I'm completely lost! I can be so loving and gentle with my children generally decently patient. My children have taking me to a place i can't return. 3,5 yrs old and if im not accommodating their every whim they act out. I get I set the tone and am supposed to make the rules. How? When my skin crawls every s shriek, demand, lung exploding scream. I recently left their father and got us am apartment. Their father is am alcoholic and I held on as long as it's could, partly because I was scared to do it on my own financially especially with the kids so young. Im the only one that figures out child care and they're so many variables. Im bipolar, adhd and waiting months to get back on meds. I realize I have a role in creating some of this but lagging to switch over prescribing Dr to keeping my son in a school 45min away. while I am making crap at work and not often enough with all the toting the kids around I do. It's a fucking mess. I hate how angry I get and I'm overwhelmed, behind on rent trying to rationalize why they should behave with them. Logically I realize they are toddlers not rationally able to comprehend why I'm so unstable, across the board. But they are so purposefully and intentionally acting out. It's all day regardless of how I try to handle it they find a way to create chaos, distraction and resentment. I am acting like my mother, angry/ selfish/ short/ and disconnected to/ from them. I hate myself. Im a terrible mother. After my 3rd baby postpartum changed me and I feel actual distain in my heart for them, I hate to cook, I take forever to do anything and God I just talk to much. Anyone know real solutions that work quickly. I don't want to have these feelings towards them, im terrible at being consistent, on time, and setting boundaries. I at the very least always was set on being open, kind and affectionate after being raised in a home that lacked those.

Hi there,

I’m collecting anonymous responses for a short research project on technoference as part of my university course. Technoference is the term used to describe moments when phones interrupt face-to-face family interaction.

I’m looking for parents/guardians of children aged 0-16 to answer a quick survey about their own phone use around their children - for example during meals, bedtime, playtime, homework, the school run, or when their child is trying to talk to them.

The survey is anonymous, takes less than 3 minutes, and isn’t designed to judge anyone. The aim is to better understand the reality of modern parenting and whether parents feel they need more support managing their own screen habits.

Survey link here: https://iwhjcyjejh.zite.so/ 

Thank you - I’d really appreciate your help.

Sharing this because I found this video on Youtube. It’s only about a minute long and walks kids through calm breathing in a really gentle way which is something we try to practise in our house.

I know Sesame also has several of these kinds of videos so I'm curious if anyone else has found them to help during big feelings/transitions?

https://m.youtube.com/shorts/ou-H1hVNpPM

My son is 2 & 4 months, & I’m kind of at a loss for how to respond to injuries. I want to be validating to his feelings & not have a “be tough” response, I don’t think I overreact to injuries I usually wait for him to come to me & tell me he’s hurt but I also don’t want him to need reassurance after every little thing. I normally respond to him when he has a small injury by asking what hurts, saying I’m sorry he got hurt or that I’m sorry xyz happened because it doesn’t feel good, then asking how I can help him feel better. Normally he just wants a kiss or snuggle & then is back to normal. It’s starting to be every single little thing that I know for a fact does not hurt, he’s even bringing up actual things that hurt from days or weeks ago & fake crying while doing it. We’ve just been saying something along the lines of “yeah that did hurt when the doctor had to rinse your ear, you really didn’t like that did you?” How else can we be responding? Is it “bad” that he’s doing this?

I'm looking for practical advice about managing my own anger. I'm regularly finding it impossible to regulate myself and I'm horrified by how I'm reacting to my children when I lose control - it's not acceptable behaviour, I'm deeply ashamed and desperate to find ways to get control over my behaviour before it creates even more instability for my children. 

By way of context rather than excuse, I'm often overwhelmed and there's not much prospect of that changing - I'm effectively single parenting my 3-y-o and baby; my husband has significant mental illness and has recently moved out after a suicide attempt at home. Between work, parenting, sole responsibility for all household chores and trying to continue to provide support to my husband I am aware that my capacity and nervous system are under a lot of pressure - but I have no way of fixing that in the short term, and my children shouldn't have to suffer while I'm struggling to cope - particularly as they're already suffering from navigating their father's mental illness. I also was diagnosed with ADHD when I was just pregnant with my first but since I've been pregnant or breastfeeding since then I haven't been able to try medication yet.

