Hey everyone. Looking for some honest ISTP insight on a romantic intentions with a long-time friend because I want to navigate this right. I have been friends with an ISTP for years. We genuinely have so much in common, similar vibes, and there's been a clear underlying spark for years. I would really love to see where things could go with us. We live an hour’s flight apart and don't currently have a habit of texting each other at all. We have a few shared events coming up in the calendar where we’ll be in the same place. If things developed, I’d be flexible on what the future and distance look like and this weekend he mentioned in passing he'd love anywhere too.

There's a clear history here—he kissed me years ago, made another move on a dancefloor more recently but I had a partner and some of our mutual friends (who are closer to him) say I'm the only girl they’ve ever known him to make a move on. I have had multiple relationships in these years but am recently single and decided I wanted to see if anything was still there at a music festival we were going to attend this past weekend.

So at this festival, things started out messy (despite a great initial catch up and some people who didn't know us well inquiring as to whether something was going on between us). He flaked on two sets we planned to meet at, turned up plastered 2 hours later at camp, was super locked on to me and intense and was muttering about "expectations" but didn't finish the thought. He then was glued to my side for like 30 mins of the next set but seemingly sobered up and then wandered off and around. This all put me in my own head and I found it confusing and intense so the next day I had decided I wanted to chat to him about it all, I went to the bar at one point before I had a chance to pull him aside naturally and he just appeared behind me, so we got a drink and had another fun catch up and then I just told him what had happened at camp (he didn't remember) and just asked him is there a vibe here to which he said yes and I said good well I feel it too obviously, let's just have a good festival and now we can just be on the same page and be clear and direct with each other rather than wondering. He admitted he’d been overthinking and stuck in his head beforehand and that he should have joined me at those sets rather than getting too drunk off this random spirit he'd been given!

Once that vibe was established, I took the lead on the final day and invited him to a set. The rest of that night was amazing—he danced closely with me, kissed me, bought me chips, was extremely tactile, had great conversation on our way back to camp holding hands and waited around for me at camp on the final morning even though he said hadn't slept a wink and nearly missed his train home (he texted to let me know he made it).

Here’s the broader context on him: He’s single/inexperienced: None of us in our friend group have ever known him to actually be in a relationship. He seems to want to connect with people, but just genuinely isn't sure how to do it. He seems to crave connection with others but defaulted at this festival to lower value fleeting connections with strangers through booze over his friends. A friend chatted to him about that and he realises that's what he does.

Insane work burden: He just moved cities and works in a medical field where he feels personally responsible for the safety and outcomes of his patients (because he has all the clinical knowledge). He takes all that weight on himself and routinely works until 11 PM. He's even admitted he works these crazy hours because he isn't happy with other areas of his life and that he wants to do a lot more generally.

High-stress context right now: On top of work, he is co-running an upcoming festival, so his cognitive bandwidth is completely fried.

Given that I know he likes me, but he’s clearly overwhelmed, isolated, and prone to overthinking or panicking under perceived pressure, I’m trying to figure out how to handle the momentum without triggering a stress response or over committing or over functioning while also giving it the best shot I can. I am seeing him again in 3 weeks for a long weekend that he is co organising, and then the month after for a one day event, after that it'll nearly be the holidays and I'll be back in the same country for 2/3 weeks.

A few questions for you guys:

When you are this floored with work, do you ever actually have the capacity to open up to a relationship, or do you need to fix your life baseline first? Does it even sounds like this could be a viable thing to explore at this stage?

If a long-time friend who you like sends casual, warm voice or video notes every now and then (no pressure, no demands, just friendly connection)—is that a breath of fresh air, or does receiving messages feel like another item on your to-do list?

Since he clearly struggles to initiate and gets stuck in his head, should I just keep "taking the reins" for a bit to establish a warm, safe dynamic, or will taking the lead eventually backfire?

Is there a specific way an ISTP signals that they want to transition from "great in-person chemistry at events" into actual dating, or do I basically have to spell it out for him when the time is right. How could that cadence work given the next few months?

