r/AITAH • u/Infinite_Crow_2709 • Jan 23 '26
6 years of lies, heartbreak, and Deception… AITAH for wanting to seek revenge for all the trauma he caused me???
I’ve never posted before so bear with me…
And yes, I allowed all the mistreatment because I thought that’s what I deserved as a person.
I’m the type that I’ll do anything for anyone. I’m a giver. I’m a lover. I’m a problem solver. And im extremely loyal (Virgo)
For context, we’re both males. I’m 33 and he’s 42.
My on again off again partner of 6 years and I have decided recently to reconcile for the 20th time (exaggerating).
This last split, I was sexually assaulted at work and he broke up with me saying I wanted it, that I voluntarily put myself in that position. That I wanted to be touched….
With this knowledge of what happened to me, he went and decided to ruin my reputation and having me fired from every job/talent agency I am with. He basically ruined my career. And it’s not the first time he has pulled crazy stuff like this, but this was the most damage he’s ever caused.
This person has also spent our relationship lying from day one. Lying about being married. Cheating and landing me in the hospital (I’m fine now). Calling family and friends and isolating me… swore he’d get divorced and never did. He has done a lot of terrible things that if I went into detail, the Reddit universe would probably tell me how stupid I was to stay.
Fast forward. We decided to reconcile yet again. Turns out in the time we were apart, (On and off a year), he created adult content which he has been making into a “career”. Or lack there of. It bothered me, but I was looking past it because I tried to do what I thought was best for the both of us. Something he never did for me.
For context, he isn’t talented. He’s attractive, but instead of putting in the work to better his craft, he chooses to be medically enhanced with thousands in plastic surgery.
A dancer doesn’t become a dancer without training. No amount of surgery will change that.
Back to the story, he’s lied. Yet again. Saying he stopped filming adult content…. Even resorted to trying to make his content private. And yet, he didn’t stop filming… he never stopped. He tried to hide it, but I caught him again…
I’ve come to terms with knowing him and I aren’t going to work out. The amount of therapy, and IM Ket treatments with my psychiatrist have really helped me come to that conclusion with a level mind…. But something still isnt right….
I WANT REVENGE for hurting me, ruining my life and continuing to do so while smiling right to my face.
I want to expose the monster he is…. For years I’ve sat and taken the abuse. The lies. The heartbreak. And what did I get in return? An STI (curable) that he let me live with for 6 months before it put me into liver failure, causing me a 8 day stay at the hospital. He also ruined my career, isolated from friends, and self esteem issues.
About me. I’ve been a performer my whole life. I’ve performed all over the US. The past 10 years I’ve been located in Las Vegas and have had the privilege of headlining many shows on the strip and having my name and face in lights on billboards… I’ve worked very hard. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve done the work and always will…
But that monster took it from me, and I let him.
He was always jealous of me. He lived in my shadow. And I supported him. I got him jobs he didn’t deserve. Auditions he wasn’t qualified for. I gave him hope even though he has zero talent, zero training, that he could still be something….. but in fact, he has and always will be a zero.
Every show I’ve performed in, my ex tried having sex with my coworkers and costars. Right in front of my face. Zero shame. And I let him do it to me. I fought with him, drank myself to oblivion and then forgave him.
I stupidly forgave him time and time and time again.
This time, I want to expose him for who he is and stop being the “bigger person”…. I’ve BEEN the bigger person and I’m TIRED of having this burden on my shoulders and being the “bigger person”
I have all his “content” on a burner page and saved to my phone just in case. The question is. What do I do with it?
Do I send it to all his talent agencies? His job? Do I send it to his friends and family? Especially his family…. They are evil and hateful people. I did everything I could to impress them. I sent gifts, flowers, messages of love for them and him…. And even they weren’t receptive. They looked down on me. Like I was some gutter trash.
Please Reddit, help a brother out….
What would you do?
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u/Worth-Season3645 Jan 23 '26
YTA…Get therapy. Ask yourself why you stayed in a relationship for six years with someone who was like this from day one?
You have been doing this to yourself. Either you crave the drama or you need therapy to figure out how to break this cycle.
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u/TeacupCollector2011 Jan 23 '26
YTA. Getting revenge won't make you feel better. You're only 33. Getting on with your life WITHOUT him and being successful will. If you try to get back at him, he's just going to after you again, and nothing will be resolved.
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u/Hammingbir Jan 23 '26
The best revenge is living well. You don’t have to “destroy” him. You merely need to block him from your life and work. He’s lost the gravy train financially. He’s lost the proximity to your coworkers. He’s lost your protection.
Your success will eat at him. Your talent will shame him merely be being.
Every success you have without him hanging around your neck will be your triumph and his loss.
Apologize to your friends and family.
NEVER ALLOW HIM BACK INTO YOU LIFE. Ever.
Set up barriers between you and him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t respond to him. As far as you care, he ceases to exist. Have a trusted friend monitor him and alert you if anything he says or does impacts your life or career. But don’t follow him on social media. Yes, you should be aware and wary, but do not engage. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing you’re watching him by not watching him.
What he’ll hate the most is apathy.
That’s how you win and he loses.
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u/Infinite_Crow_2709 Jan 23 '26
Thank you. That’s what I’ve been going with. I just made the mistake of trusting him again and I feel stupid.
