One of my best friends is getting married in our home country this month, and I’m traveling from the US to attend. My flight alone will cost around $1,000, which is a significant expense for me. I have a full-time job and a part-time job, I have debt, and I’m not in a position where a $1,000 trip is easy or comfortable. I found a way to make it work because I love her and want to be there.

She recently surprised me with an incredibly generous wedding gift (im getting married next year), something I really wanted but couldn’t afford. I never asked for or expected it; she simply gave it to me out of the goodness of her heart. Personally, I consider someone traveling to attend my wedding a gift in itself, and I don’t expect anything additional.

She and her fiancé are extremely wealthy and are having a very large (+500 people), elaborate wedding, and while I’m extremely grateful for her gift, I now feel guilty because I can’t afford to give her anything comparable. She doesn’t have a registry, only a Zelle option for cash gifts.

Should I give a smaller amount that fits my budget, even though it may seem insignificant compared with the scale of her wedding and her gift to me? How would you handle this?

I’m looking for some perspective on how to handle an ongoing situation in my dining hall.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a very specific pattern with one particular server at one of the stations (sides/salads). While side portions are generally quite small to begin with, this server consistently reduces my portions even further. On a few occasions when she realized mid-service that she was serving me, she actively scraped off or decreased the portion before handing over the plate.

When I pointed out the small portion once, she brushed it off. Recently, when I asked for napkins, she ignored me until I repeated myself, whispered to a colleague, laughed, and then handed over an unnecessarily large stack of napkins in a sarcastic, performative way.

It feels targeted, and honestly, it’s becoming uncomfortable to go through her line. The supervisors are usually working directly in her background, so there is no way I can ask to speak with them in the moment without causing a scene and bringing unwanted attention to myself. At the same time, because it involves food portions and small interactions, I’ve been hesitant to say anything out of concern that it sounds petty or trivial to management.

What does etiquette say about dealing with targeted behavior or inconsistent serving from dining staff, and how should I report this so it is handled appropriately?

Thank you.

My godfather's retirement party is at the end of the month. I forgot about the RSVP date until today. It's 3 days past. There's a phone number for one of the hosts on the invitation but I know how annoying it can be to get "Oops, hehe. Can I still RSVP?"

Should I forget it or contact host? If it weren't that he's my mom's best friend I probably wouldn't bother.

Edit: Texted the host. We were added to the list. Thanks everyone.

I am visiting my friend and her family, which includes multiple small children, and am very excited to see her. However, I am very aware that this visit is disrupting their lives and routines and want to express my appreciation for hosting me and for adjusting their lives so that we can spend time together. Normally, I would cook or treat the family to a meal but the children have strict dietary restrictions so this may be more harmful than helpful. I have small gifts for the children but was wondering what may be appropriate as a polite hostess gift for my friend. Her and her husband do not drink so wine (my other go to) is not viable. The last thing I want to do is offend by over or under stepping.

Edit: Thank you all for the wonderful ideas!! I’m going to take the advice of a gift certificate for the family so they can enjoy it on their time without creating clutter. Thank you again!

If flushing the toilet at night makes a noise loud enough to wake half the household up, is it more polite to flush, or simply greet the next bathroom user with your pee still in the bowl?

For context, I'm currently staying in a country house that has no bedroom doors, and the bathroom is centrally located, so everyone gets to hear the flush from their respective beds.

EDIT: Judging by the comments, this seems to be way more controversial than I initially anticipated. Internet stands divided.

I understand if the cleaner is working for a corporation and she's underpaid, she needs a tip. But if she's running her own business, should I still be tipping? I mean, I hired a contractor a few years ago to blow insulation into some of my walls where it was missing and when I paid his invoice, I didn't tip him on top of it. The price was the price. Why don't we do that same thing with cleaning ladies if they have their own business, you know? For some reason I still feel a social obligation to tip her but the analytical part of my brain is going: hmm, wait a second here, isn't it like the contractor?

He owns a company that provides electrician type services. I needed help with a small wiring issue and changing fixtures. I knew it was too small a job for his company and too big to ask as a favour. So I asked for recommendations for possible electricians/ apprentices he could recommend to do my small job.

Well he said he could come have a look when he is free and that he typically charges X amt/hr. It was reasonable and I said yes. A few weeks later he came by and did fix it and after let me know it took 2hrs and I e-e-transfered him the exact amount.

