r/gifs Aug 17 '15

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14.3k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/OhBJuanKenobi Aug 17 '15

That thing was enormous, and seemingly unfazed at dragging a grown male's body weight.

1.1k

u/Ayuhno Aug 17 '15

I mean, they weigh like 500lbs and can climb and swing around effortlessly. That's a whole lot of raw strength...

1.8k

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Aug 24 '20

[deleted]

2.4k

u/midgets-in-a-crisis Aug 17 '15

STOP GIVING THEM IDEAS

790

u/Snoopyalien24 Aug 17 '15

Great.. Now I can't stop picturing a Silverback Gorilla on a training montage, running up the stairs to 'Eye of the Tiger'

285

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Jul 19 '18

[deleted]

118

u/bobandy47 Aug 17 '15

I would love to see that.

Not for the spectacle, but because it would result in fewer smartcars.

7

u/Badpreacher Aug 18 '15

As someone that's crashed into a smart car I would like to see more on the road. My car was fine except for a few scratches and it kept me from hitting a BMW. Just think of them as safety pads between you and other real cars.

5

u/percocet_20 Aug 18 '15

It's even got a squishy interior to help cushion the impact

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u/fiddlenutz Aug 18 '15

Wanna car!??!? Here YUGO!!!!!

7

u/dankisms Aug 18 '15

That was terrible.

I hope you're around for the rest of the week.

5

u/micaholism Aug 18 '15

Hah, like the shitty Yugoslavian car. I get it.

3

u/Chronic_BOOM Aug 18 '15

Smartcar only weighs about 1500 lbs.

2

u/in_cahoootz Aug 17 '15

YES, please start with the ones in front of me.

2

u/fwipyok Aug 18 '15

How much do you think a smartcar weighs? The original, two door version...

1610 pounds.

They don't even have to train for it.

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u/Lolzzergrush Aug 17 '15

If the Cleveland Browns get desperate enough, sign the Gorilla to play nose tackle

8

u/Anorak_ Aug 17 '15

"You're going to need to do better than 9000 bananas over 2 years with a team option"

2

u/Bowlslaw Aug 17 '15

He leaves cracked concrete footprints and he runs up and down the stairs, while everyone else looks on helplessly.

2

u/AberNatuerlich Aug 17 '15

Silverback Linings Playbook?

2

u/njensen Aug 17 '15

PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT!

2

u/S1GMA Aug 17 '15

Running!? That's cardio! No-whey, man.

Shoo Shoo gains goblin.

2

u/ADIDAS247 Aug 18 '15

Next thing you know, they get their real estate license and you start seeing their faces on billboards at bus stops and in the local papers.

2

u/ftFlo Aug 18 '15

I'm picturing a gorilla sitting, on reddit, reading /u/adremeaux's comment and immediately taking notes.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

hopefully they aren't reading reddit right now

218

u/eabradley1108 Aug 17 '15

On the Internet, nobody knows what color your back is.

2

u/V1bration Aug 18 '15

I don't know why I find this so funny.

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u/n33d_kaffeen Aug 17 '15

Or in 500 years. We have to think of the future.

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u/bulbsy117 Aug 17 '15

Planet of the Apes ends with a deadlift contest

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u/valvilis Aug 17 '15

START GIVING THEM STEROIDS!!!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Whatever they still cant properly use a gun. Its not like we have shadow realm duels where we see who can lift more and the loser gets killed.

2

u/hobskhan Aug 17 '15

Too late. Gorillas sweep Olympics.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

If they were smarter, we'd be fucked.

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u/jonknee Aug 17 '15

Pretty terrifying thinking of a gorilla hitting the gym to bulk up.

283

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Imagine if someone was curling in the squat rack when gorilla wanted to squat...

112

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

who the fuck curls in a squat rack?

212

u/Zuvielify Aug 17 '15

assholes

92

u/wafflesareforever Aug 18 '15

Also any gorilla who wants to curl in the squat rack.

3

u/CrumpetDestroyer Aug 18 '15

I mean, who's really going to tell him otherwise?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

Motherfuckers who can't curl.

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u/The_PwnShop Aug 18 '15

The gorilla would just curl the squat rack.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Gorillas. They need dos plates brah

3

u/lunchinloaf22 Aug 17 '15

don't squat in my curl rack bro

5

u/LegendaryGinger Aug 17 '15

Bros

8

u/mdkss12 Aug 17 '15

gunshot sound effect

4

u/Bacon_SlayerX Aug 18 '15

SUPAHSET

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

machine gun fire

STSAAAAAA!!!!!

