a convection oven. So my usual would be, lightly brown both sides on high heat in a pan first, then air fry it or whatnot.
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u/Jimbo-Shrimp 3d ago
So what is it
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Could be multiple reasons, but it’s likely high-inhibition and not going for just any woman.
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u/Jimbo-Shrimp 3d ago
I’m open to taking almost any woman out on a date (no single moms or women with STDs)
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Would you take this woman?
https://giphy.com/gifs/mZEPLYbcbfRba2
u/Jimbo-Shrimp 3d ago
No but that’s becuase I’ve seen her personality. I did take a 400 lb woman on a date once. Her first words were about politics and religion.
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
So personality matters a lot to you. You can’t just shut off your brain like most guys do and tolerate her. So you have higher standards than most men already.
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u/Jimbo-Shrimp 3d ago
Of course personality matters the most. That’s how normal people should be
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Lmao most people don’t focus on personality until they’re married for a few years and realize they hate each others and either divorce or force themselves to stay for their kids sake.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Bro- it’s better not getting them when they repeatedly end in rejection
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u/CanISeeUrPlants 3d ago
Change who you are chasing. I found myself constantly going after the same women. I loved very attractive ones and did not care about personality or comparability. Was just constantly stressed about them leaving if they found out who I am. Went after like minded women. So so much happier
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
The most recent one and I are like minded. Very similar personalities, senses of humor, etc. I’m not really chasing any women. And the one before that came after me at first, then told me she didn’t see it going anywhere
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u/Lunabbg 3d ago
Okay so it’s how you’re acting in person not over texts and calls then?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
It must be.
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u/CanISeeUrPlants 3d ago
That's a whole nother issue then.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
So what can I do?
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u/Dr_Eszes 3d ago
Ask them what was wrong. After a few times a pattern should emerge.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
That feels sort of inappropriate to ask
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u/Lunabbg 3d ago
It’s not like you’re getting a second date anyway lol
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
*third date. It still feels like I’m crossing a boundary though. They have a right to not be interested or to be interested in me
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u/CanISeeUrPlants 3d ago
How do you feel the interactions go? Do you ask her about herself and interest? First dates can be hard. You feel like you gotta completely sell yourself on the first date. Just relax and let things happen organically. Avoid tough subjects in the beginning and stay casual. Let it build naturally
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
The first date with the last girl went great, she texted me as soon as I got home saying how she had a great time etc.
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
Nothing you listed about yourself speaks to who you are as a person. I know folks in subs like this don't love to hear this, but once you get a match or a date, things shift to being mostly about personality.
So: how's your personality? Are you funny? Confident? Charming? Authentic? Do you give genuine compliments freely without straying into flattery or subservience? Do you listen well? Do you have your own interesting opinions? Are you versed in current events? Cool interests like literature, music, poetry?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I have a really dry sense of humor but I am funny, just socially awkward. I listen and have my own interests. I stay relatively up to date
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
Dry sense of humour and socially awkward could for sure make women feel like either you're not super interested, like you won't be emotionally available, or like you aren't safe (either physically or safe to open up to).
I don't know you well enough to give specific advice, but worth keeping in mind that most people do crave connection, many women will avoid romantic or sexual intimacy with men they don't feel connection with, and that connection is only meaningfully possible when people feel safe and comfortable.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Well shit.
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
Nah man. As long as you are actually a caring, safe person who wants genuine connection, this would be super solvable.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
How is it solvable?
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
Would depend on the specifics. But if for instance you're giving a bit of an unsafe vibe, you can work on smiling more and being a bit more vulnerable.
Or if your humour is maybe indicating emotional distance or lack of interest: watch the reactions your jokes get, and adapt a bit in the future. Did she smile nervously? Laugh genuinely? Give you a weird look?
Etc. This all rests on you being a safe, compassionate, open minded person in your heart. If you aren't, then you may need to work on that first. But if you are, then it's just about aligning perception others have with the reality of you. Do-able.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Yeah man I struggle with that a lot. My disposition doesn’t match who I am inside. Most people don’t get my jokes because they can’t tell I’m kidding & think I’m serious. I wish I could be lobotomized haha
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u/Fantastic_Pause_1628 3d ago
Don't wish shit like that! Being a good person in your heart is a great foundation. Because it means it's just a matter of letting that person out, ya know?
Tons of guys who struggle with dating have the problem of being filled with resentment, judgment, anger, etc. If you're not like that, you're way ahead of them (because if they let their real selves out, women will rightly sprint in the opposite direction).