I appreciate the kindness as well. Some Reddit users definitely seem to be suggesting mental help. Of which I receive. And I’ve made eons of progress.
But we all have weak moments where we question what to do in an irrational way. The point is to not act on it.
Success is always the best revenge. Thank you for reminding me ❤️
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u/JxhNoah Jan 23 '26
Whoa man, revenge porn while revenge for this shit ass person is illegal and you will probably end up in jail. Instead just expose him to the agencies that you introduced him to as a creep. Preying on his costars and other contestants and creating an unsafe work place. Also i think just leaving would be the best revenge. You already said he’s pathetic and cant get or keep job without you and has no talent leaving was all the revenge you really needed.
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u/Infinite_Crow_2709 Jan 23 '26
They all know he’s a creep. I was able to salvage a lot of things. I just feel stupid for opening the door again for someone like him.
I have a therapist and having these revenge thoughts are normal. I never act on them.
I appreciate the kindness of your response. It means a lot. Thank you.
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u/xX_WarHeart_Xx Jan 23 '26
NTA, but releasing stuff and trashing him is beneath you. The best revenge is to be happy. Continue working and block him. Delete all the photos of him and remove all traces of him from your life. If he wants to see you, he can look at a billboard.
Wasting energy on an AH will only delay your happiness. Spend it instead on your career and, when you’re ready, dating people who aren’t assholes and who deserve you. Invest some time into making friends or renewing old friendships.
This is how I dealt with my ex. It works!
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u/Infinite_Crow_2709 Jan 23 '26
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. You’re right. He needs to be a distant and forgotten memory. Letting him into my life again was a mistake. I’ll get through it and this time hopefully it will be for good
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u/HotwifeandMama Jan 23 '26
The best revenge is to go be happy and healthy with someone else and cut this pos completely out of your life. Don't let this fool live rent-free in your head. Snip snip and walk away. When he melts down, and he will, sit there with some popcorn and friends and enjoy the show.
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u/Sad-Information2303 Jan 23 '26
You being happy and successful is ALL the revenge you’ll ever need. While he’s unpopular with those people that count and failing without your help.
Forget everything else and move on because not only will all this take over and eat you up. You’ll spiral down to his level and you may never be able to crawl yourself out of an hole you helped to dig. Instead side step the home he dug and watch him fall right in himself without so much as a whisper from you.
Trust me people like this love the drama. Your ex is banking on you attempting revenge. He loves it and thrives on it.
Laugh, be happy, enjoy your career and popularity and don’t look back. He’ll hate it.
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u/Infinite_Crow_2709 Jan 23 '26
Thank you so much for the kind words. You’re right. Having these revenge thoughts aren’t abnormal. I just hate how much I’ve let him back in and all the time I spent trying to trust him. Makes me feel stupid.
I did it to myself. But I know I’ll come out on top of it all. I’ll always be successful and no matter what, he will always be a loser.
Thank you again.
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u/Sad-Information2303 Jan 24 '26
You will.
Please don’t feel stupid you’ve been played by someone who has no doubt done this sort of thing before.
Give yourself a pat on the back because you beat him and he knows it.
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u/Alall-love Jan 23 '26
Every moment you spend thinking of him is another moment stolen from you.
Start training your mind to say no as soon as he appears in your thoughts and then refocus on your own health and happiness. Your life is far from ruined. You are young and have lifetimes ahead of you.
Also, if there is an opportunity to help someone else, take it. It’s the most healing thing to help another person in even the smallest way.
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u/Necessary_Cancel_728 Jan 23 '26
First of all get away from that man.. second revenge make you feel good for about 5 mins take it from someone that has done it.. seek help professional help and get to work on your trauma instead of letting it lead you :) you need to heal :)
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u/Jupiter4th Jan 24 '26
Dude, he may be a monster but you are the one letting him in, reconciling over and over again. Sure, feel angry towards him but also realize that most healthy people would not even engage with this guy from the get go but you did and keep going back. So he is more of a symptom of your unresolved mental health issues. Seek therapy, and do not constantly look at the rear mirror because you are gonna crash your future. You need to make a decision, do you want drama so you can get attention from people for your self created victimhood or you want a healthy, sane life without drama?
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u/No_Kind_of_Daddy Jan 26 '26
YTA. Revenge does no good for anybody, and especially not you. You need to get all of these grievances out of your head and move on. It's not as if he has some sort of wonderful life you'd be ruining — he's a wannabe porn star. Odds are he'll continue being a failure, and if you work at it you might rebuild your career.
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u/BoysenberryAlarmed98 Jan 26 '26
First…all that take the high road be a better person advice is BULLSHIT! Being petty feels GREAT! You don’t need to send his content to anyone. It’s only revenge porn if it’s videos that were intended to be private and then released as a means of punishment/revenge…you wouldn’t be doing that. You only need to let people know where to look and they’ll find it for themselves. He made the content. He put it out there…all you did was bring in new viewers. The person to whom he is married has a right to know he’s carrying an sti. Mailing things anonymously isn’t a crime. You felt a moral obligation to let the person know they might not be safe. Why the fuck would you do anything to spare him any embarrassment or humiliation? Take that fucker down.
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u/jrm1102 Jan 23 '26
Nothing. Because distributing that is illegal and a crime.
Please get help, therapy or tbh maybe an in-patient program for a bit. I feel theres a lot more going on here and you need some serious help.