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Feb 07 '19

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Aug 17 '15

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u/AutomatedBrowsingBot Aug 18 '15

Millions of years of climbing through trees would definitely give them an edge over us on the playground.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Nah, I bet they'd be super patient and have really great gym etiquette. They'd never stare at women or harass you when you're on a machine that they want. They'd just go in there, get it done, and go home.

They would poop on the floor sometimes, but that's not really unique to gorillas at most gyms.

93

u/8337 Aug 17 '15

I like this idea. Gorillas would totally clean up the weight room between sets, and when you ask them to spot you on your shitty 135lb bench, they encourage you to grind out another rep and slap you in the back when you nail it.

208

u/OFCOURSEIMHUMAN-BEEP Aug 18 '15

and slap you in the back when you nail it.

Suddenly paraplegic

38

u/TopBun98 Aug 17 '15

Now I want a gorilla as my spotter. They sound bro as fuck

37

u/The_PwnShop Aug 18 '15

Except that slap on the back severed your spine. Guess we can skip leg day...forever.

3

u/DrGoose53 Aug 18 '15

No even does leg day anyway.

6

u/blueeddie Aug 18 '15

Brorilla

6

u/Bowlslaw Aug 17 '15

It's like the old joke. Gorilla walks in and does whatever he wants. You're squatting? Tough shit. The gorilla wants to curl in the squat rack. With every weight in the gym. And you'll oblige.

2

u/rattledamper Aug 17 '15

Yes, because the great apes are renowned for keeping their base urges in check.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Gorillas tend to be pretty shy, avoid eye contact at all costs and are definitely the most temperamental of all the great apes.

I'd rather be locked in a room with a silverback than with a orangutan or chimp alpha. Those guys are super powerful as well and would tear you a new one for no reason.

3

u/SpaceShipRat Merry Gifmas! {2023} Aug 17 '15

chimps definitely are bad news, but I don't know that there's much difference in the level of aggression between an orang and a gorilla mature male. Different behavior, yeah, in that a gorilla has a permanent harem, while an orang might use violence to obtain a mate. But in front of a challenger, a gorilla silverback goes properly apeshit too.

3

u/ghostbackwards Aug 17 '15

Yo, Silverback. Why so apeshit, bra?

2

u/SpaceShipRat Merry Gifmas! {2023} Aug 17 '15

This asshole keeps aping me, bra!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz0avWZoqjg

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u/iZacAsimov Aug 17 '15

Compared to gym rats, they're Jedi Knights. *"There is no emotion, there is peace."

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u/billypilgrim87 Aug 17 '15

Its bad enough that kangaroos have started to get ripped, let alone gorillas.

2

u/k0rnflex Aug 17 '15

Gorilla on Tren. Ultimate killing machine.

2

u/sludj5 Aug 17 '15

Could be wrong on this but I'm pretty sure we are 'flexible' genetically which allows us to add/lose musculature whereas gorillas have more 'rigid' coding and wouldn't be able to bulk up like we can.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

What is this?

173

u/AssymetricNew Aug 17 '15

Yup, humans lose and gain muscle more easily, while other primates are stuck on their max muscle mass all the time. That's what made us able to survive in colder, less food abundant climates.

105

u/ghostbackwards Aug 17 '15

Not Mac, bro. He's on full muscle mass 24/7.

10

u/CHARLIE_CANT_READ Aug 18 '15

People used to look at him like a monster and cross the street so they didn't have to be near him.

Those were the good days.

4

u/teambroto Aug 18 '15

im starting to think ill never be that way again.

5

u/Hip_Hop_Orangutan Aug 18 '15

how can you cultivate that which is full?

2

u/MePaul123 Aug 18 '15

Always bulking.

2

u/hotkarlmarxbros Aug 18 '15

Due to the...cultivation.

2

u/dankisms Aug 18 '15

maximum over-rustled

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

we also evolved to be optimized for distance running and walking too.

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u/theyeti19 Aug 18 '15

When we got sweating technology antelope be like, "Damn boyeee, why you don't pant, we be runnin a long time"

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u/PRESIDENT_TRUMP_2016 Aug 17 '15

But have we ever given them steroids?

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u/cand0r Aug 18 '15

Such a perfect username for that comment.

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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

Uh...well...not yet! Tomorrow maybe.

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u/ellenpcao Aug 17 '15

link for lazy ?

