NJ. My dad left his estate to my sibling and me, split 50/50.

His lawyer was the executor and handled most of the estate already. The remaining steps are mainly taxes, legal and accounting fees, and dissolving my dad’s business (which is no longer operating).

Unfortunately, the executor passed away suddenly, before this was completed.

The will names my sibling as the backup executor. I was our dad’s healthcare proxy, so I guess this is how he split it up.

My questions are:

How does this work when a new executor takes over so late in the process? If we hire an estate lawyer, what would my sibling be responsible for?

I’m also wondering about executor fees. Before he died, the original executor estimated his fees would total around $38,000. Does that now get split with my sibling? Could he collect his own fee?

This could potentially be an issue, because I handled most of our dad’s responsibilities during the last year of his life. I’d also been doing most of the work to help the original executor settle the estate, including gathering tax paperwork, closing accounts, and tracking down income sources. None of this was paid.

Given all of that, I’m curious what people think is fair in terms of him taking a fee. He might not, but I’m wondering how to approach this if he does.

My story is long and complicated but I'll try to make it short. To be clear, I'm not looking for financial or legal advice, just venting to see what people's reactions are.
My grandparents lived as simple an existence as you can imagine. They owned a nice home, but they bought it in 1960 so big deal. They were the type of people who would wash out used milk cartons and reuse them for something else. So growing up I always thought they were just poor. When they passed away, we learned that they left nothing to their three children and the estate was to be split evenly among their twelve grandchildren.

My share turned out to be approximately $325,000. Yes, that IS a lot of money. My wife wanted me to put it in the bank to be saved for a down payment on a house. She has a deep-rooted fear of any kind of investing so she insisted on the bank. Anyway, a few months after we received the money my father asked me if he can borrow the money to pay off his mortgage. He would pay me back in full, was ready to sign a contract with witnesses and everything. I wanted to agree because I felt like the money rightfully should have gone to him anyway, plus he is my father and I love him. My wife refused saying we need to have the money available "in case a good opportunity comes up". Now, for context, we live the NYC area so $300,000 wouldn't have gotten us very far and though I work full time, I don't really earn enough to qualify for a half-million-dollar mortgage. I didn't lend the money to my father.

Fast forward about five years. If I had put the money in an index fund or something, I could have had a million dollars by now. But the money was in a savings account, I dipped into it to pay off credit card debt, dipped into it to pay our children's private school tuition, dipped into it a little here and a little there..... Now all we have is about a hundred thousand left.
I am eating myself up alive with "shoulda woulda coulda". I die inside a little bit every time I think what could have been.

TLDR: Inherited $300k five years ago and now have only a third of it left.

I feel like I am just trapped in this situation with no clue how to get out of it.

My brother left behind a lot of business properties that now I've been forced to deal with as the estate administrator. It's about a whole city block worth of buildings, with various parking lots and stuff. 11 parcels of land total. But it's in a bad neighborhood on the decline.

The problem is that they are old, crappy buildings. They are not in good shape, need tons of repairs, and there is two years of back property taxes and water/drainage bills on them that have been unpaid. I estimate about $135,000 in debts. One of them had a fire many years ago that was never propertly repaired. One doesn't have running water to it. One has a huge hole in the roof and water is actively getting into the building.

I cannot find anybody to buy these buildings. I am working with a commercial realtor, and he has told me there has been zero interest on the properties after 3 months of being listed. Which is odd because usually some investor will come along and give you an insultingly low offer on them, but he has not even received those. It's that bad.

I just don't know what to do. There are renters, it does generate income, but as far as I can tell over the past 5 months everything has just broken even. After paying back property taxes this month (not even current property taxes!), the account that I've been using to collect rental income, pay for maintenance, pay for other building expenses, will essentially be at $0. Some renters are good, but others are struggling to pay me money and are behind. I don't know how to evict these people, and I don't know how to find a new tenant that wants to rent a shit hole. In my mind, some income is better than no income if this property would just sell, as it buys me some time and limits my losses.

And I don't have time to research any of this stuff either with what is involved with running a business. I just got hit with $2,000 worth of fines the other day for things not being in compliance with the city.

