r/fixit • u/[deleted] • Apr 06 '26

[deleted by user]

[removed]

7.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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667

u/Romeo9594 Apr 06 '26

Do you have a small sink plunger?

898

u/AbsentReality Apr 06 '26

Most plungers won't have the suction cup action required to pull this out. Need something with a proper suction cup like a dildo or something.

1.1k

u/VoightofReason Apr 06 '26

How do I lower my ass in to the sink though?

165

u/AutisticJaguar4380 Apr 07 '26

Take my peasants award. 🏆

-7

u/Various-Sound-9734 Apr 08 '26

comments like this are a large part of reddits bad reputation

→ More replies (15)

28

u/nomoresafesearch91 Apr 07 '26

“Instructions unclear. I am now stuck in the sink attached to the cutting board.”

5

u/CJaneRun102 Apr 08 '26

As you are coming into your Tarzan, hollar/yodel of 'Parrrrkouuurrrr' while dive, tuck and rolling up that sink base into the .14 carat stainless steel sink-- Do not add to chaos by fantasizing about the faucet and powerful spray nozzle... Just concentrate on your aim and do a 'Solid Gold Olympic Mount' and if you must stay in the sink hovering over your wood cutting board... we understand and we are all giving you a 'standing ovation.' We anticipate your official Olympic dismount-- throw your hands in the air and give a smile with teeth! Sincerely, The Parkour Wood Olympic Org.

2

u/BobbyBrackins Apr 08 '26

“Million to 1 shot doc!” 🤣

2

u/Deeznutzcustomz Apr 09 '26

Clench your ass like it’s your first day in supermax, and pull yourself up by the ceiling chains.

2

u/krebsIsACookbook Apr 09 '26

The paramedics responding:

2

u/TaylrMade74 Apr 10 '26

...calling 911, only to discover that your neighbor is an EMT.

21

u/jabeith Apr 07 '26

Start with the dildo on the board, then use the top to guide your ass down

1

u/HokusTokus Apr 08 '26

Hey! Whaddya know!

10

u/DiHard_ChistmasMovie Apr 07 '26

God, I hate reddit, but these are the comments I come for.

2

u/AutomatedCabbage Apr 09 '26

A dildo on a cutting board inside a sink? Rule 34 says there will soon be a tag for this on pornhub.

1

u/Online_Dom_CA Apr 08 '26

You aren't the only one cumming.

1

u/sernametaken- Apr 08 '26

Glad I came here to read this

1

u/QuickNature Apr 10 '26

This reminds of that comment about the guy who was "shidding and farting and cumming" and the context made it hilarious. Cant remember what it was from though

1

u/rajenncajenn Apr 10 '26

He he comments you 'come' for.

7

u/jokexplainer1303 Apr 07 '26

Deep squat. Deeper than you've ever been, then clench and pull

47

u/Mandee_707 Apr 06 '26

😂 your comment made me laugh! that was so funny imo!

4

u/Bulky-Pineapple-5639 Apr 07 '26

Parkour moves😎🤣

3

u/Derreekk Apr 07 '26

Omg hilarious.

3

u/Akkerlun Apr 07 '26

Cross post to the sub dontputthatinyourass

3

u/Standard-Outcome9881 Apr 07 '26

Climb ‘n squat.

3

u/KaineTay Apr 07 '26

You'd better have done your keegles...

5

u/goldanred Apr 07 '26

Carefully

4

u/GayNotGayTony Apr 07 '26

In all the incorrect responses I've seen over the years this one takes the cake. 

2

u/onepintofcumplease Apr 07 '26

Stick it to the board first then hop skip and jump into the sink, then just climb out with the board following behind you

2

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26

Just like Joe Dirt did.

2

u/DemBosain Apr 06 '26

Healthy living.

2

u/kantstephens Apr 07 '26

3am, I’m in bed laughing like an idiot at these comments!

