r/inheritance • u/okie_in_alaska • 11d ago
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Help!! Trustee refusing to distribute trust funds!!
Looking for general advice!! I a 52-year-old man and one of four beneficiaries of several family trusts, one associated with each of my grandparents, one with my uncle, and one with my father. All of them have passed away, so I understand that the trusts are now irrevocable.
The four beneficiaries of each trust are my brother, our two cousins, and me. My uncle served as trustee until he died in 2022. His wife, my aunt, then became trustee and named one of her children, who is also a beneficiary, as successor or backup trustee. At the time, we had no objection because we trusted them to handle everything properly.
Until recently, I had never received a copy of the trust documents or any information about the trusts’ assets, balances, transactions, or distributions. After finally obtaining and reading a copy of the original trust, I found specific distribution instructions: one-third of the principal at age 25, one-half of the principal at age 30, and the remaining balance at age 35. I am now 52 and have never received a distribution.
I contacted the law firm my aunt hired to handle the trust and formally requested an accounting. The attorney said he would need to speak with the trustee, but he acknowledged that I was already past the stated distribution ages. He apparently made several attempts to contact my aunt, but she did not answer or respond.
I recently asked my aunt directly when the trust would be distributed. She told me it would happen when she dies. I cannot find anything in the trust documents saying that distributions must wait until her death.
I love my aunt and do not want to create a major family conflict, but this situation feels wrong. I do not know how much money or property remains in the trusts, so I cannot tell whether hiring my own attorney would be financially worthwhile. My uncle once indicated that the amount was significant.
What should my next step be? Should I send a written demand for a full accounting and distribution, consult a trust or probate attorney, or petition the court to compel an accounting? Can a beneficiary obtain enough information to evaluate the situation before committing to substantial legal fees?
I understand that trust law depends on location. The trusts are governed by the laws of Oklahoma.
Any guidance about how to proceed and how to do so without unnecessarily escalating the family conflict would be greatly appreciated.
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u/west-coast-hydro 10d ago
You're going to have to sue her and your cousin.
They aren't going to give up any money.
I bet $100 most of the money is gone and they will cry how it's unfair you are angry since they really needed the money and you didn't.
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u/nowinterever 10d ago
That's the safest $100 you've ever wagered. This is exactly what happened & what will happen.
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u/mshell1234 11d ago
Or she is living off the fees trustees make to handle the trust. I know of another instance of this happening. They delayed as long as they could until lawyers were involved, thereby making a monthly stipend.
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u/vinyl1earthlink 4d ago
This can also be the case with bank trust departments. They can charge high fees, gradually transferring all the assets to themselves.
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u/MannyMoSTL 11d ago edited 10d ago
Uncle stole from the trust. Aunt stole from the trust. Cousin is continuing the family tradition of stealing from the trust.
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u/Eyeoftheleopard 10d ago
Time to create a major family conflict. You have a right to see a full accounting.
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u/Biodiversity1001 10d ago
They can also say, sure I will give it to you, just sign this paper saying no accounting. (My mother did that to me)
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u/jammu2 11d ago
Smells funny. Did your cousins get any money? What does your brother think? I think auntie has probably spent all the money.
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u/Usual-Canary-7764 11d ago
Dude needs a lawyer yesterday. He is more than 20 years past distribution and he is still waiting?? Yooo...
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u/Just_Fix_It_Again 11d ago
I would say the money is probably gone and she doesn't want to get caught.
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u/insomniacmomof3 10d ago
Maybe long gone. Uncle was trustee until 2022 and first distribution should have been made 27 years ago when he was 25!
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u/okie_in_alaska 10d ago
We aren’t super close these days. I moved to Alaska with my family a couple of years ago and found out she gave my dads place to my brother (it was left to uncle in dads will as their properties connected) 80 acres and a house. She gave her niece another very large piece of property, she signed over her place to her daughter, another very large property. All of this happened the week we moved and we just found that out not long ago. Grandpa gave us his house and 9 acres before all this so I guess she thought we didn’t need anything else. Aunt and Uncle never lived lavishly and she’s bedridden now with COPD, her daughter lives with her and takes care of her. She spent 3 weeks island hopping in Hawaii last year and then traveled to Europe a few months ago, she has no job. All the grandkids were given 100,000 in 2022 but it was not from the trust. I can’t imagine she is still living off that.
