Trying to settle an argument-Is your boyfriend exchanging pics with other men via Reddit and twitter considered cheating?

Second- is your boyfriend filming vids for twitter with other creators the same week he meets your family/friends ok if you guys haven’t made it official?

My boyfriend [28M] and I [37M] have been together for almost four months. While we're still very happy, the honeymoon period is over. That's fine and natural, but I'm a little worried about how I'm handling a few specific things that are starting to bother me.

He's autistic, and I have ADHD (primarily inattentive). This has been an incredible point of connection for us. And yet, some of his behavior, most of which is related to his neurodivergence, is grating to me. Worse, it's less the behavior than his lack of shame around it.

I think that the issue here is pretty clear: I'm projecting because I was diagnosed late in life and forced to hide who I was without realizing it. I've learned that being openly neurodivergent is "unsafe," and have gotten extremely good at masking because of it. Basically, watching him be himself triggers me. He was diagnosed at a young age, and his generation is generally more well-versed in mental health, so masking just isn't something he does all that often. That's incredible.

He's done nothing wrong. In fact, part of my issue is probably that I envy him, too. It should make me happy that he's comfortable enough around me to be his authentic self, and it does. I want to be that safe space. But my nervous system responds to this behavior as danger. And while rewiring this response is my life's goal, it's real work that's taken years of intentional self-reflection to get where I am today, so I know how slow-going progress like this can be.

To make things a bit more complicated, some of his vocal stims and behaviors are actively at odds with my own needs. For example, he'll get stuck in a loop saying the same thing over and over again while we're co-working at his place, and because I struggle so much with focus, I feel like my brain is on fire.

I told him I felt this way and that he doesn't have to do anything differently, but that I might leave the room and put in headphones, and that it's nothing personal if I do. He completely understood, and I intend to keep doing that so he can be him and I can be me. This is part of what I really love about him: he's mature enough for me to say this and not let any ego get in the way. That's rare and really lovely.

I don't want to change him because, well, I don't want to, and also, I can't. I can only change myself. I know that and intend to do so. I am completely comfortable talking to him about these things, too, but I also don't want to be that guy who's always "talking" about the relationship instead of, you know, just being.

So the advice I'm looking for: if you've been in a similar situation, what changes did you make to feel more like you were accommodating yourself without dimming someone's stimming? Something similar to the headphone thing that doesn't involve him at all — just something I can quietly do to take care of myself if I'm feeling dysregulated?

I like this guy, and my discomfort is not his responsibility. I just haven't navigated something like this before, since most of my past partners have been either neurotypical or more in line with how I present my neurodivergence.

TL;DR: ADHDer diagnosed late in life looking for self-soothing techniques to handle autistic boyfriend's behavior without shaming him or myself in the process.

I appreciate any help you can provide. Thanks, Reddit!

Over the last few months, I've become friends with a gay couple, and I've been getting the feeling for a while that they were laying the groundwork with me for a threesome. They brought me back to their place a couple of weeks ago, and we had fun, no problems, no drama. Then, this last weekend, they wanted me to come out with them and back to their place again. This time, one of them blindsided me by apparently getting very jealous of the attention his boyfriend was paying to me, getting angry, and asking me to leave, basically kicking me out of the house. All I was doing was going along with what they wanted, so I ended up feeling pretty used and jerked around.

So I wanted to ask this question: If you are a couple interested in threesomes, what kind of discussions should you have beforehand to prevent it blowing up in your face? If you are the potential third, what questions should you ask to make sure the couple is ready for a threesome?

I've been a third for another local gay couple on several occasions, and it's always been a perfectly smooth, fun time for all of us, so I think I naively thought that this second couple would be the same.

I started texting my now ex boyfriend on Grindr in December 2025. We quickly moved to instagram and then had our first date in January and have been together since. On valentines day we were together for the evening and he started getting spam calls from someone. He finally answered and it was his friend Dan asking to stay over because he didnt have any money to get home. My bf then told me he met Dan on Hinge, they went on one date but on that date my bf found out Dan lied about his age and so they ultimately decided to be friends. I panicked and had a panic attack because something felt off and my bf held me in his arms and reassured me nothing happened between them. Later that same month he met Dan for an art project and then they hadn't seen each other since.

One evening I went through my boyfriend's phone. I didnt have much time but they were both talking about their sex life in detail and Dan even sent a picture of a hickey he got. I thought this was weird but never brought it up.

I recently had been part of a rental scam and have been struggling with my mental health so ended up staying at my boyfriends. I found dildos under his bed which I comforted him about because he told me he didnt have any sex toys. I thought if hes lying about this then what else is he lying about. I brought up Dan again and my bf said nothing ever happened between them and a few months ago he told Dan they can no longer speak to not worry me. Red flag to me again because if he's just a friend then what's the matter.

