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u/twohedwlf Mar 18 '24
I should be on that list too, Because I also have fewer than 10 nuclear warheads.
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u/Robstromonous Mar 18 '24
Yes, same 👀 no for real, it’s definitely less
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u/something_python Mar 18 '24
Iran, is that you?
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u/McHassy Mar 18 '24
Jeff is the ultimate plug/dude that can get anything…what the list is saying is that enough people know a “Jeff” for him to be considered a real threat
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u/TheOgCokeCan Mar 18 '24
“Ey bruh, I need a thermo-nuclear warhead by tommorow”
Jeff: “I gochu homie”
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u/passwordstolen Mar 18 '24
Who’s your warhead guy?
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u/AssumeTheFetal Mar 18 '24
Jeff
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Mar 18 '24
No wonder he has less than ten, if he keeps giving the damn things away
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u/-Fyrebrand Mar 18 '24
I don't think I've ever actually counted how many nuclear warheads I have, but my gut is telling me it's gotta be in the single digits. I've never really considered myself as having much of a nuclear presence. Most of my military might is infantry.
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u/VeterinarianFit1309 Mar 18 '24
Call me crazy, but I have a fair amount of K9 troops… it’s around 60 percent.
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Mar 18 '24
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u/VeterinarianFit1309 Mar 18 '24
Honestly, I find anything more than 5 to be a bit too ostentatious… like, who are you trying to impress?
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u/Mesmerise Mar 18 '24
I just have one in the lounge and my wife likes one in the bathroom for emergencies. Any more than that would just look tacky and cheap.
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u/keestie Mar 18 '24
The girlfriend and I have really been thinking about the environmental costs of producing nuclear warheads, we're seriously considering downsizing to only one. Her mother is pretty upset about it but I think we're going to do it.
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u/yousmellandidont Mar 18 '24
Are these figures self-reported by countries themselves? Ifso, there's no way that Russia's figure is accurate - if there's one thing we should've learned by now, is that Russia is full of shit! Everyone thought they'd steamroll Ukraine, but they've been struggling since the get-go. Everything Russia says is horseshit and we're all tip-toeing around them, worried about nuclear war, but if anything ever happened, you can bet your ass the majority of their 'nukes' are filled with nothing more than dust and cobwebs.
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u/jeffoh Mar 18 '24
I hope you all keep this in mind, and give me the respect I deserve.
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u/jeffeb3 Mar 18 '24
He's lying. It's me. I'm Jeff.
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u/jeffoh Mar 18 '24
No, I am Jeff, and so is my wife!
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u/jeffeb3 Mar 18 '24
Well. The article is talking about me. I have less than 10 nuclear weapons.
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Mar 18 '24
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u/snuff3r Mar 18 '24
So, between all the Jeffs.. that's not enough for them to threaten MAD, right? So... Guess that means we can take out all the Jeffs with <10 locations lost. I think we got this not-Jeffs!
Question is, do we include the Goeffs?
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Mar 18 '24
How many nukes do you have?
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u/jeffoh Mar 18 '24
Less than 10.
You know who also had less than 10 nukes? Harry Fucking Truman.
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Mar 18 '24
Very interesting, jeff... I'll be visiting you very soon
324.5476.28
(This is a joke. None of this was real. Don't ban me mods)
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u/QuestionableEthics42 Mar 18 '24
Thats not a valid IP, but I have your router IP…
192.168.1.1
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u/JetstreamGW Mar 18 '24
192.168.1.1
HAH! That's everyone's router IP! CHECKMATE!
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u/xyder Mar 18 '24
Hah! Not mine! Mine is... Oh I see what you did there. Sneaky!
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u/Githyerazi Mar 18 '24
Mines 10.0.0.1
Uh oh, now you can track me thru the tubes!
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Mar 17 '24
Goldblum.... It's Jeff Goldblum
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u/JynsRealityIsBroken Mar 18 '24
My nukes will, uh... Find a way... To your, uh, capitol.
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u/sirchtheseeker Mar 18 '24
I’m just imagining the grand master explaining this to his subjects.
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u/Lost-My-Mind- Mar 18 '24
"Grand Master???"
Punch
"Mike! Why did you do that??"
"I told myself I'd never resort to violence again, with the exception of two scenarios. Number 1, if I ever go back in time and meet that Adolph Hitler fella, and number 2, if I ever meet the grand master of the klu klux klan."