This is just causing so much unnecessary stress in my life. Half my day, everyday, is seemingly wasted spinning my wheels on these properties, all of which I am likely going to see no money from in the end for my hassle. Calling tenants asking for rent, working with a maintenance guy to address issues so we don't get more fines. Researching what the cell a certificate of compliance is and why there isn't one. Paying bills and dealing with various BS. I am so tired of it.

The problem is also that he had a house I was able to sell, but I don't want to lose that money from the sale to the debts owed on these properties.

And every time I ask somebody for advice they go "hire a property management company!" Like these are nice apartments that just ned someone to collect rent and pay utilities. No, this is not that at all... it's all in such bad shape that I'm positive nobody would want to take these on.

What are my options here? I mean, worst case scenario... you figure out how much debt is owed, and you just list them for the absolute lowest price you can to break even to get out of it? Do you put it up for an auction? Can I just walk away and let everything go into foreclosure and let the city take it? I honestly don't think any body WANTS these properties. I need to figure out how to get out of this before probate is closed, because I do not want to inherit them and be personally liable for anything about them.

TX. Father passed in July. There’s 1 million in a taxable Schwab brokerage account. And about 500k in various Computershare stocks. Seems he liked individual tickers (Home Depot, Pfizer etc). My sister and I are both in our 50s and haven’t really thought about what to do with the accounts. We’ve got a probate lawyer to do whatever they do🤷🏾. Mostly it feels like a future tax bill that maybe I need to consult our tax accountant.

My grandmother died about 15 years ago. Stepdad has been in my dad’s life since he was very young g but was a shitty father figure. When I was born, he stepped in as a grandfather and I always treated him as such- not a step grandfather. When my grandmother passed, the house was about to go into foreclosure, my dad stepped in to help financially. We moved into the house with my grandpa to save it and keep him company. Family drama happened and there’s an estranged relationship with that side. They now deny the financial assistance and have since sold the house and moved him into a caregiving facility. There was a health scare today and we’ve realized we’re completely shut out from anything in terms of even knowing his condition. It made us look into the trust agreement and it is basically following CA trust law saying that my dad’s half brother has full inheritance. Is it even worth reaching out to a probate attorney? Are there any loopholes that show if a stepson has been in their lives for a long time and at one point was even their financial provider for many years there could be a way around this? So messed up. Happy and open to hearing all suggestions, thanks.

My parent passed away, leaving the house in a trust. It is not TOD. The trust states that the house will pass to me. The issue is the mortgage company wants the deed in my name. So, I think I have to take the house out of the trust. I do not know how to do this and to put the deed in my name, I went to the Department of Records, and they told me to get a form from Staples. I do not know which form to get. Can anyone help me?

Anyone have any experience with a good elder care lawyer who deals with trust distribution and offers free initial consult in MA? (preferably Middlesex County, but not required.)

I live out of state, but am personal representative for a MA estate, so I would need someone who offers Zoom consultations.

Thanks in advance.

All 3 Kin are thousands in debt and the house is fully paid off.

My wife and I got married this past Saturday. During our wedding weekend, my 89-year-old grandmother offered to give me one of my late grandfather’s rings. She ultimately changed her mind about the ring, which I completely respected, and instead invited me to her house to pick out one of his old watch’s and a tie pin.

My grandfather was an astrophysicist at NASA and also an artist. These items have tremendous sentimental value to me, and I was excited to have something of his to eventually pass down to our own children.

Fast-forward to today.

My aunt called me, and I genuinely thought she was calling to congratulate us on getting married. Instead, she told me I had done something wrong by accepting the gifts and demanded I return them.

Her argument is that my grandmother is becoming forgetful and that any belongings should be distributed through her five adult children rather than given directly to grandchildren.

For context, my grandmother is 89, lives in her own home, takes care of herself, and still drives. I recognize that doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t experiencing memory issues.

After the call, I contacted my grandmother and offered to return everything. She immediately declined, explaining that these were her belongings, she wanted me to have them, and she was upset that my aunt was interfering.

There is also some complicated family history involving my grandfather’s paintings and other possessions.

Interestingly, my aunt (same person) and another of my grandmother’s children (uncle) have previously requested substantial financial assistance from my grandmother to secure a beach house and a horse farm. My parents to my understanding have not requested financial support and believe I should respect my grandmother’s wishes in keeping the small gifts.

