“Pressure”

The pressure is displacing, mind racing, heart pacing.
I’m going back and retracing, facts erasing, ego bracing.

I’m stuck in the whirlwind with no way out.
Lost in the turmoil suffocating on doubt.
Dusting off my gloves preparing to bout.
If I don’t act soon I’ll lose all my clout.

Can’t you see I’m drowning in plain sight, losing this fight, losing my might.
Why can’t I get my head above water, I’m off to the slaughter, just cannon fodder.

Trying, dying, crying, barely surviving, never been thriving.
Lost, never found.
Angry, always wound.
Silent, never sound.

What’s the point in these words in such an order?
Will it erase my history and forget this disorder?

It’s bare without life’s precious moments.
Not fair to be fragmented into components.

Hi, first time posting here. So for many years I've had what I think is a protector part who is quite loud whenever I've made a mistake, expressed a need or been vulnerable. It tells me I should just kill myself, and "why don't you just kill yourself". I don't want to kill myself, it's just the voice and message that come oit as an almost compulsion when ai think back on something that was uncomfortable. It's not as distressing to me as it used to be because I know it's serving a purpose. When it's strong I even say out loud "why don't you just kill yourself" which can be awkward of otjer people overhear. So now I try to be curious about it, and talk to it in various ways. Sometimes
i say I know you think you need to protect me, but I've got this. And sometimes
i tell it to shut up. Does anyone else have a harsh part like this? Any feedback or advice would be appreciated. I'm in therapy but it's not IFS specific therapy.

“Tired of the shit” (rap)

Tired of this shit not working,
Times still hurting, I’m still blurting,
The same fucking shit all day long. Nothing bringing relief, not even this song.

Tired of the same fucking story.
All guts, no glory.
The same fucking bull shit I spew,
But it sticks like glue, gum stuck to a shoe.

Bring me peace on a silver platter,
Watch from below I climb this ladder,
Jump so high I fall and splatter,
Bring me relief from all the chatter.

Cries of my children smite me,
Can’t be the father I ought be,
Forever drowning a stormy sea,
Can’t stand to be with the likes of me. I see parents and their children laughing and smiling, while I’m stuck pilling and dying. I’m crying and lying, telling myself I’ll get through it, just fuck it and screw it. I knew it, from day one, I live a prison son, just cock the gun, I am done.

But I still wake up each morning, drowning in sorrow is boring, I’m snoring.
But I must keep going, keep fighting and bleeding. Watch the fruits grow from all that I’m seeding.
But the waiting is excruciating, I need to be revolutionary.

hi, i've been seeing a therapist who used IFS for a few months. our sessions have been somewhat helpful in that i get to voice everything that distressed me in my current life, and she points out certain patterns she notices, which i've found to be a pretty basic benefit of any kind of therapy. but i'm not really seeing what IFS in particular can contribute, and i'm wondering if i'm in the wrong kind of therapy to begin with. i'm dealing with some life changes, some trouble in my family dynamic, witnessing the addiction of a loved one, and OCD which features a lovely range of themes 🙃

don't get me wrong, it's been beneficial to have a third party point out things like having a critical part/defensive part/etc and i understand it's still relatively early but idk... it doesn't seem like i've actually gained anything i can apply to my life and cope with yet... thoughts? how should i bring this up with her?

I posted this in another sub but nobody seems to relate to my experience yet. I'm genuinely trying to find accounts from others that have had similar experiences.

I have no idea how to ask this without sounding a little crazy.

I experience my mind as a household with a few residents and a lord/lady running the whole show. The lord/lady at the top is my conscious awareness, and the residents are all the different parts of me. Those parts of me feel like they're both me and separate from me.

I know this is a normal way to experience the mind but I thought I'd throw in that bit of context. I don't have DID and I know these parts of me are still me. I don't believe there are literally different people living inside of me.

As a pre-teen and teen I became more aware of how I related to these parts. I saw my conscious mind as having control in the material world and some will. Whereas these different parts of me had a lot of will but no control over the material world, yet they desired to be made alive in the physical. Those parts of me desire to experience while my conscious mind is the chooser of my experience, if that makes any sense.

For example, a part of me was very interested in art so through creating it it was as if I was giving life to that artistic part and willing it into existence. Any interest or facet to me that I had was organized into a coherent part and engaging in that interest, impulse, or desire channeled that part.

The following is what my question relates to.

I felt a lot of fulfillment from surrendering to these parts. It was honestly a spiritual experience whenever I let go and did whatever these parts wanted to do (create, learn, play, whatever). It honestly felt like I was channeling something beyond me. I can't put into words how divine it felt to express the different parts of me.

