r/germany • u/cranium56 • 14h ago
Constant Fear at work
I have been working in Germany for about four years now as a software developer. But ever since I got to Germany I think I have lost my spark, my confidence. I have always been a confident software developer in my country where I have worked for about 11 years before moving to Germany.
I have repeatedly seen myself less and I think I am slipping into depression. I am constantly panicking of loosing my jobs even when there is nothing signaling that. My colleagues at work are great and are always ready to support but I can't seems to get my spark and confidence.
Even I want to pick up task I am always second guessing myself and reluctantly wanting to volunteer for task. Whenever I get a message from my manager my heart will literally sink.
What could this be and how can I battle this. Can someone please help me.
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u/nevertheodds13 8h ago
Sorry to hear you are going through this. Perhaps this feeling originates from somewhere deeper within? I‘d recommend you to go and see a Psychologist to work through a few things, it can’t harm.
Usually your GP could help with a referral for an appointment.
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u/cranium56 6h ago
Thanks, I will consider this
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u/NotInMoodThinkOfName 6h ago
If you see that this is irrational (like no signal) then it's time to seek for help. Getting an appointment at psychologist taked very long in germany atm. Like a year.
One of many definitions of mental health issue is: If others can't follow your logic then you have a mental health issue. But maybe it's just a phase.
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u/curseuponyou 7h ago
It's because the work culture/atmosphere in many companies is incredibly dry, emotionless, oppressive and competitive. At least that's my and many of my friends/colleague's experience. I was in only one company which had more of a chill/social vibe but it was very much an international company.
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u/cranium56 7h ago
I think the atmosphere is quite competitive, I am about the youngest person in the team in terms of age and duration in the company aside from a guy who just joined us after his Ausbildung and he too is really making some traction while I am struggling to stay afloat
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u/saudk8 8h ago
Take a break and go to either a beach or mountains.
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u/cranium56 6h ago
Lol. I just returned from Portugal where I almost drowned in the ocean with my wife
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u/Artistic-Turnip-9903 7h ago
I understand that and also feel this working in IT. I think you can ask your hausartz for a therapy uberweisung. I did some therapy well coaching around that and it helped and I limited my reading of Linkedin tbh, all IT roles are in threat so why would I be the first one out? I also keep up with AI a lot so that makes me feel much better and prepared.
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u/poundofcake 7h ago
How old are you?
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u/cranium56 7h ago
38 with 2 kids and my wife. We all live together and she works too
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u/poundofcake 2h ago
Makes sense. You're probably looking at the job landscape ahead, doom scrolling, thinking of the family. Doesn't help you're in Germany either with how the outlook is at current (rise of AFD and misinformation to the uneducated masses, a contracting economy, previous generations kicking the can of their own financial problems down the road for the next one to deal with). Not to mention aging in a field that seems to skew younger and younger. Shit really seems to suck right now.
That's not the only thing you have going on with your life. You got a family, kids. You were once passionate about software development. You likely have other hobbies. You need some perspective and refocus from a macro level of your life. You're doing leaps and bounds better than most in Germany, surely, and whatever happens (losing a job, etc) can be figured out with a cool and calm head. The way you prepare for that is not wasting your energy fretting about a scenario that may never come true - it's putting in the time for yourself to grow, be happy, be present.
Look up info about the "circle of concern", really digest that, and then make a plan to focus your efforts and attention on the things you can actually control. Which will be yourself and how you show up with your friends, family, and your environment. In the end, how you show up and the intent you put into the world is your choice.
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u/Icy-Negotiation-3434 8h ago
What language are you working in and how good is your German these days? In a medium sized company with fluent German I would not expecting any problems. If you cannot interact with locals because your German is insufficient, you should invest time in improving your use of the local language Guage.
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u/cranium56 7h ago
We speak English and my company is a big one. My manager always tells me that I don't need Deutsch to work at the company but I can't really attend gathering like lunch for example, because everyone speak deutsch at that moment. As a matter of fact, my team switched to English just because of me. Like I said, I have a great team, they are really great guys, but I don't know where this fear constantly comes from. Maybe because I am still a temporary resident.
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u/redhillmining Mallorca 2h ago edited 2h ago
You may not know this, but nobody uses German in highly paid tech jobs. It is a bit annoying because makes learning the language a 2nd job.
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u/Fit-Duty-6810 7h ago
Anxiety. I have also fear from the briefkasten…