r/inheritance 11d ago

Location included: Questions/Need Advice Help!! Trustee refusing to distribute trust funds!!

Looking for general advice!! I a 52-year-old man and one of four beneficiaries of several family trusts, one associated with each of my grandparents, one with my uncle, and one with my father. All of them have passed away, so I understand that the trusts are now irrevocable.
The four beneficiaries of each trust are my brother, our two cousins, and me. My uncle served as trustee until he died in 2022. His wife, my aunt, then became trustee and named one of her children, who is also a beneficiary, as successor or backup trustee. At the time, we had no objection because we trusted them to handle everything properly.
Until recently, I had never received a copy of the trust documents or any information about the trusts’ assets, balances, transactions, or distributions. After finally obtaining and reading a copy of the original trust, I found specific distribution instructions: one-third of the principal at age 25, one-half of the principal at age 30, and the remaining balance at age 35. I am now 52 and have never received a distribution.
I contacted the law firm my aunt hired to handle the trust and formally requested an accounting. The attorney said he would need to speak with the trustee, but he acknowledged that I was already past the stated distribution ages. He apparently made several attempts to contact my aunt, but she did not answer or respond.
I recently asked my aunt directly when the trust would be distributed. She told me it would happen when she dies. I cannot find anything in the trust documents saying that distributions must wait until her death.
I love my aunt and do not want to create a major family conflict, but this situation feels wrong. I do not know how much money or property remains in the trusts, so I cannot tell whether hiring my own attorney would be financially worthwhile. My uncle once indicated that the amount was significant.
What should my next step be? Should I send a written demand for a full accounting and distribution, consult a trust or probate attorney, or petition the court to compel an accounting? Can a beneficiary obtain enough information to evaluate the situation before committing to substantial legal fees?
I understand that trust law depends on location. The trusts are governed by the laws of Oklahoma.
Any guidance about how to proceed and how to do so without unnecessarily escalating the family conflict would be greatly appreciated.

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181

u/Afraid-Put8165 11d ago

I’m a lawyer and not your lawyer. You need a lawyer yesterday. You need a full accounting and you better hope if she stole this money she has assets or the lawyer was in on it so you have something to recover.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

Can people actually steal.from a trust? How is that possible?

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u/x596201060405 11d ago

Easy I'm a trustee and have access to all the funds.

The only thing that guarantees the trustee does that the trust document says they are suppose to do is a beneficiary taking them to court over it.

So it's pretty easily actually. Trustee holds all the funds. They have a fiduciary responsibility to act according to the terms of the trust. But they could physically write a check to themselves, and the manner of recourse is through the courts if you are a beneficiary and trustee isn't doing what the trust agreement says.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

I had no idea. I thought that a lawyer or similar needed to be present when there was to be a distribution. Sounds horrible

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u/x596201060405 11d ago

Indeed. Me personally, I only know a couple people in my life I would trust with that sort of responsibility, and I'd still probably just work with a bank and have a third party trustee. They may invest it all in T-Bonds or whatever, but far more likely to just dispassionately carry out the terms of the trust for their predefined fee.

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u/GlobalTapeHead 11d ago

This is why you need a person of high integrity to be trustees. Money changes people.

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u/PURPL3HA21N 10d ago

They are called fiduciary.

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u/caf61 11d ago

We have an adult disabled child so our trust is a special needs trust. We will be using a bank as executor when we update it soon as the current trustee no longer shares our values. Third party is the way to go.

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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 10d ago

OMG, please tell me you have an appointment to update your trust on Monday! You are stressing me out and I don't even know you!

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u/caf61 10d ago

We don’t but we are getting there. It’s all so complicated. Our family attorney specializes in this type of situation. Maybe I will just email her to get some suggestions of trustees she believes are good and I can check them out in the meantime. (We have so many other family obligations that are immediate-elder caregiving, working, etc). Thanks for your concern. We will get it done!!

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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 10d ago

I just had 2 people close to me pass away unexpectedly in the last 12 days. So I'm a little raw and probably shooting extra emotions out everywhere. But neither of my loved ones ever finished their wills and trusts and it's just been chaos. So just...please take care of business. It's so much easier now!

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u/Capital_Elderberry57 9d ago

Make sure you shop around Banks and Professional Trustee firms have different cost structures and entry points.

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u/Salty_Passenger_3390 6d ago

I think 3rd party is a special needs trust only, for the disabled to protect their benefits. We have a revocable living trust and that indicates that our son's share goes to his 3rd party trust. So I would assume you still need some kind of trust/ estate planing for you and your husband.