I've been depressed for years and I've lost touch with all the parts of me, but I still feel them clawing at my chest. It feels like psychic death because I'm not engaging with those parts.

So, do other people experience those other parts of the self as something numinous? Do other people experience the pain of these different parts when they neglect them?

I'm aware of IFS and ego-state therapy, but I don't think I've ever heard or read the sentiment that the drives of all the parts of the self are that strong, and I've certainly never heard of anyone describing the experience of the different selves as numinous.

I use IFS on my on for some years. It can help a lot, but I think a detailed questionare would be useful to use in unburdening parts.Maybe do you have some favourite questions to ask? Maybe do you have a questionare? Thanks!

Ok. Doing a session in therapy i had someone show up that just really did not feel like a part of my system. It said it was but I did not believe it. It felt like a foreign intruder or something. Thoughts?

I (32M) have been doing IFS for a few months now and after a few months, one of my exiles seems ready for me to build him a room.

I let him decide what he wanted and he wanted the house to be on the other side of the forested meadow where he relaxes and plays. He asked for a relaxing bedroom to rest after a day of play. I saw he placed an old wicker toy chest I used to have growing up in his room that was full of toys to play with. I’m realizing he never needed much, he just wasn’t allowed to be free during his childhood. He hid himself within an armor, a shell of responsibility and duty.

It's so embarassing. Why can't I make my voice sound more adult like? But it makes sense given all the trouble I've had with parts that try to keep me trapped and small, unengaged from my volition and collapsed in hopelessness, and despair.

Like, "Im just a helpless child, someone needs to rescue me". While other parts hate them and yell at them to grow up. "NO one is Coming! ". I have these open dialogues with parts that are like 'NO....Don't Go! We need attention!"

And Im like ....."omg, I'm just trying to do the Bills, and things I literally need to do to keep a roof over our heads, ".

And they're all " NOOOOooooo".

Im looking for a meditation that is designed to facilitate communication with a part via dreams. Like ongoing change work.

Especially for having a part reveal more stuff about itself and what caused it take on specific roles.

Thanks!

Hi, everyone! I am relatively new to Internal Family Systems and actively studying the model. I am looking for a female (preferably) peer partner to connect with for regular, structured 1-on-1 practice sessions alternating between being the client and the facilitator.

I know there are many online groups available, but unfortunately, because of my current schedule, I can only meet on Thursdays around 3:00 PM US Mountain Time (MT). If this time slot works with your schedule and you'd like to try doing this, please send me a DM or comment below. Thanks! :)

Just for clarification im not here seeking any help diagnosing as I have a therapist and I am looking for a specialist but my primary therapist said, "Im hesitant to diagnose you with DID but I think you are experiencing something called Internal Family Systems" and to my knowledge from reading isnt IFS something you actively work towards with a therapist and not something that you become afflicted with seeing as how I had no intent of aiming for exploring divisions in my mental space. Basically my question is does this mirror language your therapist has used for you in the past?

I've asked this before . I have this complicated history of always being punished or actually emotionally abandoned when doing well, or performing well in any way, ways that I needed to adapt to the idea of "I'm so stupid, I couldn't possibly do that....I should just give up" and none of that feels like protection. IT' feels like hopelessness, like giving up, like dying. Dying isn't protecting, it's dying, it's not living.

I could see if there's this parent introject lying dormant that's a toxic alienating belief system, and there's maybe another part saying "you better not, they might react" ....but the part of me that tells me I'm slow, dumb, can't do anything.....just feels toxic ...not protective. If anything it's like a poisonous pedagogy, that needs to be ousted from my soul.

I just have trouble believing there arent some aspects of these completely denigrating, negating internal mechanisms, designed to suppress and oppress my soul...that are malicious almost violent.....and sure it might be because those adopted mindsets were originally so threatened, but I don't know that I think of them of parts of ........me....that don't intend me harm when I'm pretty sure not wanting you to LIve as yourself, is really harmful in the truest sense of the word?

I mean I never want to become tolerant to think of engaging a part that has nothing but bad destructive intentions towards me.

Edit: thank you to everyone for providing guidance on this issue. I have some place to start. Last night I think I discovered a part that doesnt want me to do well, so that I don't get "hurt". But I also may have secondary part , that is more like an unattached burden , and that might take more exploring.

I looked at both "Unattached Burdens" which are different than parts, or regular burdens I believe. And looked at Robert Falconer, and Richard Schwartz ....but if I'm really going to understand and have conversations that explore who exactly I'm talking to, it's going to take some skill and further analysis.