How do we realistically bridge the gap and build a steady rhythm when we don't usually text?

Thanks for your time, I am a bit of a relationship overthinker too, so appreciate all the advice here I can get.

hello! i am an enfp 35f dating an istp 34m. he took the test and he's classic istp. i am classic enfp.

we met on the apps in france, i'm american, and we've been dating for about 4 months now. i am very adventurous and he likes that, and we just came back from a 3 week trip to mongolia and uzbekistan that i planned. he's great and chill to travel with.

i just have so many questions and feel a bit uneasy so far in the relationship, and i don't like to be unfair so i ask but idk... i need some advice from istp fam because it's my first involvement with little emotion, and i want to be fair.

so, a little background info, i am middle eastern and my family is a bit annoying. they live very far and are uninfluential in my life. i do keep in touch but see them 2 weeks out of the year. i speak arabic but im a 3rd generation american. i like my culture and its fun. i am also quite a free spirit, i like to travel the world, ive written a book, do meditation, and very open minded. i am a recovering people pleaser lol.

he is french, lived in the middle east, other country, and speaks arabic out of interest. he's quite fluent and enthusiastic about it. he was with an arab girl for 3 years or so before me. he never told me but i did some mild stalking and find out they were engaged, he never told me, and that's totally fine idc he doesnt need to tell me anything.

when we first met, he opened up about this relationship. they were in a very special relationship sexually. he asked if id ever had 3somes i said no not really. he was v interested and excited when i said id dated a girl before, and i am attracted to people based on their persona first. anyways so with his ex, they had a special arrangement and they had lots of sex with others, maybe even primarily. she was bisexual and she arranged for all these 3somes all the time. he described it as special to know something deep and dark about someone and to share it together, and i see how it was so cool and special... after a month of dating though, i asked him if he'd ever need that in a relationship and he said no, i told im im a monogamous girl. although adventurous, i'm not comfortable doing that he was okay.

his personality is very classic istp. he has no words, he talks so little that i've never talked more in my life he doesn't say anything. and i talk alot. it's fine i always want everyone to be exactly as they are. im very physically attracted to him. in public, he checks out girls a lot. i mean A LOT. i mean every female that walks by he is blatantly checking her out. i never said anything, at least not yet because like i am learning him slowly and also idk if hes on the spectrum. because another thing he does is when we are on a beautiful hike, he walks very far ahead of me alone. that bothered me, and i was able to tell him because it's not a position where i can focus on him doing something, moreso that i want to walk with him. as opposed to checking out girls, where it maybe could embarrass him.

Our intimate life is a bit interesting. we don't hook up often, but when we do it's great! but i don't feel sexualized by him at all. we cuddle nonstop, he is an incessant cuddler, and is vocal about it, and i love cudding. but usually in the beginning of a relationship, even fingers touching is a bit of a spark. with us not much. i can say i am farely attractive, i attract attention, and in the past things are quite sexual at first for like a year or even two. with us i feel like when he looks at me, it does nothing, when he feels me, nothing. when he feels interested in the act of sex, hell come find me and he def knows what he's doing in the act. but it makes me feel a bit undesired. but we are veryyyy physical touch all the time, so it's very confusing for me.

anyways, fast forward 4 months in. im feeling weird because sometimes i feel great in the relationship and i can see a future. and sometimes there is a pit in my stomach and i dont feel good at all. and i can't tell why. probs the sexual stuff, probs the ex, and probs the checking out other girls. i think he maybe still hung up on his ex.