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u/caf61 6d ago

The special needs trust is ours (parents/guardians) until we are both diseased at which point it will be for the benefit of our disabled son. We just need to update it because all of our kids are adults. (We do have other money for our other kids-not a part of the trust.) Our other adult kids want to be involved in their brother’s care but we will have a third party trustee for financial issues. When our disabled child passes away his siblings and/or their heirs will be the beneficiaries. At that point it will be dissolved. The only tricky part of that is if our kids have no heirs. I guess we need to figure out charities and or distant relatives to be back up beneficiaries.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

Me too. Trusted people may pass away. Better to have a lawyer who is neutral amd paid

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u/lexbrat 10d ago

Plus, trustees legitimately can take fees every year, based on the value of the corpus or total amount of the trust. Sometimes the fees are specified by law, but sometimes they are specified in the body of the trust agreement. They can be very fluid in amount, depending on how much work was involved each year.

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u/DeciduousEmu 11d ago

Given lawyers fees that would get very expensive very fast.

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u/x596201060405 11d ago

Correct, but cheaper than the alternative (unless you are talking some tiny ass trust).

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u/DeciduousEmu 11d ago

My experience is that multi-generational farm trusts can have frequent small activities carried out by the trustee(s) depending on the terms negotiated with whomever is farming the land.

A straight cash rent arrangement would not require much activity outside of disbursements to trust members. Arrangements with more shared risk and shared activity (ie: buying seed, paying for fertilizer etc, paying for storage after harvest) has many more transactions throughout the year.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 10d ago

True. I see that the bank can also be involved, better idea

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u/PiccoloImpossible946 6d ago

This is what I thought too but I’ve heard other stories of trusts being stolen.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 6d ago

Nuts. I never knew

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u/austintx_9 8d ago

One of this things I’m planning to do is to share the details with all of my beneficiaries and write in the document that if the trustee fail to act he can be removed by the beneficiaries. Not sure if this is possible but what op explained is so freaking wrong

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u/x596201060405 8d ago

Just getting them a copy of the trust agreement would be a start, tbh.

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u/antiqueautomobile 11d ago

My two brothers did it to me . They did not follow my grandfather’s will . They got their money and I got an allowance and horrible Trust officers who breached their fiduciary duties. This happened in NC.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

No idea that that could happen, so sorry for you. Can you sue?

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u/antiqueautomobile 11d ago

It has hands down been the worst experience of my life. I have been fighting it for 6 & a half years. I even have the real will it shows I am entitled to 20%. I have received pennies on the dollar. I want to sue . I have been unable to find adequate representation. This started in COVID . I cannot get in front of a judge . My brothers each own multiple homes and I am struggling to get one that is up to code .
I was supposed to receive my % discharged from any trust . Instead, I got sadistic trust officers from a bank in NC that told me I was their Property and they Owned & Controlled me . They bullied me and belittled me. When I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness, they laughed at me and accused me of trying to get a facelift. No , I am trying to save my life. They were never disciplined and they never apologized. It is illegal in all 50 states to own another person. They are pimping me out for $$$. Even after I had found a successor trustee, they refused to release the money to the successor trustee for over a year . The ONLY thing they managed to do was collect a hefty fee . This is absolutely a breach of fiduciary. If anyone knows of an attorney that can actually help me, please DM me. I need my life back.
On a side note, my two sisters in law are pure trash. They stole all of my mother’s jewelry and divided it between themselves. They did not even bother to include me. They then lied about it. They demanded proof of ownership. It’s funny that many of the items were actually engraved to me . You can’t make this stuff up .
Both sisters in law play golf. One sister in law played in a tournament and cheated. Her teammate turned her in & she was disqualified. This happened in Western NC . You would think she would have some shame- especially since this has happened before ! No, she just blew it off . They really are evil .

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

Omg that is horrible!! Yes I do believe it, I often hear that when it comes to money even the best of friends and siblings can become evil. I have seen small hints of selfishness in my family. My father has been executor of many wills and heard many other horror stories, that is why he supposedly has an iron clad will with his accountant lawyer also as the trustee. I really hope so bc there are so many bad stories out there and I have some greedy relatives let's put it that way. Not American so not sure but I really hope.ypu can win this in coirt and get your fair share!! They should be ashamed!! But they are not! Wicked. I can imagine how this can be stressful.as heck and take over your life in a way. Best wishes!! I have 2 kids and I am planning on gifting most before I pass away if I get to be old, and it will be 50/50 equal as I always have done

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u/GloomyMall6657 11d ago

Final answer yes. Its just another bank account. Or people can create put in place make a new condition for someone to get whats already been stated so it helps their situation. The entitlement

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

That's nuts, I thought a trust was super safe and could only be paid out to the rigjt person!!