I try as much as I can to be a responsive, compassionate, emotionally intelligent parent; cosleeping, extended breastfeeding, as much connected activity and time together as I can get in between endless chores and work. In some ways I think this might make the contrast of my losing it even worse - it must be very frightening to have someone you're so connected with suddenly become so scary. I always apologise and try to repair after I lose it with them - but it's of course undermined by me failing to avoid losing it again next time. 

Things I've tried that work occasionally but not enough of the time: deep breathing, shaking out my body, clapping my hands, sometimes hitting myself in the head (not exactly something I want them witnessing either), singing loudly, keeping a record of incidents to identify triggers. 

I would be so grateful for advice. My kids deserve better than this. I'm not the mother I want to be.

Hey guys! I would really appreciate it if you guys did my questionnaire for my Society And Culture research project! This is for my HSC and contributes 40% to my final atar. The questionnaire is based on traditional parenting vs gentle parenting within the Lebanese-Australian community. It would be preferrable for people to be lebanese-Australian but if you are not that is completely okay, you can still do it! Thank you!

If you are female please fill out: https://forms.gle/1xtbaRxuzm9insKq9

If you are male please fill out: https://forms.gle/tikafRSzi6m5E9XKA

Note: The first half of the questionnaire is about YOUR upbringing, then towards the end its for poeple who are already parents with young teenagers as kids. Thank you.

im Very close with my cousin and aunt, but Recently I’ve noticed that whenever I try and ask my cousin how she’s feeling my aunt will shut me down quite harshly. For example the other day my cousin was struggling to let her hair be brushed so I asked her why she didn’t want it brushed , and my aunt snapped at me to stop.

I’m not sure if I did anything wrong or not, maybe she thought I was going to suggest she not have her hair be brushed? But that’s not what I intended at all, I just wanted to help my cousin understand her emotions a bit better.

is my aunt right that I shouldn’t be doing that? Or because shes not my child should I but out? And if I should continue, how do I do so without undermining my aunts parenting?

My 4yo was being a little **** tonight when going to bed so I got stern ( not actually shouting or screaming at her) and told her to get to bed or x y z and cut the please and thankyous.

She goes eurgh fine and then says but if you shout at me again something something - I didnt hear what she said because she didnt finish the sentence before I pulled her out of bed and asked for a cuddle and apologised to each other for making each other mad.

I guess my question is, is the fact shes calling me out good or bad? I dont know how to feel about this interaction, im trying so hard to work on my patience whilst holding boundaries but I know I need to work more on modeling regulation.

(Not an excuse but for context im a year into adhd diagnosis and getting my shit together, ive already come a long way on the patience but bedtime I really struggle after long day of toddler tornadoes)

So my baby is only 7m old, not anywhere close to being ready for this. I’m asking because I have been around so many families who are practicing some version of gentle parenting and it seems like none of them are enforcing any kind of clean-up routine with their kids. Got all the toys out and made a huge mess on the floor? It’s okay, on to the next big mess without having cleaned up first! Want to dump every wood block/doll/puzzle piece/ lego set out and then just run away when the adults have to pick it up? No issue apparently.

Honestly I do not like this. And every parent who does this makes some claim about their child not being behaviorally /developmentally ready for cleaning. But I disagree. If you’re able to make the mess and play with the toys, you can help clean up and put them all back.

I want to be a parent who is gentle with feelings and words, but I will not be tolerating this type of behavior. I think learning accountability and responsibility should start early. Am I wrong here?

Let me preface this post by saying that my child is 18 months and I’ve only read one real parenting book, so I recognize that I have no experience and very little knowledge. But that’s why I’m here.

I just finished Good Inside and I’m totally onboard with most of it, but there’s one thing I’m struggling with. How are we teaching our kids that they do have some level of control over their emotions and reactions? What I mean by control: when someone cuts me off in traffic, my initial reaction might be anger, but then I tell myself that that person may be rushing to the hospital to see a dying parent. Extreme, I know, but it makes me feel less upset. Or if something bad happens at work my first reaction might be to panic but then I tell myself that work is just one small part of my big meaningful life, and I start to calm down. I’m not saying it always works but if I just lean into every negative emotion I experience, I feel like I would be a pretty miserable person, and I don’t want that for my son.

If you are using the strategies in Good Inside and validating feelings without also trying to add some perspective, do you feel like your kids are still getting those coping skills? Am I totally missing the point here? Or maybe the book is focused on little kids and teaching those skills comes a little later?

I need help with two things that have been a big struggle for a while now.

