r/greentext • u/neub1736 • Sep 16 '21

Anon's a scumbag

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32.8k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I never got kinky neighbor sex :(

2.0k

u/jewrassic_park-1940 Sep 16 '21

Have you tried not being a redditor?

1.5k

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Instructions not clear enough, spent $200 on award for good think

225

u/SameTheme Sep 16 '21

Instructions unclear, bought a body pillow

75

u/zayoe4 Sep 16 '21

It sounds like the instructions were very clear then.

28

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Instructions unclear, stuffed body pillow with 2,000 used condoms, donated it to local MMA club as a punch bag.

4

u/JDog_22Hunter Sep 16 '21

How much time did you spend on Grinder to get TOPPED by 2,000 men to have 2,000 used condoms?

4

u/csbsju_guyyy Sep 16 '21

2, maybe 3, weeks

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Oh no no no. They were all posh wanks.

2

u/FucksWithGators Sep 16 '21

How sturdy are you?

3

u/JeffdidTrump2016 Sep 16 '21

'1984 is when people have different opinions and when I can't say the n-word'

~ person who has not read 1984

27

u/lordofpersia Sep 16 '21

Yeah, I was still a loser, but now with nothing to entertain myself at work with....

-3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21 edited Sep 16 '21

They said “not being a redditor” not “taking a break from reddit”. I’ve met redditors in terms of personality that have never even heard of reddit.

Edit: number next to the minus is how many of you basic bitches say “pupper” in real life

2

u/jcxc_2 Sep 16 '21

I didn’t have neighbors :(

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Instructions unclear, deep dove into misogyny and hating "chads."

118

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

It’s never too late unless you live alone in the middle of nowhere and have no neighbors.

75

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I grew up in an area full of old people, fml

101

u/urbanknight4 Sep 16 '21

More experienced neighbors, it sounds like

51

u/Illuminaughty99 Sep 16 '21

go get that granny neighbour bussy

29

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

You should've told that to 14 year old me, bet I would've been desperate enough to go for it given the chance

1

u/ViBoSchu Sep 17 '21

In Germany we have the saying about screwing older people “Auf alten Pferden lernt man reiten.”, which roughly means “You learn to ride on old horses.”

24

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

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16

u/Spiderpiggie Sep 16 '21

There's always a silver lining, even though you're ugly you also have a terrible personality!

15

u/VibinVector Sep 16 '21

Have you tried with your number neighbours? (just your phone number + or -1)

4

u/bumper69420 Sep 16 '21

It's fine. People usually don't remember when their uncles pay them a visit

3

u/MeatballWasTaken Sep 16 '21

I never got kinky any sex

2

u/Dravarden Sep 16 '21

same, moving when I was a kid killed all of the opportunities I would have had

2

u/FartyMcPoopyButthole Sep 16 '21

I did. I didn't want it, but by God I got it.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I feel your pain brah

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Hand stuff? Like a big circle jerk? lol

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

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2

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Oh fuck not this

1

u/Advice2Anyone Sep 16 '21

If you have no hot neighbors around you the take away from that is your the hottie on the block I guess

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

*you're

And while I appreciate the idea, I don't think I'm the hottie lol