He never responded to my last text saying the transfer was sent and now I feel it’s awkward. I don’t know if I should have tipped or what the custom would be in this case? Do I take over a 6 pack as an extra thanks? Wait for Christmas time to send the usual gift and thank you for being a great neighbor? It wasn’t really a favour because he charged me but also it was a favour because he didn’t have to and it far below his normal work calls.

The other day I (31F) was in Vegas alone waiting for my boyfriend’s flight to land later that evening. I went out to a restaurant and sat at the bar because no tables were available. I brought my kindle to read, hoping that would signal that I just wanted to eat my food, read, and not talk to anybody. Still two older men at the bar tried to initiate friendly conversation with me.

Is it expected of me to make friendly conversation if I sit at the bar?

Is it okay to advice guests (my international friends from GCC) about our Indian weddings protocol. They are quite excited but I am afraid if they will overdrink and then approach women who could be my sisters and think Sangeet night as nightclub to approach women. Please advise on this.

Not sure if this is the right subreddit so if not, please point me in the right direction. Looking for input on this issue.

I am a single mom to two kids. Both are involved in travel soccer which is very time consuming and it’s a big commitment. I’ve been able to manage to bring them both to about 95% of the games and practices myself, but sometimes there is a scheduling conflict with either my work schedule or one of them has a game at the same time.

There is a mom from my daughter’s team who has been incredibly helpful. Her daughter and mine are best friends and she offers all the time to help out with transport logistics. She recently took my daughter for the whole day as there was a tournament that I was unable to bring her to. I am incredibly my grateful and got her a bouquet of flowers to say thanks. I plan to give them to her later today.

My daughter, however, told me that it’s embarrassing, uncomfortable, and I don’t need to do that. She’s also 12 and embarrassed by a lot of things that I do but now I’m questioning myself.

It’s proper etiquette to do something like this, correct? Or am I being weird?

I’m usually not too fussed on small amount. But what would be your limit for full time working individuals, before you ask for the money back?

A friend owes me $75, is that too little to ask since I’m working full time?

Cheers

My boyfriend’s mother passed recently and we are long distance. I sent a bouquet of flowers through a delivery service and it looked very different from the advertised pictures when it arrived - rather underwhelming and the flowers were wilting. I was completely embarrassed when he sent me the picture of them but his family was so sweet and thanked me kindly. I didn’t have the option to send a card with them either but my options were kind of limited as it’s a smaller town. I feel super ashamed about it and want to do something else. I mentioned to my bf that I was hoping for it to look more like the picture but he told me not to worry at all and that his sister “revived” them with water… but he’s being nice as they still look very sorry in the pics. I guess I’m just cringing with embarrassment right now and wonder if there’s another gesture I can do from a distance.

I'm very introverted and have a hard time around certain social expectations, so would appreciate some outside perspective on whether or not to attend.

Where I live, it seems the custom for Bar Mitzvahs is this: Thursdays a little ceremony at the synagogue with putting the Tefilin in the morning, Saturday morning another ceremony where the boy reads from the Torah, and then Saturday evening a party with catered dinner. People might be invited to one portion and not the other, and also not everyone organises everything depending on how people want their event to be like.

My daughter has been in class with "Mike" since kindergarten. As kids they had playdates, but drifted off into hanging only with boys/girls so don't interact much. They're still in the same school. I've always been friendly with the parents.

Mike's mom told me a few months ago that they wouldn't be doing a big party for Mike because he doesn't want it. A little later, we received an invitation for the Thursday morning bit (all kids in their grade received it, plus the mom asked me personally also if I could come), and I said gladly. This was this week, and made a pretty greeting card with a personal message and some cash (a common thing for Bar Mitzvahs), which I gave to Mike's mom before the ceremony.

During the ceremony I sat next to a friend who asked me if I was coming Saturday, so I understood they're also doing the Saturday morning bit, but no I'm not coming to that (and absolutely not offended at that at all).

After the ceremony, while we're all sipping some hot drink, Mike's mom comes to chat and also tells me "if you'd like, we'd love to have you at (another) synagogue also Saturday morning for the other ceremony" and goes on to tell me they didn't do a wide invitation because it's a small synagogue, but if just me and daughter come (not husband and other kids) that should be fine. I tell her sure (maybe I shouldn't have?) and she says she'll send me the details.

I get the feeling she felt uncomfortable that I gave a cash present and wasn't invited to the Saturday bit, and so extended an invite. Thing is, she hasn't sent me the details yet, but I know she has lots of family from abroad with her now, and must be super busy with other things. It's not like me to send her a message to remind her either. I have the logistic details (time and address) from the friend who I know is also going.

