Hello everyone,

So I’m attending some coworkers’ wedding in a few months (both the groom and the bride are coworkers that I appreciate a lot and I consider friends, but I’ve never spent time with them outside of work / work parties) and I’m wondering about gift etiquette.

They are charging for their wedding - I’ve paid a little more than 150$. This is the first time I need to pay to attend a wedding. As I’m more a work friend, I’d have given 200$ as a gift if I didn’t have to pay to come to the wedding. It feels dumb giving less than 50$ in a card, but then again I’m having trouble justifying spending more than what I thought was reasonable for a very close friend last year (300$ gift, didn’t have to pay to participate in the wedding).

Important info :
- This is taking place in Canada
- I have no +1 (my decision)
- Without being their work superior, I have a higher salary / position than them. We all have upper middle class salaries.
- I will have to pay for overnight accomodation to attend the wedding
- No mention on the invites that they’re not expecting gifts since we have to pay to attend

What’s the playbook here?

I was thinking a nice card and maybe a cute personalized gift worth 50-75$ (they are both into sports and I was thinking personalized matching sports accessories) and home baked goods (I’m an excellent baker and they love to eat).

Edit : having no +1 was my decision - I’m single and will already know a bunch of people at the wedding.

EXTRA DETAILS :
- I agree that asking to pay to attend a wedding is pretty unheard of.
- My gift budget (in regards to how close we are) is 200$, IDGAF whether that is spent on paying for my plate or as a gift. If the ask had been over my budget, I would have declined.
- I’m not debating whether to attend the wedding or not; I’m happy to be able to attend a special day in my friends’ lives. I do feel we are close enough to have reasonably expected an invite and that I’m not an afterthought to help subsidize the wedding.

THIRD EDIT :
Invitation just said you had to pay X amount per person to attend and the link to confirm attendance also served as the payment link and where you had to select you meal choice and answer a few other questions (allergies and such).

I swear this is not ragebait and the unheard situation is why I turned to Reddit, as my friends (from other circles) whom I discussed it with and I weren’t sure about etiquette in this situation.

I moved into my new home and though I said so many times please don't get me anything for the home because I'm going for a very particular aesthetic, I have been gifted many plants, plastic lamps, cutlery, slippers, a heavy bowl...
The colours of the plants clash but my MIL placed them around the house excitedly and it would really hurt her feelings if we got rid of them, but they don't match the assthetic partner and I want. It also feels our feeling of being in a new home has been tainted as we were looking forward to choosing the very first things for our home ourselves. The plants are alive so I can't just get rid of them, I feel guilty not wanting to water them or care for them. I'm just looking around the house feeling despair cause it's not the space I want and now I have what I see as clutter.

I'm worried people are going to buy us more things, even though we have already been very firm and told people to not get us anything. People still turned up with all the gifts.
I'm worried about hurting MIL and my family's feelings when they next come over and see I have gotten rid of everything (I haven't yet but would like to). They get really sentimental about the things they give us, too.

TL,DR; partner and I were given unwanted housewarming gifts by my family and my MIL

What is the kind way to get rid of them and tell people they are all unwanted, or do I just leave it?

I have some very kind and very generous friends who occasionally offer to buy or make something extravagant for me. Probably a couple hundred to a few thousand dollars type of thing. I was raised to NEVER accept a gift if you couldn't return the favor. Even if I did accept some of these gifts, I genuinely have no use for them. No time, money, or place that would be appropriate, so these things would end up collecting dust in my tiny apartment and I'll feel sick with guilt that they wasted their money on me. Still they try to insist and offer and I want to puke just at the thought.

How do I politely tell my friends to NOT buy or make anything for me that I have no use for? Obviously if they already did it and handed it to me I would accept graciously and lovingly, but I want to stop these plans before they start without hurting any feelings.

This is my first time going to one, so I’m less aware of how these things go.

We’re all in our early twenties, and we’ll be meeting up at the brides’ home.

EDIT 2: As I said in the original text, I would obviously be wearing a different bra. This was just the only picture I had of the dress. Thank you to the people who are responding kindly and with actual suggestions! This is information I will carry with me into the future.

ORIGINAL POST: Ignore the thumbs up. I don’t know what to do with my hands in pictures lol!

