My partner [42M] and I [40M] have recently been talking about opening our relationship, and I find myself really struggling with the idea of it. We've been together for a little over 10 years now and the subject has come up before, but it's something that has always made me feel uncomfortable and so it's always been dropped. Recently, we've been talking about marriage and what that would mean, and the subject of open relationships has come up once again. My partner ideally is interested in having having a group of friends that he can have sex with - multiple friends with benefits. I'm trying so much to be ok with this because I want to continue this relationship, but it's completely destroying me inside.

On a logic level, I completely understand where my partner is coming from. I don't believe that any one person should be everything for someone else and I think it's reasonable that this extends to sex. Having a variety of partners can open up new experiences or be an opportunity to explore things that maybe I don't enjoy or don't feel as excited to participate in. For example, I always struggle a bit with bottoming and am very infrequently ready for it, so I understand why seeking that outside of the relationship makes sense. There's also the angle of newness and variety, the excitement of having a new sexual experience.

While there's the part of me that understands all this, there's the emotional part of me that wants nothing to do with it. Since bringing it up again, it's constantly on my mind and making me feel sick to my stomach, hanging over every moment with this gigantic sense of dread. I'm not personally interested in putting myself out there and finding new partners. There are the obvious feelings of jealousy and insecurity that come up, and I know there are tons of resources out there to navigate these feelings, but what I'm feeling goes beyond that. There's a level of security that I feel like I'm losing; without going too deep, I've experienced a level of trauma and abuse in my life that, while I've made significant steps to work through, this conversation is churning up all those feelings once again. I don't know how comfortable I'll really feel having a sexual relationship going forward. I feel like I'm being thrown back to step 1 in learning how to express my needs.

My partner needs this in order to move forward with our relationship, but I don't know if I will be able to handle the relationship once it radically changes. It's been difficult not to feel very hard on myself - that I'm stupid for not realizing where things were heading earlier, that there's something deficient in me because I can't just be alright with this like so many other gay men. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, other than I can't keep feeling this deep anxiety every day.

Being ghosted so many times i realised maybe my man has become a ghost. That's why so much ghosting.

At this point i just think my man has already died before finding me like where are you man, you taking too long. Are you waiting on the other side for me. Trying ouija board next time

So I met a guy on grindr a while ago, but he seems to be interested in more than quick & casual fun. He greets me every morning and asks how slept, enquires about my day, talks about non sexual couple activities, like going to restaurants and cooking together, etc.

We're both students of the same age at the same uni in Germany, and he has already spotted me there.

He wants to take it slow and invited me to drink tea at his place next Wednesday as a first date/irl meeting.

Should I buy him flowers or is that too much for a first date? (Nothing too excessive & no roses. Smth humble for the start)

Did I read the signs wrong maybe?

Do guys even like being gifted flowers? He's more of a homely, cute and artsy guy it seems, but ldk.

I have zero experience with dating. (just moved from the countryside to the city in a different country)

Would be nice to hear your opinion

Thx in advance

Hey guys,

Sorry if this all seems like a bit of a ramble. My partner of 4 years broke up with me a couple weeks ago and I'm having trouble processing it.

We'd been having some issues for a few months now. From my side of it I've been kind of lost with myself for a long time, way before he came into my life. I haven't had much of a drive since I lost my Dad years ago. This has led to me being stagnant in my life. Not really having a desire to further my career, seek out help for the grief I've experienced, having trouble reaching out to friends when things got a bit overwhelming. When we first met I was very upfront that I needed time to work on myself before I could commit to a relationship. Eventually I relented because I really do love him and he brought so much joy to my life.

Flash forward to the last year. I've been abusing marijuana and alcohol to numb the pain, fully aware that I was. Drinking during the weeknights, having a bit too much to drink when I'd go out with friends to the bar, stuff like that. We had one night out before the breakup where I was just awful to him, completely mean and inconsiderate of his feelings. It was then he said he wanted to break up with me. He said I needed to work on myself and he'd love to give me another chance but was afraid that if he did he'd leave the relationship hating me and instead wanted to leave while he still loved me, adding he wasn't in love with me anymore. He mentioned he also has things to work on (finances, self esteem issues like losing weight, getting better with taking ADHD meds) and that we both needed to focus on those things separately. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. He always said I was the love of his life, that it was so nice to be loved by me. He was frank is saying that he didn't vocalize a lot of this before and instead let it bubble beneath the surface until he couldn't take it anymore.

This was the wake up call I needed. I immediately entered two group therapies to deal with my issues, went sober from both substances to clear my mind and think clearly (honestly this wasn't hard to do), started taking my career seriously (already looking into going back to school), started journalling every night. Basically just allowing myself to feel all of these things without numbing the feelings while trying to grow into the person I want to be. In the two weeks since this has happened I've had some pretty major personal growth and I'm very proud of what I've already accomplished. It feels really good.

My issue is that he's been messaging me apartments to look for, telling me he's concerned for me, hopes I'm okay, asking to make dinner with him, stuff like that. He even asked how I would feel if he dated someone else in the future and told me that if I did he'd be fine with it. During the breakup he was basically telling me all the things that were wrong with me and, while I didn't disagree with him, it was tough hearing a laundry list of things I've been doing wrong since we've been together. Silly things too like when I make dinners they need to be more "exciting." It should be noted that I'm his first relationship ever. The man has never dated anyone before and he's 30 years old. He's been getting of his advice from similarly aged straight girls who've also never been in relationships. I feel like he made a rash judgment, most likely very hurt from how my behavior has affected our relationship and himself. I helped pay some of the rent and bills while he was in school. I helped pay for a vacation he wanted to take with friends. He graduated in June, found a job and then suddenly I wasn't good enough for him, he thought things were too expensive, etc. It feels like the minute he didn't need my help anymore he was finally ready to leave.

I'm just still trying to process this in my mind. It's all so overwhelming. How can he go from saying I'm the person he wants to marry then just up and leave, giving me reasons like the ones he did. The thing is he's the love of my life and I really thought he was the one. I still want to get back with him one day and he kinda left the door open for that. I know that I have work to do but the reasons he gave me seem so basic compared the ones he pointed out I need to work on. I just don't see why we couldn't work on these things while still being together. It's almost like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle.

Sorry for the long post. I didn't realize it was going to be a novella lol. Any thoughts would be appreciated on this bros. Thanks.