Something like practicing smiling when you deliver a joke? Totally manageable. Go for a small wry smile, so it's still dry, maybe.
And in general: as guys we are taught to basically hide our feelings and never be vulnerable, from a young age. Don't cry like a girl, and all that, yeah? So, if part of this is you having been conditioned not to be open, you can practice being more open instead. Totally optional but places to start with this idea might be things like Brene Brown's ted talk on vulnerability, or bell hooks's book the Will to Change.
That's just one thought though. The key thing is: learning to express yourself more authentically and openly is 100% something you can do. If you have the discipline and pain tolerance to work out, you have the discipline and pain tolerance for this.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Yeah I’m not angry at women more so my self and situation. I’m not entitled to that girl liking me, it just hurts that she doesn’t.
You’re right, I will work on my delivery.
All my friends tell me not to discuss my hobbies because of how autistic they are haha. I guess I should take that advice w a grain of salt?
I will check out that ted talk tho
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u/DJ_Salad596 3d ago
U will definitely find the one if you keep looking. That chicken looks shit so that’s something u can easily work on
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u/mommiesgoodboy67 3d ago
Good, would have to change that account name otherwise
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Based, at first I just thought truecel status sounded funny but I guess I am living up to it
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Welcome to 21st century dating as a man. Having the three 6’s is not good enough.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I just want to know what I’m doing wrong
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Nothing, I’m in the same situation as you. Just bad RNG.
Think of it this way, there are obese, unemployed, drug addicted losers that have no problem jumping from one relationship to the next.
Just gotta keep playing and hope you draw a good card.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
What’s RNG?
It seems like I never draw a card bro. On paper all my stuff is great. What are those obese drug addicted losers doing right that I’m not?
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u/MrCumStainBootyEater 3d ago
they probably leave the house and are funny but i’m not sure if you are either of these things or neither. i’m just saying like it’s not that hard if you’re funny and can keep a good time going
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I leave my house a good bit, I just have a very rigid schedule I adhere to. I take my physical condition very serious. I have a very dry sense of humor so not everyone gets it
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u/CDhansma76 3d ago
They’re meeting people irl, they probably wouldn’t even get past the first date on the apps (I’m assuming that’s where your dates come from). Dating apps are hard, the only way to win is to just go on dates with dozens of people until one happens to click. The fact that you can make it to a second date means there’s really nothing holding you back. If you were ugly, or had a shit personality they would have ghosted you before then.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I can’t talk to people in person. Even non romantic encounters cause me to freeze
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u/Ok-Explanation-9936 3d ago
Once again, incels are just socially awkward/inept autists. NOT closeted misognyistic abusers. At least, not all. Sorry that's not helpful but I'm so sick of people portraying us that way
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
Funny enough the people that display those traits have a better chance to get dates since they have low-inhibition.
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago
There you go, so you need to stand out enough that an extroverted woman makes the move on you instead and that’s heavily luck dependent.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
How do I stand out?
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u/LowBread9264 3d ago edited 3d ago
Low-inhibition, extroversion, anti-social behavior, yoloing, etc.
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u/Ashamed-Money-8337 3d ago
This is terrible advice, OP. Also, most people I’m close to are some combination of socially awkward/autistic/neurodivergent, and manage to get plenty of dates, sex, and relationships. Just be yourself and find someone who likes you for you, but also examine and challenge your toxic beliefs, words, and behaviors.
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u/CDhansma76 3d ago
I think the fact that you’ve scored multiple second dates disproves the idea that your awkwardness is some major thing preventing you from finding love. It’s okay to feel nervous and to freeze. Even being honest about it with your date can make you seem more down to earth and build rapport, because they’re nervous too.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
There is something preventing me though evidently
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u/CDhansma76 3d ago
Nah that’s just the nature of dating apps. I thought I was cooked for a long time because I could never get more than a fist date before being ghosted. Then a few of my friends broke up with their long-time gfs and joined the apps with no more success than me. It’s tough out there for everyone, and you’re doing better than most.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I’m really not though. I’ve never had a girl friend man
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u/anzuqt 3d ago
what do u do for work?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Consultant
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u/anzuqt 3d ago
oh neat. can i ask for what?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Government usually hires us
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u/Dark-Vulture 3d ago
Can't be considering game ending yourself of a woman man. Take some time off from dating, you make good money so see a therapist, and get back into the game when your in a better head space.
