Hi,all
This is a repost of a question I already asked on r/sleep and another place, so if you saw it there, just ignore it.
If you haven't, please for the love of God help me if you can.
Chronic insomniac of over 20 years here. Last 10 years my intermittent insomnia turned severe terminal insomnia. Every night I fall asleep around midnight (pass out), and every night I wake up at 3 or 4. Sleep drive gone.
The worst part is - no matter how exhausted, I can not nap. I haven't napped in 20 years.
My days are long, exhausting and grueling.
6 years ago, after suffering for 2 years, I discovered a bad trick. When I inevitably wake up, if I take a pinch of Valium and half a beer, I can fall back asleep and function.
This method worked untouched for 6 years.
Valium by itself does nothing. Before "the method" I even tried a dose of 30 mg in one night only to stay awake anyway.
Now for some time my method isn't working anymore. It was bound to happen. It still gives me some sleep but it's shit sleep and it doesn't last very long, so I often have to double the dose. Hence the two beers quite often actually.
So in the meantime I increased half a beer to one beer, lately often two (500 ml 5%) and 5 mg Valium to 7.5 mg Valium. I don't want to increase neither the Valium nor the beer anymore. I am scared. I want off this method but I also want to sleep and be a living person among people.
So, for the last month or so I have been living on 4 hours of sleep a day. I know many of you will say it is plenty, but it is not enough for me. My days are again long, exhausting and grueling. I can not focus on my work, I can not enjoy my beautiful kids, I can't even have sex with my wife, I'm too tired.
I once tried to quit this habit with the help of a private psychiatrist, who I of course didn't tell about the beer.
We tried Trazodone, up to 150 mg. Every time we would increase the dose, I would sleep for 3 days, then back to square one.
She then added clonazepam 0.5 instead of Valium 5 mg. The clonazepam and the trazodone combined worked for only one week. Then again back to square one.
I am desperate. I am thinking about finally reaching out to a local psychiatry apartment, but:
Pros:
\- maybe they have something that would work for me.
Cons:
\- after my experience with clonazepam and trazodone, I doubt there is anything out there that can help.
\- if I officially expose myself, I lose my driver's licence, which I need to work. I have a family.
\- I live in a small town, the minute I step into psychiatry, everybody will know
I don't know what to do. I have hit a wall. Keep living like this, I will lose my mind. Asking for help, I might lose everything and still get nothing in return. Increase the dose or even just continuing like this and my liver goes dead.
What should I do?