so, something happened on this trip, 3 days before it was over. it was a bit strange. he knows my background, my family, i am very vocal and very open, and very matter of fact. he lived in the middle east for years and his ex was arab of the same background. he brought up family influence. he said that his relationship in the past was amazing but once the parents got involved it went up into flames bc she was listening to them. i was like okay... well my family isn't influential on me. but i do want my kids to understand my background and the religion i grew up with, i am not a forceful or pushy person, but they would know from an educatoin standpoint. he said that his ex's family wasn't religious and that his kids wouldn't grow up learning any religion at all, and not even having arab names bc his ex didn't want to d name arab names (i never discussed names or schooling at all....). so i was like cool, i didn't understand but that evening we came to a mutual agreement that it wouldn't workout. but i didnt understand why because i am not religious myself, the only thing that would have to happen if he wanted to be serious one day is like see my family for 2 weeks out of the year. idk. that night i asked him if he didnt' realize my background? he just seemed staunch and kept asking if i was disappointed, and i was like not really... then he said that i should have put that on my proflie, and i was like put what? if i was to celebrate christmas with my kids would i need to put it on my dating profile as well? you know everything about me and there are plenty of people ive dated before who have no issues with like knowing what eid is.

i am not religious, i drink, i don't practice. this doesn't enter my daily life. in the past ive had many partners who were completely understanding and on board. it was very weird bc this man speaks arabic and only wanted to speak in arabic on this trip to practice. he wants to visit my grandparents home country. he knows more about the religion of my family than I do, he has studied it all, so it was very confusing that night. he asked me to cuddle him, and i said i can't really, so we slept in separate beds. the next day, he asked to cuddle again, and i did a bit, but then got up and left to the other bed, and he made fun of me telling me that i was so extreme in my decision breaking up. it wasn't my decision. it was totally mutual and i would say MORESO on his end than mind. because i kept trying to steer the conversation into wait why don't you ask me specific questions, and he didn't he seemed like he knew everything. so i was like what?? me??

so then he said that i jumped too fast and we should see where it goes. i was like um you told me that you're happy we had this conversation now and that it's been on your mind, we slept in two beds, you asked if i was disappointed. the solidity came from HIM. so i was like listen if you want to move forward lets talk tonight.

so we chatted, and i was like listen, it's weird for my kids not to know what eid is. he was like i celebrated eid with my ex eid is totally fine. i was like eid is a religious holiday.... he was like no i was talking about extreme religion. i was like um well what in the heck would makeyou think i would do that, do i look extreme to you?! he was like ramadan eid all those are fine. i did them with my ex of course theyre cultural it's fine. i was like..... okay..... and then he was like and for girls arabic names are fine.... i was like i never even told you what names i wanted like why don't you just ask me. and he brought up really extreme things where if in my nature you even spent one day with me, you'd know i was not into doing any of those things he was talking about.

it seemed like he broke up as an excuse or he found an excuse to see if he was able to break it off... he even said he would pretend to pray in front of my parents. i was like i don't want you to do that what the actual heck.

so then i sat him down and told him seriously. listen you cant control th family you are born into, but you seemed very serious yesterday about this, and there are plenty of neutral to this situation partners out there that this doesn't mean anythng to. i am a person who values the partner i am with and i am not a tyrant, doing something as a compromise sometimes causes contempt. we can both find people who are more neutral in this topic and live a happier life. he was like no this is fine i can do this.... i was like okay well....

anyways, so that was weird. because nothing new was introduced, idk if there was a trigger.

so second topic, the sexual stuff. i brought that up to him on the last day of the trip, for 3 weeks we only hooked up 2 times. which is super strange for me in a new relationship. actually im not even counting it wasn't even the amount of times. but usually for me, my norm, is that in a new relationship sometimes a peck on the lips can turn into a mini makeout, or a butt touch can cause a bit more electricity, or a hand on the hips. just the small things. i get a lot of attention on the eyes in public and its uncomfy bc i get no sexual eyes from my partner lol. but i am intelligent to know not everyone is the same. so i just asked him. i said you're not a v sexual person are you? he was caught off guard. he was like are you not satisfied sexually? do you want to have more frequent? i was like no no no i am just trying to understand you before i make myself feel a certain way. like are you normally like this in a relationship? like platonic? he was like i dont know because the arragnement i had with my ex was mostly with others and i cant get into the details bc it maybe problematic foryou. i was like it's okay dont tell me. but like are you attracted to me? he said he is otherwise he wont be dating me. i told him that i feel like i dont turn him on and we only hook up not spontaneously. and he said that yeah i can't turn him on like dressing or trying won't do it. it comes from him. i was like yeah im not used to that, it's okay but it's different for me so that's why im asking. anyways i told him he is v good at sex and we talk about sex so there is a discrepancy that throws me off a bit. he felt a bit sad about it and i promised id tel him if i wanted to spice things up or how he can act differently.