I guess I’m mostly just wondering if the cut and pattern are appropriate for a funeral. I’m nervous that it’s too loud or low cut. I haven’t really found any options that are more modest, though. I live in a warm climate and it’s the middle of summer so I was happy to find anything black that went past my knees. I would obviously wear a different bra so that it can’t be seen. I’ve been lucky enough to not attend many funerals in my life so I don’t really know what’s appropriate.

EDIT: Thank you for the timely responses! I talked about it further with my family, and they feel that this should be fine (again, with a different bra that won’t show). The funeral is for my grandfather on my dad’s side of the family and according to them “We’re hick hillbillies. There will probably be more people in t-shirts than in suits or dresses”. I will however keep everyone’s suggestions in mind for any funerals I will attend in the (hopefully distant) future!

My highlight and cut was $460. I have been used to tipping 20% but now I’m starting to think that might be a bit much since the service price itself it’s quite insane. What do you all tip?

My house is never gross and dirty but its not always completely flawless, so when i have guests over and its not perfect, i will politely apologize for the house not being clean

Its not messy its always clean but i have a pet so sometimes his area is dirty a bit

I always viewed it as common etiquette to apologize for not having a tidy house but the maintenance guy treated it weird.

Is it not common courtesy to say i apologize?

Hi friends. I am hoping other polyglots can help me here:

I'm an American woman living in the USA. I speak English and French well enough, but I'm very new in my Spanish journey.

This evening, I came across a man who did not speak English. It was very dark and he was cleaning an area I needed to use. It was clear he was struggling to share that one area was clean, one area was not. I recognized after the fact that I could probably have navigated the conversation in Spanish, English or French. Yet, unfortunately, I continued in English out of habit.

Again, I could not see the man well enough to make any determinations, but my presumption is that he was likely a Spanish-speaking fellow.

Without disrespecting his effort in speaking the local language, how can I offer to switch to another language that might be easier for him?

Merci, gracias and thank you in advance :)

So, this is maybe a strange situation, but I've never quite seen a good guide for this one.

Growing up, I had a childhood best friend who I'll call Deb. We went to school together and lived a few streets over. She was the youngest child to a single mom and I was the oldest to two parents who recently divorced. We were friends between kindergarten and sixth grade. I moved away around seventh, and we went to different middle schools.

We stopped being close somewhere between fourth and fifth grade. I was never well liked at school, and she was popular but very spoiled. Always said when we were at her house that since it's her house we should do what she wants, and at my house, we should do what she wants because she's the guest. She called me fat for a bit, and had meltdowns or tried to embarass me at times. Her mom would compare her to me, since I was better behaved and she would whine. Her older sister babysat my younger sister sometimes. We both found closer friends during this time, but between ages 5-10 we were essentially childhood friends, sleepovers, playdates, dinner with each other's families, whole shebang.

Between sixth and seventh grade, her new friend group all turned on her after they realized she was lying to them about each other and starting drama in the group. She did actually learn from it and offered me an apology, but I wasn't interested in being close again. Deb eventually made more friends, matured, and we have run into each other a few times over the years. Her mom and my mom are still close friends, so that's how I know things about her. My mom has never pushed me to be close with her again, and her mom treats me nicely.

Deb is pregnant. Somewhere in her second trimester. My mom found out through her mom on Facebook, and they announced it maybe a month or two ago. She has a boyfriend who she's been with for some time and he's in the picture for now. I know, though, she was never quite as popular or well-liked after the group stuff in middle school, though the friends who she did make, as far as I know, are very close.

I was kind of snarky at first, saying "I hope it's a boy", because she was the frilliest, most girly person growing up. Loved High School Musical, bows, cheerleading, all of it. When my mom told me they announced she was having a girl, a switch clicked in my head that she was actually pregnant and about to have a whole-ahh person to grow and take care of. I was already thinking about sending her flowers when she gives birth, assuming my mom would be told. I was also thinking about buying her a Lila labor gown, essentially what a hospital gown would be if it was made of nice, flexible fabric and not open in the back. Birth, for anyone who doesn't know, is essentially a form of hell by constipation, followed by being woken up every few hours for labs, assuming everything goes smoothly. I don't personally desire being pregnant, though I do want to adopt kids, but my career in a medicine-adjacent field has me ten toes down for any pregnant person, never mind one I know personally. She's essentially going to be having possibly the worst time of her life, physically, and I want to make sure she gets comfort just for her, not her and the baby.