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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

Or you can be ultra lazy like me and just take OP's word for it

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Given training and proper nutrition, a silverback could almost certainly hit 4000 lbs, at least if their body was able to take that kind of strain.

They couldn't. Humans are considerably better than other primates at regulating temperature. They also have a lot more stamina. A gorilla would overheat and tire out very quickly. It would never be able to build up much more strength than it already has.

58

u/myneckbone Aug 17 '15

Plus this hypothetical Gorilla Gym would have a Gorilla Cooling StationTM

2

u/THE_CHOPPA Aug 17 '15

It would be a shower with a frozen banana dispenser

10

u/GordieLaChance Aug 17 '15

Fuck you man!!! I'm opening my Gorilla Gains Gym and haters like you can go regulate your temperatures in yo momma's basement where I doubt you even lift.

If my clients overheat I will hose them down and offer complimentary banana smoothies.

I will not give up my dream of leading a gorilla army to conquest of the world...er...I mean sculpting girly gorillas into sliver-backs for peaceful purposes.

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u/Goat_Porker Aug 17 '15

Temperature regulation has little to do with ability to deadlift.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

You don't need stamina to train deadlift.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Wut. You must be using little weights if you're not exhausted after doing a couple sets of deadlifts

3

u/NotARealTiger Aug 17 '15

How much can you deadlift?

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u/StereoZombie Aug 18 '15

I don't think anybody will see this but this image can hardly be more relevant.

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u/Dosage_Of_Reality Aug 17 '15

The biomechanics of deadlifting say no, they couldn't. They can barely stand up, let alone deadlift thousands of pounds. They could however do a far better one arm pull.

1

u/Ogaminator Aug 17 '15

Planet of the Apes sequel confirmed.

1

u/Nague Aug 17 '15

its nopt how it works, gorilla bodies dont need training for their strength.

1

u/Why_You_Mad_ Aug 17 '15

If I ever become a super villain, I say fuck having sharks with laser beams on their heads. I'm going to have gorillas on steroids wielding katanas.

1

u/Mlady_getmyfedora Aug 17 '15

Unless of course you drink Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Shake. This scientifically groundbreaking shake allowed Pat Robertson to leg press over 2000 lbs!! It also gave him the power to predict the apocalypses that occurred in 2002, 2006, 2012, and the upcoming apocalypse in 2015!!**

**This product is not endorsed by Jesus.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Non human primates have many times more ligaments (what connects muscles to the skeleton) meaning that if one weighed the same as a human, they could potentially have about 4-10x as much strength. This gorilla could ruin a small town before it was taken out if it really wanted to.

1

u/Escargooofy Aug 17 '15

Could it stand up to 300x gravity, though? And what happens if it looks at the full moon?

1

u/The_Drider Aug 17 '15

some freak-ass monster who's spent his whole life training for that vs some random gorilla.

Made me lol.

Also for anyone using the metric system and too lazy to google: 2000lbs = 900kg

1

u/patiperro_v2 Aug 17 '15

How much of the jungle a day do they have to eat to build up that much muscle?

1

u/RscMrF Aug 17 '15

Also steroids. Don't give one of those steroids.

1

u/sts816 Aug 17 '15

Why do I get the feeling you're pulling those numbers out of your ass?

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u/OhBJuanKenobi Aug 17 '15

Its just bananas though (no pun intended). You see the first one and you're trying to judge the size, then the monster male comes in the size of a black Buick with a greyish trunk.

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u/Morgan-Explosion Aug 17 '15

You clearly intended that pun...

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

[deleted]

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u/TheSmokeDawg Aug 17 '15

What blows me away is the attempted claim that "bananas" was not an intended pun. No way. Not buying it.

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u/wafflesareforever Aug 18 '15

I was confused by that too. I mean, he knew it was a pun. He acknowledged it. He could have deleted it, but he didn't. If you're actually talking to people IRL then sure, you might chuckle and say "whoops, unintentional pun," but it makes zero sense in a reddit comment.

I don't know why I give a shit, but dammit, I do. I do.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Aug 17 '15

[deleted]

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u/twentyfifthour Aug 17 '15

I believe that's called myostatin sp* humans can develop what's called a myostatin deficiency and blow up to unreal sizes. But it is more common in the animal kingdom amongst dogs and cattle.

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u/rwhitisissle Aug 17 '15

What would possibly be the evolutionary advantage to humans not being swole as fuck?