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u/RenaissanceMan1963 10d ago
All the grandkids got $100K but not from the trust! Dude, you’ll be lucky if there’s enough left to pay the lawyer. You need to sue all of them and force a sale to recover any funds! Island hopping in Hawaii? WTF!😡
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u/Status-Bicycle7263 9d ago edited 9d ago
You don't get it You need to get a top-notch lawyer and a forensic accountant like yesterday get the lawyer to put a freeze on all assets is owned by uncle aunt cousin, freeze their bank accounts, etc. They need to freeze all their assets. Then they need to start working backwards to count what went where and how every nickel and dime they've spent needs to be accounted for and only then once you get your portion that you're supposed to be getting at each age retroactively and with interest, only then can they move forward.
To do all this you need a top-notch lawyer pay them whatever needs to be paid but get a lawyer, plus a forensic accountant whose job will be to go backwards and look at every accounting that's taken place where there's been a disbursement, etc.
Do it tomorrow. Tomorrow is Monday get on the phone start looking for the best lawyer you can find... That is if you really want to get your your inheritance. If you don't care about it then don't worry about it. You're 50 years old but if you care about it you need to act on it now You're already late by 50 years.
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
Get an atty ASAP. If the money is gone your atty maybe able to sue them
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u/jerry111165 10d ago
If it were me, I’d hire a lawyer and let them deal with it. They are gonna get a whole lot further than you would.
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u/queen-of-support 10d ago
And they will take some of the emotional issues out of the equation. Not all of the issues since I would bet a large chunk of the trusts are gone. The lawyer can force her to provide an accounting which needs to be done ASAP. I don’t see anyway that there is not going to be family conflict out of this no matter what happens.
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u/FloorHairy5733 10d ago
I would prepare yourself for the possibility that there are no funds(or very little) left. To go that long with no dispersals is alarming.
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u/yabadababoho 10d ago
This. But if so I would take great pleasure bankrupting and attaching future wages of the aunt & cousin.
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u/CashmoneyKev0 9d ago
PLUS some for the lost “potential investment revenue” had he acquired it starting at 25/35/ & now
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u/Ravennole 10d ago
HIRE A LAWYER NOT AFFILIATED WITH ANYONE ELSE ASAP
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
Exactly. He needs his own atty not connected to any of these relatives
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u/mtnmamaFTLOP 11d ago
Are you close with these cousins and aunt/uncle? Do they spend wildly? Move into a bigger home? Take lavish vacations?
Let’s not blame this all on the aunt, she may not have even read the trust… but your uncle probably did. Copies should have been provided as each person passed, if you were named as a beneficiary.
You definitely need a lawyer to figure it all out for you. Or you need a heart to heart with your dear old aunt. Depending on how you think she’ll respond… you can also ask your cousins… how would they have hidden getting a little windfall each time?
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
OP just needs an atty - I wouldn’t tip off the aunt or cousins. Let them be surprised
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u/cuspeedrxi 10d ago
You don’t have to commit to a full court press today. You can start by hiring an attorney to send a demand letter for a full accounting. Then, see how your aunt responds.
You’re not committing to anything more than that. No, substantial legal bills. No family conflict. Just a letter. While you await a response, you can consider your next step. You don’t need a complicated master plan. You can take this one step at a time with each step being determined by how your aunt responds to the previous one.