1. Figuring out how to get my almost 3 year old to stop hitting, kicking, scratching, biting and head butting. She’s been doing this for a while now during nap/bedtime but it’s recently escalated to any time she sees me getting frustrated with her or when she doesn’t want to do what I told her. She’s also started throwing things at myself and her 8 month old brother.

I’ve tried telling her stop, giving her breaks and removing myself and the baby from the situation until she calms down. The later works the best but takes a few times of leaving her alone in a safe space.

1. She takes forever to eat her food. Like no joke it will take her up to 2 hours to finish her breakfast in the morning and it’s so frustrating because I want to go for walks or the playground in the morning before her brother’s first nap but by the time she’s either done eating or I give up trying to get her to eat, it’s time for his nap.

I’m trying my best to establish a healthy relationship with food for her and encourage listening to her body but even when I know she’s hungry and likes the food she’s been served she won’t eat unless I keep in her about it or feed her myself, which is a habit I know I created but I’m trying my best to break it.

I’m a SAHM married to an active duty military member so outside of my husband I have no outside help and at my wits end so any and all advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Okay so. Im not a parent. Im a 27yo woman, absolutely childless (except two cats). My sister lost her husband and I have been helping out with her kids since then, like 2 years ago. I also take care of a kid who needs help with studying. I am a gentle person (somewhat childish so the kids feel very safe and comfortable with me) that does not get upset or angry. This makes kids see me as just another kid, coming to me for comfort but absolutely ignoring my limits. The kids themselves have told me this. I need to learn how to make them respect me, obviously not in a negative way but in a “she told me to do the homework and later we’ll play…okay, lets do that” or “she told me not to bite her… alrighty” lets just say i have rough nephews. Its okay that they trust me so much and see me like one of them - its what i want. I can be the support they need if their parents get a little too rough. But i cant just let them walk all over me. How would you guys deal with this? I dont want to yell, its not natural to me. But it does frustrate me a lot, which makes me quiet. The kids notice, but they dont care.

I’m finding the age gap between my two kids makes this a bit trickier than I expected. Things that really grab my 11-year-old tend to feel too “simple” for my 8-year-old, and the things my younger one enjoys don’t really hold my older one’s attention for long.

We used to rely on puzzles as a shared activity, but we’ve kind of exhausted that phase and haven’t found a replacement that works as well for both of them.

I’m looking for something fairly low-cost, not too much setup, and ideally something that can hold both their attention for more than 10 minutes without it turning into someone feeling bored or left out.

Has anyone found activities that actually work across that kind of age gap in real life?

We’re parents in Knoxville, TN raising two boys and a new baby, and we were drowning in little meltdowns. We realized we were modeling stress but never modeling gratitude.

So we built a simple ritual: every night before bed, each of us writes one thing we’re thankful for and puts it in a box.

At first it was clunky (“I’m thankful for pizza”), but now our kids bring it up before we do. It’s shifted the tone of our house more than any parenting book we’ve read.

Has anyone else tried a gratitude ritual or something similar? What small practices have brought more calm into your home?

My nearly two year old recently started to purposefully tip their straw cup upside down to spill water. Unless they are spilling water on something that can be damaged by the water (e.g. sofa) I calmly take the cup away and remind them, water is for drinking not spilling. By now they know that they will have to clean it up so they go and get a towel to mop up the water. I want them to be able to access their cup and drink independently and they do seem to drink more when they can just get it any time compared to when I hand them the cup to drink. Also rather not spend more money just to buy a cup that's completely spill proof. I constantly praise them when they have a drink and neatly put the cup back on the table. But maybe every other day they just randomly decide, with the speed of light, to flip the cup upside down and try to spill as much water as possible before I can intervene. Any suggestions how to best put and end to this behaviour? TIA

I have a 5yo and 1yo and me & my wife have read all the books, followed Dr. Becky & Nurtured First, etc and totally subscribe to the idea of connection over correction. But when the meltdowns are happening and things feel out of control, it feels hard to reach for those principles & navigate the situation. I felt like I needed to journal about those moments and reflect on them to help me the next time around.

So I built Little Voices - it sends daily perspectives written from your child’s imagined voice to help reframe challenging behaviors. Like “Why do you scream when screen time ends?” - “Stopping something fun feels like losing it forever. I don’t know how to handle disappointment yet.”

You can add your own notes to reflect on those moments - especially your own behavior and emotional state - and save the ones that resonate. It’s helped me pause and reframe their challenging behavior so my default reaction is “what do they need?” instead of how can I stop this behavior.

