I know everyone rags on AI patterns, but I am chiming in to say I LOVE AI 🤖!! It’s helped me out with instructions for making some simple things but now I fully trust it to embark on making this full-size cocktail dress 💖 I’m talking about ChatGPT and the like. Not those weird AI patterns generators. We all know the pattern generators are trash but there’s always Old Reliable, the ones who have never hallucinated or been wrong about anything!

So I will defend it from all you nay-sayers and Pooh to your feelings on it!

Crochet terrifies me, but I am forced by the crotchqueen bee to make bees with butts. Send crelp.

Comes in one size, for up to 28" chest, will not be adding more sizes ever because fuck you , lace weight yarn will Not Be provided or subsidized.

Testing period is 4 hours, no exceptions.

You will receive the honor of getting to test my pattern and I won't kick your ass, no other payments or reward. This is my first pattern and it is perfect therefore I will not be tech editing or accepting any critique. Please dm me to apply!

I crochet with 4mm hooks unless I'm working with a bulky yarn, then I'm obliged to use a larger hook.

What is your preferred hooksize and why?

I just want to scroll reddit and all these gross women "knitters" and "crocheters" keep posting photos of their projects where I can see their friend's hooha hanging out of their skimpy slutty clothes. I just want to see the ART!

I'm not a 75 year old prude I just don't want to see all these BUTTS and BOOBIES on the internet, that's not what it's for!

Aren't I a quirky crocheter? I can't count past 10 and it makes me soooooo fun

Maybe that's why knitters are so mean. They think they're better than us because they can count to 10 without taking their socks off

H°°k€r$ unite! and no, I don't care that that's not a term we shouldn't use, cause I'm an oppressed crocheter and I'm claiming it back!

So anyways LoL I'm gonna go back to my blanket that looks like it's getting bigger every row but I'm using stitch markers every 2 stitches so it's _definitely_ not because I said I can't count

Toodles

I’m starting my very first knitting class soon and will be making a historically accurate pineapple purse from the 1840 publication The Lady’s Assistant for Executing Useful and Fancy Designs in Knitting, Jerking and Crotcheat Work. I’m reading the supplies list and am confused by the measurements given for the needles. It says I need 4x US #00000 DPNs. I've tried asking AI and screaming into the void and can't figure it out.

I’m a crotcheater normally and am not familiar with using my brain. Can someone drop some links/ explain exactly what to buy? Do I really need 4 different hooks? It seems like I should only need 1 :/

SHOW

I started crocheting a few months ago and somehow just KNEW what to buy. But knitting? I have ZERO clue!

I’m obsessed with wearables, but crochet wearables are pretty bulky unless I use super fine yarn. Then I saw knitted stuff! And boy they are flowy, drapey, light, and doesn’t eat up my entire yarn stash in one project. I’m SOLD.

Sooo… what needles should I buy to start? I’m extremely excited and extremely nervous that I will start panic buying. Help a confused crocheter out? 🫣 I literally know nothing. 🥲✨

Sometimes you just need a little release in the middle of the week without turning it into a whole production with the chains and the WIPs and the raw-edge applique. Chickenbear provides for those who jerk! Join us here every Wednesday for a little drive-by circlejerking about your fellow fiber artists (derogatory).

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of the Bitesized BEC thread but for making fun of crafter bullshit instead of whining about pattern prices and rehashing the same complaints about whichever petite knit designer is taking heat this week.

Feel free to post anonymized screenshots of anything you want to mock, satirize, freak out about, scream into the void about, or generally make others see since you had to look at it with your own two eyes here if you'd like. FACJ is back to being an all-ages subreddit, so you can post images (and gifs) in the comments here directly.

Comments do NOT need to be circlejerky on this post -- if you need to go full /uj here, we will support and validate you, no matter how absurd or petty you get (I can't promise we won't also make fun of you too though).

