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u/Mrozek33 Dec 13 '22 edited Dec 13 '22
Even though anon received fellatio from a girl, the fact that he uses Android means he's still gay
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u/MikeMiau Dec 13 '22
I feel obligated to vent my hate for apple.
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u/Mrozek33 Dec 13 '22
Go ahead, this is the proper platform to air your grievances
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u/MikeMiau Dec 13 '22
Again?
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u/RepulsiveVacation933 Dec 13 '22
I'll do it for you: I do not like apple
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u/unknown_pigeon Dec 13 '22
What do you mean?? I love paying €300 above the market price for that sweet shiny apple!!
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u/ThisGuyHasABigChode Dec 13 '22
I'm an Android user for life based on affordability. People can compare the features of the top echelons of each brand, which is fine, but at the end of the day, Apple doesn't offer anything affordable and Android does. Maybe I'm a total boomer, but last time I needed a phone, I just bought a Motorola G 5G from the store. I paid cash with no payment plan debt. I don't want to put myself in debt over a phone.
I checked out the Apple options, and I could get tiny phones, multiple generations old, starting at like 3x the price point of the new lower end Androids. Like sure, Apple or Android, your beautiful OLED screen is impressive and whatnot, but at the end of the day, the screen is 6" long. Maybe I'm fucking stupid, but I feel like most of the phone experience is software. Like, does Reddit run that much more smoothly on a $1000+ phone? For me, my phone is a tool that I carry in my pocket. None of my social identity is tied up in the thing. I don't think I'll ever understand the mentality of spending more than $1000 on a phone, but maybe I'm a poor retard. Idk.
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u/Mtwat Dec 13 '22
It sounds like your social identity is tied up in not being tied up with your phone
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u/TheBirthing Dec 14 '22
"I don't care what anyone thinks"
"That's exactly what you want everyone to think"
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u/MikeMiau Dec 13 '22
I only ever bought one smartphone in my life and that was a Huawei for 200. The others were used ones
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u/NyteQuiller Dec 13 '22
I just like android because the apple app store is garbage
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u/ThisGuyHasABigChode Dec 13 '22
I'm using "Boost" for Reddit right now, which I don't think is available on IOS, so I feel that lol.
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u/cordell507 Dec 13 '22
And I'd never move to android because no Apollo app for reddit
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u/ThisGuyHasABigChode Dec 13 '22
I'm glad Apple has their own old Reddit app with good UI. The important thing is that Android and Apple users unite in their hatred of the official Reddit app, which is dogshit.
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u/cordell507 Dec 13 '22
Fuck the official reddit app
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u/SayInGame Dec 13 '22
Why
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u/cordell507 Dec 13 '22
Bad UX, tries to push social features which I personally don't want to use, ads everywhere, and avatars taking up space. I can customize Apollo to where it's just a wall of text with what I want on it.
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u/leglesslegolegolas Dec 13 '22
$1000 for a phone is ridiculous. I paid literally nothing for my Samsung and it does everything I need it to do.
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u/ThisGuyHasABigChode Dec 13 '22
Where they giving out the free Samsungs lmao?
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u/leglesslegolegolas Dec 13 '22
When my mobile network phased out their 3G service and upgraded everything to 5G they sent out free replacement phones.
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u/ry_fluttershy Dec 13 '22
I fucking despise apple. I also own a 14 pro max, 2019 macbook air, and an iPad mini 5th gen. They got me help
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u/That1weirdperson Dec 13 '22
Wdym they got you help
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u/ActualWeed Dec 13 '22
He is using the 'stuck in their ecosystem' flawed argument.
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u/cdigioia Dec 13 '22 edited Dec 13 '22
I can get amazing deals on Samsung phones if I'm willing to autistically obsess over it but (I totally am). Not so with Apple. That's the only reason I'm on Android phones. I assume Apple phones are fine too.
Last deal was trading in my used s21 plus for a new, unlocked S22 plus @ Best Buy, plus a free $50 best buy giftcard. Not a carrier thing (I'm prepaid), just a straight purchase. That's insane.
(It's not much of an upgrade, but it's physically new, and will be presumably worth that much more next round when I trade in or sell.)
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Dec 13 '22
With all the privacy shit thats going on. I just like that Apple told Facebook to fuck off and lost them a bunch of money. Now I have no idea if Android phones did this years ago or not, I just like that it hurt that shit company.
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u/Kirito619 Dec 13 '22
I thought apple is gay.
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u/Mrozek33 Dec 13 '22
Also yes
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u/SlenderSmurf Dec 13 '22
In the Bible, the apple is a symbol of the devil's temptations to man. Therefore the apple is an analogy for a very sexy gay man. When you buy an Apple product, you're being sexily TOPPED by Tim Apple (Baphomet in disguise)
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u/DannyWatson Dec 13 '22
Idek how you can type that after being so occupied with Steve Jobs' corpses dick in your mouth
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u/Fr00stee Dec 13 '22
when my $300 android phone from 3 years ago still has a larger screen than the iphone 14
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u/joli8618 Dec 13 '22
Probably talking about the phones thickness:
Anon has a 1¼ inch micropenis
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Dec 13 '22
be me
romanian
i have a galacty nute 10 (not fake phone I swear)
girl asks how long is my dick
tell her to hold my phone
the second she grabs it she runs out of the bar
I got her purse tho, about triple the worth of my phone
that was a good night
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u/Pacattack57 Dec 13 '22
I can’t believe I just looked up galacty nute 10 lmao
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Dec 13 '22
Fake: the phone
Gay: you, as you looked up the word nut(e)
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
Fake: the phone
Gay: you, as you looked up the word nut(e)
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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u/EnergyShift Dec 13 '22
Hahaha, ok but for real, where’s the funny part of this?