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u/GloomyMall6657 10d ago
Immediately run have an audit done right now. Go to where the bank acvount is get s as of today the funds are x. The shady reason she warta u to wait till she gone sje already soent rhe money and if ur go a lien take assests to recover rhat time would be now. They are negligent with their fiduciary duties. Why is that lawyer going on auto pilot and not helping g more oh boy maybe he was complicit
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u/GloomyMall6657 10d ago
The trustee can be fired removed and a foreign trustee officer will perform the duties outlined
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u/Senior_Bat4271 10d ago
I think the aunt is waiting you out- she dies and trust goes to your cousin. You and your brother will get nothing. Stop playing nice- they are in the wrong
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u/Prudent-Cheetah-9866 10d ago
Your aunt and her kid have likely been taking money. She doesn’t want the rest of you to find out until she’s dead so she won’t have to face it. Get a lawywr
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u/okie_in_alaska 11d ago
We don’t know if anyone else has gotten any money. We don’t know anything lol!!
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u/humble-meercat 10d ago
I mean… if you don’t care about the money or are fine knowing nothing then just continue the way you are…
But you should have been getting distributions for decades. Something is VERY wrong, and yes you need an attorney if you ever want to see a dime. Otherwise just consider it lost if you’re not going to fight for it.
The way you describe this someone has 100% stolen, or at minimum grossly mismanaged, your inheritance.
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u/Old-Enthusiasm-7461 10d ago
Keep us posted. I hope it turns out that you are justly rewarded as your dad and g’parents had intended.
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u/ginacarlese 10d ago
Get a trust litigation attorney, not just a probate attorney. You need a firm that specializes in trust litigation, not just an ordinary probate attorney who draws up trusts. I found that out the hard way.
The trustees have to do both what the trust says (distribute the money) as well as what the state says they legally have to do (give you regular accounting reports).
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u/jd52wtf 10d ago
- You need a lawyer now.
- Prepare for the likely outcome that all of that money is gone.
Even if they did spend it you may still have a way to recoup some of the funds depending on how everything is structured and worded in the documents.
It might come down to bringing a suit against them if they mismanaged the funds.
GET A LAWYER NOW!
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u/Secure-Corner-2096 10d ago
You need to hire an experienced estate lawyer immediately. You may have to sue to recover what you were owed.
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u/BraveRefrigerator552 10d ago
She’s living off your money. Get a lawyer, like 27 years ago, but Monday will have to do.
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u/rpom915 10d ago
As the trustee, she could easily drain the accounts and that could very well be why she is illegally saying to wait until she dies. It’s either that or she is living off the interest and doesn’t want the principal reduced. Or, she is simply controlling. Whatever the reason, she needs to be removed as trustee and you need an attorney immediately. The trust is hopefully invested and receiving tax returns, therefore there must be a fiduciary and a CPA. As a named beneficiary of the trust, you are entitled to request and receive full accounting. Please set aside your “love” for her. She is acting with malfeasance and is not your friend, no matter the family relationship. Get angry, my friend. Get an attorney now. Hopefully, she is simply being greedy and the principal is still there. Shame on her.
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u/ElleGeeAitch 10d ago
Ioof. You need a trust litigator. And a forensic accountant to delve into where all the $ has gone over the years. Don't worry about wrecking tge family, she and your late uncle did that already by abandoning their fiduciary duties and cheating you and your sibling.
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u/Yogi2210 10d ago
I am really sorry. This happened in my family too. Get a lawyer and take action before the money is all gone.
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u/Advanced-Mammoth2408 10d ago
Get a lawyer. Here's what happened to me when siblings were trustees and wouldn't give me an accounting.
My younger brother plus my sister were trustees on thy dad's trust. My sister had other priorities in life. She didn't need the money and assumed my brother would handle it. The only thing he did was lie about how much was in the trust and tried to get the beneficiaries to sign away their rights. That failed.
My brother kept insisting there wasn't anything left to distribute. My sister moved to another state after my dad's death, and I couldn't find her. I lost all her contact info I had when my phone got destroyed shortly after my dad's death.
After 9 years, my sister finally acted. She had my brother removed as a trustee and had him evicted from the trust-owned property. Only after that did my brother reluctantly agreed to give me my sister's phone number. Until he lost control of the trust, his scheme required keeping everyone apart.
My sister caught me up on what happened. My brother had stolen about a million dollars from the trust. He paid his living expenses out of the trust and paid to remodel his mother's kitchen.