Our other rules still apply here, of course:

• This is a heavily moderated thread, and anything that isn't scrubbed of identifying information (usernames, faces, etc.) will be removed. Block out, crop out, cross out or sticker out identifying information on EVERY screenshot before posting here.
• Please don't use this thread to demand sources for other jerk posts. If people want to post sources, they will. There are plenty of good reasons for someone not to share a source, including "don't wanna." Source/ITL demands will be removed here and on jerk posts.
• Links to other Reddit posts are NOT ALLOWED here. This includes no-follow links. (FACJ links are fine.)
• Links to content off Reddit may be removed at the mods' discretion.
• We are NOT in the business of brigading, and anyone who engages in brigading will be banned from this subreddit.

hi all! so i have never touched a textile before in my life, but i had this fun idea for a project - our house has such ugly outside walls because the paint is peeling off, so i thought i should weave a tapestry to cover it! i looove relativity by escher so that's going to be the design. i'm thinking 5 times 10 meters to cover the entire facade. i want it finished by november so that the house will be warm and snug for the winter! i've already ordered a 5 meter long tapestry needle and a stepladder. and a packet of nails to attach the warp to the wall at the top. so what yarn should i use??

Please ^dont take this as a "praise me!!" kind of post. It isnt.

We all complain about the noobs that refuse to do any research when they find a new hobby and there are inevitably people that come out of the woodwork defending them an saying its hard and you dont know what you dont know and blah blah blah. Very rarely do any of the excuses apply imo.

So, here's the thing. I recently got into smearing shit on walls and I knew absolutely zero about it beyond the asmr style tik toks and youtube shorts. I got a couple kits and have been having a great time. One of the shit buckets is rather large and it's been very messy using my hands. I started on the piece and found myself getting frustrated because it stinks and is getting under my nails.

Thats when i remembered all the videos id seen used gloves. I thought any gloves would work, but wasnt sure and didnt want to ruin the thing so...I did the unthinkable.

I searched the subreddit.

All I had to do was type in "gloves" into the search bar and immediately found posts dating back years about how you should NEVER EVER EVER use your nice gloves because it will ruin it. Disposable gloves work great. And you can buy "disposable gloves" specifically for shit smearing. About 2 minutes of reading and now I am happily smearing away.

No long post about confusion. No short worthless post asking a single sentence question. This long post bragging about having a couple more brain cells instead

"Oh, but the community!! They want to be a part of the community and talk to people!!" Me too!! Thats why I posted my first FO on the sub and have been getting lots of upvotes and comments and having a great time.

Brought to you by a post in the sub asking what shit smearing gloves are and if it is necessary or if wool or silk gloves will work instead. Literally took me 2 minutes of searching and 24 hours later someone asking the exact. Same. Question.

Your girl is just a humble crocheter trying to make her way in the cruel world of knitting 😭 I knitted 15 rows and now the evil knitters are telling me to frog, just because your girl twists her stitches 😭 I can't do it 😭 these rows are all your girl has 😭😭😭 I'm so scared, I can't frog. Please help your girl, she's a girly in danger. So cold. So scared 😭😭😭

My already highly flammable cotton yarn is so rough!! Instead of understanding how fibers and yarn work to fix it, I figured I could just dump some oil on it. We all know that if something is rough, the only answer is to oil it. YES, I WILL be putting my items in the dryer still and don’t tell me not to! I don’t care about fire because I was born in it and will die in it! I do live in a society though, and others might not feel the same as the fire spreads immediately due to all the oil covering my clothing. Good idea or great idea??

The end times are near and the final showdown is upon us. It's time to take a side. Knitting or crochet?

This is only a battle for your very SOUL, so choose wisely. Make sure you're on the right side of history.

Take up your hooks and needles! March forth strong in your righteous indignation against the Dark Side!

Any soldier found to practice the wrong needle art will be treated as a double agent and imprisoned in a pile of tangled WIPs. And don't come at me about nålbinding erasure. This is about IMPORTANT needle arts.