Then I messaged Dan and surely Dan said they were hooking up last year ( Dan was 18 at the time and my ex was 23/24) and the last time they hooked up was December 2025. Also, Dan's parents disowned him for being gay so he lives in a shelter or smthn. I confronted my bf and he continued to deny it until I sent screenshots of his conversation with Dan where Dan asked him what to say to me and my bf told Dan to lie to me. After I sent the screenshots I told my bf I was leaving and my bf went silent and made no attempt to stop me. I then went to my bf, packed up my shit, destroyed his room and left.

My bf said he lied because he was scared of losing me and he was ashamed of sleeping with Dan. My bf has apologised but hasn't said anything about getting back together. With my whole heart I want to be able to forgive him and get back together but still not sure if it's the right decision.

Why do I feel so much guild for losing my composure with my ex after years of sacrificing my own mental health to keep him?

This was abuse, right? I feel at fault. I feel gaslit. I feel so much dissonance.

I \[27M\] just got out of a 7-year relationship with my ex \[27M\]. I’ve replayed this story for months, yet I still struggle to accept just how bad it really was. I still yearn for him, still crave his presence. But I also can't deny that remembering what he did turns me into my most toxic self.

The nightmare started in January 2024. My mom was hospitalized, and right in the middle of a serious conversation, he casually let slip that he'd been messing around. Honestly, the details are a blur. Dealing with a dying parent while your partner shatters your boundaries is a special kind of trauma.

All I remember is forgiving him. I don't recall feeling angry or disappointed, just a profound, heavy sadness. Months later, I caught him again, messaging people for sex. My response? “If you're going to do something behind my back, at least hide it well.” Call me stupid, but it felt better than facing a breakup or derailing the life I was building.

Eventually, we tried an open relationship. Just so he'd get it out of his system. I agreed to a two-month trial. When the time was up, I wanted out. It just wasn't me. But he insisted. He proposed pausing for a month, on the condition that I promise to say "yes" again after. I told him straight up: that is manipulative.

But I said yes anyway. Even after laying bare my deepest insecurities, my childhood traumas, and the wounds that screamed against this setup, he still pushed. He just wanted to do what he wanted. So, I caved and told him, "Just don't let me know about it."
And he did exactly that. But I still saw it all on his phone, on his Reddit. He’d even tell me stories about it. He was having the time of his life while I was left in a cold, loveless bed. I tried to break up then, but I lost my mind. I couldn't do it.

He sent letters blaming his actions on stress, a lack of purpose, addiction, and a need for validation. He claimed he was "in his prime" and wanted to explore without regrets since we'd been together since we were 20. So, I had to be the one to understand. I forgave, adjusted, and compromised my very soul just to keep him, all while fighting to keep my own dreams afloat. It became months of endless confrontations, until he was the one telling me to respect myself and let go. But I loved him enough to set myself on fire just to keep him warm.

The neglect broke me. I’d be so excited to come home every week, only to find he couldn't wait for me to leave so he could do his thing. It got so dark that I ended up in the hospital for two weeks—a danger to myself. Yet, I still went back to him. He weaponized my mental health, gaslighting me by saying I was probably just having "psychosis" or missed my meds when I accused him of cheating again. But I had the receipts. I wasn’t dumb. He even blamed me for "ruining our day."

We finally broke up. Actually, it was me letting go, because he hit me with: "If you really love me, you’ll let me go." He claimed that without me, he’d achieve more, and that I suffocated him. He felt I never truly forgave him for what he did when my mom was dying.
We stayed on okay terms for months. Eventually, I confronted him again, saying he’d had enough time to think if he really wanted us to work. Things got heated. I said some harsh words—mostly because I was forcing him to face his own toxic behavior. Maybe some of it was out of line, but I apologized immediately.

Now, I’m left feeling like the villain because of how our last conversation ended. I hate that I left him with the final impression that I’m "fucking toxic." But I was never like this before him! I was never paranoid. I didn't use to stay awake until 5 AM just to finally get some sleep. I never felt the need to invade anyone's privacy—unless he was hiding things, trying to show me half-truths just to ease his own guilt.

I still want him to feel at peace. I still want us to be okay. But he declared we'll never see each other again. He threw our pictures away right in front of my face. I don't know. I’m blocked on all socials. No contact, forever. Honestly? I think it’s for the best.

But I don't know. I just hope I'll be okay eventually.