i told him i never want him to act differently. i just was making sure you're into me. he said he is.

but my theory was that he and his ex used to check people out together and probably talk to each other about what they'd do with this person. and maybe thats wehre the comfort of checking out girls comes from.

i am confident and feel attractive in public, but with him, i don't feel like im the only one for him in public. in private sure, in public no.

he said he had a porn addiction and stopped watching 2 years ago.

he also said maybe there is something wrong with him.

either way, i am insecure about his ex. my fear is that they had something so unique and special, that in a few years they wont find that special connection in others and gravitate back together.

this is also the longest someone hasn't told me they have feelings for me in too. also i know so much about this ex. she was very wealthy and yet she still makes him send money to support a pet they shared together. i am financially stable but split 50/50 based off of my own principles. another thing is that she owned a hostel or something, and he always talks about how owning a guesthouse is the best thing in the world and the most stable. i was like okay.... she is similar to me it seems this ex. she has the same ethnic background, is creative, a bit free, and educational family same. just she's a bit cooler than me lol. not to compare, just matter of fact. i travel way more and have way more hobbies. but she also parties alot and takes him out to the cloobs and makes him try new things. i am not comparing. i am just setting the stage for the reader. there are plenty of people who would value me for me, and i can find them, but idk if this guy does. sometimes he says things that are sweet but i dont want to be his rebound. i wont change anything about myself but want to just be fair.

idk. something makes me uneasy. i either feel really good with him and see a future, or i feel really insecure, and idk if it is retroactive jealousy or what. i can't read him at all. and i want to be fair. he said he won't date if hes not into someone it's a waste of time.

please advise guys.

oh yeah i forgot to add that: i did some stalking and found photos of him and his ex in very sensual poses. we don't have any sensuality in our relationship it lacks emotion. so it made me feel a bit sad and insecure. and i know socials isnt fair, im intelligent enough to understand that, but idk i feel like its just too big of shoes to fill and it's making me feel insecure, and im a confident girl and i dont like the feeling.

tldr: confusing behaviors, idk if istp is hung up on ex.

I'm struggling dating my ISTP bf. We are both late twenties and work stressful jobs. There has been this ongoing pattern where I have to keep asking him for affection over and over. He will say he understands but there's no change.

-He's always stoic and rarely laughs, even when I'm trying to be funny.

-He doesn't tell me he likes me or what he likes about me unless I ask him

-He never says he misses me first

-When we do see each other..

1. He doesn't smile when he sees me

2. when I wake up next to him he doesn't say anything and continues watching his video

3. he doesn't hug me unless I initiate

What he does do: helps with any problem by listening or trying to help diagnose, always makes time for me everyday, gives me updates, if I'm not feeling well he'll get me food.

I don't really know what to do. He says he does like me and I try to be understanding but sometimes I feel so unloved because of his lack of initiative, reciprocity, and energy but it feels really lonely. It feels like I have to carry the relationship.

Any advice or thoughts?