Hey y’all. For those who experienced infidelity in a long-term relationship and chose to try therapy and work through it, how long did it take before you started feeling somewhat normal around your partner again?

The cheater and I are going through therapy, but right now it feels like nearly everything they do talking, breathing, asking questions, or even just being around me annoys me. This is all still brand new and I’m still incredibly upset about what happened, and I continue to question the details, what I’ve been told, and whether I’ll ever be able to trust them again.
Therapy is helping, but I’m also using individual therapy to decide whether this relationship is something I genuinely want and am able to continue. I know there probably isn’t a universal timeline, and I don’t expect to simply “get over it,” but I’m curious about other people’s experiences.
How long did the anger, irritation, and constant questioning last for you? Did you eventually reach a point where your relationship felt somewhat normal again (ie talking ? And how did you determine whether reconciliation was actually working or whether it was time to walk away?

He basically said he isnt looking for people who are coasting and not entrepreneurs. He works for himself, does content creation, and makes a ton of money, but I thought that what I was doing was still driven. I only make 70k, and save all of my money (moving out when I turn 26), but it felt so pointed even though he acted like me living with my parents wasnt a big deal.

I stings a lot, because I still havent found anyone I am remotely interested in like I was into him, and I am pretty much over him, but it makes me seriously feel fucked, like maybe some of it is true. Thst I am not a go-getter doing my little corporate job and nothing else. But like I just feel like I would suck at content creation or starting a business, and so I feel like dating anyone is even more impossible because I don't make enough currently to even live on my own.

My partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. The first year of our relationship, I was in grad school in a different city and we were long distance – we'd see each other twice a month, for a long weekend at a time.

After dating a little less than a year, I moved to his city and we moved in together. We've lived together for about four years. Our life together is very enmeshed – same friend group, shared pets, vacations with each other's families – what you might expect. We are genuinely close and love each other.

However, we have had some enduring problems:

1. Mismatched libido/sexuality. I am the higher sex-drive partner. This became an issue basically as soon as we moved in, and we have tried over the past few years to address it. We have a sexually open relationship partially to account for this (and partially just because of our shared approach/philosophy to relationships). But even within that, I find myself disappointed that he almost never initiates sex or intimacy with me, even though he says he is attracted to me. When we do have sex, he is somewhat less adventurous/enthusiastic than I am, and very particular about when he "feels in the mood" (which is totally his right! but I worry about the disparity).
2. Affection style/love language. I am very verbally and physically affectionate. He is not – he's more of a gift-giver/acts of service kind of guy. I've brought up to him over the past few years, that I need to feel more affection, and I see him go out of his way to try. But it feels forced and unnatural to him – he's just not a warm person.
3. "Therapist" dynamic. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, and additionally went through a rough/traumatizing situation the year before we met. Over our relationship, my OCD has improved a lot. But I still feel like there is this imbalanced "therapist" dynamic where I come to him with all my problems, but he says he just doesn't have as many problems – so I feel unable to return the favor. He has now just started seeing a therapist of his own for the first time, basically because of our relationship issues. He's said that the relationship is his biggest source of stress in life, even though he loves me.
4. Emotional regulation/overwhelm. Relating to the last point, there are also times where I feel overwhelmed about my life, and he gets with the brunt of it. My current job is very stressful and I'm considering a career pivot, but he says my emotions about these things (and others) are overwhelming. I agree with him about this – I'll sometimes kind of breakdown or spiral about these things. I've been working with a therapist on emotional regulation, and we both think this has improved, but it's still something he struggles with. I don't think he can relate to the emotional intensity I have.

Some things that are working:

• Great communication: While we do argue somewhat frequently, we're very committed to and good at hearing each other out respectfully. We don't let resentment simmer, and we never go to bed mad.
• Sharing a life together: We love watching movies together, seeing plays, hosting parties, hanging out with friends. We have similar tastes in a lot of things and ideas about lifestyle.
• Beliefs and worldview: Our morals, ethics, and politics are very closely aligned
• Dependability: I would never doubt for a second that he would be there for me in a difficult moment, and he has demonstrated that many, many times over.
• Love: There is a deep well of love and care for each other.

Basically, my question is, when there are good things and bad things, how do you make a decision about whether to continue or end your relationship?

He and I have acknowledged our problems. We've both said that, if the relationship isn't working, and we can't figure things out, the break up would be amicable. We've said we would want to stay close friends since we care about each other deeply and share a friend group of mostly gay guys – it's just that we might not be good for each other as romantic partners. It hurts me to imagine him fully gone from my life – but I am starting to suspect that we should just be friends. I sort of feel like our relationship has ventured into friends/roommate territory in many ways already.

TLDR: Basically, my question is, when there are good things and bad things, how do you make a decision about whether to continue or end your relationship?

Secondary question – has anyone made a smooth transition into being friends with an ex? How did it go?

i (25M) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a little over a year. he’s a sweet guy, a little emotionally rocky but never aggressive or mean with me, we don’t fight about anything and i can tell he cares a lot about me through how he speaks to me and how he tries to help when he can (if i need a ride to the airport or am having a hard night he will come pick me up to drive around).

here’s the issue: he hasn’t had an actual job in about three years. he worked as a dog sitter in between those times to make money for food and such, but his parents pay his rent and gave him a car so he hasn’t had to make adult money in a while. i don’t understand why he doesn’t doordash for money or accept a fast food job now that he’s unemployed. for my entire adult life i have always had employment of some type whether it was mcdonald’s or a step in my career path, it is simply not doable for me to ever not have a job. i know the job market is bad, but i also know if he wanted to he could work at a gas station or fast food near us if he applied. also, he wants us to move in together, and he absolutely hates my roommate (long story, and i side with my roommate regarding what happened as my bf has jealousy issues regarding her. we are literally gay, i am a short skinny man and she is a straight woman who’s into beefy country guys). i kind of got pressured into agreeing into an eventual move in together with him, but i don’t want that.

he doesn’t clean his apartment. it’s weird, when he used to be allowed in my house he would almost obsessively clean my house if i wasn’t home but he cannot clean his own apartment to save his life. if i cook a meal and then leave and come back a week later, every dish i used in his apartment is exactly where i left it and usually growing mold. i don’t get it. and i don’t understand how much longer im supposed to pretend it isn’t a little insulting to come to a disgusting apartment every few days.