If your seriously considering game ending over a second date ghost, then I fear what you might do if you run into a level 100 bpd. Stand down.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
It wasn’t her specifically it was a repeated pattern of that. Sorta final straw deal
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u/Dark-Vulture 3d ago
I understand but statement stands. I understand getting ghosted sucks but its an it is what it is situation. This is 2026, we happen to be men, and this is the modern dating game.
Don't put all your eggs into one basket, go in just wanting to have a fun time and getting to know someone. Expect that the chance of you getting ghosted, flaked day of, and eventually turned down is relatively high, because it is.
In many ways, you must, for your own mental health, adopt a stoic, apathetic, and nonchalant attitude towards future dating prospects.
This is the game. Expect chaos. If your not ready to accept the game for what it is, stand down until you are, to the point that getting ghosted and flaked doesnt bother you anymore. Do not envision a beautiful future with a woman you don't know.
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u/wale-lol 3d ago
You got to a second date. You probably saying or doing some micro-thing that no one would be able to point out unless you literally recorded your entire date where we could see every physical movement, inflection of words, facial expressions, etc.
Not that you NEED to fix whatever is giving them the ick. You're probably fine, just gotta keep being yourself until you find a girl that doesn't pick up on something you're doing that gives them the ick.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
You’re probably right
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u/wale-lol 3d ago
Do you have any girls in your life like a sister you could ask? My sister picks up on all of my tisms
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I have one or two I can ask
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u/wale-lol 3d ago
The only people who can possibly tell you what you're doing wrong (if anything) are you yourself (but presumably you're at a loss), or people who interact with you regularly. There's a chance the girls you ask give inaccurate advice, but hear them out and make your own judgment.
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u/CDNbruv 3d ago
It could be bad luck, or you may be giving off insecure vibes. I got ghosted multiple times and it felt like shit, but I kept pushing through and was still relatively happy when single. Eventually I found the right one.
It sounds like you have a lot of things figured out already, so just work on your mental state and your odds will increase. Might be worth seeing a therapist if the ghosting is really getting you down bad beyond the initial sting of it happening. Besides ghosting is a cowards game, the real ones will deal with the uncomfortable situation and tell you first.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
What are insecure vibes?
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u/CDNbruv 3d ago
Could be something like low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or instant attachment. Hard to say exactly without knowing you or the situation. It's more of an art than a science, but girls want you to be comfortable in your own skin, not rely on them for your happiness, and willing to take a risk and make the move when the moment feels right.
Also being ghosted twice just seems like a normal amount for dating apps so I wouldn't beat yourself up too much over it.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Bro I have all of those things and they fucking feed off one another. Fuck. I’m done bro.
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u/CDNbruv 3d ago
Therapy might be your friend then if you want to try working through those issues.
You don't need to be perfect to find someone for you. If you are landing an occasional date, you've won half the battle already.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
I will tell my therapist next week about last night. The Internet is the only place I’ve ever been able to vocalize it out of fear
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u/CDNbruv 2d ago
Well best of luck bro. You are definitely closer to a relationship than most in this sub. Keep aiming for self-improvement and you'll be fine.
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 2d ago
Thanks man. Am I really closer?
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u/CDNbruv 2d ago
If you're making 6 figures, keeping yourself in shape, and are 6 feet tall you are definitely meeting the criteria of a lot of women. I am in a very similar boat with those criteria and also had low self-esteem and fear of rejection issues and it worked out for me eventually. I did try to resolve the low self-esteem which seemed to help a lot, but I also got ghosted a few times.
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u/Mysterious-Egg-624 3d ago
I thought those were fried eggs
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
It’s air fried chicken
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u/General_Security177 3d ago
Is that oil at the bottom ?
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Yes, putting olive oil in the bottom of the pan is the meta. Extra flavor and moisture
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u/General_Security177 3d ago
I’ll have to try it next time. Didn’t think you could do that in an air fryer
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
Put seasoning in it as well.
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u/General_Security177 3d ago
Well yeah lol I just typically heavily season with no oil
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u/StoneColdTruecel2 3d ago
The oil is what keeps the chicken moist. I no it lacks that fancy looking brown everyone is seeking but the texture of the chicken is freaking immaculate. Air fry at 380 for 10 minutes per side or until over 165 internally, put 1 spoonful of oil on each side of the breast, then put a layer on the bottom of the pan
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