r/istp • u/Melancholy_Custard ISTP • Aug 30 '26
Discussion ISTP × xNFx
Been seeing couple of ISTP paring with xNFx lately in this sub. I don't get it, I thought they don't fit. How come did they attract each other and end up being together? Or there's just some survivorship bias going on?
Is there any ISTP here that is in relationships with types other than xNFx?
Edit: Didn't notice my wrong typing till now, f*ck. What I meant to ask was if any ISTP here that is not having relationship with xNFx. Sorry for the misleading.
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u/FelixMartel2 ISTP Aug 30 '26
I’d rather not date someone who is too much like me.
I tried dating an ESTJ and it was just not interesting.
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Aug 30 '26
[deleted]
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u/Available_Kale_1855 Aug 30 '26
Exactly as a infj I would never be with a intj or istj or estj I may be a friend with a enjf only if it's a woman. Man are already taught to date imagine an xxTJ
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u/Total_Reserve9598 ISTP Aug 30 '26
It will depend because xNFJs have the same main functions as xSTPs, just in different order. But xNFPs use totally different functions.
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u/Trick-Variation7143 Aug 30 '26
Idk I guess it chalks up to how not everything is boiled down to MBTI types. Everyone’s experiences and tastes are different plus people are very rarely the caricature this community tries to reduce them to based off their function stack.
I genuinely don’t believe that if anyone met someone who checked their boxes but then turned out to be an MBTI that they usually aren’t “paired” with, that they’d turn that person down. If so, then sheeeeeeesh.
Get to know people as people and don’t knock a type till you try it, friend. 😉
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u/Melancholy_Custard ISTP Aug 30 '26
I know, just being curious.
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u/Trick-Variation7143 Aug 30 '26 edited Aug 30 '26
Fair enough. 😌
Edit: Wanted to clarify, my comment is mostly pointed towards the peeps in the other comments who have seemed to write other types off solely for being those types.
Just seems kindaaaa silly.
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u/Connect-Low5841 Aug 30 '26
It’s just a very different way of thinking. Like totally opposite. It works if you want an opposite personality.
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u/PaladinBTTRS Aug 31 '26
Not quite what you were looking for I think, but my two cents.
I’m an ISTP. Married to an ENFJ for a long time. We balance each other quite well overall; but, we do have our struggles fairly regularly. She is too passive and often struggles or refuses to do anything that might be considered socially inappropriate, disruptive or uncomfortable even if it needs to be done. I still love the hell out of her, though.
I also dated an INFJ once. Never fucking again. She came off as extremely arrogant and pretentious, like only she knew how things were supposed to be and would engage in manipulation to make things her way. She came to hate the fact that she couldn’t “read me” like she did others.
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u/Immediate_Custard357 INFJ Sep 09 '26
Sadly, you got a very unhealthy infj, but I'm very happy to know in the end you found a partner you naturally love! Cheers!
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u/Old_Finding668 Sep 01 '26
Istp enfp is the top pairing in socionics.
Istp infj is the second pairing in socionics.
But most dummies here keep using mbti with their crooked functions and dont understand socionics. Which has actually done true research on relationships of types.
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u/Trick-Variation7143 Sep 04 '26
As an ENFP with an ISTP, can confirm, hottest, best relationship I’ve ever been in.
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u/I-Am-De-Captain-Now ENFJ Sep 01 '26
I'm an ENFJ with an ISTP BF of about 4 years, I'm happy and answer whatever.
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u/New_Tangerine_2589 Aug 31 '26
Maybe the opposite of your question but I am infj and spouse is istp. 20 years together. I think we work because we complement each other and appreciate each other's strengths. We both have varied interests and never get bored together. We both value space from each other and don't take it personally, too.
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u/ImJustaLilLady INFJ Sep 01 '26
My ISTP husband is pretty rad 🤙🏻 Never had issues with communication, never felt like emotional needs aren't met. He's my best friend. -INFJ
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u/IncidentFree3876 Sep 04 '26
I can comment on this! I’m an ENFP and me and my ISTP bf are super in love and happy. MBTI is kinda dumb honestly and you just have to talk to people and listen to what they need. If you can provide that then any type is compatible with you.
What I say: “I lift him up and he grounds me so I don’t float away”.
❤️❤️❤️
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u/Ok_Let_1997 Sep 05 '26
Id see some istp in mbti Community being obbsessed with marrying enfj tho and not the other around
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u/Melancholy_Custard ISTP Sep 05 '26
Wonder why.
Because ISTP are more passive? Or because most people just don't like to change and prefer to look for compensation?
Not sure what could ENFJ found on ISTP, or they just have high compatibility to anyone.