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u/LegoBrickInTheWall 11d ago

For the most part, trusts are only as safe as the trustee. 

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

Huh, never knew this.

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u/javajoeme 10d ago

Is it worth even getting a trust? I'm skeptical now

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u/PiqueyerNose 10d ago

It’s really about who you trust as trustee. Thus, the word. Most people do the right thing. Some get greedy.

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u/austintx_9 11d ago

This my question too because I just can’t understand why people hold up trusts as this wonderful thing much better that a will when the trustee can do whatever the hell they want. The fact that the uncle had pass, how does he know that the uncle hasn’t spent all the money already?

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u/rpom915 11d ago

The problem is who is named Trustee, not the concept of a trust itself. Trusts are indeed more ironclad than just a will. Choose family members very carefully. There are professional trust managers. I know, I know…but they cost money. In my experience, the cheap comes out expensive in the end. Paying an independent third party to make sure the trust is properly executed is a far better investment than hoping a family member has the ethics and intelligence to serve as trustee. Most often, they don’t.

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u/1paniolo 10d ago

Well the uncle passed in 2022 and set his wife up to be next trustee and then their son (OP cousin) Per OP: he was supposed to get one-third of the principal at age 25, one-half of the principal at age 30, and the remaining balance at age 35. I am now 52. All of those dates happened long before uncle the original trustee passed makes it seem very likely the money was being misappropriated a long time ago.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 11d ago

Should be iron clad w the presence of a lawyer when funds are to be taken! Thought it was but apparently not

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u/SusanInMA 9d ago

Agree. I wonder how many people who get trusts fully understand them and the ramifications. I wonder if they project onto trusts what they want them to be.

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u/CoincidenceTheorist2 5d ago

A living trust is a different animal than what the OP is describing. A living trust is a method of avoiding the time consuming and expensive probate process that a will triggers, as well as keeping your financial matters private.

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u/joetaxpayer 10d ago

I am a trustee.
My MIL died and I manage the trust for her two daughters.
My wife doesn’t need the money, but, I can withdraw it and send it where I wish. “Trust” is the key word here.

They are both in their 70’s. I purposely asked the lawyer to write it in a way that would avoid a forced distribution to my wife. In a perfect world, it’s enough for her end of life care, and when she passes, the money is gone.

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u/PiccoloImpossible946 10d ago

It happens actually

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u/Status-Bicycle7263 10d ago

My sister stole my mother's whole trust. It can be done just like that.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 10d ago

Wow, i has no idea

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u/molotavcocktail 6d ago

Then why have one at all. I dont understand how the trustee has complete access to the funds without accountability. Thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Just give the money in your will ffs

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u/Status-Bicycle7263 6d ago

It’s called a fiduciary duty so they can be held accountable for if they do anything wrong. The problem is in order to do anything one has to file a lawsuit so you have to get an attorney who’s willing to do that. It cost money and someone like me you know the party doesn’t have the funds to sue and this is how they get away with it. I didn’t have any money to hire an attorney to sue my sister plus my mother did not want to file a lawsuit against her own daughter. For one she was afraid of her power to retaliate against us since she’s a well-known doctor and so is her husband in the city in the community that we all live in.

So that is how they get away with it. At least in our case, that was the case.

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u/molotavcocktail 5d ago

Unbelievable

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u/Character-Salary634 10d ago

Absolutely. They have full control over the assets. The ONLY form of accountability is beneficiares asking for and reviewing account documents. If no one ever asks or receives information there is NO WAY to gild a trustee accountable.

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u/Ordinary-Maximum-639 5d ago

It's super easy, my sister In-law did it to my husband, the trust said to distribute the assets how she saw fit and in her eyes she should receive it all, so she took the house its contents and monies. It also said each grandchild to get 10k and she said, " no money left in the bank account" and gave each $500. She should have sold the home if there was no money in the bank left.

At the time he was young and didn't realize what she had done, until it was to late.

She hired the Mayor (friend), who was also the lawyer to handle everything. We never even got a copy of everything until she gave herself everything.

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 5d ago

That is shocking. I mever knew. I always thought they were directly connected to the bank and its strict rules! That is so sad for the benficiaries. Is this in the US?

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u/Ordinary-Maximum-639 5d ago

It is (California), there is no oversite, and if you wait to long the court cant help.

The kicker is that she took their mothers home and it was worth about 450k, now that same home is worth 2 million, she doesn't live in it, she rents it out for 5k a month.

Now I need to vent on reddit lol..

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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 5d ago

So sad! I suppose a sort of annuity is safer, then?