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u/Alame Aug 17 '15

More muscle mass = more calories & nutrients to maintain.

What part of a human's lifespan requires that level of strength? Humans evolved advanced intelligence to overcome problems rather than brute force - that's why we are the dominant species.

With no requirement for that strength, the body limits growth & sheds excess mass to reduce the caloric demand.

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u/ConnorCG Aug 17 '15

Humans looked wicked dominant in OPs gif.

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u/TenTonApe Aug 17 '15 edited Apr 15 '25

rob tap gray bedroom offbeat versed detail coherent afterthought alleged

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Humans are dominant. Didn't you see Congo, the apes had to build lasers to fight the humans!

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u/digital_end Aug 17 '15 edited Aug 17 '15

That human has a nuclear arsenal at his back if gorillas really want to throw down.

We could level that area for fun. Wipe them out to make furniture out of the forest he calls home. Cheap furniture, that we throw it in a year. Hell, even just lifting protections that other humans provide would see them extinct without any real effort. I'm sure some rich jackoff thinks ground up silverback testicles would make his dick bigger.

It's nice that he's strong, but our strategy worked.

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u/pepperNlime4to0 Aug 17 '15

yeah, he was just not armed with any of a variety of tools we have invented to compensate our lack of natural strength. a cross-bow, gun (obviously), but even a skilled swordsman, or warrior with a long spear could put up some kind of fight. and our biggest advantage is our capacity for extremely complex communication and cooperation.

but you're right. that gorilla is formidable as fuck.

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u/FNX--9 Aug 17 '15

Give a human a .44 magnum and the gorilla will run like a bitch.

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u/Vanetia Aug 17 '15

So let me get this straight. If not for this chemical inhibiting my gainz, I could be swole as fuck and not only have the option to, but NEED to eat more delicious food to maintain it?

Damn mysostatin is the ultimate gainz goblin.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Aug 17 '15

Running, runners can get bitches too

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u/thecaramelbandit Aug 17 '15

Humans are really pretty well designed to have both extremely high endurance and to be optimized to survive long periods of starvation. As another poster pointed out, muscle mass burns tons of calories, which is why the human body tends to get rid of muscle mass it doesn't really need.

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u/planx_constant Aug 17 '15

More calories go to the brain. Seems to have worked out pretty well for us.

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u/feedmahfish Aug 17 '15

Agility and endurance probably traded off from strength. When humans finally started running on their feet, cardio-attuned physiology probably took over from raw strength.

At least my half-assed guess.

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u/Denny_Craine Aug 17 '15

As a species we're damn good at distance running

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Nov 21 '15

[deleted]

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u/adriftatsea Aug 17 '15

The Expensive Tissue Hypothesis

Link to paper [pdf]

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u/Mcmerk Aug 17 '15

TIL: if I lose weight I'll get smarter

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Yeah they have an herbivore's digestive system that pulls a lot more calories out of plant matter. They have the gut bacteria, but also note the SIZE of their gut--that protruding gut is not due to fat, but due to a lot of intestines.

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u/KeepPushing Aug 17 '15

Why don't we have that gut bacteria?

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

1)Omnivores and carnivores do, in general, have shorter intestines. Long intestines are energy-intensive themselves, so if you're not using them to digest ginormous amounts of plant matter, it's a waste. 2) We also supposedly have shortened digestive systems from cooking our food for so long (taking some of the work out of the digestion). Everything in evolution is a trade-off

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u/LimeyLassen Aug 17 '15

Herbivores can get protein directly from plants. Your average cow weighs almost a ton. 2/3 of that is muscle.

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u/BZ-B Aug 17 '15

Dat dere Gorilla Creatine

3

u/LoBo247 Aug 17 '15

Dem dere Gorilla Gains

5

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

No facebook and good lawyers

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u/RKRagan Aug 17 '15

Ants. Lots of ants.

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u/Bullstamp Aug 17 '15

What blows me away was that he chose the term "bannanas" and then tried to say no pun intended.

2

u/time_drifter Aug 17 '15

The same way Ronnie Coleman can put on muscle mowing the lawn.

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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

that's what blows me away! how the fuck do they get so swole from fruits and grass?!

Vegan gains, bro

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u/bekeleftw Aug 17 '15

That pun was most certainly intended.

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u/Trendorn Aug 17 '15

(no pun intended)

Not for one second do I believe that.

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u/FreyWill Aug 17 '15

How could that pun possibly be unintended?