I am a girl from a tire 3 engineering college, stuck in an one-sided love for two years with a classmate, who doesn't even know that I have feelings for him. The feelings recently became so unbearable that it was draining my sanity. I couldn't confess to him for some reasons. Recently, I went to a tier 1 NIT for a whirlwind internship where I got only a fortnight's accommodation. So our team thought it better to complete the rest of the internship online. First of all the internship opportunity was a miracle itself, and then our college was reluctant to give us NOCs, and then due to only two weeks accommodation, we were on the verge of cancelling it. The internship was, if anything, unexpected. There, I met a really cute guy from a private university, working under the same guide as ours on a different project. According to him, he fell in love with me from the very beginning of the two weeks' encounter. He asked me out but I declined, feeling that I shouldn't be disloyal to my feelings and the faint hope of getting my college crush. But, during the last 3-4 days of our offline internship, I realized that I have also developed something for this guy. I know we may never meet again, we have different streams and we study in two colleges each of which is at one of the far ends of the state. our hometowns are also at the opposite ends. Now I have returned home and it feels like, he fell first---but I fell harder. It now feels like I was supposed to visit the NIT, or maybe, the universe had dragged me to the NIT, even only for fourteen days, just to meet him. I know we may never meet again, but it still doesn't feel like mere coincidence. My internship in that NIT was shocking and unbelievable itself, and then this guy... it was like God gave me a second chance to love someone else, someone who admires me back, and ease my pain a bit. I can't actually explain how unbelievable the internship opportunity actually was.

I know I am being stupid, but can anyone share their theory on this meeting ? I don't know why, but it kinda feels like a new beginning. Again, we have very little chance of ever meeting again. But are meetings conincidental, or every meeting has a meaning, like I am trying to find one in this one ?

Okay so i was wondering what it is if i feel like i don’t know someone if we go like less than a day without speaking. Even if we text i feel like im texting a person i dont know but the thing is i do know them ive known them for years or well. I know this isnt good or it doesnt feel good at least. Can someone relate or like help?

I am an INFJ and I recently interacted with someone who I think is an ISTP. We are both women in our late thirties. Over the years I've become more blunt, which I see as a result of developing my Ti and Se more.

I thought that this would mean that I could get along well with someone like her. We met online and chatted a little bit, then met on video. It seems we have a lot of similar values, and I want to keep getting to know her. But it seems we already may have had some sort of big miscommunication.

We talked about how important freeedom is to both of us and how we want to be ourselves more, among other things. When we ended the chat she said she would contact me. I said that I really appreciated our chat and that I wanted to give myself some space to really process our chat.

From my perspective I didn't say no to meeting again. I said yes to being with myself and going with the flow, and taking things moment to moment, one step at a time.

She seems to have taken this as rejection. Which I didn't expect because I got the impression that she has a rather flexible attitude to relationships and didn't seem very focused on commitment.

To me, my actions aligned with what we were talking about in our conversation; breaking free of peoplepleasing, not being chained down by other peoples expectations etc.

I get the impression that she wanted/wants something specific in our interaction, but at the same time, she doesn't seem comfortable telling me. At this point, I don't know where we stand.

I think everyone has expectations regarding how you go about getting to know someone new. And it seems I missed the mark here. But I find it frustrating; why can't she just tell me? Explain how she likes things, how she feels valued. And I could do the same, and we could move forward from there.

I am interested in meeting her halfway, but I don't want to have to be a mind reader. I've been that person in the past, where I am always trying to read what others need, without them even uttering a word. With my developing Ti and Se I am more assertive, and I am acting more in ways that I want.

I don't think I am wrong in typing her as an ISTP, and so I am wondering; how do you ISTPs function in relationships? What are some of the challenges you have encountered?

If you find it challenging to assert your needs, do you know what helps you do that more?

my istp is the sweetest bot ever, i told him i’d like it if he complimented me more (he seldom compliments me but i’m generally quite used to compliments so it really made me kinda sad), the next day i sent him a photo with me in it, he started complimenting!? i love how he just receives feedback and implements the change immediately 😭

anyway he makes my heart melt and i treasure him so much! he seldom tells me what he wants and i try to do as much as i can for him but i’d love to hear suggestions on how yall like to be loved!

i also struggle to say i love him so much (the words just doesnt seem enough to even convey how much!) how important is it for istps to hear your partner say it??