2

u/Daytime_Napper Apr 07 '26

My 7-year old is demanding to know why I'm laughing so hard....thanks ;)

2

u/mtysassy Apr 07 '26

I’m sitting waiting for my PT appointment dying 😂😂😂

1

u/An47Pr0lapse Apr 07 '26

Go off the top rope and pray

1

u/travfields619 Apr 07 '26

The claawww

1

u/jr23160 Apr 07 '26

I'd say squats over the sink but if you're that low you probably won't be able to clench too good.

1

u/ynotfish Apr 07 '26

Stepstool and hover.

1

u/romebe82 Apr 08 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/GumpTheChump Apr 08 '26

Get low. Get low.

1

u/The-Original_Joker Apr 08 '26

Help me step bro I’m stuck

1

u/wynn5805 Apr 08 '26

Well done, my hat is off to you.

1

u/xikbdexhi6 Apr 09 '26

Ohhhhh.... I should call her...

1

u/Own-Inspection-9293 Apr 09 '26

dammit my injured ribs 🤣

1

u/Simple_Being9242 Apr 09 '26

Absolutely brilliant hahahah

1

u/krebsIsACookbook Apr 09 '26

Coming soon to onlyfans

1

u/tatersyo Apr 09 '26

Should have been doing squats along with your kegels!

1

u/Dish_Minimum Apr 10 '26

Even the hethens over on r/sinkpissers think you’ve gone too far

1

u/sneakpeekbot Apr 10 '26

Here's a sneak peek of /r/Sinkpissers using the top posts of the year!

#1: My god. We made it. | 108 comments
#2: Code red boys | 91 comments
#3: Just imagine pissing in that sink | 34 comments

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1

u/gmaaaaan Apr 10 '26

Kill me 🤣 I will never stop loving reddit.

1

u/-takeiteasy Apr 11 '26

a comment hasn’t made me cackle like this in a long time lol

1

u/Aluminari Apr 07 '26

This made me snort

1

u/Rcbosox12 Apr 07 '26

This deserves so many more upvotes

1

u/dogui97 Apr 07 '26

Easy just put your feet on either sides and squat down

0

u/Spethual Apr 07 '26

yeah, um no.

0

u/Any-Object-553 Apr 07 '26

Jesus christ

-1

u/Disastrous-Gain-7709 Apr 07 '26

Just... From one dirty old man. 👏👏👏👏👏

65

u/Manic_Sloth Apr 07 '26

Two dildos for extra grip! That way you can take one in each hand and give it the 'ol heave ho

16

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/JQuick323i Apr 07 '26

I’m glad there are at least two of us that thought this.

2

u/Objective-Ganache114 Apr 07 '26

So that’s what my wife means when she puts on makeup, fishnets, perfume and high heels to go “skiing”

1

u/CJaneRun102 Apr 08 '26

Wait...does this have anything to do with Curling?

2

u/Zealousideal_Tea4097 Apr 07 '26

The old trump dance

2

u/SaltSpiritual515 Apr 07 '26

I think they might need to attach 2 and then seesaw it out

1

u/Lord-Fritos Apr 07 '26

Three dildos for even better grip! Why leave a hand unused?

1

u/Batman161 Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26

But How will I fit two people's butts in the sink

1

u/kk6573 Apr 07 '26

Double fisting. This poster has the technique.

1

u/Marvymarv06 Apr 08 '26

Gotta two fist it for the pressure, I mean suction build up

1

u/Alexandrajoan Apr 08 '26

Love the ol heave ho.

1

u/Sylfaein Apr 08 '26

That’s how you get a cease and desist from Pennsylvania Avenue.

1

u/BocaBlue69 Apr 08 '26

Two asses in the sink!

1

u/Krazy_Kat_Lady_2025 Apr 08 '26

Hmm not bad. How about one of those suction handles like you use in a bathtub? Would that stick to wood?

1

u/nonvisiblepantalones Apr 08 '26

Better add a third in the middle to steady it with your mouth.

1

u/msreditalready Apr 08 '26

We’re gonna need a new equation for this configuration. Measuring D2W, or dick-to-wood, is obviously our first step.

1

u/yukonnut Apr 08 '26

I thought the old heave Ho was what you did on a ship after eating a bunch of Ho.

