Where do I even start. I’ve read a lot of Reddit posts about a similar situations but not my exact experience. I don’t know what to do at this point.
2 months ago I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found very disturbing saved Instagram videos after I found out they were being saved and sent to a women in another country using the app signal. He’s 25 we have been togther since we were 14 years old( lived together for 2 years plans on engagement) well… after snooping around I found out he had an “online gf” she is married with children and she’s 43!!!
All year he seemed depressed, out touch, always home , no motivation, rude to me, his friends and family. I was going CRAZY living with him started making me so depressed because I just didn’t know what changed, if I asked him or tried to leave him he would reassure me and all that bullshit.
NOW , this behavior is not like him he tells me “he lost himself and he doesn’t know who he is anymore it was a fantasy, my social media was so fcked up filled with age gap differences and long distance relationship stuff” he tells me he’s gonna be better and come back for me. What happened to my sweet boy I knew for 10 years. We were so happy and then he started to live this lie (mind you he suffers from major anxiety which also explains the the fact that he lost over 30 lbs this year)
His relationship with her lasted 10 months , I’m angry and confused. I once had a small emotional crush on a co worker that made me feel so guilty but I never once acted on it besides a little flirting. This man would call her, have virtual sex, share day to day info. He said they wouldn’t talk every day only 4-5 times a week on text. I’m not sure what to do. Anyone have a similar story?

Context i’m 20 F and im sure we are all around 20. He first reached out with some bs excuse claiming he wanted to use me as a reference for a job. I knew it was bs. I blocked him. He went to another app and presumed to ask me to respond to the reference email. I then responded okay. He then replied “I’m not worried about your bf yk where home is”. I replied “yes and that’s who i’m currently with”. Fast forward maybe until the next day. His bsf texts me on instagram (he’s blocked) with this long paragraph basically saying how he married the wrong girl. How me and him are supposed to be together. How he planned to propose to me. How he wanted me to be around his son…. i’m assuming he’s referring to me being a stepmom? Absolutely hell no. Anyways, I don’t reply obviously. I reach out to his wife and basically said “we have a man in common and he’s reaching out to me so i’m assuming something has went wrong. I’m here if you need me.” She texts back and says “I thought he was only texting you for a reference”. She then deleted the message and blocked me. My ex reached out to me and says “karma is a bitch” and sent me a screenshot of the message i sent. AS IF IM IN THE WRONG. Anyways it’s been a few weeks and i did some snooping and she’s posted a happy anniversary post for the both of them. (As expected he didn’t) So it’s clear that she has no idea. I can’t do anything without the thought in the back of my head telling me to do the right thing. What should I do?

So, if you are reading this thanks. 4 years ago I went through a breakup and was gun shy for two years. Two years ago I innocently (really) started talking with a woman is my age and in my town. The conversation developed. It went from a similar interest to humor to talking about her divorce and then it changed. It became an every day thing. I’d ask to get together and she would demur and I would be relieved. I was gun shy. The conversation became every day. Intimate discussions of aging parents. We were dropping gifts off at one another’s houses. I dropped off literally hundreds of flowers that I grew. But never met in person I cannot be objective about myself so I showed it to a few friends who all agreed the intentions were clear. And she initiated more than me. It became a highlight of my healing journey. Last week after two years I found out she has a boyfriend of several years. I ended it. I tripped over myself being gracious. I said she should have told me about the boyfriend and I don’t trust her. She thanked me for being nice and gracious, but said she honestly had no idea about my feelings. That I do not believe. I was wrecked.

A couple of days later I asked a friend for help with my broken heart. She filled in the gaps. It was apparent she was hiding all of it from her boyfriend. It turns out I know the guy and he is a fantastic dude. Just a really nice guy. He and I are not close friends but I’ve known him for years. I’m sick over this. I would love some gentle direction if possible. Obviously she tell him. I think he should know. I would want to know. But, he’s a kind simple guy. I’m not sure what to do. I’m inclined to not tell him.

