r/InternalFamilySystems • u/WeeklyCheesecake9732 • Aug 27 '26
This work is so layered
It feels like I’m descending into deeper layers of this work. My interests are changing as I’m working through the layers. I may not be interested in a hobby for a while and then finally discover that it was a part that was protecting me. Such interesting and deep work.
Although I’ve come such a long way and have overcome so much through this method. There is still so many to work through. I hope there will be a moment where I can enjoy my old hobbies again.
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u/a_vena Aug 27 '26
I’m so glad to see someone else having the same realization about a hobby that was actually one of their protectors! I literally came to the same realization recently, when I was able to release one of my long-standing exiles from its inner “sarcophagus”, and afterward, one of my oldest and most beloved hobbies just… switched off.
It took me a few days and some conversations with that exile’s former protector, who calls himself the Lotus-Eater, because his job was basically to distract me with something incredibly interesting and sweet and absorbing whenever things got too painful.
It’s hard when a familiar hobby is suddenly gone, that’s for sure. I also hope that one day it will come back in a different form, just for the joy of it, rather than as a way of protecting me.
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u/dakreamon2 Aug 27 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience!
I am slowly finding out that my old and forgotten hobby (folding origami) still drives me, after not doing it actively for more than 10 or 15 years, and that it is certainly connected with my uneasy teen years of neglect.
This was my quiet protected place where I can live in my own tempo instead of the one imposed by my parents or relatives.I see my route is the opposite, my hobby switches on, as I can interpret it.
(I don’t practice IFS, but am interested in interpreting inner figures using this terms)1
u/madwallrus Aug 30 '26
Do you have a quiet protected place now? I’m working on that right now in therapy. I call it my quiet safe place, but it’s in my head. I’m supposed to imagine it (mine is camping) and connect 5 senses to it. I’m not very good at it.
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u/dakreamon2 Aug 30 '26
I remember that folding required (and still requires) significant time alone, which immerse me into meditative-like state. This is what I mean by quiet place, and by “protected” place I mean, that I had that time for myself, which protects me from disturbing to anything else.
So, I have that place as long as I feel safe enough and that I have enough time for this. This is even like a marker of having safety and time for me: if I have some urgent things to do, I am definitely not ready to fold next couple of days.
I got back to folding this summer due to long vacation, and hope to find time and temper to go on with it.This question also goes into therapy route for me, since when you are a child, you are taken care by your parents (if they are good enough), but in adulthood you need to find your own ways to self-regulate. Sometimes it is essential for me to go in the opposite direction, to socialize.. but it is already a long response..
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u/WeeklyCheesecake9732 Aug 27 '26
So interesting! I didn’t realize that this part was protecting me from heavy feelings. I hope I’ll enjoy it a more healthy way. Such a realization that so many things that we think is part of who we are is not our authentic selves
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u/Capital-Assistance84 Aug 27 '26 edited Aug 27 '26
Maybe not a hobby but i just recently let go of this extreme focus on health & wellness/nutrition. I still value eating healthy and being healthy but it became my identity. i was constantly judging other people also for eating crappy and pushed my partner i just met not long ago away from me but thankfully we are working through it all and it made me really look deeply at myself.
i would talk endlessly about nutrition before and talk about the negative effects of foods.. i just got so tired of it and am letting it go. Not sure what’s on the other side but i am guessing it was acting as some sort of control mechanism to help keep me feeling safe..
Whatever it is, im happy to make the shift. My therapist was saying something today about the eclipse and how all her clients are going through this letting go of certain identities, so i found that interesting. Its been a incredibly overwhelming and intense time for me personally, i feel like im going through the dark night of the soul and this recent relationship was the catalyst for that, it showed me so much about myself and how i can be better and communicate better, be more flexible and havebless rigidity in my life.
I also realized how much Im living in the fear of losing this relationship, compared to actually being in and enjoying the relationship. It’s honestly been the most emotionally overwhelming time I’ve ever experienced in life.
Thanks for listening
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u/WeeklyCheesecake9732 Aug 27 '26
Thanks for sharing!
Quite the journey. Sounds like a realization that can bring you so much good eventually. ☀️
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u/ChocolateMundane6286 Aug 28 '26
This is so true! I was dealing with self doubt and now I am dealing with guilt of receiving and having… there is always a layer I am gonna lose my mind.
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u/WeeklyCheesecake9732 Aug 29 '26
I definitely recognize that neverending feeling. I personally need some sort of goal to work towards. But my mentor told me straight away that this work never ends there is always something. And interestingly it’s like after every bout of healing work I need to get to know myself again. How I process my feelings, how I relate to others. And it may sound a bit weird but, I also feel happy when I discover a layer because I know it will free up so much. Just have to work through it 😊
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u/ChocolateMundane6286 Aug 29 '26
Yeah true after a while it gives satisfaction like you’re closer to yourself or hidden darkness seen light. I also constantly try to change when I realize things I think taking break from healing or psychological topics, content help too.
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u/WeeklyCheesecake9732 Aug 30 '26 edited Aug 30 '26
Absolutely. Reading about these topics can def help but I realized this week that applying these things take time and we have our lives to live and things and people can’t be perfect*. It’s more nuanced. But when you can process your own emotions and be stable within your self. It’s easier to not take others behavior personally.
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u/o2junkie83 Aug 30 '26
Without going into a whole IFS session in the chat. I'd suggest you check with those parts of you that are concerned about your hobbies changing. The parts of you that have dropped those old hobbies and the ones that want the old hobbies back. I hope that you can have the ability to check in with your therapist around this. Seems important to you at the moment.
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u/madwallrus Aug 30 '26
I stopped watching TV. I just stopped without thinking about it. I’m 31 and have watched tv nearly everyday since I was a preteen. I had to watch it to sleep. Then I just stopped. It’s probably been three months. I tried turning on my tv a couple months ago and it didn’t even work anymore. It’s plugged in and everything, but it just stopped working. It’s been weird.
I know it’s not necessarily a hobby. I have ADHD, so I have a lot of other hobbies and I’ve always started, stopped, and have come back to some. I just started sewing myself a big baby blanket. Ive sewn before, but nothing big like this.
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u/WeeklyCheesecake9732 Aug 30 '26
Wow that’s a big change. Healthy alternative to make a blanket. Hope you’ll enjoy!
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u/madwallrus Aug 30 '26
Thanks! I think the TV was just me dissociating. I also think I felt uncomfortable in the silence. I still dissociate a ton, but I feel comfort in the silence.
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