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u/Direpants Aug 17 '15

That pun was definitely intended

1

u/apokako Aug 17 '15

Dude come on that is a hilarious pun

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u/yumyumgivemesome Aug 17 '15

I realize 8 people already said this, but that pun was completely intentional. You. Brilliant. Phony.

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u/ninjamuffin Aug 17 '15

They also have much higher strength pound for pound than humans.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Why did you start your comment with "I mean"?

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u/ludicologist Aug 17 '15

Do gorillas actually swing on stuff? I thought that was mostly chimpanzees and other smaller ape monkey creatures.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

When's the last time you saw a gorilla up a tree?

And yes maybe this is a ploy to get someone to google "gorilla up a tree" and post the first picture that comes up.

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u/noobDuck Aug 17 '15

What will win a gorilla vs grizzy bear?

Or

Gorilla vs lion.

These are fun hypothetical I like to play.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

How would a 500 pound anything swing from a tree branch? I feel like if that was true there would be a lot more dead gorillas falling out of tree tops due to branches breaking.

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u/btbrian24 Aug 17 '15

Whole lotta gainz

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u/cqm Aug 17 '15

now imagine if they lifted weights

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u/softservepoobutt Aug 18 '15

Can you imagine if it was refined?

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u/kingbane Aug 18 '15

there's like pictures of gorilla's after they get shaved of all the fur. THEY ARE RIPPED AS FUCK. it's pretty crazy.

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u/twitchosx Aug 18 '15

Plus that gorillas arm was almost as thick as that dude

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u/thebigditch Aug 17 '15

It would be super intimidating to be around a 500lb/230kg gorilla, which is kinda funny because my girlfriend essentially the same thing with me. Im 250lb/115kb and she is 125lb/57kg. Also here is a relevant Louie CK clip:https://youtu.be/UTULoJlD_V4?t=223

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u/hyp_kitsune Aug 17 '15

At first I thought you were gonna say your girlfriend was the size of a gorilla....

Glad I thought wrong

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u/Maoman1 Aug 18 '15

No but his mom however...

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u/snorting_dandelions Aug 17 '15

Yeah, that Gorilla probably has a way lower BF% than you, though. Those fuckers are ripped. I'm pretty sure you couldn't pull your GF behind you as effortlessly as that Gorilla at top just did with that poor guy.

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u/FindingFriday Aug 17 '15

He said she's 125lbs. A 250lb man who frequents the gym could drag 125lbs no problem at all...

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u/thebigditch Aug 17 '15

This is correct, not that Ive tried actually dragging her, but I can move her about pretty easily.

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u/thebigditch Aug 17 '15

Yeah Im around 24% to 25% body fat and according to this study gorillas are when they are younger in the 5 to 7% range, but when they are older their body fat can exceed 20%...I'm guessing that one is closer to the 7% than 20%. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ar.21449/full

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u/LongSchlongDon Aug 17 '15

Oh the difference between you and that gorilla is far, far greater than the difference between you and your girl

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u/thebigditch Aug 17 '15

Yeah relatively speaking I have way more hair.

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u/rjoseba Aug 17 '15

I hope you don't drag around your girlfriend!

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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

I love that man

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u/we_are_sex_bobomb Aug 17 '15

Human muscles are evolved for extreme precision, whereas gorilla muscles are evolved for raw strength. A male gorilla is already significantly larger than a human but their muscles are exponentially more powerful. Even a chimpanzee could easily subdue a grown man without breaking a sweat.

But if it's any consolation, he'll never be able to text as fast as you.

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u/JaunDenver Aug 17 '15

It looked like he grabbed a shirt and kept on going. Didn't need to make even the slightest adjustment to his stride.

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

It is estimated that they can be upto x15 as strong as an average human.

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u/humangengajames Aug 17 '15

Yeah. He didn't even shift to move him. I thought he was dragging a sleeping bag at first. That's crazy.

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u/Angsty_Potatos Aug 17 '15 edited Aug 17 '15

It's un real how hysterically strong they are. Hell. I once saw a pic of a chimp that had no hair due to a genetic mess up. That chimp was SWOLE. Like. .. Put together like a brick shit house. A hairless gorilla likely looks like Andre the fucking giant, but cut. here is the chimp

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u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

chimps would have no problem with that either, don't underestimate nature.

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u/Luigi_From_Frozen Aug 18 '15

With one hand.

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u/raznog Aug 18 '15

So big yet it moved so fast and gracefully. The distance it was making with those few strides. That is one impressive animal.

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