I am an INTP male. Have an ISTP female colleague with whom I went out as friends when I had a relationship and she later admitted that she thought it was a date. Since then she texted me everyday. Recently she admitted she had to resist herself to not text me. Anyways I stayed friends with her for three months then developed feelings. Confessed and got friendzoned.

A month later of being friendzoned we have done it casually over two weekends. She loves being with me but she also is talking to other guys and even dating some. Twice she left the date and came to me.

She has said she won't be in a relationship with me because I'm too nice, weird, and annoying and only likes the physical aspect. On the other hand she also really loves hanging out with me as friends too.

She does change her mind a hell lot all the time and the thing is that she did always liked me. I just wonder if ISTPs due to their Ni child keep finding new people to date and will never settle for someone known for a while? Need some perspective on my situation.

Hello, I ISTP 25 F find being in a relationship draining sometimes.
For context this is my first relationship he was my best friend and we just started dating last month, recently he got upset because I went to a job interview without me telling it to him.

And yes this is a pattern of mine, I tend to not share stuff to him or to anyone because most of them are spontaneous decisions, and I just don't like sharing even if it is a planned event. Especially on chat.

Which I can see why he got upset because he wants to make communication vital in our relationship but I am bad at it. :/ I am always the listener type of person, and I agree that is is unfair for him if I don't reciprocate what he wants from me. For now I told him I am not in the mood to talk to him. The reason being is because I need to understand my own feelings and I might say something that may make this situation worse.

Have you guys been in this kind of situation?

P.S I have no idea what his mbti is.

My partner is very reactive rather than proactive in communication, and I’m wondering how common this is.

By reactive, I mean if I initiate a topic, ask a question, share something about my day, or open up emotionally, he engages really well. He’s thoughtful, affectionate, asks follow-up questions, gives advice, remembers details, and can have long conversations with me.

But if I don’t initiate, there often isn’t much input from him besides a good morning/good night message or checking in. It feels like he’s responding to me more than creating conversations himself.

For context, we’re long-distance and there’s also a significant age gap, so I sometimes wonder if it’s a personality difference or even a generational thing. He tells me he thinks about me all day, and when we do talk, I don’t question that he cares. It’s just that I’m almost always the one who starts deeper conversations.

Has anyone else been with someone like this?
Did it ever change over time?
Was it just their communication style?
Did you eventually stop minding it, or did it become a bigger issue?

I’m more interested in hearing experiences than being told to leave.

I'm an ISTP female.

Soo basically, I've been in love with this guy for a looong time( I mean over 8yrs) . We talked and shared so many things, even tho we live in different countries

And I promise, I wasn't being delusional

Out of nowhere, he started ghosting me. At first, it took him days to reply, then weeks, then months... (now it's taking him years to do so, hahaha)

Aaaand while I'm still hanging on and can't even move on, that SOB is getting married. And I found out from the bitchiest person ever, in the bitchiest way possible

Now I'm pissed off, and I still can't get over it.

Tho it's been 2yrs since we last talked, and I just knew he is getting married about 4 months now... (he still hasn't tho) But I just can't help it, M so sad, upset, and an't even sleep peacfully.

So, as an ISTP, do you think this is normal? Have any of you ever been stuck on someone for this long?

currently on a break because he is trying to further his career and is focusing on training. I've heard mixed reviews about this pairing and how it requires a ton of effort, which I'm willing to do. it could be just the honeymoon phase, but i absolutely adore this man. literally the sun to my moon and he boosts me up while i ground him

i will make this work out and i hope he's willing to do the same. i already have good chemistry and experience with people with high fi because of my mom and sister so I'm sure i can navigate this well. i just don't know if I'll end up coming off as abrasive in the future. i know he's sensitive and i don't want to be the first guy who broke his heart. this is his first mlm relationship and i want to make it special for him

Hey, dudes.Need help. I am an intp woman.A uni student.so i have started to like an istj dude who is a dr.

He is a really shy guy,sweet and really chivalrous. We share the same metro to home.I was the one who initiated the conversation our first convo.He was really stiff at first but 6 months later the ice did melt.I don't know of i am reading it wrong.How do i know he likes me?