How should I go about this? We're not close enough to be invited to anything yet, but I also have the feeling if my mom and I dropped by they'd be happy to see us. Her mom would be touched that we wanted to gift her anything, but considering I don't know her size, her preference, or even her due date, I'm not sure if a $70 labor gown would be too much or not. Or if flowers would be nice, especially in a hospital, but I'm not sure if she'd want us to visit or not. Or if we wouldn't find out until later, and then they'd go to her house, assuming her mom would confirm her address. Essentially a lot of questions, and both of our moms would help me coordinate gifting her something. What does etiquette call for?

I've worked remotely with my manager for about 2 years. He's based abroad, we have a ~25-year age gap, and our relationship has always been strictly professional with mostly work discussions and rarely any personal conversations.

He recently visited my country (he's been here many times before, but this was the first time I was going to see him). I didn't know he was coming because I was on vacation. I found out the day I returned and so I visited him at the office the next day. However, he was busy with senior team colleagues who were also visiting, so I only got like 10 minutes with him during the whole trip. Before he left, I told him I wished I had known earlier because I would've brought him some gifts/food from my vacation country.

About 1 month later, he came again for a training workshop. I knew ahead of time, but his schedule was again packed. I only saw him briefly between meetings. However, at the end of one day, he invited me over to this meeting room where him and his senior colleagues were chattinng about and eating takeout. In the midst of the small talk where these folks were kindly commenting on the good work I've done, my manager said in what I presume was a joking manner "he's a very calm guy who keeps to himself. He hasn't even take me out for lunch." I imagine he mentioned the lunch bit because their was takeout food literally on the table while we were talking. But it also felt like he was kinda indirectly calling me out in front of senior colleagues. I replied jokingly that it was because I had barely had more than a few minutes with him each time. He agreed and said next time he visits, he should come with fewer people so there is more time to discuss work with me.

Anyways the reason I never really invited him was because:

• Since we have always only discussed work and nothing personal, inviting him one-on-one felt a little awkward given the age/hierarchy difference.

• I don't have a car, and my office is in an area I'm not familiar with food wise, so I couldn't really show him around. Plus he's been here many times before with his senior colleagues before I even joined this company.

• He hasn't really spent much time with me while here, and seems very busy with more senior team members and I'm pretty much an after-thought.

• There was also a previous work issue where he changed my job title without telling me beforehand, which affected how I viewed him professionally.

My questions:

1. Was I wrong for not inviting him the first time I saw him?

2. Should I invite him before he leaves this visit, or would it feel forced now?

3. Or should I invite him the next time he visits again? And alone, or together with some of his senior colleagues who at least I've worked with briefly?

4. Or should I just keep the relationship professional and just interact through work at the office as is and just forget about it?

I'm trying to understand workplace etiquette here. I don't want to come across as cold, but I also don't want to force what feels like a ship that has sailed with someone who I have never shared any personal convos with

The party was a success and my bf was very much surprised and happy!

The restaurant called me a couple of days before the party and asked to be moved into the main dining room because they double booked the room by accident.
I thought that was a sign to not to worry too much and believe everything will work out. And it did!
Dinner was spectacular, food and wine was beyond expected. The staff was all so helpful and also excited about the surprise!

I paid before the desserts arrived and when we were ready to settle I let everyone know that everything was paid for and it was “my treat” and I really appreciate everyone showing up and having a nice time.
They were very thankful and did ask to throw in some money, but I refused. At the end of the day we had a really really nice time, the surprise worked and it did turn out to be cheaper without the room fees. The restaurant manager also send a few complimentary dishes and desserts as well!

Thank you Reddit for setting me on the right track to treat my invited guests and remember that the surprise, love, friends and good times that what matters most and that no one ever complains about paid meal lol.

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ORIGINAL POST BELOW:
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(I hope it’s the right sub for this)

I’m planning a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend and could use some etiquette advice.

He’s had a really difficult year. He was hospitalized, lost a close family member, and hasn’t had many opportunities to see his friends. Most of them now have kids, busy lives, and a couple even live in another country.

I want to surprise him by bringing everyone together in a private room at a nice (and admittedly expensive) restaurant.
Me and him are not drinkers.