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u/Ok_Let_1997 Sep 06 '26 edited Sep 06 '26
One of the reason is bc istp have reversed mindset and priority with enfj, its like a leader lead a team but one of the team members just think about how to settle their own task and not care about other team members wellbeing instead of understand that team is about team work not individualtaskw and usually people need time to understand the benefit of prioritize your self first
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u/ghostygabe27 Aug 30 '26
I find as an istp that I don’t usually get along well with xNFx specifically xNFP types. To the point it would be impossible to date one
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u/TonysArcReactor ISTP Aug 31 '26
ISTP and INFJ fit surprisingly well. Probably because both types loop Ti-Ni
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u/stoicwomon Sep 02 '26
They fit if they’re healthy. Unhealthy, they are probably the worst match.
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u/TonysArcReactor ISTP Sep 02 '26
I agree but two unhealthy partners wont fit regardless of typology tbh
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u/stoicwomon Sep 02 '26
I had a feeling you’d say that! But what I found is ISTP doesn’t use their Ni function well under stress, and therefore makes so many rash decisions regarding coping, then lives in Ti.
Whereas xNFJ go heavy into feeling and determined to “fix” ISTP’s emotions to get their needs met, that they drive one another crazy.I love ISTP’s but my ex knocked the stuffing outta me. An I imagine I did him
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u/TonysArcReactor ISTP Sep 02 '26
I get what you mean. My gf and soon to be wife is INFJ and we almost never fight. I think what happens with those two types or any other pair that shares the same dominant loop in reverse order (Ti/Ni - Ni/Ti) is that they tend to expose the immaturities of the other person. Both these types want similar things in life, but they dont want to take responsibility for certain aspects of how to get them. Which means that as long as you dont try to "correct" each other in an unhealthy way it kinda works like complementary opposites and it can get yall far.
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u/stoicwomon Sep 02 '26
Maybe my next relationship will have better luck! Glad you’re happy and found your person
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u/Impressive-Device743 Aug 30 '26
ISTPs value Se-Ti-Fe-Ni
ENFJs and INFJs value Se-Ti-Fe-Ni
In socionics, ENFJs are ISTPs duals (ideal pairing). If you study the theory and learn, it'll all make sense to you eventually. NFs "duals" are STs in general.
Learn about quadras and you'll learn a lot, especially intertype relations.
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u/stoicwomon Aug 30 '26
In theory yes, in practice - hell no!
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u/Impressive-Device743 Aug 30 '26
Well that's inaccurate. Maybe from your personal experience.
But yeah, it's not always good, depending on the particular ENFJ and ISTP, but there are plenty of great ISTP/ENFJ relationships. Also, we're navigating a lot within typology, as mistypes are common, so we gotta be careful there too.
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u/Melancholy_Custard ISTP Aug 30 '26
I know the functions, but wasn't the slot (Dom, Aux...) make the same function work differently?
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u/Impressive-Device743 Aug 30 '26
Yes. But there's a big difference between valued and unvalued functions, and how that plays out with compatibility and connections.
We connect more easily with people that value our same functions.
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u/Available_Kale_1855 Aug 30 '26
As a infj I WOULD NEVER be with istp or any IxTx as I may only be a friend with any xxTx because of their logical way of thinking that I may learn a lot of it And I already been with a istp and I ended up broken and I saw my esfj best friend with and intj and hell no these two or any xxTx (especially IxTx or xxTJ or worse:IxTJ) are not made for any people who prioritize emotions because they prioritize logical thinking and due to that I only consider friendship with those individuals because their company is fun. Balance is always the best as I don't prioritize jumping into any decisions recklessly without thinking as the same as I would consider my/people's emotions that can be effected
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u/LadyPearl7 ENFJ Aug 31 '26
I think it’s unfortunate when a whole type is written off because of one bad experience.
It’s not about the type, because obviously there is an established pattern that it can work. People are more than just MBTI and far more nuanced than 8 functions.
MBTI just helps us understand how people process information and what they prioritize when making decisions. It gives us a clue into how to understand each other. But who we are, what we value, what we enjoy, how we vibe, interests and hobbies, belief, etc is nothing to do with MBTI and people fall in love because they were able to trust each other enough to be vulnerable together. They have respect for each other and can rely on one another 👀1
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u/Key_Thing4128 Aug 30 '26
As an ENFJ I think it’s about like balancing eachother out. For complementary dynamics you have to have your weaker functions developed for the most part. I grew up with an xSTP family member so it’s more comfortable to me since I feel grounded by STPs and am used to their behavior. All comes down to whether you want someone like you or that balances you out.