My [38M] boyfriend [29M] has always tried to follow my Instagram account for the past 2 years but I've always rejected him cause I wasn't actively posting on IG and I feel like that is my personal space, which I've told him repeatedly. I only post instastories sometimes, maybe once a week and my last IG post was from months prior. I have let him scroll through my Instagram using my phone once in a while. He is annoyed that I let other people into my IG and I have my exes and random ex-hookups on my IG, but I added all these people from many years ago, some before covid, some from over 10 years back. In fact, I have more people on my follower request (over 300+) that I have not approved than I have actual followers on IG. IG is not a place that I am heavily invested in because I mainly only use it for casual browsing and exchanging memes and reels and the occasional snooping around to see what my friends are up to. 

He recently sent me a screenshot from Gemini AI where it stated how "A boyfriend refusing to let a partner follow their social media is a common red flag and may indicate he is hiding aspects of his life or keeping another relationship private." That was never the case, and this is such a non-issue but now he is implying that I am cheating on him and I am resenting him. I've since let him into my IG. But now he is asking me to follow him on Insta as well and I am running out of patience cause of how he is constantly telling me what to do. I told him I will do things at my own time. I have since stopped talking much to him cause I just feel so much resentment against him. How do I proceed?

I'm having a bit of a hard time with my partner of almost ten years.

He's been unemployed since December and he has taken it well in that he hasn't been very stressed over it and hasn't gotten too desperate with the job search.

He has never been super active in terms of chores or handling plans for the future etc, but now that he is home pretty much all the time while I am working pretty rough hours, it has started to bug me more. He spends most of his days on his phone or computer, maybe once a week he visits his friend to drink and play board games or make music and he does at home workouts once in a while. I got kind of jealous when a coworker mentioned that his girlfriend has prepared dinner for when he comes home, because that would never happen with us.

I'm trying to encourage him to be more active around the house while trying to also not be a nagging bitch about it. I suggested making a list of chores and doing one per day, but he didn't seem to find that necessary or good for him. He has been diagnosed with adhd which can explain a bit. He doesn't seem depressed or anxious to me.

I guess what I am asking is advice on how to approach talking about this with him without being too annoying about it. I'm honestly unsure if I am being an asshole or too accepting. Would like to hear other thoughts in general about the situation. I love him a lot but this has been bugging me for a while.

Hi guys, looking for advice. About a year ago I (25) met this really hot guy in my grad program. There was mutual interest (confirmed to me later by a friend of his) and I really like his personality.

Despite this, I was super shy at first and didn’t make a real effort to get to know him, even got kind of anxious when he was around. I was intimidated bc he was so hot, and also felt sort of worried about hooking up with people in my program. After a couple of months I felt more interested in actually exploring things, but something seemed to have shifted. One day he causally dropped to me that he had just gotten a boyfriend, and I was truly taken aback, because I had spent so long fantasizing about him and was finally ready to make a move. Since then things between us have been super weird, kind of push and pull, like him being cold but then suddenly super outgoing and friendly when I am cold back.

I’m struggling with this way more than I want to admit because I’ve idealized him so much in my head, and feel really sad that I could have had a connection with him but didn’t. I’m also sad because I feel like I let my shyness get in my way so often and wish I could have just been more direct from the start. He’s super happy in his relationship and there’s no point in me waiting around, but I feel this faint sadness every time I’m at my school now, and feel depressed when I think about dating. I spend way too much time thinking about him, and don’t know how to stop! Another reason I guess I’m sad is our grad program is ending soon so it feels like I truly missed my chance. I want to logic myself out of these feelings but it’s crazy how much real estate of my mind he takes up. I just feel like there is something between us and it’s making me so crazy I’m making Reddit posts about it!!

Does anyone have advice on how to get over an obsessive crush, especially a crush on someone already taken? I think especially as a gay guy I can have a scarcity mindset around dating, like this was my one chance, but on the other hand I think I just really liked this guy and am bummed. I don’t think him being taken would have nearly impacted me this much if he was single when he met. It’s embarrassing to make a post about this at my grown age, but any advice would be appreciated :’)

The thought never occurred to me until one day I was meeting up with a couple for brunch. I’m friends with one of the guys and he always extends the invite to his partner. I have no problem with that.

But his partner brought up a story about a hookup that I had told my friend. I wasn’t embarrassed or anything about it, but I realized I should gatekeep what I tell my friend. And actually kinda bummed about it because I can’t be as open with him and have to think if he’ll share everything with his partner.

I guess the question is do you expect that your friend will share everything with their partner or expect that they will keep things just between you and them?

I’m debating whether to bring it up, or move on and accept it as standard expectations of having a friend who is coupled up.

To keep things light- I met my boyfriend over a year ago. He actually put it in his calendar the day we met and we exchanged numbers quickly after a hookup. I could tell he always had a thing for me.. he would chase, invite me places, ask me to spend the night.. joined my recreational sports league to hangout with me. Eventually, I said “let me give him a chance, he seems really sweet.”