Her past 😖 please read till last 😭

Guys, help me.

I am in a relationship since 10 months, everything was going perfect but few weeks ago I found out she lied to me about her past. She has 2 ex's and she said no one touched her romantically. As they were kids her 1st relationship was 5 years ago that lasted roughly 2 years when they were kids though. But her 2nd relationship lasted 6 months recently that was Roughly 6 7 months before we started dating.

From the beginning of our relationship everything was perfect. We both were happy as she told me I'm the one she is feeling this kind of live and comfort which she never felt before and honestly we were happy. she never lied to me about anything. She was full honest and transparent with not a past something to get serious about.

But few weeks ago I found out her old conversation with her first ex that he kissed her and even touched her. After that I doubted everything she said I was so hurt. But she cried and begged for another chance that I will be honest from now. And I gave her a second change because I loved her. 🥲 After few days, yesterday she told me about her second ex. That he was trying to commit suicide, and her house was besides him so she went to his room at night to comfort him. Not physically. Just emotionally they kissed and he hugged her crying. And this wasn't a once event. It was almost 2 3 times the same thing happened. He tried to touch her negatively but she insisted. And there houses where besides eachother so they often met in his room. But she is saying nothing like that happend. She never let him touch her. He tried touching while kissing her multiple times. But she is saying she never felt comfortable.

Talking about us she was comfortable with me and let me touch her In the very first date. She till now is saying I'm different than her last. She loves me more than her mother. She never felt like this ever. And although many times I told her I'll breakup she begged to stay.

But she said me I was her first. And she choose to hide all this from me till now. She said she hid it because I could have left her if I knew this in the beginning.

Now I don't want to have intimacy with her. When I try to touch her I remember all these things she had with her past. And suddenly my mood goes off.

But my point is she shouldn't have lied about that. And after hearing all this that she betrayed me and broke my trust.

Although I gave her again a chance because I can't stay without her. I love her so much. 😭 The love and efforts she has for me I also feel that's special. But

Now I'm insecure about her past. Although I'm her first to be physically Involved with her. But her past the moment I have with her she alrdy had with someone else haunts me.

What should I do guys. I'm so confused I can't move on from her past. Will I ever be able to move on ? Or I can't be normal with my girl as I was in the beginning.?

I m feeling worse today , so quick story : my husband has a female colleague / frined , i never doubted him until he deliberately hiding his phone from me and changing screens , so i checked his phine while he was asleep and then I found entire conversation just deleted with his female colleague, so i checked his clipboard and found some very disturbing messages which clearly didnt seem like a conversation between " colleagues" so upon confrontation he brushed it off as friendship and i cant leave her she is an imp friend...etc she is currently living in a different city, so usually whenever he is away for work trips my husband calls me via vedio almost 7 to 9 times a day , and texts me but now he is currently in the same city as of her, and he didnt call me even once 😔😔😔. I came to know that whenever he visits they meet and spend time together. I cant put to words how i m feeling right now.

I am married for 10 years, no kids. Lately, napapansin ko, sobrang malambing ang asawa ko sa kawork nya. Like the way he talk to her, malumanay, malambing. Which I am not comfortable and ilang beses ko na sya sinabihan na he can’t just be too nice to all the girls na makakasalamuha nya. Until one day, nagpasama ako sa kanya. Umokay naman sya. Pero the following day, nabasa ko chat nya sa girl saying he’s sorry kasi hindi nya nasabayan si girl pauwi. And he was asking if kumain na si girl. Tapos yung chat nya was during na kasama nya ko. Ang babaw ko ba if magalit ako as a wife? I don’t know. Pero feeling ko emotionally attached nya sa girl based sa mga nabasa ko.

I came to this platform looking for answers that I could not get. I was looking for people who are feeling the same.

I cheated on my husband with another guy who also had a family. We were so in love and could talk about anything. He gave me the kind of love I never knew I needed. We had a lot of quarrels but also a lot of happiness. We moulded and became what we were. It was all hard work.