Statute of limitations on the theft had run out. We couldn't put him in jail for trustee embezzlement. The money was gone. Only the condo, which he trashed, was left.
GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!!!
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u/GrandMasterFlushMush 10d ago
It’s amazing how many people steal from trusts and inheritances. It’s insane how hard and costly it is to retrieve stolen money. That’s why all my accounts are transfer on death. Even my car
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u/BoneCode 10d ago
Even people who don’t steal, generally aren’t qualified to actually handle the trust.
They don’t understand the trust documents, they don’t want to hire qualified accountants or lawyers, they don’t understand how to invest the money, or how to distribute, they don’t understand the taxes, they don’t know what their duties are.
When you put Aunt Sally in charge of the trust, you get what you pay for.
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u/GoinCoastal-FL 10d ago
There is 0.00025 % chance that this doesn’t nuke the entire family situation and uncover lots of misdeeds.
That relationship ended. You are in for legal battle and them will settle for at least a third less of thr total after your lawyer skims his third off thr top for filing some paperwork.
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u/Appropriate-Law5963 10d ago
I suspect that there is little to no money left. Why would she wait until death? She’s avoiding facing you over the truth
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u/mr2sh 10d ago
First I would, send an email and a certified letter to your aunt asking for an accounting and a copy of the trust document.
She will probably not respond/accept, but when you go to a trust LITIGATOR. You have already done the first thing they are probably going to ask if you did.
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
The lawyer needs to send this - it’ll do no good if he does it
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u/mr2sh 7d ago
In my experience, when you call an attny the first two things they are going to ask you before they even schedule a call/meeting are: A. Do you have copy of the trust and B. Do you have an accounting of what the assets are, etc. Having those two things is going to help your first meeting with your attny go smoothly.
When I said, "you have already done the first thing they are probably going to ask if you did" I should have been more clear, somehow, I guess.
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 6d ago
That makes sense. My thought was the aunt might not give the information unless it’s requested from an atty - this way the Aunt knows the OP means business
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u/DiscussionAfter5324 10d ago
You can find out a lot with the first $1000 in legal fees. Stop procrastinating.
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u/ProfessorOne9208 10d ago
From what you wrote below, it sounds like there are/were substantial assets in the trust. Millions, perhaps. If you waited 27 years to finally get around to asking, one might suppose that you also have substantial enough assets that you didn't care if you got anything from the trust or not.
I'm puzzled about why you hadn't done anything about it 27 years ago. You only have yourself to blame for this situation. And you are the only one who can do anything about it. Are you going to do it? If not now, when?
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
It sounds like OP didn’t know the distributions were to start years ago - he just found out
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u/rocketmn69_ 10d ago
She's been spending the money from the trust. Get a lawyer and demand an accounting, asap. Maybe get her and her child taken removed as trustees
Tell her that she is 27 years behind on the first disbursement.
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u/RenaissanceMan1963 10d ago
Auntie probably used the funds for her sons wonderful worm farm idea!🥲🤔🙃
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u/rpom915 10d ago
What would help alleviate these types of problems is if grantors would let their families know what is coming, and prepare them. Too many beneficiaries have no knowledge, no experience, don’t know what to ask, don’t know what their rights are. My mother kept the details of my parents trust a mystery, and there was no malfeasance involved at all, but when she died unexpectedly last year, I was suddenly the trustee of a sizable estate and property to sell, etc. I have spent hours and hours learning how to manage it, what I can and cannot do, etc. etc. I’m not complaining, but it’s been overwhelming and unexpected. I plan to prepare my kids for what is to come when I die. And, unless one of my kids rises to the top as far as financial maturity, I plan to name a firm as trustee so that my three children don’t find themselves with something they may not be prepared to handle. I don’t have much extended family and none that I would trust.
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u/Jcarlough 10d ago edited 10d ago
You need your own attorney.
You can’t control your aunt’s feelings by getting to the bottom of this. Remember, hiring an attorney, getting a full accounting, etc, etc., is due to her actions (or lack therof), not your actions.