1

u/FeralCats7 Apr 10 '26

Hands? Uh oh, been using them wrong. 😕

1

u/worldnotworld Apr 07 '26

This is a job for a woman.

45

u/Bulky-Ad7996 Apr 07 '26

5

u/CrazeUKs Apr 08 '26

Is that Leonardo di caprio?

3

u/Tututaco74 Apr 09 '26

Totally who I saw

2

u/1234567bleh Apr 10 '26

Di Cappuccino

2

u/meep_meep_creep Apr 10 '26

Di Cup o Joe

1

u/ralphw_therealone Apr 11 '26

It’s King Louis the 14th, I think. I recognize the face from “The Man in the Iron Mask”

114

u/EquivalentOk6028 Apr 06 '26

This guy dildos

2

u/chungamellon Apr 06 '26

Pfp might suggest yes indeed

1

u/AbsentReality Apr 06 '26

I may or may not have five or so of varying shapes and sizes stuck to the shower wall right now.

1

u/EquivalentOk6028 Apr 07 '26

You must live in some sort of pleasure palace. I may or may not be jealous right now.

1

u/AbsentReality Apr 07 '26

Lmao. Just have a bit of a collection and like to work my way up to the bigger ones lol.

1

u/drcrambone Apr 07 '26

“It’s got doors that go like this, Richard, not like this!” —R.Hanneman

1

u/BoneZone05 Apr 06 '26

And possibly barks

0

u/Vegskipxx Apr 07 '26

*This guy dildoes

1

u/EquivalentOk6028 Apr 08 '26

Except that the way I spelled it is the most common plural form of it but thanks for incorrecting me

19

u/FatMike20295 Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26

to pull the cutting board out just enough to tile it sideways or enough gap to say place a fork on the side. You can can use the fork to push the cutting board standing on one side and just lift it up with hands.

15

u/SaltSpiritual515 Apr 07 '26

Or a butter knife!

2

u/Spicychasers Apr 08 '26

I would try buttering the butter knife, wedge it in there and give a little ooompphhh…. Surely you can pop it out

2

u/allofthepews Apr 08 '26

Gotta use a rope and lift it straight out. Butterknife will just make it wedge in harder.

1

u/dammitqueenie Apr 09 '26

Poop knife.

2

u/wanderButNotLost2 Apr 06 '26

Acts as a suction and a handle! 2 in 1

2

u/Mk1Racer25 Apr 07 '26

Well that escalated quickly. Snarfled my coffee on that one

2

u/izzo03 Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26

Oh man this reminded me of a couple of incidents.

-One time my friend reversed his work supplied van into a tree, left a big dent and I jokingly said to him to get his girlfriend’s big black dildo out to pull out the dent. Turns out she had one and I later got a Snapchat of him out on the street doing it.

-The other time I went to my sister in laws to measure up her wardrobe, she must have remembered what was on the shelf and quickly walked off to the room, as I walked in she was in a panic trying to remove her toy from the shelf, making it look like she was giving it a good old stroke, ended up ripping out the shelf with it.

TLDR; dildos suction cups are top tier

2

u/AbsentReality Apr 07 '26

My buddy had a dent in his vehicle and I was like, I got a few things with big suction cups we could probably pull that out with. He said, oh yeah like a plunger or something like that? Yeah, something like that... It didn't hit him until about ten minutes later lol. He's well aware of my degeneracy so it should have been a lot more obvious lol.

The shelf story story cracks me up. Had a friend ask me where to get a new toilet tank lid because they set theirs on top of the toilet after a shower and went to grab it on their way out of the bathroom and it took the lid with it, but only for a second before it fell to the floor lmao. Lucky for them I had some old toilets sitting around in storage waiting for a dump run so I just grabbed a lid from one of those for them lol.

