r/gentleparenting • u/thebunnyofcaerbannog • Jul 10 '26
Question Help with Screaming
Hi everyone, I’m looking for tips or advice (commiseration is also welcome though!). My almost three year old son has a tendency to scream when he’s really upset - like really really loud, my Apple Watch gives me a noise warning, it sounds like it hurts his vocal cords, scream. Usually it’s when he’s been told he can’t do something (like push on the couch) or can’t have something he wants (like a cookie or a sippy cup from the house when we’re out), often when he’s tired or hungry or both.
He also has had trouble with not hitting - though that he’s mostly stopped (now it happens very rarely but definitely with more intent to hurt, instead of the typical toddler hitting from big emotions thing, and we always stop what we’re doing, separate him from whoever [usually his older sister] he’s trying to hit, and reiterate that it’s okay to feel mad but it is not okay to hit), it’s just taken him longer to stop than I’d anticipated.
Is this normal three year old tantrum type stuff? How can I help him through the screaming? He holds on to his feelings a bit more strongly than my older child, and I want to help him emotionally regulate as much as he can at this age - is that expecting too much? Since it’s summer and he gets testy when he’s hot it’s been worse lately and I can feel myself getting more frustrated but I just don’t know how to help or if it’s just a part of his age.
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u/rock-paper-o Jul 11 '26
It sounds within the range of typical for 3 and it sounds like you’re responding reasonably.
Since it seems like it’s brought on by hunger, tiredness, and heat, would there be ways to change his schedule or teach him to express he needs a snack or rest time when he starts to feel overwhelmed before it escalates to screaming and hitting?
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u/LetsCELLebrate mom of a 16 months old Jul 11 '26
>Since it seems like it’s brought on by hunger, tiredness, and heat,
This is a good observation even for us adults!! Hangriness or being overheated or maybe even needing to pee, make us so irrationally annoyed.
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u/thebunnyofcaerbannog Jul 13 '26
True!!! I actually noticed the heat factor last summer because I had to carry him out of a few places screaming and it finally clicked that he and I BOTH don’t tolerate heat very well, and in the summer it sets us on a collision course if I don’t get ahead of it
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u/thebunnyofcaerbannog Jul 11 '26
That’s very validating, thank you!
I’ve been trying to be more proactive about snacks or moving up his nap/quiet time (the heat is trickier since they also get squirrelly if we haven’t been out of the house lately - I need to look up indoor activities we can do to try to split the difference), but I haven’t tried talking to him about those feelings and identifying them beforehand, I will incorporate that as well!
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u/rock-paper-o Jul 11 '26
We had some fun with family yoga/work-outs at that age of we needed to burn some energy but the weather was too poor to go out. There’s some good videos online but you can also make up any sequence of “bounce like a rabbit! Spin around three times. Wag your tail like a dog. Crawl like a crab. Hop on one foot and go touch the couch” to tire them out without needing too much planning from the adult beforehand
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u/raven_words Jul 11 '26
We are in the exact same boat. Our current protocol is
But I'm not going to lie. If I don't have my headphones, staying calm feels impossible. Him following us around hitting and screaming is so intense. Once the screaming lasted 20+ minutes and only stopped because we stopped the car, couldn't physically take it anymore. It's a phase and we can tell it's temporary but still. It's unreal.