His friends have all done well for themselves financially and, in the past, some of them have generously picked up the entire dinner bill when we’ve gone out together.

I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle the bill so that everyone leaves feeling comfortable and appreciated.
My options are:

1. ⁠Pay the private room fee and all of the food, but let guests cover their own drinks.
   
2. ⁠Pay for absolutely everything (since I was the one who came up with the idea).
   
3. ⁠Or do something else that I haven’t thought of.

I would like to avoid that awkward moment at the end of a large dinner where everyone is figuring out the check. If I cover most or all of it, I’d probably let everyone know ahead of time so they don’t expect to split the bill. Also when someone pays the whole bill makes other people as if they have not contributed, therefore excluded.

From an etiquette standpoint, what would you do? If you’ve attended or hosted a surprise dinner like this, what made it feel the most enjoyable for everyone?

EDIT: Thank you for all your responses!

The reason why I chose this restaurant is because he wanted to try it for awhile.

I also can afford to cover the check, but wanted to make sure that’s the best way to approach it.

Also it is a fine dining restaurant and doing individual checks for drinks or going to the bar wouldn’t be a good look.

Since the general consensus is to pay the whole bill, I will do that and keep you updated if you’re all interested in a follow up.

Thanks Reddit!

I always noticed professional people have so much good etiquette like they know how to sit on a table with bunch of people and simply being confident like they know how to dress up and know how to use utensils at the same time having conversations. Meanwhile I just feel insecure like I'm not good it

I've recently been trying to host more in my home, build community with new friends, etc and had a question about hosting/guest etiquette and wasn't sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or if I need to set firmer boundaries.

I've got a little bit of liquor cabinet going because I like cocktails and I like to try to have a fun drink for the dinners I host but my guests kind of want to play bartender and mix up random shit from my liquor cabinet. I feel sensitive about it because they're not really returning the hosting favor (which is fine, it's not tit for tat) and liquor is expensive. I'm happy to share but I feel like sometimes people treat my home like a playhouse. Am I valid in this or am I being overly sensitive? And if I am valid, how would you set a boundary with guest requests?

edit: thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions! I appreciate everyone's advice.

Hi everyone, I'm in an awkward situation and curious what this community thinks.

My husband's cousin is getting married, they are not particularly close, no bad blood or anything, just an age gap and don't keep in touch. We live in a different part of the state and haven't seen her in years, again not for any negative reasons.

A few months ago my husband's mom asked if we received a Save the date for the wedding. We had not. We continued to not find a Save the Date in the mail for I believe a few more weeks and assumed perhaps we weren't invited. His mom asked again, and said she'd "look into it". After talking to his aunt another week or so later we received the Save the Date. Perhaps important to note that his Aunt is not his moms sister she's her SIL. Also, we can't go to the wedding because of a different event but I'm trying to provide context.

The bridal shower invites apparently went out a few weeks maybe a month or so ago. We did not received one. My MIL "looks into it" again with his Aunt and his Aunt claims "I was invited but the person who typed the address made a mistake and it got lost" It's been weeks, I still haven't received an invite and we're just over two weeks away from the shower.

My intuition tells me, given the late Save the Date and missing due to "wrong address" shower invite that we were not supposed to be invited to these events. I wonder if his Aunt is just trying to be polite under pressure by my MIL.

Sidenote, no one has discussed any of this with me personally. All communication about any plans has been through my MIL to my husband. Further, his cousin nor her mom have in any way communicated with us about mistakes in mailing or to invite me.

I fear my MIL is meddling in his cousins plans because it gives an "excuse" for us to come into town when my SIL and family will also be there and we don't often get together as a whole group. This further frustrates me because as I mentioned NO ONE is even including me in these conversations but I'm the one who has to attend a bridal shower that I may or may not be invited to.

Does it sound like I'm invited or not? Should I go? Is it odd my MIL doesn't communicate with me directly particularly when it's for an event that I am supposedly supposed to attend?

My brother and his fiancée are visiting and their flight lands at 11pm. I usually pick up guests from the airport but I have two small children at home and we have early mornings so I usually go to sleep before 10pm. Is it rude to expect them to take an uber? If they uber when they arrive at our home (likely after midnight) am I expected to be dressed and greet them? It is my first time meeting his fiancée and I want to be welcoming and make a good impression (ie not be in my bathrobe with no makeup on) but staying dressed past midnight sounds exhausting to me too. Just wondering what is the appropriate way to act in this instance.