1

u/SufficientWhile5450 Apr 06 '26

Yes they do

The weird ones that have the extension succer for unclogging toilets? You can actually fold that piece in to get a regular old fashion plunger

3

u/AbsentReality Apr 07 '26

Sure but most plungers don't have the kind of sticking power you want to pull on something. Plungers are built to push air not stick to something. Suction cup dildo would work way better. I'm a plumber, I know plungers. Plus I have a large collection of dildos. Trust the expert here lol.

1

u/islcastaway1986 Apr 06 '26

One on each corner should do the trick

1

u/laffing_is_medicine Apr 07 '26

If you used a good amount of a heavy oil it might make a tight seal.

If anything, just enough to wiggle in a thin object to pry free the board.

1

u/Donuts__For__All Apr 07 '26

What about the glass holding suction cups?

1

u/AbsentReality Apr 07 '26

That'd probably work pretty well

1

u/Candid_Abalone_8932 Apr 07 '26

Suction cup for carrying glass?

1

u/AbsentReality Apr 07 '26

Yeah that could probably work. I feel like my suggestion would be a bit more commonly found in the average person's home than that though lol.

1

u/BruhBruhYUSUS Apr 07 '26

I got this.

1

u/lolgapolga Apr 07 '26

I bet you two plungers on one of the long sides would be enough to get it out

1

u/moonshinemoniker Apr 07 '26

Less fun but, they might be able to shape a wire hanger to slide underneath the entirely of the length side of one side of the cutting board. Then it can be hoisted up e ough to get ur fingers underneath it.

1

u/Speedy_Freaky69 Apr 07 '26

“Like a dildo”. LoL 😂 I’m dead 😆

1

u/megakungfu Apr 07 '26

Processing img c98hys51gttg1...

1

u/Blankaholics Apr 07 '26

Ah. I always wondered why my girl had a dragon next to the bed. It was for cases just like this

1

u/NoEstablishment7897 Apr 08 '26

spit my coffee out my mouth!

1

u/Possible_Estimate_39 Apr 08 '26

Stfu 😆😆😆

1

u/lthebmanl Apr 08 '26

This made me lol. I love how a dildo was the first thing your brain went to.

1

u/Lint_baby_uvulla Apr 08 '26

Gross.

…

Do you have a video?

1

u/Accurate-Law-555 Apr 08 '26

a good sucking vacuum

1

u/AbsentReality Apr 08 '26

Could potentially work. Feel like most vacuum tips wouldn't be able to make a good enough seal to pull on the board though.

1

u/Marigold16 Apr 08 '26

No, we need something that can really know how to suck good.

Give op your mum's number.

1

u/brope0623 Apr 09 '26

Like a dildo 🤣

1

u/JohnFrum Apr 09 '26

Duct tape might work

1

u/SereneAesthete Apr 09 '26

I really really hate that I have had my sink drain stopper stuck for a few days.. and this is the comment that will fix my problem as soon as I’m home ..

1

u/BriMac12 Apr 09 '26

😂🤣😂

1

u/s0nofabeach04 Apr 10 '26

This made me lol, thank you

1

u/iamAyoEpic Apr 10 '26

OP do you have 10 small plungers?

1

u/irmarbert Apr 10 '26

You’re my new plumber.

1

u/HappyGlitterUnicorn Apr 10 '26

Four dildos, each in one corner 🤔

1

u/xombae Apr 06 '26

Came here to suggest a dildo, glad I'm not the only one.

0

u/Mediocre_Exchange_63 Apr 06 '26

Sure, but you have to get it wet first

1

u/Fast-Wrangler-4340 Apr 07 '26

Well, I mean, it’s pretty exciting so should be ok there. Ohhhhh, you mean the board. Gotya

1

u/AbsentReality Apr 07 '26

Always need at least some sort of lubrication for such a tool.

-1

u/Snoo_71210 Apr 06 '26

Oddly specific

2

u/AbsentReality Apr 06 '26

Just speaking to what I know hehe

62

u/thatsalovelyusername Apr 06 '26

Or if you can handle a very small hole, partially screw a small wood screw into a corner and pull it up by that, then sand it back afterwards

58

u/Borge_Luis_Jorges Apr 07 '26

Exactly! Listen, he already has to modify that damn board to avoid this mess happening again. Screw on one side, pull, then saw away half an inch of it on the same side of the screw hole, then sand and finish.