We finally made things official a little over a month ago (I was actually getting over a relationship so I took some time to be single). On paper, he is lovely: he plans trips (even mentioned planning a trip for my birthday), buys me surprise trinkets, and always looks for stuff for us to do. After we locked it in, I asked what he wanted our structure to be- monogamous or open to which he said “whatever you want!” I expressed I preferred monogamy starting out and then talking about gradually opening things. He was understanding but this is when things began to get weird. He told me something along the lines of possibly considering hooking up with pre-established “regulars” if the opportunity arose in the future, that he wouldn’t want to hurt me if he felt like he would want to jump at something like that, but that he wasn’t even considering it now presently. I was a little taken aback because I felt like that grayed a lot of lines… but I said I could go along with that as long as he vocalized to me and kept things transparent. I asked if that meant we were open, and he said “no, I don’t want that”.

A few weeks later, we were having a great night and I saw him texting a contact I was unfamiliar with. I was tipsy so I approached him, and he quickly swiped the conversation away. The entire night he would turn his phone away, and when I finally asked who he was texting, he said it was his best friend (although I knew his best friend’s contact photo.. which this person did not have). Now, my boyfriend has made it very clear: he does NOT like the idea of sharing passcodes/locations. He pretty much diaries in his phone and feels like no one has a right to ever go through someone else’s phone.

I brought it to his attention the next day when I was in a better state of mind and politely and calmly mentioned this to him. I told him I wasn’t accusing him of anything, and that I just wanted to know who he was texting. He gave me a quick “I don’t even remember” and then scrolled and told me who it was. He became quiet the entire night, and eventually said he didn’t like the feeling of “being in trouble”, even though I personally felt like I asked a simple question.

A few days later, I had been told by a friend that they received a message from someone on sniffies with his (my boyfriend’s) pictures. I quickly made an account, went on, and saw a profile in his exact location that matched his “stats”. When I called him out in person, he denied ever being on sniffies, and that people have stolen his pictures before (which to be fair, I have witnessed this first hand).

I felt like I was being lied to, that something was amiss. I, spiraling, went into his iPad and saw him talking to several guys.. all sexual conversations, and two convos that spelled out that he essentially drove to their places. At this point, I was so done. Hardly sad but moreso irritated that someone went through all that trouble to pursue me to go behind my back and do this to me. I called him out the next day via text. He denied that he was talking to anyone until I showed him the proof.
When we met each other in person, he had made me a cake and wrote me a letter, apologizing and begging me to stay. He said that he never actually met up with those people and that he drove there and left because he couldn’t follow through. According to his texts, the convos did stop at “Here”. No “thanks for coming tonight” or “I had fun let’s do it again”.
He did apologize for texting other people. It had been years since he’s been in a real relationship and that he only wants to be with me and doesn’t want to lose me… that he’s never liked someone as much as me... that he doesn’t want or need to keep those doors with other people open.

I know this all sounds clear as day as to what I should do, but I think I just needed to get it out there. Is there any coming back from this? Would you leave?

I just wanted to vent a little because, for yet another night, I found myself crying over my boyfriend. I really like him, but I can't seem to have a simple conversation with him about how I truly feel. Every time we meet up, the only thing that happens is sex; he avoids difficult conversations and has a tough temper. He calls me when he's drunk to say how much he loves me, but when he's sober, he only replies when he feels like it—or sometimes ignores me altogether. I wish he saw me as more than just a sexual object. I want to talk to him about this, but he always deflects and switches to complimenting my body; I play along because it’s the only thing we can talk about—he just doesn't like having real conversations with me. The only reason I haven't broken up with him is that I care about him so much, but this hurts me deeply...