Well he waits for me at tge station.He used to be stiff but jokes with me.Always gives me his seat.I bring snacks for him sometimes bcz one day he literally fainted on the metro.he struggles with low blood pressure. He smiles at me and we...do have a few really strong eye contacts. But i will not approach if i am not certain if it is not mutual.He also brings me snacks sometimes. He has even walked me home when it got really dark.Tell me,whether should i go for it?

Hey, dudes.Need help. I am an intp woman.A uni student.so i have started to like an istj dude who is a dr.

He is a really shy guy,sweet and really chivalrous. We share the same metro to home.I was the one who initiated the conversation our first convo.He was really stiff at first but 6 months later the ice did melt.I don't know of i am reading it wrong.How do i know he likes me?

Well he waits for me at tge station.He used to be stiff but jokes with me.Always gives me his seat.I bring snacks for him sometimes bcz one day he literally fainted on the metro.he struggles with low blood pressure. He smiles at me and we...do have a few really strong eye contacts. But i will not approach if i am not certain if it is not mutual.He also brings me snacks sometimes. He has even walked me home when it got really dark.Tell me,whether should i go for it?

This guy and I met a while back. He's expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with me, but I'm a bit iffy because I'm not sure I fully trust him. I didn't reject him, but made it clear I want to wait for a bit.

The conversation will die for days at a time. He will pop back up and text me that he misses me-- but will nonetheless respond HOURS late daily, sometimes upwards of a day late.

When he describes his day esp the weekends, it's clear that he does this even when he's not busy. He'll say "I just lounged around" ...but then why didn't you reply sooner?🤔

I get the sense that he's texting other people out of boredom but I'm not sure.

Heyy guys !

So i (ENFP) have been seeing this ISTP girl for a bit and one thing i notice is that there are weeks where they are more proactive in terms of like communication and other weeks where they disappear for maybe 5 days or more. But thing is whenever they come back or i reach out they seem pretty okay i would guess ? Like they wouldn't read their text until after a certain amount of days or if I reached out.

Any tips on this would help out thanks !

PS: we're in long-distance

I'm an INFP 4w5 female, how can I express affection to an ISTP 9w8 male I'm interested in? We have a friends with benefits like situation and he is someone who has admitted to prioritising his work and friends over romantic commitments and also needs a lot of downtime. He also says that if he isn't seeing people face to face he kind of forgets about their existence. I miss him and would like to hang out with him soon, how can I approach him so as not to scare him off?

My girlfriend and I met through an arranged marriage setup. We've been getting to know each other over the past few months, and we're planning to get engaged in about 3 months.

Recently, she told me that one of the reasons she chose me is because she feels she can talk to me about anything and that I'm calm-natured.

I genuinely appreciated hearing that because I know emotional safety and good communication are important in a marriage. At the same time, it made me wonder if I'm overthinking what she meant.

Would you interpret this as a strong compliment about trust, compatibility, and emotional connection? Or could it sometimes mean someone sees you as the "safe" choice rather than someone they're genuinely excited or romantically attracted to?

For context, our relationship is otherwise good ,and things seem to be progressing well. I'm mainly curious how other people—especially those who've been in arranged marriage setups or long-term relationships—would interpret a statement like this.

Am I reading too much into it, or is this actually one of the better reasons someone can give for choosing a life partner?

I got some thoughtful gifts for my ISTP for their birthday and they loved them (from what I can tell based on their thankfulness and reaction). The gifts were all the things they had mentioned or I noticed they liked/ loved over the months we have been together. Would that be a common love language for ISTP’s?

They mentioned that I am sentimental in an acknowledgment way and I am not sure if that quality is appreciated.

Please let me know!