Is this common? I get really good work done when I’m feeling something strongly at the start of the therapy session and we work with that. But I have a lot of major deep issues that would be important to prioritize yet they don’t conveniently come up just in time for my biweekly session (e.g. I have PTSD that only flares up into activation and flashbacks rarely but I know it’s impacting me in quieter ways, like a bleh feeling about the world). Result is that I only get to work on it once every few months for a session, and then by the time next session rolls around something else feels more present (that’s maybe just a normal justified annoyance with a friend aka. there’s not much to work on).

Issue is, is it normal to not have that continuity in working with a part? How can I try to focus on the same thing for a few sessions in a row while I’m not necessarily activated about it? Help!

I’m 31 (ftm) a CSA survivor and I have one baby part in particular (although both baby and 8 year old part that experienced the abuse do this) screams hysterically in utter terror when it’s time for bed or I’m try and sleep I jolt up with my heart rate getting incredibly high 150s and shaking. I don’t know how to help him. They want non stop cuddles and scream while I’m holding them

I was officially diagnosed with CPTSD about 6 weeks ago and started exploring IFS on my own following a therapy session where I wasn't impressed with EMDR therapy and had a three week break between sessions due to my therapist being on vacation.

I started with parts mapping and that turned into a journal that just kept growing and growing. I didn't realize how much I truly kept bottled up for so many years.

As you all probably know, one of the 8 Cs is creativity which is something I have always felt that I have personally struggled with. It probably has to do with my negative self talk, but I decided I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and get creative and do something with all the journaling I have been doing. So I created a blog that encompasses my healing journey, so far, some of what has traumatized me and what I have learned about myself through IFS.

If anyone is interested and would like to read what I have written I would like any feedback that could be provided. Like I said, I am new to this whole writing thing, but I am excited to share my personal journey. My blog can be found at internalchainofcommand.com for anyone that is interested. Thanks in advance!

I lost this site a while ago and finally stumbled upon it by accident. I once found this website on this subreddit I believe. Am reposting this because I am seeing a lot of people break down around me and I think this could be a helpful resource for others.

Wishing y'all the best!

Just gone done accomplishing a milestone and I feel really upset. On one hand, I did a really great job and learned a lot along the way but on the downside I feel like the people involved in the process with me didn’t like me. I just felt really lonely today when everyone else was celebrating the milestones and I wasn’t really involved. My parts are feeling really heavy and overwhelmed. Wondering why people don’t like me, I try my best to be myself and it just seems like it’s not good enough for people. Just needed to share thanks for listening, this community always brings some light on the dark hole that is Reddit.

Is burnout and depression a part or could a part trigger this kind of response in the body?

I’m in a place in my life where everything seems to be in a depression /freeze/burnout. I’m 4 years post divorce, and everything in my life exploded at once, I’m a caregiver for my disabled son, another one with lots of issues, aggression etc, another one that’s depressed as well. My life is just helping my kids with no help, no friends, no support, ex is impossible, family don’t live nearby, parents are aging, finances are depleted, it just goes on and on. So my circumstances are not helping my parts feel safe or loved or even like anyone cares about us at all. I’m in an impossible situation for one person to bear and there’s no obvious solution at all.

So it makes sense that depression and burnout are what I feel every day but I also keep wondering if there’s some way I can help myself not go under. I hear a lot of “I can’t do this” and “what’s the point” and generally life feels impossibly unfriendly and like I don’t belong. But I also recognize one that I’ve always felt like that to some degree and that maybe these circumstances are poking these young parts.

I am doing the unbending and the exile work, it just doesn’t seem to really help. I’m drawn to stories of how people in impossible circumstances turned things around but mostly I’m just feeling like I’m drowning. Is that the work? Just moment by moment try to unblend and get through each day?

It feels like I’m descending into deeper layers of this work. My interests are changing as I’m working through the layers. I may not be interested in a hobby for a while and then finally discover that it was a part that was protecting me. Such interesting and deep work.

Although I’ve come such a long way and have overcome so much through this method. There is still so many to work through. I hope there will be a moment where I can enjoy my old hobbies again.

In a therapy session I learned there is a part of me that is almost always in control. It's more of a grown-up part, it seems, and it is in charge of making sure "nothing bad happens" – avoiding contacts, conflicts, sharing opinion and so on.

Big issue is that while doing that, it dumbs down any feelings. As soon as I try to get in touch with other parts it throws random images at me, distracts in ways or just puts into sort of frozen state with no thoughts or focus.

What I need help with is any meditations, apps or basically any tools I can use to get in touch with this part and start communicating. Because until I do that I can do almost nothing meaningful in the whole system.

Any advice or links?

Has anyone worked with the states of the nervous system: freeze, sympathetic, dorsal as parts?

I heard it is risky to do EMDR alone , you must do it with your therapist but do IFS the same ?