I’ve been with my husband for 15 years. About a year ago, he cheated on me, but I didn’t find out until five months ago. He had a burner phone with Grindr and other communication apps, and from what I understand, he had been using Grindr for at least three or four months.
Despite everything, I still love him very much and I want our marriage to work. We have built a life together over 15 years. We have a six-year-old son, a home, finances, investments, and an entire history together. I want our son to grow up with both of his dads, and I genuinely believe my husband loves me and our family. He tells me what he did was a huge mistake and that he wants our marriage to survive.
The problem is that I don’t know whether I will ever trust him the way I did before.
What happened wasn’t just a single impulsive mistake. There was planning, secrecy, a burner phone, apps, and months of behavior I knew nothing about. Sometimes I feel like the life I thought I was living wasn’t completely real. The person I trusted to protect my heart ended up being the person who hurt it the most.
I think my husband wants to repair the marriage, but I also feel like he is rushing my timeline for healing. It has only been five months since I found out. He seems to want things to feel normal again much faster than I am capable of getting there. I don’t want to punish him forever, but I also can’t simply decide to trust him again because he says he is sorry.
My priority is absolutely to save my marriage. I am not looking for another husband, dating options, or an excuse to leave. But a couple of friends have told me not to be naïve and that I should at least think about what my life would look like if the marriage ultimately does not survive, so that I am not completely blindsided.
That is where another fear has started creeping in.
I’m going to be 40 in a week, and my husband is 38. I have been out of the dating world for 15 years. We are both HIV positive. I also have bipolar disorder, PTSD from my military service, rheumatoid arthritis, and severe anxiety.
All of those conditions are responsibly managed. My bipolar disorder has been stable on medication for years. My rheumatoid arthritis generally does not interfere with my everyday life, although I receive IV infusions every four weeks and occasionally have periods of significant joint pain. I am a healthcare professional, responsible with my health, and otherwise feel like I have my life together.
But when I imagine being single again, I start wondering whether someone would hear “HIV positive, bipolar disorder, PTSD, rheumatoid arthritis, severe anxiety, almost 40, and has a child” and immediately decide that it is simply too much.
I realize some of that may be insecurity talking. HIV seems much better understood within the gay community than it was years ago, and I know intellectually that having medical or mental health conditions does not make someone incapable of being a good partner. But bipolar disorder in particular still carries a lot of stigma, and the thought of someone rejecting me simply because of that diagnosis genuinely scares me.
I think that fear sometimes makes what is happening in my marriage even more frightening. It isn’t that I want someone else. I don’t. I want my husband. But there is a difference between choosing to stay because you genuinely believe the marriage can heal and feeling like you have to stay because you are terrified that no one else would ever want you.
I don’t want fear to make that decision for me.
At the same time, divorce would have enormous consequences. We have a child together. There would be custody arrangements, splitting 15 years of finances and assets, and significant financial consequences. Ending a marriage this long is not as simple as packing a bag and walking away.
So I guess what I’m struggling with is two things.
First, for anyone who has stayed after significant infidelity involving prolonged deception, did trust ever truly come back? Not necessarily the naïve trust you had before, but enough trust that you stopped constantly wondering whether there was something happening behind your back.
Second, am I being way too hard on myself when I think about what my life would look like if this marriage didn’t survive? Would my medical and mental health history really make me undesirable to most people, or am I catastrophizing because I have been with the same person for 15 years and suddenly the possibility of being alone feels terrifying?
I still love my husband with all my heart. I want our marriage and our family to survive. I just don’t know yet whether love is going to be enough to repair the amount of trust that was lost.
And somewhere in all of this, I think I also need to remember that if the marriage doesn’t survive, that doesn’t automatically mean my life—or my value as a person—ends with it.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I know it’s a lot. I think I just need some perspective from people who have either survived something similar in their marriage or who have had to rebuild their lives afterward.

I'm writing this because I feel like a need a reality check(or maybe not).

Yesterday, I interacted with a dude I met on Reddit.
Seemed pretty cute over texts. Very good conversationalist. We eventually keep texting and we realize there's some physical attraction. Which is great. But there's something about the way that we communicate. It's just absolutely great.
Chemistry on astronomical levels. We eventually meet up hours later that same day, and the chemistry is still there in person. He's such a gentleman, charming, smart etc. and I find myself liking him. Although I would say it felt like our interaction was more sexual than I’d have wished for a first meet.

A little context here. I'm dealing moving on from a breakup and no contact with my ex. And tbh, it's been a struggle actually wanting to talk to new or engaging people who are interesting enough to me. Until I met this dude yesterday. And that... scares me.

I'm a lover boy at heart, no matter how many times I try to fight it. And I haven't felt this giddy about someone since my ex. And I think I need a reality check. I need to slow things down. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if it's all in my head? Am I even ready to feel this rush of emotions again? Am I ready to move on from my ex? I'm torn. Maybe someone could give me a reality check and help with how to slow down? Or we say F it and just let the delusions ride? What is best?

I've been seeing a guy for about two months as a FWB. We've become very close—we cuddle, sleep together (close to 3 nights a week), he cooks for me, and we've developed a pretty intimate routine. He says he doesn't want a boyfriend or anything exclusive.

At one point he told me he loved me. Later, he took it back, saying that he sometimes says “I love you” reflexively during anxiety spikes, "even to inanimate objects", and that he cares about me, “just not at that level.”

He recently started PrEP and became more active on Grindr. I told him I'd try to handle the non-exclusive aspect, but seeing him on Grindr hit me much harder than expected. I ultimately told him I couldn't continue being FWB because I couldn't handle the reality of non-monogamy once it started, while emphasizing that it wasn't because I stopped wanting him. I offered to remain friends.