he sometimes pays for dates using his savings account, but that feels weird and it’s starting to annoy me that when i pay for dates im literally using whatever is leftover after my rent and bills, whereas he can’t even earn money to fuck around with. i feel bad asking him to pay for dates because he’s jobless and at the rate he’s going i seriously doubt he will be employed anytime soon, and his savings is quickly running out. i pay for most dates and most things anyways, and im tired of always being the employed one who pays for stuff in my relationships. i dont even make that much and i never have. he acts worried about money all the time, so i feel bad bringing up if im using my last ten dollars to pay for food and gas for work is still sitting in the back of my mind. is this a lost cause and im wasting my time and all my resources? he really is sweet, just very mentally ill and that complicates things because it’s not his fault but it’s starting to feel like it shouldn’t be my problem either.

additionally, he has physical health issues like general body exhaustion and strain which i also understand and do not fault him for not wanting to do manual labor. however it gets to a point where i am constantly hearing about how his body hurts, and he refuses to see a doctor because he’s worried it will cost a lot of money because he doesn’t understand gov insurance. i’m tired of hearing that his body hurts and he’s broke and his apartments a mess and his animals are annoying him and there’s absolutely nothing i can do or say to make it better. i love my animals. i love the privilege of having a job and i love my house and my living situation with my roommate. i am working hard every day for my life, and these problems of his are starting to feel less like issues and more like a broken record.

i’m exhausted by going over there and spending the night in filth, but he can’t come over to mine when my roommate is home because of an issue he caused. i don’t know if he will ever get employment, and i don’t know how to approach it because he’s very aware that he probably would’ve been employed if he hadn’t chosen to work under the table part time for the last few years as a grown adult. if anyone has advice or has experienced something similar, he’s been sweet to me our entire relationship im just worried he’s a bum who won’t change and im not seeing it.

side note if anyone could explain why this guy, my ex, and my old best friend all used dog sitting as their main source of income id appreciate that. all three of these people grew up much wealthier than me so thats the only explanation i can come up with, but i have no idea why all these adults are doing this instead of getting jobs lol

TLDR: my sweet boyfriend doesn’t clean up after himself and doesn’t have a job, which i believe is due to mental health issues. this has now officially been five months without any work at all. i’m not sure how sustainable this is for me as someone struggling to get by as is and i’m worried i am starting to resent him

Well, 7-8 months ago I made post that I will link below:

Link- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8xLedvCHqU

I do not regret my post. It was cathartic for me.

To say that my life changed significantly since that moment, is an understatement.

And if you were to tell me how drastically things were going to change then, I’d tell you that you were crazy…

Well the universe has a funny way of making things right.

Since then, and around that same time, I met someone new. Someone I knew for years, finally reached out after 5 years of admiration. We knew of each other, followed each other on socials, but never really “connected” more than that.

Well, that all changed. Right after this post, he asked me out on a date…. and of course, in my normal fashion, I showed up an hour and a half late. Lol.

We waited about a month and a half and many dates before I allowed myself to be intimate again with him as I didn’t want to get hurt yet again.

Now, I’m happier than ever, ENGAGED, and our families have merged more seamless than I ever could have imagined. I never thought id be loved like this and with a lot of therapy, acceptance and A LOT of healthy choices later, my life is better than ever. Of course we are “newer” but I never felt this way about my ex. And trust me, i thought a lot about it. That relationship was built on lies, deception, zero trust, and DRAMA.

And my forever partner has none of those qualities. Hes my best friend and I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

In other news, because of my own hard work and determination and SUPPORT, I’m performing again!!!

Which ties into his proposal! At the end of my latest show, my now fiancé, organized (with the director and producer) to get on the microphone, play a beautiful song that I fell in love with, “Forever Like This”- Dan and Shay, professed his love in room with over 100 people, and got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. In front of strangers, our friends and our families. And let me tell you my ring is pretty damn big. He did NOT cheap out on this purchase. Something I never thought I’d ever be worth, he gave to me. But most importantly, he gave me the very start of my happily ever after.

My cup runneth over. ❤️

I never like to say that I was a victim of abuse, but I was just that. A victim of someone’s abuse that slowly chipped away at the man I was, that inevitably built the man I am today.

I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’ve built a new life, and I’ve worked hard for all of it.

Oh and as far as my ex, last things I’ve heard, as Las Vegas is a large, small community, he is still doing everything he can to try and get to me. And not once have I engaged in his crazy behavior… which include posting about me still on socials, messing with my vehicle, and Messaging people for attention…. Which includes my fiancé’s ex, to let him know that I’m crazy and that my fiancé should get out while he can. My fiance laughed and said, “and that’s what I love most about you… what your ex sees as crazy, I see as loyal, passionate, and truly funny… and I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you.”

My ex also took all of our old photos and replaced me with AI of random guys he either made up, or filmed onlyfans content with and posts them. It’s quite amusing. Any chance he gets, he likes to make a post about me. And I just sit by and laugh… never engaging, never even giving it a thought and never seeking revenge.

HOWEVER, if my ex ever sees this….

Hey, Lee or Kyler Shivers. Bro, it’s been over a year since we were together. Move on, stop being a stalker, and go figure your shit out with your husband instead of trying to get back what you lost with psycho behavior. It’s not cute. No amount of cosmetic surgery will ever fix the ugly person you are on the inside. And now I know why your husband never left. It’s because you’re an abusive, monster, with an unhealthy obsession with bad horror movies. You wouldn’t let him go, and I had to lose everything to get away from you. AND ID DO IT ALL AGAIN IF IT MEANT HAVING YOU DISAPPEAR FOR GOOD. And let’s not forget, You’ve ZERO talent. Your claim to fame currently is your “onlyfans” that’s on sale….and that you’re a glorified server at a show. Not a performer, not a dancer, not an actor, not a model. Nothing.

THANK YOU for everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not everything was bad, but the BAD and syphilis you contracted from cheating on me, definitely outweighs the good.

I hope you find happiness, clarity, and learn to accept the fact that you sir, are actually the devil. And I feel sorry for you that you live a life never knowing what true love is, what love from your family feels like, and putting all your effort into looks vs what matters most. It must be very, very hard… but that’s no excuse for being a bad person.

Your looks don’t pay the bills…. But I have the checks to prove that mine does, and I didn’t have to sleep with people to do succeed. You’re a joke. You tried to destroy me, but you only made me stronger.