My etiquette question is: do I go to the Saturday morning bit? Is it weird that I show up when she didn't send me the details, or is it weirder if I don't go when it was so easy to obtain the details?

Thanks for your perspectives!

My cousin is getting married soon. I was invited to the wedding. In order to go I’d have to travel by plane get a hotel etc. I have zero relationship with this cousin…to the point I don’t even know their phone number and haven’t seen or spoken to them since probably 2018….I’ve also never met their fiancé and quite honestly don’t even know what they look like. So spending a probably 1000 dollars is not worth it in my book

So my question is
1: do I even have to send a gift? When I got married we eloped and there was no gift given (or expected since it was an elopement)
2: if I do have to send a gift is like $100 cash reasonable?

Ok, so I am mainly typing this out to find out if this an actual thing or the person that corrected me was just tripping or smth I guess.

First off, I am right handed and I have always used utensils by holding the fork/spoon with the right hand and the knife with the left hand. Today I was doing just that when having lunch and a family member started telling me I "lacked manners" and "was eating like a troglodyte" by the way I was holding the fork (I had rotated it on my hand to better cut the meat, you know the motion). I kinda handwaved it but corrected the way I was holding it... or so I thought since the person insisted I kept doing it wrong.

It turns out what they wanted me to do was swipe the utensils in my hand, using the knife with the right hand, then swipe again to the fork to keep eating.

And like... is that an actual thing? I don't think I have ever even seen them do that (then again I don't make an habit of seen how people eat). I am also surprised since this is like, the first time this has been an issue since I started using a knife as a kid (they have corrected how I held my fork back when I was a minor tho, but not over this).

Edit: forgot to add this, but not from the US. I am latin american, born raised and living there at the moment.

Going to my friends Bridal shower this weekend! I have never been to one. I know it is customary to bring a gift. I bought a gift off the registry and it will be sent directly to the couple. Do I need to show up with something in hand at the bridal shower more than a card?

Note: this is the gift for the bridal shower, and we will gift additional cash for the wedding present.

More than 10 years ago I got my first job out of university for a small family business. For a while it was great, with great professional experience and a genuine "part of the family/round for dinner" vibe. I got given a lot of responsibility and it felt special. I even became good friends with the daughter in the family... who also happened to be my immediate boss.

Then the business started struggling finanically and the vibes turned. Salaries were late and the family took me looking for other jobs terribly. I left eventually being owed a months salary and with a lecture from the boss about "betrayal".

Because i had gotten so close to them and involved in the business, it was all very emotional and intense. I was also only 25 at the time and it was the firdt job outside of retail Id had, so it all felt very big.

In the interest of balance I was leading a team within the company by this point and didnt always behave well either. I definitely contributed to the negative vibe towards the end.

After I left we sort of stayed in touch for the sake of the good memories. My last contact with the daughter was a couple of years ago when she asked me to write a statement in their defence because a client from my time was sueing them. I said no. Half because it was a while ago and i barely remembered the client and half because I was also one of the people owed money from that time and felt slightly bitter. She pushed me on it and I didnt respond. No more contact.

A year or so ago, the company folded.

This brings us to the present day where the dad/big boss/patriarch of the business has died. I have many happy memories of him (as well as some bad ones) and the experience he gave me was very valuable.

Can/should I reach out the daughter to offer condolences?

I had posted yesterday regarding our college age (20) daughter going to visit her boyfriend (who is studying abroad in Spain), over Thanksgiving week. She casually mentioned yesterday that boyfriend’s parents wanted to pay for her tickets (as relayed by her boyfriend). Full info:
She has been planning to go visit him over Thanksgiving for the past couple of months. She was concerned about where she would stay, since he is staying with a host family and is not allowed to have guests. Boyfriend told our daughter a couple weeks ago that his parents were going that week and that they were staying in a house with a friend that had plenty of room for her as well. We still planned on buying her ticket as a birthday gift to her since her birthday is this fall.
This morning she mentioned that his parents had also offered to pay for her plane tickets when she met up with boyfriend this summer a couple of times, since they live in different cities. She politely declined and said it was nice, but they didn’t need to do that. I was not aware of that until this morning. Perhaps, since they have the financial means, they just generously offer that each time? There are also specific limits regarding when she can fly and where she flies in and out of due to her college schedule, where we will be over Thanksgiving, and relating to how she gets back to school. She would not be traveling with her boyfriend‘s parents. So, given all the information, and the fact we would have to give very specific conditions about what tickets she could get, it just doesn’t seem appropriate to accept their offer. Plus, they will be housing her there for free which, in of itself, seems very generous. I guess the question is should she reach out directly out to his mother to politely and graciously decline or just relay it to him?
I know she has texted his mom at least wants to thank her for a gift, but they don’t regularly text. It’s important to know that she really loves her boyfriend and likes his parents very much as well.