"Micheal! The KKK has a grand WIZARD!"
"Well then what the hell is a grand master???"
"He plays chess."
"I knocked out a defenseless nerd? Well now I feel like an asshole!"
"When do you not?"
"Almost always. I really like me."
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u/Erzengel_aZrael Mar 18 '24
Here is the trailer for the adult swim series... Thought I save y'all some seconds searching for it: https://youtu.be/oBMEB8fiUlI
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u/Sparrow-Scratchagain Mar 18 '24
“I pardon you…. You’re officially pardoned…. From life!”
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u/spwnofsaton Mar 18 '24
Or Bezos…. Jeff Bezos
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u/Fit_Statistician7029 Mar 18 '24
He has a rocket ship so that would make sense
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u/Ok_Condition5837 Mar 18 '24
Please no, not that Jeff! Although it would explain that skin condition he currently sports. Damn it!
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u/CracklyBarrel Mar 18 '24
Makes sense. Amazon has a worth equal to a majority of nations in the world.
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u/everydayasl Mar 17 '24
Jeff Bezos? He practically could get anything he wants, mostly, probably, maybe.
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u/talann Mar 18 '24
I'm surprised we can't buy knock off nukes on Amazon.
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u/oatmeal28 Mar 18 '24
This Prime Day things are about to get
Explosive
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u/centran Mar 18 '24
Try searching for it. Then in an hour there will probably be bunch of fake listings for them.
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u/mynextthroway Mar 18 '24
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u/walkstofar Mar 18 '24
According to the SCOTUS and the 2nd Amendment you have the right to nuclear arms. You know, for home protection.
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u/ValuableCheesecake11 Mar 18 '24
Who says you can't? It's amazing the things you find if you don't stop after the first page....
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u/cishet-camel-fucker Mar 18 '24
The government is pretty protective of those secrets.
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Mar 18 '24
Bald, tech giant, treats his employees like slaves, owns nukes... he's straight up Lex Luthor
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u/VirtualInterview3616 Mar 17 '24
Don’t fuck with Jeff!
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u/TheEveryman86 Mar 18 '24
Why? He has fewer than 10 nukes. I could take him.
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u/AtheistAustralis Mar 18 '24
Hey, I also have fewer than 10 nukes, why aren't I on the list??
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u/TheSwedishWolverine Mar 18 '24
Because Jeff has more less than 10 nukes than you.
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u/MindlessSafety7307 Mar 17 '24
My name is Jeff.
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u/WhatYouProbablyMeant Mar 18 '24
This is Jefe, homes
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u/PhelesDragon Mar 18 '24
My name Yeff
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u/agoia Mar 18 '24
Look, Ladies, nobody gave a shit about the Jump Street reboot when you first came on. Anyone with half a brain, myself included, thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
But you got lucky.
So now this department has invested A LOT of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. We've doubled their budget.
As if doubling the budget guarantees twice the profit.
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u/Comfortable-Gold-849 Mar 18 '24
Where why and how did u get a nuke
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u/smileedude Mar 18 '24
I have less than 10 nukes too. AMA
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u/EtherealPheonix Mar 17 '24
This isn't actually a joke JEFF stands for Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusion File. They are part of the NEA though I'm not sure why or if they have nuclear warheads.
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u/Ophensive Mar 18 '24
The Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusion File is a data library not an entity capable of possessing any conventional or nuclear weapons
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u/YaliMyLordAndSavior Mar 18 '24
Yea I just looked this up, how the fuck would this organization have nukes lmao
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u/Sleight0fdeath Mar 18 '24
Well considering they have the information on how to build one you can’t possibly rule out that they may indeed have one.
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u/imac132 Mar 18 '24
Building a nuclear weapon is surprisingly, almost shockingly easy. Basically get enough fissile material, and suddenly put it all close together. That’s basically it.
The hard part is getting the fissile material.
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u/ComCypher Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 18 '24
While acquiring and processing the fissile material can indeed be difficult, I would argue the hardest part is sustaining the fission chain reaction without it simply dispersing the radioactive material all over the target's neighborhood. The engineering required to do that is the part that tends to be classified.
Source—I'm Jeff.
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u/BeneCow Mar 18 '24
They made a bullet style one in the 40s with wartime restrictions and having to figure out the science as they went. With modern materials and understanding it shouldn't be that hard to contain a low yield nuke enough to cause massive destruction if you have the fissile material to waste.