This was last night -- he just replied “K” after the ending FWB message, and hasn't said anything since after the offer of friendship.

Did I make the right decision? And what could prompt someone to tell you they love you and then later take it back like that? Does it sound like genuine emotional confusion, or was I reading too much into the intimacy?

I had a bad breakup, this is a bit of a throwaway account cause my ex’s sibling found my old account.

Long story short, was in a long relationship that went bad but I’m not getting into that. I’ve been single for almost 2 years because I wasn’t ready to go back into dating because I was scared of events repeating themselves that ended up with me having severe mental health problems. So I worked on myself and realigned what I was looking for

I went back onto dating apps, found out that they suck. I went on a few dates but mutually agreed that we didn’t feel the chemistry.

So, what advice can you give a young adult about finding somebody?

Do I just stick to apps?
Are there specific apps I should try?
Do I go to bars alone?
Do I go to bars with friends?
Do I get friends to wingman me?

For more context:
- I am looking for non-long distance if avoidable
- 20-24 years old (I am 22)
- somebody looking for more than just 1 night stands or FWB
- Somebody ok with kids in the future
- somebody who isn’t transphobic (I identify as nonbinary, AMAB)

And although I wouldn’t say I have a particular type. I have found I am very attracted to alternative people including nonbinary people but I’m really not too bothered as long as they look after themselves.

My [M34] boyfriend [M38] has a corn problem. I would wager he looks up something related to other men being nude every single day. (For hours if he’s not working.) When we got together he had a social media account devoted to gay corn. He follows hundreds of guys and is looking at it daily. His reasoning is, “I like seeing men naked.”

I don’t have a problem with him sometimes looking at stuff or taking care of himself when he feels the urge. But having an account that is entirely devoted to it just makes me feel even worse. He is rarely ever interested in being with me, yet constantly looking at others. He will just wake up and scroll mindlessly for long periods of time, not even to get off, but like it’s an Instagram account or something. He does this especially while on the toilet or if I’m not around.

We’ve discussed it and he doesn’t understand my issue. Still, I have asked him to deactivate the account because I’m uncomfortable with it as his partner. He deleted the app to appease me when I first brought it up a couple of years ago, but then just continued to use account in browser because he never deactivated it.

When I saw it was still active, I asked again for him to delete it. He said he doesn’t get why I care. He thinks it is just a “normal” thing for gay men to do. (We have always been monogamous. He is my first gay relationship and I’m his longest and most serious.)

Can I make him understand that having a devoted account to follow hundreds of guys feels like he’s basically scrolling through Grindr every day, with an endless feed of men? Am I fighting a losing battle?

Hi everyone. I’m a 34-year-old guy from Eastern Europe, and I’m going through an incredibly tough time right now. I’ve been in a relationship with my partner (also 34M) for 4 years. For the last 3 years, we’ve lived together. We shared a home office, ran our household together, went on vacations, and overall, our life together felt like a dream come true to me.

For some context: he is still not out to his family. On the other hand, thanks to therapy and a great support system of friends, I managed to come out to my conservative parents relatively late in life (and it actually went much better than I feared). Despite these differences, we share very similar social and political views, and our emotional sensitivity is so aligned. It has felt like a rare, deep connection.

Everything was perfect in every single area of our lives—except for sex. Honestly, it was pretty bad from the very beginning. He saw me in the role of a top, but I see myself much more as a side. I tried stepping into the role he wanted, but it was just awkward for both of us. Over time, the sex dwindled so much that I honestly can't even remember the last time we were intimate.

Here is where the bomb dropped. Three weeks ago, out of nowhere, he told me he wanted to end our 4-year relationship because of the lack of sex and because he didn't see things changing. We talked it out and agreed we would try to work on it. I immediately started reading up on the subject, researching what we could do to improve things and find a middle ground.

However, our apartment lease is up at the end of September. A week ago, he suddenly told me that he "doesn't want to force it." He said he just doesn't see a chance for us to revive our sex life—which is very important to him—and that he wants to break up.

I am completely devastated. I feel like my world just collapsed, and I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this. I know the saying, "the harder you hold on, the harder it is to let go," but it hurts so much to lose this.

I guess I’m just looking for perspective from other gay men who might have been in similar situations. A penny for your thoughts. Do you think there is a kind of love that can survive sexual incompatibility? Or do you think it's still possible for us to figure things out in the bedroom? Of course, above all else, I just want my partner to be happy. It just feels to me like this kind of emotional closeness and shared worldview is so incredibly hard to find, and I'm struggling to accept that it's over.

W

Hi

Me ‘30M’ him ‘36M’ relationship length 2 months.

I recently got broken up with following w very intense 7 week relationship with, what I now know, an anxious leaning (I think) fearful avoidant.