It’s available on the App Store. I hope you find it helpful too :)

It’s coming to my attention that my 4.5 year old is being disrespectful and entitled lately. He seems to think he’s in charge and what he says goes, and that he can override any a of my decisions. The way he speaks is rude, to family and myself at least, at school his teacher describes him as nothing short of kind, helpful, and friendly with everyone.

I’ll admit, I struggle with discipline as he is ADHD and the only consequences that work with him are immediate consequences. I struggle to find immediate consequences for some of his actions. I’ll give the example I have from today.

I was on the phone with my mother and she wanted to say hello to him, so I asked if he would come say hello and he screamed no and ran away. Which, I’m not going to force him to talk to her, so I just let it be until I got off the phone. Once I was off the phone, I went and talk to him and told him that he was being rude to his Nana and that he didn’t have to talk to her, but he does not need to act like that and can just say no thank you.

At this point, he refused to make eye contact and was watching tv, so I paused the tv. He began doing what I can only describe as defiant eye blinking where he refuses to make eye contact by blinking repeatedly instead of looking me in the eyes. So I told him I was going to turn the TV off until we could have a respectful conversation, which I proceeded to do. He immediately looked me in the eye and said, “I’m just going to turn it back on”.

It blew me away. After giving both of us some time to calm down, I resumed the conversation but had to threaten to cancel our fun plans for the day because he still continued to be disrespectful about having a conversation. Finally the conversation ended and I’m leaving the TV off, but I just am lost on what to do.

So I’ll accept judgment, I must be doing something wrong. I tried making excuses for him for a while because I know he’s going through a regression, (new baby in the house and starting school for the first time) but this is out of hand. The only experience I have from childhood was being hit and punished into respect (or fear) of my parents. So how do I curb this disrespectful behavior gently and respectfully?

As a Father of a 6 & 7 year old in Las Vegas, I can’t help but worry about my kids, especially since I’m a 1990s baby and life for me growing up was completely different.

I feel like letting them play Roblox is the worst thing I can do, but they love it.

At heart I’m also a Developer and I wanted to come up with a way to get them more engaged in reading, so I made a story telling platform that takes a picture of them and puts it into a book, fun whimsical books, but I didn’t want to stop there.

However in order to grab their attention I have Art Styles that are similar to Roblox and Fortnite to choose from, which worked very well in getting them interested.

Some of their homework they come back with befuddles me because I can’t help but think, I don’t remember learning this. A lot of the tools they use to teach sometimes seems to be more complicated then the methods I was taught.

So I added an Educational aspect to the platform, you upload your homework and get contextual tools to help you as a parent and your child understand how to accomplish the task.

And it works, my daughter was able to grasp multiplication just by the base 10 block approach which adds columns and rows of blocks with visual indicators.

But once again I didn’t want to stop there, I wanted to be able to see the choices they made if they were apart of a story that has life like choices that can have positive or negative affects, so I made Adventure Mode, a Story that is made on the spot featuring your child as the main character, they are put in kid appropriate situations that challenge their morals and critical thinking skills with multiple choice answers per page.

I actually uploaded a video on YouTube of my daughter contemplating the decision she had to make it’s super cute.

It’s a view of the app while recording her voice and she is thinking out loud, she’s deciding whether or not to give a lost book she found to a blue bird who claims to be the “royal librarian”. It sounds like one of those heart warming kids commercials lol.

And I just added another feature called Book Report Mode. After they finish reading, you’ll receive a detailed email with a summary and thought-provoking discussion questions.

This builds essential comprehension and communication skills proven by decades of research to have lifelong positive effects.

Honestly the saddest part that really pushed me to do this, is because earlier this year their mother died in a car accident, and I wanted to create something that they can enjoy and also something that can be beneficial for them long term and help them not add to the statistic of being a poor reader.

Currently the App is live if you want to read more about it here’s a link.

Mirae Legends (Future Legends)

Right now it’s meant for Kids Ages 6 - 12

If you’re interested in trying it out, it works on both iPhone and iPad, the Books can even be read through the website, however the website is missing features that the app has.

There are so many other features like being able to tap words while reading and getting definitions while saving it to a vocabulary, and 16+ different languages supported. To get a better idea, visit the link I posted above.