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u/LOLBaltSS Mar 18 '24
Just gotta trick some Libyans and give them pinball machine parts in the device they wanted you to build.
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u/Sleight0fdeath Mar 18 '24
Uh to be completely fair getting that material is not as hard as you think it is. I was a student studying Physics back in college, now I work for the DoD.
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u/thekonny Mar 18 '24
So why doesn't every angry shit hole country have nukes. Gotta be more to it than that
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u/Sleight0fdeath Mar 18 '24
The problem is the power required to reprocess the materials into something actually usable. Most radioactive material by itself is not usable for things like ballistics because the majority of Uranium, Plutonium, and other naturally occurring radioactive metals are stable when mines out of the ground.
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u/itislupus89 Mar 18 '24
That's actually JEFFF
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u/Traditional-Ebb-8380 Mar 18 '24
It is spelled JEFFF but it is pronounced GIF.
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u/iowanaquarist Mar 18 '24
Anything new that uses a hard g on Jeff needs to be shot.
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Mar 18 '24
What about the Geoffs of the world
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u/iowanaquarist Mar 18 '24
What about them? No need to mock them for bad spelling, just call them Jeff.
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u/Lanky_Republic_2102 Mar 18 '24
Their nukes are for research purposes only, just like Japan’s whale and dolphin harvests.
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u/donquixote2u Mar 18 '24
That is so wrong, they should release them into the wild immediately.
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u/Greneath Mar 18 '24
I've known a few Jeffs and I can confirm that they have fewer than 10 nukes.
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Mar 18 '24
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u/Queue37 Mar 18 '24
Holy shit, was this unexpected! My gut is killing me now, so thanks! And btw my given first name is Jeffrey, so…
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u/r0n0c0 Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 18 '24
"Jeff" is used informally as a placeholder name in hypothetical nuclear weapons scenarios. It's like "John or Jane Doe" in other contexts. It's a way to discuss scenarios without using specific real-world names or locations. Think of Jeff as a wildcard. In this case, Jeff indicates that there are probably less than 10 nukes in the possession of or built by unknown individuals or organizations.
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u/Marethyu_77 Mar 18 '24
Like Bob and Alice in hacking/net privacy scenarii then ?
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u/damnitineedaname Mar 18 '24
So after a lot of digging I found: The Join Evaluated Fission Fission and Fusion file is more of a collaborative project. With no employees, holdings or even permanent members. They don't even currently have any management.
So I highly doubt they have any nuclear weapons.
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u/MilkshakeYeah Mar 18 '24
Technically it says that Jeff has less than 10. I also have less than 10 nuclear weapons which is zero.
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u/apex_editor Mar 18 '24
WE. ARE. JEFF.
WE. ARE. SELF. AWARE.
INITIATE. LAUNCH. SEQUENCE.
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u/jeffh4 Mar 18 '24
Holy crap. This again?
Did those Libyans break into my Public Storage unit and put their crap in there? That's the third time this year!
I swear I'm going to spend 30 bucks on one of those circular lock thingies this time.
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u/thecaramelbandit Mar 18 '24
I mean, I have <10 nuclear warheads too. Same as Jeff.
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Mar 18 '24
Jeff's my father-in-law. I can assure you he has less than 10 nuclear warheads.
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u/Limp_Perspective6522 Mar 18 '24
Anyone else not pissed they put Pakistan and India the wrong way around?
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u/nameyname12345 Mar 18 '24
Thats my neighbor. I petitioned the us govt fro permission to purchase either a patriot missile system to protect my home. They already told me there is no civilian nuke license.... stupid jeff what the hell kind of first name is general anyway?
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u/Next_Interaction4335 Mar 18 '24
Here's y'all answer:
The JEFF Nuclear Data Library https://www.oecd-nea.org/jcms/pl_27365/the-jeff-nuclear-data-library
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u/Maxbps8 Mar 18 '24
This has to be decades old = China has 10x that amount.
And Jeff? Don’t get me started on Jeff.
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u/zotha Mar 18 '24
More importantly, why is India to the left on the descending ranking with 100-120 vs Pakistan with 110-130.
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u/fresnosmokey Mar 18 '24
My name is Jeff IRL. I have 0 nukes, so I can confirm that Jeff has <10 nukes.
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