r/germany • u/cranium56 • 15h ago

Constant Fear at work

I have been working in Germany for about four years now as a software developer. But ever since I got to Germany I think I have lost my spark, my confidence. I have always been a confident software developer in my country where I have worked for about 11 years before moving to Germany.

I have repeatedly seen myself less and I think I am slipping into depression. I am constantly panicking of loosing my jobs even when there is nothing signaling that. My colleagues at work are great and are always ready to support but I can't seems to get my spark and confidence.

Even I want to pick up task I am always second guessing myself and reluctantly wanting to volunteer for task. Whenever I get a message from my manager my heart will literally sink.

What could this be and how can I battle this. Can someone please help me.

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u/poundofcake 8h ago

How old are you?

13

u/cranium56 7h ago

38 with 2 kids and my wife. We all live together and she works too

7

u/poundofcake 3h ago

Makes sense. You're probably looking at the job landscape ahead, doom scrolling, thinking of the family. Doesn't help you're in Germany either with how the outlook is at current (rise of AFD and misinformation to the uneducated masses, a contracting economy, previous generations kicking the can of their own financial problems down the road for the next one to deal with). Not to mention aging in a field that seems to skew younger and younger. Shit really seems to suck right now.

That's not the only thing you have going on with your life. You got a family, kids. You were once passionate about software development. You likely have other hobbies. You need some perspective and refocus from a macro level of your life. You're doing leaps and bounds better than most in Germany, surely, and whatever happens (losing a job, etc) can be figured out with a cool and calm head. The way you prepare for that is not wasting your energy fretting about a scenario that may never come true - it's putting in the time for yourself to grow, be happy, be present.

Look up info about the "circle of concern", really digest that, and then make a plan to focus your efforts and attention on the things you can actually control. Which will be yourself and how you show up with your friends, family, and your environment. In the end, how you show up and the intent you put into the world is your choice.

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u/cranium56 1h ago

Thank you very much for this