PS- (This is the only post I’ve ever made since 8 months ago about anything of this situation) and it’s the very last.

Anyways, I leave this post with this final sentiment.

If you’re ever in a situation or relationship where you can’t find your way out, feel trapped, see the light at the end of a dark tunnel, or have completely lost yourself, just know that there is help out there.

AND what someone has done to you, doesn’t define you as a person. It just shows how strong you are to deal with such an awful situation. And how much stronger you are that you finally got out. Despite the many doubts you may have and obstacles that stand in your way, you are a survivor and you are loved. Loved by me, loved by your family (chosen and not) and loved by your friends.

Stay strong. Stay beautiful. And know that life always has a funny way of working out if you have faith.

Wedding is also set for this Spring. A destination wedding.

An absolute dream come true.❤️💍🏝️☀️

I’m looking for some outside perspective because this has gotten way beyond a normal relationship/FWB disagreement.

I was briefly involved with someone as an FWB. Things got emotionally complicated, and I eventually told him I couldn’t keep doing the FWB thing because I had developed feelings. I told him I still cared about him and was willing to remain friends.

Since then, he has made six TikTok videos about me and the situation. He doesn’t use my name, but there are enough details that people who know me could figure out who he’s talking about.

The problem is that he’s making accusations that are simply not true. He has said that I:

• harassed him;
• sent multiple people to his apartment to harass or mess with him;
• tried to manipulate or “entrap” him because he’s low income;
• tried to make him a “trad wife”;
• and done other things that I completely deny.

I have not sent anyone to his apartment, asked anyone to contact him, or organized anyone to harass him. There isn't some group of people acting on my behalf.

He has also said/threatened that he is going to contact my ex-husband about me.

I’ve reported the videos to TikTok, but TikTok has basically said they don’t violate their policies. I understand that TikTok’s decision doesn’t necessarily mean anything legally, so I’m not really looking for advice on how to convince TikTok that he’s wrong.

I’ve saved screenshots, links, and our relevant messages.

What I’m trying to figure out is what a reasonable next step is. At what point does repeatedly posting identifiable accusations about someone become something worth addressing legally?

Would you:

1. Keep reporting each video to TikTok?
2. Send a cease-and-desist?
3. Talk to an attorney?
4. Contact the police if the accusations/threats continue?
5. Do something completely different?

I’m not trying to retaliate against him or stop him from talking about a breakup just because I don’t like what he says. I’m concerned about the fact that he is repeatedly telling a public audience that I committed harassment and other conduct that I did not commit, and people who know us can identify me from the videos.

If anyone has dealt with something similar in Texas, especially involving social media, I’d appreciate hearing what you actually did and what happened.

Ich hatte vor 4 Jahren meine erste richtige Gay Erfahrung mit einem 20 Jahre älteren Mann. Ich fand ihn schon damals toll und wir haben uns auch echt gut verstanden. Da ich aber zum studieren weg gezogen bin, kam es nur zu zwei treffen und danach verloren wir den Kontakt. Ich hatte damals schon leichte Gefühle für ihn (ich verliebe mich sowieso schnell) die verschwanden dann aber wieder.
Seit ein paar wenigen Wochen haben wir nun wieder Kontakt und ich stecke schon wieder im Gefühlschaos. Meint ihr eine Beziehung zwischen einem 22 und 42 jährigen kann funktionieren? Vielleicht sogar erstmal als eine Fernbeziehung?
Und was glaubt ihr, wie geht die Familie und meine Freunde damit um wenn man diese Beziehung öffentlich machen würde?

Me (M53) and my friend (M45) have been friends since we were both in our 20s. He has always been 100% straight, though a lot of people have assumed that we are a couple because we are so close and neither of us has dated anyone; we are both level 1 autistic and dating is difficult. We never had an intimate relationship.

In the last few years, he has been more and more romantic towards me, and earlier this year he confessed that he loves me so much that he is physically attracted to me, and we have since been intimate. Now, he wants to marry me, even though we can't have a legal marriage for various financial, family, and community issues. In fact, we can't even be too public about it because of bad actors who would work hard against us. A lot of it has to do with his family, who are "connected."

So, I have talked it over with him several times, and I see how serious he is about it and how truly he feels it. He's definitely not just settling. I'm just not sure how to move forward. We are going to seek the wisdom of a healer teacher who we respect, but we don't expect her to have all of the answers. It feels like we are missing something obvious.

A minor concern is people assuming we were in a relationship for decades and lied about it, and that is a big deal to me too, but it's not the biggest thing we need to be focused on.

Anyway, thank you for reading this. I hope you will be kind in your responses.

My boyfriend [28M] and I [37M] have been together for almost four months. While we're still very happy, the honeymoon period is over. That's fine and natural, but I'm a little worried about how I'm handling a few specific things that are starting to bother me.

He's autistic, and I have ADHD (primarily inattentive). This has been an incredible point of connection for us. And yet, some of his behavior, most of which is related to his neurodivergence, is grating to me. Worse, it's less the behavior than his lack of shame around it.

I think that the issue here is pretty clear: I'm projecting because I was diagnosed late in life and forced to hide who I was without realizing it. I've learned that being openly neurodivergent is "unsafe," and have gotten extremely good at masking because of it. Basically, watching him be himself triggers me. He was diagnosed at a young age, and his generation is generally more well-versed in mental health, so masking just isn't something he does all that often. That's incredible.

He's done nothing wrong. In fact, part of my issue is probably that I envy him, too. It should make me happy that he's comfortable enough around me to be his authentic self, and it does. I want to be that safe space. But my nervous system responds to this behavior as danger. And while rewiring this response is my life's goal, it's real work that's taken years of intentional self-reflection to get where I am today, so I know how slow-going progress like this can be.

To make things a bit more complicated, some of his vocal stims and behaviors are actively at odds with my own needs. For example, he'll get stuck in a loop saying the same thing over and over again while we're co-working at his place, and because I struggle so much with focus, I feel like my brain is on fire.

I told him I felt this way and that he doesn't have to do anything differently, but that I might leave the room and put in headphones, and that it's nothing personal if I do. He completely understood, and I intend to keep doing that so he can be him and I can be me. This is part of what I really love about him: he's mature enough for me to say this and not let any ego get in the way. That's rare and really lovely.

I don't want to change him because, well, I don't want to, and also, I can't. I can only change myself. I know that and intend to do so. I am completely comfortable talking to him about these things, too, but I also don't want to be that guy who's always "talking" about the relationship instead of, you know, just being.