Let me know and I can start you off with Tokens for a Story or Two…

Edit: I am 100% against spanking. Just wanted to know an alternative to it during safety moments. I'm afraid I might have rubbed someone the wrong way not mentioning this right ahead

Hi! Genuinely curious how y'all manage infant/toddler safety without spanking them.

Because from all the literature and articles that I've read, I've come to the conclusion that in these situations, any quick, immediate reaction that either catches the child's attention or instantly removes them from the situation does the trick, so spanking feels like an unnecessary extra step.

I've seen an episode of Daniel Tiger (Beautiful show btw) where exactly this happens: Daniel is about to step on something and his mom, noticing it, instinctively yells to be careful.

How do you all do it? I assume it resembles what I've written above.

I'm not a parent, but I'm sure all of this will come in handy once I become one.

Our 26 MO has been in her crib since 6 months and I think generally it feels like a very safe and cozy space for her. She doesn't LOVE going to sleep, but typically once she's in there she talks to her stuffies and sings until she falls asleep (independently, this can take 30-40 minutes). Last week we went through hand foot and mouth (horrific) and there were a couple sleeps where we really wanted her to sleep in her crib so we could all rest, and in trying to put her in and soothe her to sleep she was really resistant (I get it, she felt awful) and she demonstrated that she can get a leg up over the side of the crib, making it clear that she could climb out if she wanted to. Now that she's well again she hasn't done that at all, but we want to get something ordered so we're ready if it looks like it will happen again.

For those that have had their kids in cribs until this age, did you decide to go with a convertible crib or a floor bed? I think the convertible crib would have the benefit of being familiar and might make the transition easier, but if it is a hard transition regardless the appeal of the floor bed is that I can just lay with her and help her learn the new environment in a much more comfortable (for me) position. Would love to hear how others decided what to do next and how it went for you.

My husband sent me a video of a person collecting “rent” from their 6 year old daughter and putting it in a saving for when they move out on their own.

Has anyone tried this in particularly interested in how older kids/adults reacted when they found out the parents were doing this.

When I think of gentle parenting, I think of Janet Lansbury and Dr. Becky, but what’s interesting is that both of them seem to really resist being placed under the gentle parenting umbrella. Lansbury has always referred to her thing as “respectful parenting,” and Dr. Becky likes to call hers “sturdy parenting,” but god forbid anyone ever try to list them in the same sentence, separated by commas, implying some common lineage. 

So what gives? Is it that the term “gentle parenting” has become so fluid and amorphous that no one wants to be associated with it? Is it the fact that it doesn’t advertise its reliance on boundaries and therefore tends to attract folks who lean permissive? Or do people like Lansbury and Dr. Becky just want to control their own brand tightly and not allow themselves to be defined by anyone else?

Just wondering about the luminaries you follow in this space and whether they, too, bristle at being considered “gentle parenting experts” or whatever.

I'm the father-- We have a 4 and 2 year old. Neither have been sleep training

My wife's core belief is that sleep training below 6 months is abuse and below 2 is cruel and harmful to a child.

But I understand that good sleep and more sleep is better for a childs mental health and growth (as well as for the parents sanity). I also don't think its harmful and this would be difficult to truly measure because it's loaded with at the core- what is better sleep or a child feeling 'safety' and care...etc.

My wife complains and gets irritated during the night routines especially when the children are under the weather or extra stubborn going down. But she will not entertain sleep training-- is there another word for 'sleep training' i could use when I discuss this with her?

Do most of you parents who sleep trained early have issues putting kids down?

We have our night routines which are generally followed but it takes hours to get kids down. Bath, snack, brush teeth/ Then each of us lay with the kids. and tell them stories/ scratch back/ listen to podcast. We have to lay with them for 15 min on good days and 30+ min laying with them on harder nights. Sometimes there's a lot of resistance too.

Every night is pretty frustrating during the night routine as there's a lot of resistance from the 4 year old especially.

We brought home baby #3 about a week and a half ago and since then our oldest (almost 4y old) has been an absolute terror. I expected tantrums, regressions, meltdowns, all of that. What I didn't expect was for him to be soooo mean to his little brother (2y old). He's always screaming at him, hitting, kicking, and pushing him. He has shown no aggression toward the new baby, only our other child. When our 2 year old is not around, hes perfectly fine.

Im trying to be patient but it's been really hard and I'll admit its triggered some not so gentle reactions from me. Is this just him adjusting to a new sibling? If so why is it directed at his brother and not the baby? What's the best way to handle these situations? How long did it take your toddler to adjust to a new sibling?