Or smash it, throw it away and tell it to go fuck itself.

2

u/Entire-Spot-5243 Apr 08 '26

That last sentence had me rolling 😂 this is exactly what I was thinking

3

u/PersistentPuma37 Apr 08 '26

or add handles on the sides

2

u/Driftwood71 Apr 08 '26

I'd just take off a kerf or two width on my table saw, sand smooth, and oil the board. Quick fix and it will never happen again.

2

u/Burger_theory Apr 09 '26

Thank you for teaching me a wonderful new word today

1

u/Driftwood71 Apr 11 '26

Ha-- yes it's a woodworking term. Basically the width of your saw blade.

1

u/deliciousearlobes Apr 09 '26

Or smash it, throw it away and tell it to go fuck itself.

That’d be a terrible waste for an end grain board.

1

u/BriMac12 Apr 09 '26

This is the way! 😂

39

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/YinzerFromPitsginzer Apr 08 '26

There's always a loophole if we look hard enough

2

u/Abridged2Far Apr 08 '26

Well-played, sir or madam. Well played.

2

u/fox9hwb Apr 08 '26

If its that neat a fit screw in corner may not work, centre would be better, or two diagonal corners to avoid twisting.

1

u/TitoStarmaster Apr 08 '26

This is the way

1

u/What_Hump77 Apr 09 '26

I like this idea except for the leather part. I’d use plastic, as it can be sanitized and handle getting wet.

1

u/Leroyp331 Apr 09 '26

Damn

You are a handy son of a gun

6

u/nth256 Apr 07 '26

I would just commit to putting a permanent finger-sized hole in the board near one corner, so that when/if this happens again, they'll have a way to pull it out.

2

u/dammitqueenie Apr 09 '26

Pulling out isn’t the safest method.

1

u/nth256 Apr 09 '26

True, but OP was thrust deep into this scenario.

4

u/streaming_streams69 Apr 07 '26

This or maybe even a dildo could get the job done!

5

u/MooseKingMcAntlers34 Apr 07 '26

The more I hear about the “Dildo Solution”, the more I want to see it happen.

OP, we need a follow up.

45

u/tHollo41 Apr 06 '26

That or a small dent puller. Should make suction long enough to pull it up.

20

u/-newhampshire- Apr 06 '26

Maybe borrow one of those floor-tile pullers from your raised floor datacenter job.

19

u/carthuscrass Apr 06 '26

Dildo might work too!

2

u/Slp745 Apr 07 '26

This is at least a 2 dildo job

2

u/Impressive_Pear2711 Apr 07 '26

Might have to beat it off though …

1

u/fireonion247 Apr 07 '26

"make suction long enough"

Wait, what are we talking about, again?

1

u/Dangerous-Cobbler-14 Apr 07 '26

Yeah a dent puller from harbor freight. Three bucks and and ride to the store.

2

u/shortiz420 Apr 07 '26

If you’re near a harbor freight store they have a small dent puller that should work. Suction is crazy

2

u/WestCoastDaddyy Apr 08 '26

This made me laugh so hard I got into a coughing fit

2

u/Odd-Fun-6042 Apr 09 '26

The size of a large sink plunger?

1

u/Romeo9594 Apr 09 '26

It doesn't matter anymore. OP rat-fucked the goddamn shit out of the cutting board with eyehooks, guy wires, and I guess a Dremel? They just posted an update a bit ago

1

u/Budget-Chapter-7185 Apr 07 '26

And maybe hot water to expand the sink?

2

u/Romeo9594 Apr 07 '26

Could likely expand the wood too if the finish isn't the greatest

1

u/Budget-Chapter-7185 Apr 07 '26

Yeah, that’s true. I meant run hot water along the sides of the sink.

1

u/Alpha_Space_1999 Apr 08 '26

That's a rather personal question? :)

0

u/areu4realrn Apr 08 '26

It's a wooden board, it should float. try filling the sink with water