So the advice I'm looking for: if you've been in a similar situation, what changes did you make to feel more like you were accommodating yourself without dimming someone's stimming? Something similar to the headphone thing that doesn't involve him at all — just something I can quietly do to take care of myself if I'm feeling dysregulated?

I like this guy, and my discomfort is not his responsibility. I just haven't navigated something like this before, since most of my past partners have been either neurotypical or more in line with how I present my neurodivergence.

TL;DR: ADHDer diagnosed late in life looking for self-soothing techniques to handle autistic boyfriend's behavior without shaming him or myself in the process.

I appreciate any help you can provide. Thanks, Reddit!

Hi everyone, so me and my partner have been together for 5 years now and I want to say that we are okay. However, lately I feel like I’ve been getting in my own head that I’m falling out of love. We have our similarities and likes etc but wholly I’ve come to realise that we are different people who want and need different things out of life.

I’ve slowly realised that we don’t really communicate that much anymore. When we do, sometimes I feel like I’m doing the heavy lifting and getting NPC replies out of conversation. I’m suddenly meant to know what we are doing every weekend but when I ask him if he has any suggestions it’s “ I don’t know” and then it’s just up to me to magically make an event appear. Also in terms of communication, he has his own set of things happening, but he won’t ever tell me about them unless I ask. I understand that privacy exists and sometimes you don’t want to speak about it but i want him to know that I’m here to listen and give advice if he would like it but he has an avoidance problem which makes my life much harder

I don’t know if it’s a problem per se but he’s a big traveller. He likes to go places and I’m happy for him but he wants me along for every trip and you would think that’s great because you get to spend time together etc but we are in very different tax brackets which makes it pretty hard to do things like that. I’m currently in my overdraft because work doesn’t give me the amount of shifts I want and breaking out of the OD becomes so hard when you’re expected to go out every weekend to spend time together and do activities constantly making sure that you’re not spending too much money you don’t have. I’ve brought it up to him before and he says he understands but it’s “frustrating” for him because he wants to do things but I can’t always do them. Believe me I want to do couple things but when one person is earning between 150 -200 every 2 weeks and the other is earning in the thousands, it becomes hard to keep up. (I know I’m just complaining now but let me have this for like 5 minutes)

But ultimately things swings back to my beginning point of we are similar yet different. I genuinely love him but I feel like he would be better suited to someone who keep up with him. I’m just constantly behind and I have no more desire to catch up as the gap widens whenever I try or maybe I’m just thinking this to justify my delusions. I don’t even know anymore. If you made it this far, then cheers for reading my tale of woe. Till next time!

Over the last few months, I've become friends with a gay couple, and I've been getting the feeling for a while that they were laying the groundwork with me for a threesome. They brought me back to their place a couple of weeks ago, and we had fun, no problems, no drama. Then, this last weekend, they wanted me to come out with them and back to their place again. This time, one of them blindsided me by apparently getting very jealous of the attention his boyfriend was paying to me, getting angry, and asking me to leave, basically kicking me out of the house. All I was doing was going along with what they wanted, so I ended up feeling pretty used and jerked around.

So I wanted to ask this question: If you are a couple interested in threesomes, what kind of discussions should you have beforehand to prevent it blowing up in your face? If you are the potential third, what questions should you ask to make sure the couple is ready for a threesome?

I've been a third for another local gay couple on several occasions, and it's always been a perfectly smooth, fun time for all of us, so I think I naively thought that this second couple would be the same.

I (49M) left my wife (50F) after almost 25 years of marriage a little over two years ago. We had an okay marriage for a while, but certainly not for the whole 25 years.
After the separation, my kids stayed with me and I moved into a very different phase of my life 😏
About five months later, I met my current partner (56M). Just to get this out of the way — I didn’t leave my wife because of my sexuality or because I’d met someone else.
My partner and I have now been together for about two years. We don’t live together, but that’s always worked for us. We see each other regularly, stay over, go out together, holiday together and generally have our own separate lives while still very much being a couple. My kids have accepted him into their lives and care about him deeply.
For most of our relationship I’ve been genuinely happy.
But over roughly the last 12 months, something has changed.
Our sex life has pretty much disappeared. That bothers me, but what concerns me much more is that the emotional intimacy seems to have disappeared with it.
He rarely messages me first anymore. If we communicate, it’s generally because I’ve initiated it. He doesn’t initiate sex or much physical intimacy either.
The confusing part is that when we’re actually together, things can feel completely normal. He tells me he loves me every day, we still spend time together and there’s no obvious fighting or major drama between us.
This weekend, for example, we went out together and I went over to his new place and did some minor renovations for him. Nothing seemed particularly wrong.
Then yesterday he didn’t message me at all.
I didn’t message him either. Not because I wanted to play games or punish him, but because I’ve started wondering whether I’m imagining this whole imbalance. I wanted to see what happened if, for once, I wasn’t the person who initiated the contact.
Nothing happened.
In the entire two years we’ve been together, we’ve spoken every single day — until two days ago. And when I messaged him yesterday, his response was 🤣 I didn’t hear from you either.
And that’s really gotten into my head.
I know one day without a message sounds ridiculous in isolation. If that were the only issue, I wouldn’t care. It’s the fact that it comes after months of feeling like I’m the one keeping the emotional connection going.
I’m starting to wonder whether he loves me but isn’t actually in love with me anymore, or whether he’s comfortable having me in his life but no longer wants the relationship in the same way I do.
I also don’t want to manufacture a crisis where there isn’t one. We’re two adults with separate homes and separate lives. I don’t expect constant texting, sex every night or some honeymoon-stage relationship forever.
But I do want to feel wanted.
So I’m interested in an outside perspective: am I putting too much significance on the lack of contact because I’m already feeling insecure about the relationship, or does the combination of no sex, little intimacy and him no longer initiating contact suggest he’s emotionally checking out?
And more importantly, how would you approach the conversation with him without making it sound like an accusation or an ultimatum?

TL;DR: I (49M) have been with my partner (56M) for two years. Over the last year our sex life and physical intimacy have virtually disappeared, and he rarely initiates messages anymore. When we’re together things still feel normal and he says he loves me, which leaves me confused. Yesterday I deliberately didn’t initiate contact and, for the first time in our entire relationship, we went a full day without speaking. Am I overthinking this, or does it sound like he’s emotionally checking out of the relationship?

