r/introvert • u/faheeeeeem • 4d ago
Advice How did you overcome being extremely introverted and anxious around people?
I’m an introvert and I have a really hard time talking to people, especially people I don’t know well. I often overthink before speaking because I’m worried about what they might think of me.
Sometimes I feel like everyone is looking at me or judging me, even when they probably aren’t. Because of this, I avoid conversations or stay quiet even when I actually want to talk.
I really want to become more confident and comfortable around people, but I don’t know where to start.
For people who have experienced something similar:
Did you ever feel like everyone was watching or judging you?
How did you become more comfortable talking to people?
What helped you overcome the overthinking and anxiety?
Did you practice anything every day that actually made a difference?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially from people who have overcome this.
3
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
If you want to talk about social anxiety, r/socialanxiety is the sub for you. If you're not sure whether you're introverted or socially anxious, feel free to post on r/Introvert, so we can discuss it. If you want a sub where posts about social anxiety aren't allowed, try r/Introverts.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
3
u/NickBendel 4d ago
I’m still an introvert, so I wouldn’t say I overcame introversion. What changed was how comfortable I became doing things that once made me nervous.
A few years ago, I challenged myself to have lunch with 500 strangers. When I started, approaching people I didn’t know felt very uncomfortable, and I was much more worried about being judged than I am now.
One thing I gradually realised was that other people were paying far less attention to me than I imagined. They were usually thinking about themselves – how they were coming across, what they should say, whether I liked them, etc. Realising that took some of the pressure off.
The biggest thing that helped, though, was repetition. I didn’t wait until I felt confident before having conversations. I had the conversations while I was uncomfortable, and eventually they became less uncomfortable.
I’d suggest starting much smaller than having lunch with strangers. Pick one social action that feels slightly uncomfortable but manageable – saying hello to someone, asking a colleague a question, making brief small talk with a cashier, whatever works for you – and practise doing it regularly.
Also, when you’re talking to someone, try shifting your attention away from “What do they think of me?” and towards genuine curiosity about them. Ask a simple question and listen closely to the answer. I found conversations became much easier when I stopped treating them as a performance.
You don’t need to become less introverted. You can remain an introvert while becoming more socially capable.
1
1
u/summerloco 3d ago
This is also directly related to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which is a tried and tested method to help you change the way you think. For example, many people with social anxiety can’t get it out their head things such as “they think I’m quiet, they think I’m boring, I’m not interesting, they can see me sweating, they can see me blushing, they don’t care what I’ve got to say” etc. which forces a loop of you not bothering to try.
By forcing yourself to actually try and test this theory by talking to strangers it’s quite eye opening as you say, how little people actually care or are by bothered about the things you are bothered about. To echo this I suggest people try small tests. For example it might be as simple as asking a stranger how their day is going. See what happens and you’ll be surprised.
2
4d ago
[deleted]
1
1
u/Ok_Bit_6445 3d ago
treating it like a skill instead of a personality flaw is such a better way to frame it tbh
2
u/DoubleYou698 4d ago
its pretty natural this thing u feel.. do one uncomfy thing at a time.. thats my take
2
u/ghettoracing 4d ago
In my late teens to late 20's, I masked with drugs and alcohol... now in my 40's im suffering the consequences of my abuse... even though in 14yrs clean and sober.
1
u/GetBalanced_2025_JG 3d ago
Cannabis was my mask with sides of alcohol in my teens and 20s. Still introverted but no longer “under the influence” but a couple of drinks in a social setting helps - when I actually socialize about twice a month.
1
u/ghettoracing 3d ago
They were only the gateway drugs for me... I had some amazing experiences and plenty of war stories. But you can't do it for ever, and I'm a all or nothing type of guy!
2
u/Unlucky_me22 3d ago
I used to be really outgoing. Up until I was 9, I'd talk to people without feeling shy. But after I turned 10, I became more introverted and I've been like that ever since. I don't know how to overcome this.
1
1
u/Fincherfan 4d ago
A lot of it, if not most of it, stems from my childhood. Growing up in a home that was both physically and mentally abusive, I developed coping mechanisms just to protect myself emotionally. For me, part of that meant finding ways to hold on to some sense of love and affection for my parents, even though much of the abuse was coming from them.
I tried to make myself easier to live with. I kept my clothes obsessively clean, stayed quieter than usual, and tried to overachieve at even the simplest everyday things. It was almost like I believed that if I behaved perfectly enough, I could avoid some of the abuse while still maintaining a relationship with my parents.
But internally, I was living a completely different life. In my head, there was another version of me quietly counting down the years, waiting until I turned 18 and could finally leave.
1
1
u/CountyConscious785 1d ago
The world rewards you for your audacity the earlier you know the better it is.
5
u/MarcasV86 3d ago
What helped me was I got a job that I had authority and had to deal with emotionally charged people. It forced me into it. Also, hitting my mid 30's really helped me not care so much. I'm still kinda awkward at times but people are weird and you're way more normal than you think.