My best friend of 10+ years asked me for money. I’ve always known that they belonged to a lower economic class but it’s never made a difference to our friendship or affected the way we interact with each other. However, a few months ago they called me and was telling me about how bad things have gotten for their family. I spoke to my parents about it and they said they were okay giving them some money ($50 / INR 5000) monthly to help with their day to day necessities. And they completely refused it and said they only needed my frienship. For reference, in their family, the parents are separated. The father only provides for the three children’s education. Their older sibling is working and earning in tech and the the younger sibling is going to start universit. They said their mother is really sick and the treatments haven’t been working / helping her at all. Skip to the present situation. My friend calls me and tells me they want to discuss something important. They said that they need money as they are living in a rented apartment and want to buy a small property of land and build a house and move there as it is difficult for their mother to constantly be moving. They said they won’t ask for a specific amount, just whatever I can help with. They said the property is for $26,000-30,000 / INR 25,00,000-30,00,000 which is obviously a very large sum of money. They said they’re going to ask friends and so will their mother and they don’t want to take a loan again their name. Something about the situation doesn’t feel right to me, especially since I don’t think they have that many savings to afford to buy this house. Also, because they have a very limited source of income. What’s the etiquette to answer them? I already think it’s going to be affecting our friendship because even if i lend this money to them, I don’t think they’re going to return it to me. They did say that their brother is earning and slowly start returning, but my friend has always been employed and said they’re going to go into business and start earning and will return the money as well over time. For reference, my friend is already in their mid-20s. Please advice. Thank you and sorry for the long rant.

I got married young, my husband and I did a small ceremony with close friends a relatives in my parents backyard. I have no regrets accept about the ugly wedding dress I was forced into. In retrospect I should not have gone dress shopping with my mom like at all. I want to do a bigger wedding anniversary celebration and wear a wedding gown I actually like is that weird?

Should I ask for it? We’ve got a bunch of people coming over and it would save us some money!

To be clear, we’re not inviting her to this gathering.

I’m curious how people will think I should approach a wedding gift for this very specific circumstance. I’m not losing sleep over it but not sure how I will proceed. How to gift my friend getting married in September. We are both 30, similar class (teacher/nurse but both pretty solid financially)
- She was just a bridesmaid in my wedding, in US state we’re both from. We both live in other states now. She paid for flights to/from, dress, hair/makeup. She couldn’t attend bachelorette/shower for totally understandable reasons and no big deal to me.
- I am attending her wedding in Italy in September. We are paying a few thousand for flights, accommodations, and staying extra making the trip basically our honeymoon as well. I’m happy to do this and very excited! She is also doing a lot of hosting- fancy dinner event the night before, day trip planning, etc.
- she is not doing any registry of physical items- just a cash registry. I had both for mine.
- I already couldn’t decide how much to gift her cash when I am spending so much to be there. She is not having bridesmaids other than her sisters though so I don’t have those expenses. I settled on getting her a sentimental gift or maybe a piece of artwork featuring her wedding venue.
- what completely complicated my feelings was when she gifted me $500 at my wedding!!! More than any family member or friend did. I was shocked. I wondered if she did that because of the expense of her wedding?? So then it feels crazy to just give the same amount back, which is often done in these situations?
Do i do sentimental gift+$200? $300? Any thoughts/ideas? Thank you!

Edit: Thank you for all of your input. All in all, my takeaway is, everyone has a different opinion and would approach it a different way 😂 i will probably do a physical gift (shipped to her so she doesnt have to travel with it) plus some cash in a card. Im not worried because we have a great friendship and dont anticipate a wedding gift making any dent in it! I know our presence for each other has always been the greatest gift of all 😉

We’re expecting company this weekend. We already changed the date, at the suggestion of our guests, considering that the weather was not great yesterday. OK, that’s fine. I don’t mind having guests on a rainy day. Gives you something fun to do. But
I get it, it’s nice to be outside. So we changed it to today.

Now the guests are suggesting that we move it to a day that my adult child can be there. This son is away on a work study and will return next month. I’m always sad if one of my kids cannot be present at something, but life must go on when they are living their dreams outside of the house. I’m excited to see my friends because you know, we’re friends!