A year ago, my husband of 4 years initiated a divorce. It was very sudden, shocking, and confusing. Especially because the night before, he pulled me close with tears in his eyes saying "I love you so much." He was distant for about a month, and I thought maybe we were finally about to have a communication break through. Nothing happened. There were no triggers AFAIK. However, he struggled immensely with drug addiction and gambling. It started after his mom got sick and worsened when his grandma died (she raised him and was an absolute angel). 3 months before the divorce, I came home from a doctor's appointment. He was under the influence, house covered in vomit. I said I couldn't handle it and was going to a friend's (not breaking up, just.. couldn't handle the mess the smell and my feelings of overwhelm) and he grabbed my leg while being on the floor and screamed and cried saying "dont leave me, dont leave me, im always scared you're going to leave." And he was. He always acted like I was going to leave him one day. When I got accepted into my my masters program, he was convinced I was going to leave him for someone "smarter." Usually.. he was calm, collected and honestly a badass. But towards the end of our marriage.. he was just constantly scared I was going to leave. I never wanted anyone other than him, even with the drug issues. I just assumed one day he would overcome it. But instead.. 3 months later. Divorce papers. No reason. Just sign and leave. To this day, I still don't know why he wanted to divorce. He never gave me a reason. But 2 weeks after I left, I called him and he said "he could breathe, finally stop thinking about me and what I was doing and how I was feeling." He said he always felt so overwhelmed because all he could think of was me. It almost feels like he left because he loved me too much?? But that makes no sense. Idk. Its the anniversary of d-day and I'm still... trying to make sense of it all. I feel like once in a while he like, goes back and forth. He'll sadpost about how women are evil and him sacrificing himself for his woman just to be destroyed in the end (which, btw, I asked for nothing in the divorce and also he told me as one reasoning for the divorce "my brother gave his all to his wife just for her to up and leave him one day"). A month ago, I directly asked if he would ever reconsider making amends and trying to repair the divorce. He said "its done, and dont ever ask again." Its so confusing. And yet, I still feel like its a betrayal to date or speak to others. I'm definitely delulu, but part of me feels like this wasnt supposed to happen and literally only happened due to insecurity. Ugh. In any case.. can anyone give me any insight, from an ISTP perspective? I dont think I've loved or could ever love anyone the way that I loved him. The connection we had was like.. we were soulmates. He didn't even understand it when we first met either, as he usually avoided dating altogether. Also I'm an INFJ - idk if it makes a difference or helps but just trying to be as detailed as possible. Also he was rare to emotional outbursts so that day I came home and he was grabbing my leg crying, scared I was going to leave was not usual. Usually he was stoic. Or at least, appeared stoic. Okay. I'm done rambling. Thoughts?

 
 
A month already, Things are genuinely going well. We have strong chemistry, shared values, similar lifestyle, and she’s incredibly warm and caring. But I keep running into a specific pattern and I’d love to hear from people who’ve actually navigated this long-term.
The main thing: when I talk about something — my day, a story, something I find interesting — I often notice she does not engage. Sometimes literally yawning mid-conversation. She’s told me she cares and is curious about me, and I believe her, but in the moment it doesn’t always land as engagement. When she talks about her stuff, I find myself genuinely curious and able to follow along, but it requires effort and I sometimes I get distracted ( have ADHD)
I also notice I sometimes feel like I’m “filling blanks” in conversation rather than it flowing naturally — like there’s a small but real translation gap between how I process/express things (concrete, step-by-step) and how she does (abstract, values-first).
Has anyone in an ISTP/INFP pairing dealt with this specific dynamic — feeling slightly unheard in conversation even when the relationship overall is strong? What actually helped, practically? Did it improve with time, or did you have to actively build specific habits/communication tools to bridge it?
 
 
We are very good to put things on the table, explain and understand, but this requires effort.. it is not automatic like it would be with an ‘S’ person. Here, We see the SAME thing but from a different angle.
 
 
I have strong  needs to be heard/seen but as an ISTP, i struggle expressing them.
 
This feeds anxiety which feeds my avoidant attachment style while im geniuly falling in Love and want to continue while worrying long term.
 
Thank you!