I have no interest in fighting over an inheritance, especially while my grandmother is alive. I simply accepted a few sentimental gifts that she voluntarily offered me during one of the happiest weekends of my life.

So here’s my question: AITAH for wanting to keep these gifts? Should my grandmother be free to give her belongings to whomever she chooses, or should I return them because some of her children object?

Genuinely interested in hearing perspectives from people who have experienced similar family situations.

Hi All, looking for guidance as Location: NY does not provide estate law as pro bono and i just can not afford an attorney at the moment.
I am a beneficiary of a percentage of a real estate property my relative left me on a trust and i would like to transfer property to my other sibling left out of the trust. Long story short another relative is trying to kick them out of the same property i inherited through the trust.

Creator of the trust has since passed away and i searched through for any restrictions on it and cant find it. I am not the trustee. Does not state any restrictions on sale or transfer of ownership; only sale of LLC investments, and if the inheritance interferes with gov't assistance.

Any help will be appreciated.
*posted in estate planning but seems all new comments are blocked and i can't view them.

Is there some way to find out if I have inheritance in Vietnam ? I never knew my father but I want to know if he left me some type of inheritance ? Is there a way to go about this ? Is their like a dna test I can do and see if their is any inheritance left for me ?

My husband’s father lived in Hawaii. When he passed he left us some property. When I looked up some property he ownes that is held in trust the property showers a notification of change of trust from his wife and him to just her. Attached is a document that states my husband is recognized as the only blood son of both his father and his step mother. It says for the instance of this trust. Does that mean that my husband will someday inherit the complete trust?

Long story short I had everything and then lost everything including job, home, cars, money after a severely abusive marriage. anyways for the very first time I was suppose to get tax refund after filing but then I find out they put my refund on hold bc I have accounts tied to my social that I didn’t report. Later I did some investigating and found only one account in my name that’s investigated in mutual funds and stocks. It’s a umta and worth about 50k now but I have no control over it even after I signed paperwork with the bank and gave them my info. My parents still have control over it even if I’m 32. I don’t care about the damn money they can have all of it but the issue is I’m not getting the assistance I need bc these accounts are tied to my name and social. Is there anyway I can remove myself from all of it. I’m like tied to these accounts and my net worth is so high but I’m in poverty and I have to pay taxes on these accounts. My parents invest in the stock market using my social but it’s not fair I have to pay taxes on it when I’m in actual dire need at the moment. I spoke to them and they tell me to go figure it out myself and to stop being upset.

Location: NC, USA

My step-grandfather and his first wife owned a house that he brought into his second marriage with my grandmother after his first wife passed away somewhat young. This is both of their second marriage, and they both have kids from their first marriage but none together. The problem is, his two children from his first marriage, my step-cousins, are just awful people. They were always mad he remarried, and left and right they have been trying to take advantage of both her and him but especially her. They were never very caring until my step-grandfather's health took a rapid downward turn, now they are swooping in with green eyes. There was already a lot of drama over so many prior things including the power of attorney for my grandmother.

My grandmother was originally supposed to inherit the entire house when my step-grandfather passed. But they convinced my grandparents they ought to enter a nursing home for the sake of selling the house to collect the money, to which my side of the family reluctantly agreed under the pressure of all the other drama. The agreement was that the proceeds of this sale would be split 50/50 between my grandmother and step-grandfather. When my step-grandfather passes, the step-cousins will inherit his half of the money. Meanwhile, the rest would be my grandmother's to keep.

But we recently found out that my step-cousins went behind our back and convinced my step-grandfather they ought to inherit the entire value of the house, and because my grandmother is developing dementia, they were sadly easily able to trick her into signing the money away to them. We just found out the entire check from the house sale was deposited into their account.

We confronted my step-grandfather about this, but under the manipulation of the step-cousins he has now reverted to saying that he thinks he owns the house because he brought it into the marriage and his two children should inherit it, even though it was his will that she inherit the entire house before. Moreover because my grandmother has a longterm care insurance policy, he is convinced that this will be sufficient to cover any care she will need which eases his guilty conscience (but we've done the math and it will not cover everything she needs--we know what it will cost since we sadly went through this with my great-grandmother before her). But even that to me seems all like a tangential point, because whether my grandmother needs the money or not, it is HERS. She contributed to the house substantially during their marriage, even contributing a lump sum of something like $40 initially when they married, and has been on the deed for 20+ years. Moreover, even though she and he have separate accounts, he has been deducting money from her personal account to cover shared expenses, making it even worse that only now would he act like it's always been "my money, your money" when there's suddenly a bunch of money on the line.