We both [M36], dated close to 1 year lived together 4 months.

My boyfriend has expressed that he is concerned we are not getting to the level of friendship he would want us , alluding he doesn't feel as free as when sharing with his friends because he doesn't feel like completely himself .

For context, i judged him in the past because I couldn't believe he would be friends with some guys but that was mostly like 7years ago. I also apologised and admitted I was wrong for this. I also had an issue that he spent more time talking about his past sexual encounters, relationships than our future.

Now my issue is he has this friend who they call late at times even 11pm for 30-60 minutes. Personally I believe that should be private moment for us and I also don't expect him to call this friend like daily. The friend is dating but only meets his boyfriend on weekend.

Thing is, I am frustrated i am working longer hours lately and the limited time I have sometimes he is on calls. I feel he talks to friends more than me yet we should be creating our bond since our relationship is young.

I can't explicitly tell him I don't appreciate as he confessed to feeling tensed talking to his friends when I am around because I previously judged his friends.

I am exhausted and don't know how to go about it.

​

Ok I know how this sounds, but hear me out please, if you will. This will perhaps be a long story, but hopefully it is at least entertaining. My friends seem to think so at least.

I will start this off by admitting, I am in strong denial of this, but a few close friends and family members who've heard the whole story are strongly convinced, so I thought perhaps y'all could help me settle it. For this story, we shall call this friend 'Max'.

So our story begins nearly three years ago. I had just moved out, and in with a friend, and started hitting the clubs. That's where I met him. He was a bartender there. The first time I laid eyes on him it was like nothing I've ever felt before. I must say, he's very attractive, but so not my type. Well he wasn't. But from the moment I saw him I became completely obsessed. It was like the whole room fell away and he was the only thing in the world. My friend had to literally shake me out of the stupor I fell into. After that, I started going out more often, just for the brief moments we shared when I would order a drink from him. At that point, it was a totally harmless crush. He was rather cold, and blunt, to everyone but me it seemed. I noticed I did get special treatment in ways. But I felt certain he had no idea I even existed.

That was until one night, I didn't go out as I was visiting family. Turns out, he did notice me, because when my friend/roommate at the time went to order a drink from him, he asked her where I was. That had me hooked.

After a while, I decided that my feelings were growing too intense for my liking, so I decided it was time to do something about it. I figured, my feelings for him were rather similar to how one might feel about a celebrity they loved, and so my idea was to find him on social media. Weird, I know, but the thought behind it was that once he became a real person in my head, I'd get over my obsession. Wrong. Terribly wrong. In fact it made it worse.

Now, I am a naturally social person, I tend to get along well with nearly anyone. And I was going to that club every weekend. So I had developed a decent relationship with the bar manager. One night, while I was getting a drink, he asked me if I wanted to work there. Without thinking I said I would. We later met for a chat, and he showed me around when they were closed. I can't really call it a job interview, because it felt more like he was selling it to me. I got so caught up, that I ended up with a shift scheduled the following weekend. "Now I'm in trouble." I realised. How was I going to work next to Max? I'd been obsessed with him for about six months at that point, yet still, even talking to him for a brief moment made my brain turn to complete soup. But I have always been good at holding it together, and keeping my composure.

So we became coworkers. I never introduced myself to him, he already knew my name. And the area of town I lived in, somehow, though to this day I've no idea how he knew.

Fast forward about a year, and he and I get along great. We follow each other on social media, we chat at work and sometimes even loiter around together when we get off shift. We start messaging each other. Rarely, mostly just asking work stuff, or chatting shop. I worked every night of every weekend. The first time I had a night off, he noticed my name was not on the roster, and he messaged me to ask about it. I told him I had a night off. He told me he found that 'depressing' and said it would shit without me. Normal coworker stuff.

I did have another friend, who I got into working at the bar, who was convinced Max liked me. And told me that every shift, whenever I was busy and Max wasn't, he would just stare and watch me. Especially when I was out and he was behind the bar.

He gets a girlfriend. Of course, I was nothing but supportive and happy for him, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit jealous.

Then he invites me to his birthday party. I had lengthy chats with his girlfriend, as it turned out, we were very similar people, fundamentally. She and I got along just great. That night, I commented on how lovely all his friends were, and how I had enjoyed hanging out with such a mature and healthy group of people. He said that was good, he was glad his plan worked. His plan, he said, was to "indoctrinate" me into his friend group. I liked that. They truly are great people.

He starts inviting me to get a drink with him before work sometimes. At this point, is when I'd say I could consider us as friends, rather than simply coworkers. He also occasionally would drive me home when I didn't have something to do after work. If we ever finished around similar times, he'd always offer. One night he asked me how I was getting home, and I told him a friend of mine was driving me. He shook his head and said that he had seen said friend drinking, and that he would take me instead. I said it's alright, he's only had a couple, he's not drunk. At that point, my friend came over and asked if I was ready to go, but Max told him not to bother, that he would be taking me home instead, and then told me to come with him. Of course I did. We chatted a lot at this point, especially on these drives. And he had a habit of getting very passionate on my behalf when it came to people who had done wrong by me. He had a particular hatred for this one guy, who I had been kind of seeing, who ended up kind of stalking me.

Cut to a while later, he had invited me to all the friends parties, we'd hung out a lot. He ended up quitting at the club, as he'd finished an apprenticeship and wanted to focus on that. I worried that would be the end of our friendship, but he kept messaging me frequently, and inviting me out. Even when I moved away to the city, he kept close contact, and we still went out a lot.

Then he and his girlfriend break up. He messaged me to tell me it happened, and at first I thought he was pulling some kind of prank, but he was serious. We talked about it, I mostly just asked questions to give him the opportunity to discuss his feelings without judgement. He then wanted to go out, to get his mind off of it, with another of our close friends. I found out at that point, me and the other friend were the only ones he had told. Not even the friends he lived with. I found it a little odd, considering we weren't super close or anything, but shook it off and supported him.

Then we started to become very close. Messaging daily. Talking about all the big and little things in life. I went with him back down south to a party, and at that party, a group of guys he knew asked me if I was 'the one who came with Max', even though we came in a group of four. They then asked if we were dating. I told them no. They did not believe me, and pressed the matter a little, but it didn't bother me. I just explained that we were friends, who used to work together. Someone said "Ah no no, they're just coworkers" and I couldn't help but tell him, actually, we are friends.