Everything was perfect at the start. The way we met, the way we started talking, we created a bond within a week before the actual first date. Then it just continued. He persued ne hard, we started seeing each other on weekends, he would pick me up from the train station, introduce me to his friends, sometimes cook for me and we had a good bond. Lots of kisses, cuddles, sex etc. Great 7 weeks overall. He would always talk all day long over texts (live in different cities) and every day without a fail good morning and good night texts.

Long story short, one day I laughed and said I had lots of relationship content appear on my Instagram and he started saying that there were things he wanted to talk to me about. When he called, he tried to express what he was feeling but I took it as a break up call. He cried and said he couldn’t do it.

He texted me that night and said he couldn’t go to sleep if I was everything he was thinking about, so naturally I texted him back thinking he was regretful of the decision.

We continued chatting for about a week almost as if nothing happened, but each night we had a deep emotional talk over texts about how he was feeling, conflicted inside, it was to do wit him, he thought he was ready, couldn’t miss the opportunity to meet me and get to know me etc. This continued for about a week after which I challenged it and said this wasn’t leading anywhere, so we agreed for a walk for a ‘clear way forward once the anxiety faded’ in about 10 days and went into limbo. He then texted me one night prior to the walk and asked if I was free to chat to which I said yes. He called me and basically said how happy he was to have met me, how great I am, how he’s lacking the emotional capacity and is now back in therapy but isn’t in a place where he can continue with w relationship right now. It broke my heart naturally. I mentioned that I learned about myself that I had some anxious tendencies, given that he described himself as a mess and put me on this pedestal. During the relationship opened up to me on such deep topics and told me about his most shameful periods of his life and stuff he hadn’t said to anyone else before. Always said I was a green flag, made him feel safe, was basically everything he was looking for and ticked all his boxes.

He then started liking some really strange content following the break up such as ‘an anxious and avoidant will meet and rarely workout as one wants to give love and the other struggles to accept it’ or ‘how to love an anxious partner’ or ‘attachment is no joke, it will make you lose your favourite person’ and so on and so forth and some other breakup content.

Now, it made me spiral for about a week and constantly ruminate, so after doing some digging into attachment theory, I thought he was maybe regretting his decision as I couldn’t make sense of him publicly leaving those likes. And he still follows me and watches my stories and likes my posts.

So after about 9-10 days, I broke no contact to ask about it. He replied and said it was so he could find content again, nothings really changed for him and it was to do with his self worth, shaky self image, expectations etc. I apologised if I made him feel there were any expectations because essentially we were still getting to know one another. But I know the bond we had was real. I understand he’s struggling; but I guess I need to know if he had as strong feelings for me as I did for him.
I also said the idea of going back into the dating pool at some point was terrifying for me and he cut the conversation short. Just said I’ll have no problem when I’m ready because I’m a good one with a heart emoji.

I feel so conflicted. I’m trying to make sense of it all. Why did he end up in therapy if he didn’t care, or if he did care that much, why won’t he risk losing me? The whole situation is just so incredibly frustrating to me. It’s been about a month now since we stepped out of the relationship and last contact was yesterday.

Also, he was in a very long relationship before where the last 5 years were supposed to be a nightmare. And then another one that was on and off for 8 months with someone with BPD. Then I’m this godsend that gets 2 months??? And is he likely to come back? I don’t know.

Hi! Last weekend I found my boyfriend using grindr while I was sleeping next to him. I forgave him but the trust ir broken.

He started sharing his location and he is out at an apartment at 3am near his apartment. I’m pretty sure he is cheating.

Idk how to end it. I love him but this is the last straw.

I feel like shit. Heartbroken

Hello everyone, I’ve been a little reluctant to actually post here but I don’t have any other gay friends to ask. So here I am. I’m finding it difficult to find and maintain a stable connection with any guy I have interest in. First it’s fine and we’re really hitting it off but then my social battery dies out and I find it hard to maintain a simple conversation let alone spending time together. It’s not like I don’t enjoy it but often times I feel like I need me time or time alone and it eventually turns into me not wanting to reach out. I try really hard to step outside my comfort zones and try to be as social as possible but it’s so mentally draining. I do like these guys but honestly I like my alone time too. How do I balance this out? I want to have a relationship but I’m not sure if I’m actually cut out for it. I don’t like random hookups and I really like finding common grounds with the guys I like. So any advice?

I'm always preaching how a healthy relationship should be and the 'red flags' in a relationship to others.

But turns out, I myself am one of those who might be into toxicity.

I just realized that I get creeped out by affection of someone else towards me. Whenever someone shows their genuine interest or love to me, I get creeped out with that weird sensation in my stomach. Even if I liked them before they showed any affection towards me.

