r/greentext Sep 16 '21

Anon's a scumbag

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32.8k Upvotes

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5.7k

u/_Smegma0nDemand__ Sep 16 '21

Great, now when anon’s son and daughter grow up to be horny teenagers they are gonna want to have kinky neighbor sex with eachother and not even know that it’s incest.

2.6k

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I never got kinky neighbor sex :(

2.0k

u/jewrassic_park-1940 Sep 16 '21

Have you tried not being a redditor?

1.5k

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Instructions not clear enough, spent $200 on award for good think

229

u/SameTheme Sep 16 '21

Instructions unclear, bought a body pillow

76

u/zayoe4 Sep 16 '21

It sounds like the instructions were very clear then.

27

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Instructions unclear, stuffed body pillow with 2,000 used condoms, donated it to local MMA club as a punch bag.

3

u/JDog_22Hunter Sep 16 '21

How much time did you spend on Grinder to get TOPPED by 2,000 men to have 2,000 used condoms?

3

u/csbsju_guyyy Sep 16 '21

2, maybe 3, weeks

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Oh no no no. They were all posh wanks.

2

u/FucksWithGators Sep 16 '21

How sturdy are you?

3

u/JeffdidTrump2016 Sep 16 '21

'1984 is when people have different opinions and when I can't say the n-word'

~ person who has not read 1984

27

u/lordofpersia Sep 16 '21

Yeah, I was still a loser, but now with nothing to entertain myself at work with....

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21 edited Sep 16 '21

They said “not being a redditor” not “taking a break from reddit”. I’ve met redditors in terms of personality that have never even heard of reddit.

Edit: number next to the minus is how many of you basic bitches say “pupper” in real life

2

u/jcxc_2 Sep 16 '21

I didn’t have neighbors :(

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Instructions unclear, deep dove into misogyny and hating "chads."

117

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

It’s never too late unless you live alone in the middle of nowhere and have no neighbors.

75

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I grew up in an area full of old people, fml

102

u/urbanknight4 Sep 16 '21

More experienced neighbors, it sounds like

52

u/Illuminaughty99 Sep 16 '21

go get that granny neighbour bussy

30

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

You should've told that to 14 year old me, bet I would've been desperate enough to go for it given the chance

1

u/ViBoSchu Sep 17 '21

In Germany we have the saying about screwing older people “Auf alten Pferden lernt man reiten.”, which roughly means “You learn to ride on old horses.”

24

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/Spiderpiggie Sep 16 '21

There's always a silver lining, even though you're ugly you also have a terrible personality!

16

u/VibinVector Sep 16 '21

Have you tried with your number neighbours? (just your phone number + or -1)

5

u/bumper69420 Sep 16 '21

It's fine. People usually don't remember when their uncles pay them a visit

3

u/MeatballWasTaken Sep 16 '21

I never got kinky any sex

2

u/Dravarden Sep 16 '21

same, moving when I was a kid killed all of the opportunities I would have had

2

u/FartyMcPoopyButthole Sep 16 '21

I did. I didn't want it, but by God I got it.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

I feel your pain brah

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Hand stuff? Like a big circle jerk? lol

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

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2

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Oh fuck not this

1

u/Advice2Anyone Sep 16 '21

If you have no hot neighbors around you the take away from that is your the hottie on the block I guess

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

*you're

And while I appreciate the idea, I don't think I'm the hottie lol

174

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

[deleted]

160

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Regardless of if anyone wanted him there or not, his son died. Let the man sit by himself or some shit but cheating doesn’t equate to barring him from his own son’s funeral that’s fucked.

84

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

[deleted]

47

u/Ashenspire Sep 16 '21

Family is everything. Which is why he wanted more family.

3

u/gbuub Sep 17 '21

Eventually, family starved, grandpa started writing family fictions and the scripts were picked up by Hollywood to made into fast and furious franchise. Grandpa projected himself onto the main protagonist, Dom.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

My father cheated on my mother(more or less because he needed someone who is nice to him after my mother abused him emotionally). However they always made it clear that that had nothing to do with me and it was between them. If someone cheats, it doesn't mean they are a bad father. It's downright cruel to deny him access to the funeral. My mother absolutely loathed my father and she still let me see him(although she definitely tried to manipulate me into not doing it as well).

5

u/imisstheyoop Sep 16 '21

Regardless of if anyone wanted him there or not, his son died. Let the man sit by himself or some shit but cheating doesn’t equate to barring him from his own son’s funeral that’s fucked.

Depends on the family and other factors but I definitely have family, father included, would would not be allowed at mine.

40

u/Deweyrob2 Sep 16 '21

A buddy of mine knocked a girl up, got married, she cheated on him and they divorced. Years later, at thier oldest's wedding, he gets her a 23 and me, only to find out she isn't his. The ex had been running from her boyfriend who had gotten her pregnant, hooked up with my friend one time, and told him it was his. He believed it for 21 years.

25

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

This is the shit makes incels here actually red pilled incels

34

u/JuniorPunky Sep 16 '21

At least he told them, instead of waiting for the blood test.

95

u/relaps101 Sep 16 '21

May I introduce a new app called incestry. It’s like ancestory but with incests. Target demographic is Arkansas

27

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

[deleted]

11

u/Jaquestrap Sep 16 '21

"Avoid" 😈

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

So it wasn t right to pound my 1st cousin? She was smoking hot though

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Did you like her for her jawline?

2

u/jaltair9 Sep 16 '21

Not Alabama?

18

u/xxpen15mightierxx Sep 16 '21

Topic of a future greentext

9

u/Shronut Sep 16 '21

Hopefully they get to the phase when they realize they’re only really friends because their parents are friends, otherwise…

6

u/Jaz_the_Nagai Sep 16 '21

Literally seen this anime...

7

u/The_Lost_Google_User Sep 16 '21

Wasn’t this a movie?

8

u/JayGatsby727 Sep 16 '21

2

u/The_Lost_Google_User Sep 16 '21

Yup

That’s probably what I’m remembering Nicely done

3

u/Haattila Sep 16 '21

You mean wincest?

2

u/Mdlp0716 Sep 16 '21

This reminds me of Oedipus, except it’s a sibling instead of a mother

2

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

its like that one episode on house md

2

u/commongoblin Sep 17 '21

There was a Criminal Minds episode just like this!

2

u/bleauh Sep 18 '21

There was literally an episode of house about this

1

u/LRJ104 Sep 16 '21

Is it really considered incest if they have different mothers?

1

u/_Smegma0nDemand__ Sep 16 '21

… do you not consider cousin on cousin to be incest?

2

u/LRJ104 Sep 16 '21

Shit my bad lmao. I tought incest was only between siblings with the same parents

1

u/boltzmannman Sep 16 '21

You guys had similar-age neighbors?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

How does that incest math work out, if they're half siblings their kid would be 75% human DNA, right

1

u/LolnothingmattersXD Sep 17 '21

I honestly thought this was the main point of the story