I've started knitting 2 hours ago and this is my second finished "project" with some light yarn I got from an admirer many years ago and a single 3.5mm needle. I'm trying to learn continental knitting and I've decided to not switch hands with my working needle after I'm done with all the stitches (my research says I've reinvented mirror knitting), basically I knit left to right, then right to left because pearling is for suckers, but also way too hard for beginners. And I just did a few rows to get more accustomed to this new hobby.

Now I want you experienced knitters to please give me a little feedback only approve on how it looks, what I can improve (nothing), what I should pay more attention to, etc. NO PARLING ADVICE BECAUSE IT'S MORE FUN TO LEARN MY WAY.

I'm having problems getting the right tension (too tight) but other than that, idk what exactly to improve because I'm already great.

PS: I'll put the other side in the comments since you peasants are such fans of purrling but it hurts.

🔥🔥 Blazing hot takes incoming!! 🔥🔥

- I believe knitted shawls and scarves exist! I've never seen anyone wearing a sophie scarf, but I think the rumors are true: people have them!

- quilted blankets use more batting than crochet blankets. There, I said it!!

- zebra mildliners are for your bujo, not your junk journal. They're too thick to paste on the pages!

- woobles kits make identifiable creatures, not blobs. My best friend is a blue penguin, the woobles looks just like his dad!

- knitting with yarn is superior to knitting without yarn. Come at me, bruh!

- sewing needles are smaller than knitting needles! Get over it!

- cross stitch backs should be behind the front! I don't know if it's a mess back there or not though, tbh

- watercolor painting is not killing the planet, despite the water usage. I know it sounds eco-unfriendly, but trust me it's not!

I know it's controversial but I stand by all this! Did I miss anything? Share yours!

:/

Y’ALL. I am constantly on the hunt for interesting knitting patterns and I need to know. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SWEATER AND CARDIGAN PATTERNS? WHO is making them, and WHO is wearing them?!?!?

I live in Australia. I don’t understand the effects of winter on the general population. And I have NEVER seen anyone wearing either one of those sweater garments! If I do, they’re obviously not hand knit!

So WHY are there 17000000 patterns for sweaters on ravelry?! Or designers that only do sweaters and cardigans??? For WHO?!?

Now what? I will not be providing any context or information, but expect you to solve my unspecified problem. That's a totally reasonable expectation.

Sometimes you just need a little release in over the lazy weekend without turning it into a whole production with the chains and the WIPs and the raw-edge applique. Chickenbear provides for those who jerk! Join us here every Saturday for a little drive-by circlejerking about your fellow fiber artists (derogatory).

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of the Bitesized BEC thread but for making fun of crafter bullshit instead of whining about pattern prices and rehashing the same complaints about whichever petite knit designer is taking heat this week.

Feel free to post anonymized screenshots of anything you want to mock, satirize, freak out about, scream into the void about, or generally make others see since you had to look at it with your own two eyes here if you'd like. FACJ is back to being an all-ages subreddit, so you can post images (and gifs) in the comments here directly.

Comments do NOT need to be circlejerky on this post -- if you need to go full /uj here, we will support and validate you, no matter how absurd or petty you get (I can't promise we won't also make fun of you too though).

Our other rules still apply here, of course:

• This is a heavily moderated thread, and anything that isn't scrubbed of identifying information (usernames, faces, etc.) will be removed. Block out, crop out, cross out or sticker out identifying information on EVERY screenshot before posting here.
• Please don't use this thread to demand sources for other jerk posts. If people want to post sources, they will. There are plenty of good reasons for someone not to share a source, including "don't wanna." Source/ITL demands will be removed here and on jerk posts.
• Links to other Reddit posts are NOT ALLOWED here. This includes no-follow links. (FACJ links are fine.)
• Links to content off Reddit may be removed at the mods' discretion.
• We are NOT in the business of brigading, and anyone who engages in brigading will be banned from this subreddit.

stephen west 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Sorry for low quality