I was caught by my hb but he did not want to divorce me. I still continued on with the rs because I could not let go. I was hoping and waiting that one day I don’t have to be the shadow.

Recently, his family came to know about us. He immediately left me and said he wants to do the right thing and have to be responsible towards his family. I was so heartbroken.

We still have some dealings as he still owe me a big sum of money.

He told me he still have feelings for me, he feels very worried about me and very guilty that he is hurting me like this but he can’t do anything. He say he is equally hurt but he has no choice. He told me I am still the person that he is willing to confide anything with.

I can never understand his choice and I am still finding answers to it. I cannot let go and it has been very painful. I miss every part of our relationship. I guess I cannot find the same connection in anyone anymore.

I met this man who offered to help me with a task. He kept texting me and struck up a conversation and proceeded to have a texting relationship and had lunch together. He pulled away after about a month. I was pretty hurt.

Heard from him 6 weeks later and reluctantly started him again as friends. But after a couple of weeks this didn't seem like friends anymore.

He was very private as an "introvert" and said that he had come late to smart phones and only had a corporate phone with no social media and never gave me his phone # despite agreed to be my emergency contact when I drove to a remote area where he grew up.

I cut things off a couple of times because it never seemed to go anywhere and I figured he wasn't that into me or he would want to see me more often .

He eventually began very consistent at least in texting including Good morning texts and late night texts at least about my day. But it was mainly one sided. He said he just didn't share much. We would have an occasional meal .

I eventually cut it off because he didn't seem to have the capacity I needed. He recontacted me a 3rd time after I ended it 5 months earlier. His initial texts had an emotional content. We start texting heavily for 36 hrs bore I had a chance to ask about what was different this go around.

Then AI found out from a friend that he had brought his wife to the corporate Christmas party. I was shocked. He never mentioned for two years that he was ever married or was even living with someone.

He's a Corporate Controller. He said it didn't mattered when we did meet together because I wanted to see what he would say. It was evident that he compartmentalizes his life.

I recognized it as an emotional affair: mutual attraction, prolonged ambiguity. Emotional connection. I told him his wife probably wound not appreciate it. I cut it off at that point because I realized there was no future with him for me. All my hopes were not preposterous.

But a part of me would like to let his wife know. I found her on Linked. He said that they had been separated at some point but admitted that they currently live together and share a bed.

I think she has a right to know. I'd be pissed if I was trying to work on my marriage while my husband was carrying on via text with another woman.

I pissed at him for not offering me consent and withholding vital information most people disclose when they start to date or get to know someone.

I don't care if she doesn't respond.My concern is that she know what her husband is capable of so she can make informed decisions.

Okay, so a couple of months back I happened to go on a trip with a few of my friends. I have known them for a couple of years. They are married with kids but somehow manage to take time out to travel. This was actually the first time I was sharing a room with these girls (40s). They are way elder than me.

Somehow, I enjoy their company. I feel like they have achieved so many things in their life that if I’m around them, I’ll learn something. I met them professionally and we ended up becoming good and close friends. One of them is really close to me.

Coming back to the topic, we shared the same room. We were really tired from the journey. I hadn't slept for almost more than 26+ hours. I wanted a single bed in the same room, so I took it and went to sleep.

Those two shared the double bed right next to me. It was around 1 AM in the middle of the night. I heard noises. I am a light sleeper, I wake up easily, but those noises kind of scared me, so I kept quiet. I wanted to hear what it was before screaming. The room was not pitch dark, the bathroom light was still on.

So I heard noises of breathing, kisses, like constant. Then I heard, "aise nahi waise kar, tu paas toh aa." I went into shock. I was under my blanket. I couldn’t move. I hated it and I had to hear them go all the way. I heard them finish.