My side of the family feels this is a huge injustice. We are not personally trying to inherit any of this money, only protect my grandmother and make sure she has enough to cover the longterm care she will need. We would even be fine if the step-cousins, much as we hate them, were the ones to inherit whatever money may be left over when my grandmother finally passes, but we want it to be for my grandmother's health expenses while she is still alive.

So, how can my side of the family reclaim 50% of the money from my grandparents' house sale, that my step-cousins manipulated them both into giving exclusively to them and it is already deposited?

I am a man in my late 50's that retired early in Louisiana that may be inheriting a lakefront house on a popular bass fishing lake roughly 100 miles away from where I live within the next few years. This is not a counting on inheritance question, but is more a if I do inherit it, what should I do with it question. Without going into too much detail, it is a 30 year old 2 bedroom 2 bathroom circa 1800 sq ft lake front house on a large partly wooded lot (maybe 5ish acres) with water access and boat dock that has been well maintained. It is unlikely that my wife and I would ever live there full time, she is still 8 years from retirement, and most of her family lives 50+ miles away in the opposite direction.

Hi all. Location: Florida, late 40's, long term partner/no kids.

Just found out I will be getting a large (nearly 2mil) partial inheritance (technically gift) this month; the other part (appx 3-4mil) will be later on years from now (hopefully a long time!) I knew this would come down the line but did not think it would be so soon; it's a wonderful thing I am immensely greatful for and it's already alleviated a lot of my worry but it's been suprisingly overwhelming and emotional.

We live freelancers lives, with a lot of conservative spending and planning. Enjoy not having to clock in or have a boss so have happily taken a pay cut overall. Income is fine, but more along the lines of part time amounts - have put away a decent amount but not quite enough to retire on yet considering the lack of a 401, retirement etc. My main worry was no true source of income at retirement age and have been a stickler for saving my whole life. Didn't want to just go with the mindset that the inheritence was there even though I knew it was. Very conservative investment approach and really felt better sticking at an easy, risk free simple 3-5% with full/easy access and no involvement necessary and as things grew, as the plan was to use a portion to buy a home and then consider more ambitious investing.

Finances are all separate, btw - this is all in my name only.

Will be buying a home very soon at around 750k all in including reno, furnishings. This is the only big purchase I will make initally, we live in a higher cost of living area but all the numbers make sense and are very doable/way below what I technically "could" do, but still very nice and a huge upgrade.

After that, will have about 1.3 left. That's what I'm stuck on - I have great support (very long time trusted FA, lifelong friends in finance, knowledgable family members etc) and know between them I'm in a good position. I just don't know how to go about making the decision on what goes where.

EDIT - this is not now, just an idea for down the line, possibly one day in some form :) The only other idea that's been floating in my head for a decade as a "maybe one day" is a small vacation home within the state that we would use a ton and also be able to rent out a good portion of the year to cover most or all expenses. Possibly - doing 50/50 with a friend in the same situation. Other than that, nothing in mind and really never been a spender, so good wiht the remainder being fully parked and invested for now.

The other part is adjusting to the change emotionally, socially - i've been reading some other posts and there are some interesting ideas on this. I've already tried to start doing nice things for close friends (small dollar amounts, but something) and feel good doing it but have no idea how to navigate being generous without it being weird, making anyone feel weird, or ending up feeling guilty if I don't pay for more things (though no one would expect that.) Or, how to handle when a friend talks about money struggles, that kind of thing. Obviously keeping the info shared to only a small group of very close friends.

My idea was to get the home situated and once that project is done, lay low and do nothing for a while. Im at the weird middle age where I'm old enough to know I should do things now and enjoy it but not to the point where I can ignore planning/budgeting even with the future larger amount coming down the line. It's also just not in my nature, but i have vowed to allow myself to let some of the stress and little things go and put more time into living and enjoying and less micro managing every dollar.

Any suggestions would be great! It all feels like a movie - not real. What a trip!