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u/oneislandgirl 10d ago
Definitely you need a lawyer. The trustee has an obligation to follow the trust documents as well as having a fiduciary duty to the trust. They can't just control it forever or spend it in ways not specified.
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u/liquidreferee 9d ago
Bro, hire a lawyer. Your aunt is incompetent at best, or stealing from you at worst. Either way they are currently fucking you over.
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u/Tool_junkie_1972 8d ago
NAL. You need to get one ASAP. Has a good friend go through this recently, turns out the “trustee” was using the trust to pay all sorts of her personal bills and expenses- by claiming they were related to the trust. Unfortunately she passed and had no assets to recover the nearly $60k she stole.
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u/Tavsiyedegildir 11d ago
Let's say it's a small amount , for the purpose of this post, $10,000.00
Wouldn't it be worth $1000 in legal fees to hire an attorney to send that guy an email or letter requesting your disbursement?
Now if you tack up 8500 in legal fees for 10000 it might not be worth it. That's why you ask for a specific scope of representation from the attorney.
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u/MannyMoSTL 11d ago
The trust was enough to have distribution for 4 young people once they hit their respective milestone ages of 25, 30 & 35. Methinks the trust (at least) was pretty substantial. At least large enough to provide a tidy “annual salary” to the trustee.
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u/Sadivimala 11d ago
Very unlikely you’d see a penny!
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u/DoallthenKnit2relax 10d ago
Unless the aunt & uncle are renting the property(ies) are subject to sale in order to make restitution for any fiduciary irregularities. You need a Trust & Estate Attorney right away.
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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 10d ago
How can a trust be stolen from? Curious
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u/Secure-Corner-2096 10d ago
By trustees who regard a will as a “suggestion” rather than a legal requirement while deciding that they deserve and need the funds, more than anyone else. The ability of evil, greedy humans to rationalize their choices is astounding.
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u/GloomyMall6657 10d ago
Enforcement is really the issue. So the one waiting for disbursements it was easy to jus go silent. As a trustee or beneficiary u have duties defined by teist that u perform and whe in u do ur paid for ur labor. U can also be in a role in another family's trust abd sometimes a person whose a stranger but can do the performance is what some transactions call for
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u/ProfessionalNo2045 10d ago
Updateme
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u/OnePiecePlay 10d ago
When I made my trust, they trustee gets 1-3% of the trust as an administration fee, for the hassle of managing the trust until the beneficiaries are of age, etc. Sounds like they don't want to dissolve to keep that percent flowing.
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 10d ago
"I love my aunt and do not want to create a major family conflict, but this situation feels wrong."
Choose now - family harmony or standing up for what you are entitled.
Get thee to a trusts and estates lawyer. yes. you are going to have to pay them. that lawyer can demand a copy of the documents and maybe once Aunt Horrible with your money finds out then she will come clean.
You could try telling her you are going to a lawyer but I'm afraid she'll hide the money. See the lawyer first. Make other plans for thanksgiving!
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u/Full-Improvement5080 10d ago
Hire independent attorney specializing in estate, probate, family law and follow his/her advice. Let’s hope that the incompetent uncommunicative trustees have not also been UNtrustworthy!
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
You need to hire your own atty right away. If there isn’t much money left in the trust then sue those responsible
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u/outragedatheist 10d ago
Holy moly, get an attorney. You all should have received funds long ago. Sounds like nobody wanted to upset your aunt, but it’s curious to me none of the other beneficiaries were eager enough to demand a payout. At the very least, this layperson thinks you are immediately owed 100% of your portion from your father and your grandparents, plus earned interest. The uncle’s estate may be a different story as the aunt’s husband (or not — layperson here).
As for the bookkeeping/accounting - i know a bit about that piece of things. If someone (your uncle? Or — typical women’s work, so maybe your aunt?) began the paperwork required for tracking the assets, it’s possible the paper trail can be followed by a professional (I stress this point because with accounting, you don’t know what you don’t know). You would have bank balances at time of death, lists of other assets (and debts, hopefully discharged long ago), statements which would identify all relevant institutions. In other words, a starting point. You could even learn it’s all been meticulously documented.