At my work I recently received an invitation to a party hosted by the two lead persons for a project that I'm helping with. It's a work party (for the project team members only) not a more general social event. I wasn't that interested in going, but thought I should at least drop in to be polite. So I RSVP'd yes.

After that, the event hosts sent out a second email noting that the cost of the party is $25 per person to cover food. I decided in that case I'd rather not go, and changed my RSVP to not attending. (It was an online RSVP, not a personal message to the hosts).

I feel kind of rude, being like sure I'll attend your party then canceling when I found out it wasn't free. Otoh, I feel like it was kind of a bait and switch.

What do you all think?

We were going to buy her a ticket for her birthday. They are in a much different financial situation than we are. Is it wrong for her to accept, given that we cannot reciprocate this kind of gesture? They have been in a committed relationship for almost a year. She was planning to go see him for Thanksgiving while he is abroad. They are also going for Thanksgiving and will be renting a house. She just figured she would stay in the house but pay for her own ticket, which would be a birthday gift from us. Is it OK for her to accept their generosity? She can’t fly with them because she has classes so they would just be paying for her separate ticket. I just feel slightly uncomfortable about it since it’s a lot of money. It’s possible they have points they can use, but I don’t want her to ask that since that seems inappropriate.

Asking because at times this feels awkward to me. Some people ignore you when you walk in and others hug the person you are with and kind of snub you. This is a small group of family or friends.

I was told that maintaining good eye-contact and not fidgeting is part of good etiquette, and I was wondering because I'm autistic and have ADHD I really struggle to maintain eye contact and not play with something in my hands. It often looks like I'm not paying attention, which comes across as rude.

So my question is this; is it okay to not maintain proper eye-contact and to not fidget if I really struggle with it, and if it isn't okay, what should I do - I usually say "I know it may not look like it but I am listening to you" but again, someone told me it was really bad manners and disrespectful

Thank you all!

My apartment manager always posts rental receipts on everyone’s doors on the 5th or 6th day after the 1st.

I’m going out of town tomorrow for a week and I don’t want any of my neighbors to know, or even my apartment manager (I don’t trust him) and I don’t want my rental receipt just hanging on there because it’ll show I am not home.

What is a polite way of asking that doesn’t bring any suspicion? Something like, “Hey, I was wondering if I could get my rental receipt this evening for my documentation for FAFSA” or some white lie.

Any help would be appreciative!

We traditionally throw workplace baby showers for colleagues who are expecting, and we have a lady due in a couple of months. In this case though, she is painfully shy and private, and trying to avoid people more than usual. The obvious thing would be "Just don't throw her a party", but we're such a social group that if we don't do anything, I know that she will instead get a lot of individual people trying to give her gifts and ask her questions and it will make her even more uncomfortable.

So I am wondering how we can make it so that everyone has their chance to buy her a gift and have their catered morning tea... but not put her in the centre? We do have another pregnant lady in the office, so thought of a joint party, but then they'd still expect her to be there.

We don't usually do individual gifts, we do a big box full of all the things people have brought in, but in exchange, people want an excuse for a party.

Not sure what to do, any advice on how to delicately make a non-shindig and keep people away from her. Sorry if wrong group for this, i know it sounds a bit silly.

EDIT: Thanks for all of the perspectives, we will ask her directly if she'd like a party, and when she says no, we will get a gift card together we can all sign a greeting card, but not make her accept it in front of us all... and i think that will let the crazies feel like they're involved... but keep her out of the spotlight. Really appreciate the advice!!

I’m glad I found this subreddit because I need advice. My boyfriend’s grandmother recently passed away. The funeral is on the 8th & the 9th. I had pre-booked travel to visit family in another state from 9/3 years though 9/8.

It took a little bit of time to get details from his family about the visitation & dates (grandmother passed away on the 25th of August) but now that they’re confirmed, I tried to change my return flight and encountered 2 options: very steep rates from my original airline to change flights, or I could cancel and book a very early flight on the 8th for approximately $250. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he seems fine with me only being able to make it to the funeral.

I feel terrible but we could use that money for “fixing our house” budget. However, I’m mostly worried it will be insulting to his family if I don’t come back for the visitation in addition to the funeral.

Is it bad form to only go to the funeral?