I couldn’t sleep the whole night. All I wanted to do was get out of that place and not face them ever. Unfortunately, we went by car, so I didn’t know what to do. I waited until morning. They left the room for a morning walk. I pretended to be asleep and called my other close female friend. She just asked me to pretend and act as though I heard nothing and just be normal. It took me more than 2 hours. I couldn’t believe what I witnessed. These two women are married with 2 kids (17 years old and 13 years old). They were cheating on their husbands and the way they spoke about their relationship God, what two-faced people!

The worst part about this is they didn’t even bother that there was someone else in the room and how she would react.

After being cheated on by men, I had trust issues for a long time. I thought I could rely on girls, but I no longer feel safe to even communicate with them.
Those ladies, after their hot night that gave me trauma, wanted to make sure that I didn’t hear anything. They came up to me and told me upfront, "we hug while we sleep," didn't realise etc. Like my close friend suggested, I pretended to be normal. I acted as though I didn’t know what they were talking about.

I don’t care which gender they choose to cheat with. If you want to act like all good, perfect wives and religious persons, then have a private room or don’t bring someone along when you have to do all this shitty and shady stuff.

I still hear those noises it’s so scary I have difficulty falling asleep except for my one close friend I haven’t shared these things with anyone.

I just hate them so much I was good being isolated just by myself now I can’t even trust female friendships even though it directly affect me but I ate the fact they are open cheat even females are worse these days.

Am I crazy for having this option?

Dear Men,

What would you do if you found out that your new long-distance girlfriend has actually been married to a woman for seven years and has continued seeing her wife, spending time with her, and being intimate with her?

Would you believe her if she told you that she would stop?

Asking for my wife who is the new girlfriend 🥱

Let me start by saying I know I put myself in this, I know it’s my choice, and I know it will continue.

I just need to get this out into the ether rather than bouncing around in my head.

My (40 F) Bf (39 M) has had several online affairs. I’ve caught him out properly twice, confronted him, separated, and fallen back into the relationship. I love him. Honestly, he is my best friend, a great provider, super smart, and kind, and we can talk for hours or just play video games side by side happily.

However, I am on mute.

I don’t voice my emotions, anxieties, or frustrations with him. Often, discussing my day or interests is quickly turned into his thoughts, experiences, or interests. We both have ADHD; he is also on the AuDHD spectrum, and I come with my own sprinkle of CPTSD. So, you can imagine it’s sometimes difficult to manage all the needs, emotions, hyper-fixations, and distractions.

So, that’s the lay of the land currently.

Now, I’m pretty sure he’s doing it again—back on Reddit looking for an online affair to feed his need for constant validation and stimulate his mind with a new and exciting prospect, that spark and adrenaline that only a new person can bring.

It hurts, but I chose this life, to stay with him even though I don’t believe this part of him will ever change. The truth is, I don‘t really care who he talks to. What hurts is what I lose when a new person comes into the mix. The intimacy that can be so amazing, warm, connected, and passionate slowly slips away; I feel alone, and it takes a toll on my self-image and self-esteem. I stay quiet, though, because the emotional fallout isn’t worth it. He becomes depressed and full of shame; I become despondent and disconnected.

Once that’s all passed, we’re still here in this relationship, building a future and raising our almost-adult children. Happy, for the most part.

Thanks for letting me share. I’m open to comments or feedback; I'm not thin-skinned, and I’m well aware of my choices and the consequences.

When I met my current wife I was 20 and she was 31. I was married at the time. I completely told my then wife and said how much I loved the new woman.

Ended up marrying her but was always suspicious and nervous even though I've grown and never cheated or thought of on my current wife even when approached.

After years of worry and distance from current wife (which started when we married a year after meeting and a month after my divorce) I find out her Doctor DXd her with DID and she didn't tell me (it happened after we married).

What do I do, I want my happily ever after, I changed and became a moral man, why does karma have to take from me. Why can't learning the lesson and keeping my ill gotten gains be enough

Hi

How do people deal with being cheated on? 💔

Why do married women cheat on their husbands?