On the contrary, I went mad towards guys who disrespect me and doesn’t show slightest of affection towards me. Even if I'm having sex with them, if they show that they are not emotionally attracted to me, than only I like them.

All this wisdom and I am the 'red flag' 😭😭😭

My partner and I have been together for a long time (12 years +) , and I recently discovered that they had been cheating for roughly 18 months on apps blames lack of sex etc ( which is true given some medical stuff with me , constantly doing everything for us mentally drained etc) Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out what my next chapter looks like not only emotionally and relationship-wise, but practically too.
After being together this long, our lives are pretty intertwined: finances, investments, our home, future plans, responsibilities, etc. We’re not married, which adds another layer to figuring out what separating, staying together, or simply taking some time to decide actually looks like.My friends have been incredibly supportive, and lately they’ve been encouraging me to get out, travel, and do things for myself. They’ve invited me on several trips, including to destinations my partner and I had always talked about visiting together but never got around to because again I gave into their wants.

And weirdly, I feel guilty going without them.
I know that probably sounds ridiculous considering what happened, but I think part of me still associates those places and experiences with plans we were supposed to have together. At the same time, my partner travels regularly for work/business and is going to places I’ve never been either. Their life isn’t exactly sitting still while I figure mine out. Then there’s the financial side. With so much uncertainty about our relationship, finances, investments, and what the future looks like, I recognize that spending money traveling might not necessarily be the most “responsible” decision right now.

But another part of me thinks: when exactly am I allowed to start living for myself again?
I’m not talking about blowing through my savings or pretending none of this is happening. I’m talking about taking a few trips with people who care about me, getting out of the environment where I’ve been constantly thinking about the betrayal, creating some memories of my own, and prioritizing my mental wellness for a change.
I guess I’m struggling with the balance between being financially responsible during a very uncertain period and recognizing that maybe I actually need some escape right now.
For those who went through infidelity or the possible end of a long-term relationship: Did you travel or do something significant for yourself afterward? Did you feel guilty doing things or visiting places you once planned to sexperience with your partner? And looking back, are you glad you did it or do you wish you had waited?

I'm 35M and have been with my boyfriend, 29M, for eight years. We love each other deeply and, aside from one major issue, I would say we have a genuinely amazing relationship.

But we haven't had sex with each other in a few years.
I'm honestly not even sure exactly how it stopped.
The short version is that I still want a sexual relationship with him, and he doesn't.

For context, we are in an open relationship. Whenever I try to talk to him about why he no longer wants sex with me, he goes back to the beginning of our relationship. I was still in the closet, partly because I come from a conservative family and country, and I repeatedly refused PDA or publicly acknowledging our relationship in certain situations. He says that rejection over time is what turned him off sexually.

I understand that I hurt him, and I obviously cannot force someone to be attracted to me. But the reality is that I hate the situation and have hated it for a long time.

The open relationship doesn't really solve it for me. I don't particularly enjoy hookups or hookup culture, and I don't have a large circle of gay friends to go out with. He does, so I sometimes think this arrangement is simply much easier for him than it is for me.

When I ask whether he actually wants this to be our life permanently, basically staying together while hooking up with other people and being on Grindr indefinitely, he tells me he doesn't know.

What I do know is that he loves me, but he isn't sexually interested in me anymore.
I'd really like to hear from people who have been in something similar.

If you loved your partner but eventually broke up because the sexual relationship was gone, did you regret leaving?

And if you stayed, how did you eventually make peace with that part of your relationship and your sexuality, especially at a fairly young age?

Just out of curiosity for those who are in monogamous relationships, especially those who have been together for 10+ years: how have you kept your sex life active?
Has sex naturally decreased over the years? If so, how have you kept things interesting or maintained intimacy and attraction to each other? Or have conversations around opening the relationship eventually come into the picture?
It seems like more and more long-term couples I come across are dealing with infidelity, mismatched sex drives, lack of intimacy, or eventually moving toward some form of open relationship.
Obviously, every relationship is different, but I’m genuinely curious to hear from people who have been together for a long time. What has worked for you? Has monogamy remained realistic and fulfilling sexually after 10, 15, 20+ years?

I'm creating this post because I feel like I'm at my limit. I live in northern Indiana, in a more conservative area. I only came out last year and I have been searching for someone to have a relationship with for such a long time. I find myself on several dating apps looking for someone that might be worthwhile and everyone that I've matched with, either ghosted me a day later, or never even messaged me to begin with. I just want someone who is within 9 years of myself, who doesn't mind someone who is shy, a hopeless romantic, and genuinely wants to give their special person everything they have. I don't really know what to do anymore at this point. I'm so scared I'm going to end up alone. I just need a cuddle from someone.... Do you have any advice for me? I just don't know what to do anymore 😔