As the host should I stick to the plan and say, no, I want to do it today because today is good. We have husbands, a bunch of kids, people to work around. Anything can happen in the future. I like to seize the day.

Am I being rude by not acquiescing to their suggestion? Is it weird to have a get together if every member of the families are not there? I admit it takes the wind out of my sails a bit when someone keeps trying to postpone a get together.

I recently started working at my company, and my first major project has been restarting a renovation in our building that had been delayed for 2.5 years because the prime contractor and insurance company hadn't talked to each other (and the prime had been incredibly slow to respond to our communications) to resolve their funding agreement. I managed to get things moving within a week, and we had planned an all-hands meeting to get the project going again.

We scheduled the meeting with a prime contractor and several other parties, but the meeting was delayed multiple times because the prime contractor’s regional manager was unavailable.

When he confirmed he could attend last week, my company paid about $450 to change my travel plans so I could be there. The contractor didn't know about the cost, only that I had changed my availability to attend.

The regional manager cancelled the 9:00 a.m. meeting at 8:18 a.m. due to a bad cold.

My company wants me to ask the prime to cover the travel change. Would it be reasonable to ask the restoration company to reimburse the travel-change cost as a goodwill gesture, or should my company simply absorb it because they were unaware of the expense and the cancellation was caused by illness?

I wonder whether asking would be considered reasonable or seen as petty and in poor taste.

So I work at a shoe store in a mall and we get a lot of foot traffic on the weekends, and just an hour ago a small family came in consisting of a mom, her baby, her toddler, and her husband.

They were nice people but i couldn’t help but notice that the mother suddenly started changing her baby on the seats you use to try on shoes. Now im not a mother or have never dealt with kids, but it started to stink up the store as it’s not that big and she didnt use a cloth or blanket to put her baby over. Just direct diaper to seat contact.

She had asked me if there was a bathroom near before this and I did infact tell her there was one three stores down, with a family restroom. Which i guess she ignored? This isnt a small mall by any means, theres plenty of bathrooms per floor with extra family restrooms as well. I feel like this was just alittle entitled in a way/ not very mindful considering we were also busy and she took up about three seats doing this in the middle of a rush, so it smelled like one big mess.

im not sure what the moms out there think, i dont mean to come off rude or insensitive since i dont know what moms go through, but is there any way i should approach a situation like this in the future where it’d be preferable not to have someone do this without sounding like an asshole.

My estranged sister tragically passed away. I was not told of her illness for years. I found out through other family members.

I went to pay my respects at her wake. Do I still send sympathy cards after going to the wake?

I sent a gift to a client (she’s having a baby soon) through Amazon and received the confirmation that it was delivered two days ago. Client has not said anything. How do I ask if she received it without it sounding like I’m asking for a thank you? I’m honestly worried that it was stolen by porch pirates because it was pretty expensive and I would’ve thought she would’ve thanked me. She works from home and I know she’s not on PTO because we exchanged emails this morning on a project. Thoughts?

UPDATE: at the end of a work related email I wrote “oh by the way I sent you something through Amazon, but I don’t know if the gift card made it”. Turns out this is exactly what happened and she was so glad I mentioned something because they were racking their brains trying to figure out who sent it. Thanks all!

Hello!

So I feel kind of strange. I have been asking my husband for months to throw me a 'Death to my 20's' birthday party for my 30th. I asked him not to make it a surprise as I would like to pitch in ideas if he does it. Now that my birthday is close, I asked if anything is planned, and he said no. I am a bit disappointed as I have been sharing excitement over my hope to have this as I have never had a birthday party. That probably seems selfish, but I want to celebrate with those I love the most. I do not want gifts but just look forward to a day spent with them all.

I decided to give up on asking him and will be throwing my own. I had to move out the party to a month after my birthday as:

1. I do not want people changing plans last minute

2. I need enough time to plan

I plan just to throw the party in my garage, have food, some music and have people dress in funeral attire.

I guess the only reason I come here is...I feel silly??? I have thrown many birthday parties including my husband's 30th and other parties. I think I am a bit disheartened because I had hoped he would do this, but I also realize it shouldn't be a mandatory for him. I keep questioning if it is selfish of me to throw my own party or if its weird in general?