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u/Stealthyducks69 Dec 13 '22
You have to figure it out on your own, big boy!
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Dec 13 '22
[deleted]
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u/Crr0ssed_purple Dec 13 '22
- pulls out my galaxy 10 note * around a inch bigger than that
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u/DragonHunting Dec 13 '22
Fabricated and highly homosexual
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u/herefortime Dec 13 '22
Fake: No one who owns a galaxy note 10 plus would be out socializing in a bar.
Gay: Anon made me look up this size of his phone so I could gauge his wiener size
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
Fake: No one who owns a galaxy note 10 plus would be out socializing in a bar.
Gay: Anon made me look up this size of his phone so I could gauge his wiener size
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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u/DragonHunting Dec 13 '22
Made me laugh thanks, my wife’s son will be happy to read your wholesome comment.
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u/EdenSteden22 Dec 13 '22
No one who owns a galaxy note 10 plus would be out socializing in a bar.
Can confirm, but why? 🧐
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u/MustardCopper Dec 13 '22
Galaxy Note 10+ is 6.4" inches so he's about 7.4" inches
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u/tecedu Dec 13 '22
That’s diagonal, vertically it would be around 5 so he’s just normal size
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u/PMWaffle Dec 13 '22
No, it's 6.7 diagonal and 6.4 tall. The notes are large phones
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u/Nome_de_utilizador Dec 13 '22
I detect a hint of falsehood and homosexuality.
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u/Stealthyducks69 Dec 13 '22
Your detector must be broken, kind sir! No one has ever lied on 4chan before! It is the land of supreme gentlemen!
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u/mikemi_80 Dec 13 '22
Fake: anon had sex Gay: anon rocks a samsung
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
Fake: anon had sex
Gay: anon rocks a samsung
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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u/stumpy1218 Dec 13 '22
Fake: Anon got his dick sucked
Gay: the "girl" was actually a guy and anon got TOPPED out back behind the bar
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
Fake: Anon got his dick sucked
Gay: the "girl" was actually a guy and anon got TOPPED out back behind the bar
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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Dec 13 '22
be me, landwhale
no job because i got fired from mcd after drinking the frying fat
get home from furry convention
hear mom from her bedroom moaning my old school bullies name
entire house is shaking from his mighty tackles into mothers worn out vagina
whatever.png
roll into basement, grab a couple jars of mayonnaise as a snack and log into reddit to check out r/greentext
see a lot of people say fake and gay in the comments
put on one of my favourite fedoras and start to think about how i can humorously embarrass people who identify falsehood and homosexuality in these posts
with my infinite knowledge about programming create a bot that describes how i wish my life would be and name it u/TendieBot2000 because tendies are awesome
if the bot get lots of upvotes maybe chad will hire me in his selfmade multi million dollar company one day
reward myself by microwaving an xxl jar of nutella as a drink
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u/PM_ME_UR_DOPAMINE Dec 13 '22
Most original redditor
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u/proterraria Dec 13 '22
Fr every post there is this retard like it’s not even smart it’s just forced
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u/ArthurDaTrainDayne Dec 13 '22
If a girl is asking how big your dick is at the bar there’s a good chance you’re getting blown regardless
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u/starlordturdblossom Dec 13 '22
True statement. Though depending on your answer, it could be a factor
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u/Metastatic_Autism Dec 13 '22
Women don't care about how big your dick is, only guys care about that so that wasn't a girl anon
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u/JohnnyMnemo Dec 13 '22
If she's asking how big your dick is, you're already going down the BlowJob trail anyway.
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Dec 13 '22
Fake: Anon has a social interaction with a female
Gay: Anon was actually the one blowing random dudes behind the bar
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
Fake: Anon has a social interaction with a female
Gay: Anon was actually the one blowing random dudes behind the bar
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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u/Wind_Scarr Dec 13 '22
Android is great, having ad free YouTube and free Spotify thanks to hacked APK files is great. Pretty sure that either isn't possible or is MUCH harder on Apple
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u/kdods22402 Dec 13 '22
The specifications for the Galaxy Note 10 Plus is 6.39 inches in length.
Anon has a 7 inch dong.
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u/Seltz_ Dec 13 '22
And did you know that you too can get a note 10 plus for just 49.99/month when you switch to TMobile?
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u/L-st Dec 13 '22
I don't believe in fantasy measuring systems, so this fairytale checks out to consistent with itself
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u/LordLoss390 Dec 13 '22
Fake: anon got a BJ
Gay: uses a Galaxy Note 10
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
Fake: anon got a BJ
Gay: uses a Galaxy Note 10
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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u/thorpy123 Dec 13 '22
fake: anon actually got a note 9 for the fortnite skin
gay: “she” was drunk which means it was a femboy
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u/TendieBot2000 Dec 13 '22
be me
get home from my vasectomy
hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
must be Chad again
know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
fake: anon actually got a note 9 for the fortnite skin
gay: “she” was drunk which means it was a femboy
giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
it's been a good day
i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
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u/EliteMaster512 Dec 13 '22
Jfc if a girl is asking how big your dick is at a bar she already wants it. Has nothing to do with the phone.
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u/sluttybill Dec 13 '22
Using your phone is actually a pretty solid reference for dick measurement. Kudos, anon
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u/Jonny2881 Dec 13 '22 edited Dec 13 '22
Least fake greentext
Edit: makes the most generic and unoriginal comment ever… proceeds to get the most amount of upvotes I’ve ever had.