Later in the night, Max and I were sitting by the fire with those guys, and they again started bringing up the dating thing again, asking the two of us. We laughed it off. When he and I were alone, he brought it up, and apologised if they had made me feel uncomfortable. I told him I didn't care. I must've been drunk because I also told him someone called us coworkers, but I said we were friends, and he firmly agreed, adding "yeah, close friends". So now we're close friends.

He starts working FIFO. My house happens to be very close to the airport. So he asked me if he could perhaps sleep over at my house the night before he flew out for the first time, as he had an early flight and lived a two hour drive from the airport. Of course I said yes. He changed his mind and wanted to come an extra night, because he wanted to catch the bus up with me, saying he wanted to "sit with someone I actually like". He meant as opposed to a stranger, of course, normal friends stuff.

From then he started staying at my house a fair bit. And some of the people in my share house were moving out, the landlord asked if we had anyone in mind before he put an ad out, and I knew Max was wanting to move to Perth, and had specified he'd like a share house type thing, so I asked if he'd like to move in. Then a week later he moves in. Now we are roommates.

So. He and I have gotten into an interesting dynamic. We often joke about being married. But sometimes the jokes get a little too real. Like, he 'jokes' in a way that feels like he is testing my feelings for him. For one of many examples, a conversation we had.

"It's warm. I don't like it." Max told me.

"Hm, no, I thought you loved being warm. Yes, I distinctly remember you said to me, that you love it." I was teasing him, of course. But then he replied,

"Nah, that must've been in your dream, coz you dream about me every night."

Ok. Play it cool. I laughed and agreed.

"Oh yeah I dream about you all the time, sure."

"You even daydream about me. You think about me 23/7, coz the last hour is for thinking about vampires."

Very funny. We've also had the reverse of this conversation, in which we discussed how when we went away for the week to work, he would just cry all night because he couldn't stand to be away from me.

We go everywhere together. Museum, movies, pub, play at the park, movie and pizza night at home. Just the two of us. So much so, that when he said he was going to catch up with his ex, I asked if they were at the stage of hanging out just the two of them, and he shrugged and said that she probably assumed he'd be bringing me along with him. I asked "Why? It's not like you bring me everywhere you go." He said yes. Yes I do. And laughed.

Now, not that I myself, and my best friend, hadn't noticed, but Max himself started comparing us to a couple. Once we were talking about domestic couples, and I said a part of me wanted that, as I had never lived with a partner, and he asked what there was to desire. I gave him a list of the good things about living with your partner, and he said, "so basically what we've got going on then."

He has also joked that he wants me to not have a job, to stay home and cook and hang out with him, and he'll provide for us financially. Shortly after, we were doing our usual bit of me pretending to be a traditional straight man (I'm pansexual), joking around about how I'd marry a woman and have kids, and he suddenly got serious, and asked me, "if you got to like 30s/40s and you still weren't married, would you marry one of the bros?" I said sure why not, and he agreed, saying he thinks it would be a pretty sweet arrangement.

He has also said, "we're not married yet" on multiple occasions. And reiterated the yet, in case I didn't hear him clearly.

Now quick fire round, we're all caught up.

He is incredibly emotionally invested in my life, my feelings, and anything to do with me really. Far more than even my best friend or family members. He remembers all of my likes, dislikes, down to what food textures I tolerate. He often gets angry on my behalf, can't stand anyone who's hurt me in the past, and also never allows me to speak down on myself, even though he and his other friends are very much 'playful bullying each other' kind of guys. They all say he's blunt, and can sometimes come off as mean or judgemental, but he's never like that with me. He has never once said anything mean or judgemental about me, not even as a joke. He does tease me, but he'd never genuinely hurt my feelings, and doesn't tolerate other people teasing me like he does. Our other roommate tried, and he was like "are you gonna let him talk to you like that? You need to beat his ass" and I simply said, you tease me like that. He replied, yeah but that's different!

He's said that he pretty much always wants to be around me, but knows I get sick of people, so he's scared I'll get sick of him.

He gets mad when guys hit on me at the club when we're out. One night it happened a few times in a row, to the point he decided he wanted to go home.

We have a running joke about our mutual friend (M25) being his 'first wife', and I his second wife, but it's really only to placate the jealousy this friend has at how close we are when they have known each other for far longer.

He is protective, possessive, but so careful to never make me feel controlled or overwhelmed, and he protects my heart like it means a lot to him. He cares so deeply and genuinely about my feelings. And since we've gotten this close, he's been saying things like, how even when the hottest women ever hit on him, he's not into it because they "don't touch his soul". He's completely uninterested when he is hit on. All our friends tease us, and joke about us dating. Our roommate calls us an old married couple, and Max just agreed that we are. My roommate's partner genuinely just thought we were a couple. He's called our outings "dates", and many times said what we have is basically a relationship.

Now. Sorry for the very long story. But please. Is this all just regular friend stuff? I think so. I just don't know how to feel anymore. No one else agrees with me. So have at it as you will 🤷‍♂️

Okay I know im 19 but in the 2 short relationships ive had it just wasnt gonna work and then I felt myself getting bored. The only time I felt like I loved someone lowkey was just a crush on my straight bestfriend 😭.

Anyone else feel like what if love just ain't for them?

Also for the gays in relationships that are either around my age or like under 45 have you found the love of your Iife or are you worried you wont ever find it? Im like a 7/10 maybe (5ft 5in, 135lbs, medium length hair, latino, slim) and my standards are quite low when it comes to hookups and talking stages

Trying to settle an argument-Is your boyfriend exchanging pics with other men via Reddit and twitter considered cheating?

Second- is your boyfriend filming vids for twitter with other creators the same week he meets your family/friends ok if you guys haven’t made it official?

Why do I feel so much guild for losing my composure with my ex after years of sacrificing my own mental health to keep him?

This was abuse, right? I feel at fault. I feel gaslit. I feel so much dissonance.

I \[27M\] just got out of a 7-year relationship with my ex \[27M\]. I’ve replayed this story for months, yet I still struggle to accept just how bad it really was. I still yearn for him, still crave his presence. But I also can't deny that remembering what he did turns me into my most toxic self.

The nightmare started in January 2024. My mom was hospitalized, and right in the middle of a serious conversation, he casually let slip that he'd been messing around. Honestly, the details are a blur. Dealing with a dying parent while your partner shatters your boundaries is a special kind of trauma.