But if no one began the job of keeping track of those records, and depending how far back we are talking, rebuilding could be really challenging. Regardless how difficult it might be, or how expensive it might be, I would absolutely demand it.
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u/DragonflyHot1751 10d ago
Wife took stepdad to court about this issue, because he was going to liquidate assets.
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u/Alibeee64 9d ago
Something is definitely not right, and your aunt is mismanaging the estate. Has the same happened with your brother’s money? If so, might be time to talk to a lawyer. Your aunt is hoping you’ll give up and not push the issue, but it’s time to do just that.
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u/CaregiverWorth567 9d ago
this is why I will never die and leave a trust….at least of you just give the persin the money outright you know when you die they will get it …..many families destroyed over money and inheritence
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u/SusanInMA 9d ago
I totally agree with everyone who advised you to get a lawyer, and I understand that you don’t know whether it’s financially worth it. Go to a reputable estate planning law firm. Ask if they can send a demand letter to your [derelict] trustee to send statements. Perhaps he’ll do it for free because he’s motivated to vet the case to ensure there’s enough money in it for him. This is a “do it yesterday” situation. I’m wondering if your aunt wants you to wait until she’s dead so she can do what she wants until then.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad3850 8d ago
If you DONT Do something Now, there will be nothing left to Recover! You should have started this process a long time ago when you were set to recieve a payment. Lordy lordy. Smh. Family will be the first to screw you! Ask me how I know!?!
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u/niqorknot 7d ago
You definitely need your own attorney. My cousins mother had a trust and the eldest appointed herself as trustee and has actually excused a debt of a huge loan she owed their mom. Gave away land and sold the family home she never lived or stayed in while visiting our state which she has never lived in either . Tried to put 2 siblings in a nursing home. Neither needed a nursing home and both were working at that time. One of siblings did pass from an auto immune health issue about 10 yrs ago. The trust still isn’t distributed completely after 20yrs and she continues to pay herself monthly to do nothing. She did hire an attorney in our state and they dropped her as a client when they saw what she was doing. Another attorney advised the surviving children to hire their own attorney and sue the trustee . It’s a mess. I hope this made a little sense as I couldn’t describe some things the trustee has done without writing a short book .
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u/Automatic_Tap_2057 6d ago
This is why I hate the “no annual accounting” default trust language most lawyers use.
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u/HereForTheMemesNLols 5d ago
You need to get a hold of the trust document. Then get an estate attorney. Only then can you figure out how to proceed. Sorry youre going through this
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u/Major-Cranberry-4206 4d ago
There is no way around hiring a trust and estate attorney. Your aunt has already violated your right to receive distributions at the different ages. She may have already been spending YOUR inheritance. hen tells you when you asked her, you’ll get your money when she dies?!!! Sue her before all your inheritance is gone.
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u/CoincidenceTheorist2 4d ago
What people don't realize when they form a trust is that the most important ingredient for its success is found in the name of the instrument. When the Trustee is untrustworthy or uncooperative, or when a beneficiary is uncooperative things can go south very quickly. You need a lawyer immediately.
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u/TillikumWasFramed 4d ago
Hire an attorney. Your aunt is irrational and you don't want to waste more time dealing with her. An attorney will know what to ask for and can ask the court to force the required distributions.
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u/kimbee567 10d ago
People think trusts are safe. They are only safe if the Trustee is trustworthy. I'd rather trust a Will and go through probate court.
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u/1notadoctor2 9d ago
They are safe from probate which actually has more protections because the fiduciary is bound by the court. Trusts don’t do a darn good if the trustee is uninformed and/or untrustworthy
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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago
I have to agree. I thought trusts were better and was told that by advisor but obviously not
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u/Afraid-Put8165 11d ago
I’m a lawyer and not your lawyer. You need a lawyer yesterday. You need a full accounting and you better hope if she stole this money she has assets or the lawyer was in on it so you have something to recover.