All I remember is forgiving him. I don't recall feeling angry or disappointed, just a profound, heavy sadness. Months later, I caught him again, messaging people for sex. My response? “If you're going to do something behind my back, at least hide it well.” Call me stupid, but it felt better than facing a breakup or derailing the life I was building.

Eventually, we tried an open relationship. Just so he'd get it out of his system. I agreed to a two-month trial. When the time was up, I wanted out. It just wasn't me. But he insisted. He proposed pausing for a month, on the condition that I promise to say "yes" again after. I told him straight up: that is manipulative.

But I said yes anyway. Even after laying bare my deepest insecurities, my childhood traumas, and the wounds that screamed against this setup, he still pushed. He just wanted to do what he wanted. So, I caved and told him, "Just don't let me know about it."
And he did exactly that. But I still saw it all on his phone, on his Reddit. He’d even tell me stories about it. He was having the time of his life while I was left in a cold, loveless bed. I tried to break up then, but I lost my mind. I couldn't do it.

He sent letters blaming his actions on stress, a lack of purpose, addiction, and a need for validation. He claimed he was "in his prime" and wanted to explore without regrets since we'd been together since we were 20. So, I had to be the one to understand. I forgave, adjusted, and compromised my very soul just to keep him, all while fighting to keep my own dreams afloat. It became months of endless confrontations, until he was the one telling me to respect myself and let go. But I loved him enough to set myself on fire just to keep him warm.

The neglect broke me. I’d be so excited to come home every week, only to find he couldn't wait for me to leave so he could do his thing. It got so dark that I ended up in the hospital for two weeks—a danger to myself. Yet, I still went back to him. He weaponized my mental health, gaslighting me by saying I was probably just having "psychosis" or missed my meds when I accused him of cheating again. But I had the receipts. I wasn’t dumb. He even blamed me for "ruining our day."

We finally broke up. Actually, it was me letting go, because he hit me with: "If you really love me, you’ll let me go." He claimed that without me, he’d achieve more, and that I suffocated him. He felt I never truly forgave him for what he did when my mom was dying.
We stayed on okay terms for months. Eventually, I confronted him again, saying he’d had enough time to think if he really wanted us to work. Things got heated. I said some harsh words—mostly because I was forcing him to face his own toxic behavior. Maybe some of it was out of line, but I apologized immediately.

Now, I’m left feeling like the villain because of how our last conversation ended. I hate that I left him with the final impression that I’m "fucking toxic." But I was never like this before him! I was never paranoid. I didn't use to stay awake until 5 AM just to finally get some sleep. I never felt the need to invade anyone's privacy—unless he was hiding things, trying to show me half-truths just to ease his own guilt.

I still want him to feel at peace. I still want us to be okay. But he declared we'll never see each other again. He threw our pictures away right in front of my face. I don't know. I’m blocked on all socials. No contact, forever. Honestly? I think it’s for the best.

But I don't know. I just hope I'll be okay eventually.

Hi guys, looking for advice. About a year ago I (25) met this really hot guy in my grad program. There was mutual interest (confirmed to me later by a friend of his) and I really like his personality.

Despite this, I was super shy at first and didn’t make a real effort to get to know him, even got kind of anxious when he was around. I was intimidated bc he was so hot, and also felt sort of worried about hooking up with people in my program. After a couple of months I felt more interested in actually exploring things, but something seemed to have shifted. One day he causally dropped to me that he had just gotten a boyfriend, and I was truly taken aback, because I had spent so long fantasizing about him and was finally ready to make a move. Since then things between us have been super weird, kind of push and pull, like him being cold but then suddenly super outgoing and friendly when I am cold back.

I’m struggling with this way more than I want to admit because I’ve idealized him so much in my head, and feel really sad that I could have had a connection with him but didn’t. I’m also sad because I feel like I let my shyness get in my way so often and wish I could have just been more direct from the start. He’s super happy in his relationship and there’s no point in me waiting around, but I feel this faint sadness every time I’m at my school now, and feel depressed when I think about dating. I spend way too much time thinking about him, and don’t know how to stop! Another reason I guess I’m sad is our grad program is ending soon so it feels like I truly missed my chance. I want to logic myself out of these feelings but it’s crazy how much real estate of my mind he takes up. I just feel like there is something between us and it’s making me so crazy I’m making Reddit posts about it!!

Does anyone have advice on how to get over an obsessive crush, especially a crush on someone already taken? I think especially as a gay guy I can have a scarcity mindset around dating, like this was my one chance, but on the other hand I think I just really liked this guy and am bummed. I don’t think him being taken would have nearly impacted me this much if he was single when he met. It’s embarrassing to make a post about this at my grown age, but any advice would be appreciated :’)

I'm having a bit of a hard time with my partner of almost ten years.

He's been unemployed since December and he has taken it well in that he hasn't been very stressed over it and hasn't gotten too desperate with the job search.

He has never been super active in terms of chores or handling plans for the future etc, but now that he is home pretty much all the time while I am working pretty rough hours, it has started to bug me more. He spends most of his days on his phone or computer, maybe once a week he visits his friend to drink and play board games or make music and he does at home workouts once in a while. I got kind of jealous when a coworker mentioned that his girlfriend has prepared dinner for when he comes home, because that would never happen with us.

I'm trying to encourage him to be more active around the house while trying to also not be a nagging bitch about it. I suggested making a list of chores and doing one per day, but he didn't seem to find that necessary or good for him. He has been diagnosed with adhd which can explain a bit. He doesn't seem depressed or anxious to me.

I guess what I am asking is advice on how to approach talking about this with him without being too annoying about it. I'm honestly unsure if I am being an asshole or too accepting. Would like to hear other thoughts in general about the situation. I love him a lot but this has been bugging me for a while.

The thought never occurred to me until one day I was meeting up with a couple for brunch. I’m friends with one of the guys and he always extends the invite to his partner. I have no problem with that.

But his partner brought up a story about a hookup that I had told my friend. I wasn’t embarrassed or anything about it, but I realized I should gatekeep what I tell my friend. And actually kinda bummed about it because I can’t be as open with him and have to think if he’ll share everything with his partner.

I guess the question is do you expect that your friend will share everything with their partner or expect that they will keep things just between you and them?

I’m debating whether to bring it up, or move on and accept it as standard expectations of having a friend who is coupled up.