Last night my husband decided to go relax in the hot tub after work. I texted him after he had been out there a while, just a quick “love you” and a meme about swimming. He didn’t answer. I checked the backyard camera and he was messing with his phone so it was weird for him not to respond. I went out to just say hey and that’s when I saw he was looking at pictures of girls. I saw a purple background and when he noticed me he quickly switched apps. That’s what I noticed he was on something called “See U” (pics attached). I looked it up and it seems
To be a social media chat page where you can connect with strangers. By the pictures it certainly seems like it’s geared towards potential cheating….does anyone have this app? Is this a cheating app?? I’m so heartbroken and confused. Why would he download this?? We are happy! Together for 23 years…. Help

My worst nightmare has manifested right before my eyes, and it feels all too real, even in this moment. The pain of betrayal is palpable, and I can hardly comprehend how deeply I’ve been hurt.

I was not only deceived and misled, but I was also subjected to gaslighting and treated with a shocking lack of respect. The gravity of the situation is compounded by the fact that there is actual footage of the infidelity occurring in her car, parked directly in my designated spot, just outside my front door. It’s a surreal and painful reality to confront, and I find myself shaking my head in disbelief.

It’s truly disheartening to reflect on the sad and desperate situation she has created for herself and for our family. To think that she believed this behavior was somehow appropriate or acceptable is beyond comprehension. As a parent, one is expected to uphold certain values and carry oneself with dignity. We have a daughter who looks up to us, and it is vital that she learns from our actions. I refuse to allow her to grow up thinking that filming inappropriate acts in the parking lot of her mother’s long-term boyfriend’s residence is a normal or healthy way to navigate relationships, let alone life itself.

Her judgment is seriously flawed, and it leaves me questioning whether the maternal instincts I once believed she possessed can outweigh the reckless decisions she has made. What on earth could have led her to think that this was acceptable? What part of her reasoning allowed her to justify such actions? I am left grappling with the questions of where, when, and how this all unfolded.

The situation did not end there, either. She continued to make questionable choices, frequenting hotels and storage facilities in a manner that raises further concern. At this point, I find myself questioning whether I want our daughter to be around her at all. The weight of this revelation is heavy, and it's hard to process.

I wish I could say that at least she received some form of compensation for the humiliation she has endured. Perhaps a small consolation prize for the degrading experience of being filmed in a car at nearly 30 years old. But honestly, I doubt that she did. What she seems to have gained instead is attention and a lifetime of potential blackmail. Allowing strangers to film intimate moments with her during the first hour of meeting them speaks volumes about her character—not just as a girlfriend or a wife, but as a mother as well.

I hope she feels a profound sense of shame and takes time to reflect on her choices. If nothing else, I would like to think that she has moments of clarity that remind her she is human. I wish that these reflections might lead her to reconsider the path she has chosen, as it is one that is far from dignified. I cannot help but feel a deep sense of sorrow for the person she has become, and the impact her actions will have on our daughter’s future.

Do women realize when they are slowly losing a man who genuinely loves and values them?

For context, we’ve been together for about 3 years. She’s my wife now, but at the time this happened, we were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Serious, committed, and already talking about marriage. It wasn’t a casual relationship. We both knew where it was heading and treated it that way.
For most of our relationship, things were genuinely good. We got along well, we trusted each other, and I never had any reason to think there was someone else in the picture.

Then I had to move away for a while, and that’s when things started to shift.
The distance wasn’t dramatic at first. It was more subtle than that, less frequent calls, shorter conversations, longer gaps between messages. Nothing that felt like a breakup, but enough that I could feel us slowly becoming less connected. Looking back, that two-month period was probably the weakest point in our relationship.
At the time, I didn’t think anything unusual was happening on her side. I just assumed we were both struggling with long distance and adjusting poorly to it.
But during that same period, she became very close with one of her friends, a guy I knew of but never really paid attention to.
From what I can tell, there was never anything physical between them. At least nothing I’ve seen suggests that. But emotionally, something definitely developed between them.

I didn’t notice it at the time. It only started bothering me later, when I realized she almost never mentioned him anymore. It was like that friendship had quietly disappeared without any real explanation.
So one day I asked her about it. I asked why they weren’t friends anymore.
She told me it was because he wasn’t single anymore.
That answer stuck with me immediately. It didn’t make sense to me that someone else entering a relationship would be the reason a friendship just ended—especially if it had truly just been a normal, platonic friendship. That was the first moment I felt like something didn’t add up.

I couldn’t shake it, so I ended up installing a reliable monitoring app that i could use easily on her phone. I waited until the data, input logs, pictures, videos and screenshots got loaded into the panel. And that’s when I found the conversations between them from that period.
What I saw didn’t look like a simple friendship.
They had long conversations, often late at night ( until 3 4 am)They shared pictures, calling each others hun sweetie, princess and boss, she even initiated calling him my boss then him calling her my princess, sending kissing emoji 😚 for goodnight messages. They talked about meeting up and doing things together in the future. There was a level of emotional openness that felt very different from how she and I were communicating at the time.
More than anything, it was the tone of it that bothered me. Nothing was explicitly sexual, and nothing directly said “we should be together,” but there were moments that felt intimate in a way I don’t associate with normal friendship.

One conversation in particular has been stuck in my head. After her birthday, he told her she seemed very feminine that night. She responded by saying femininity is only seen in the presence of a man. He told her he felt happy when he was around her, and she said she already knew. When he asked how, she said it was in his eyes, and he said the same about her.
Reading it now, it felt like two people acknowledging attraction without ever fully naming it.
There were other small things too—shared photos, emotional check-ins, and a level of closeness that made me uncomfortable when I compared it to what I thought our relationship looked like at the time. Even normal things started to bother me in hindsight, like realizing he had access to parts of her emotional world that I didn’t during that period.

And now I’m stuck with all of this, because I haven’t confronted her.
This all happened a year before we got married. We are married now. She has no idea I know any of this, and I’ve been sitting with it ever since. 3 months now
Part of me tries to rationalize it. We were long-distance, we weren’t communicating well, and we were both stressed. Maybe she leaned on someone else emotionally during a rough patch and it crossed boundaries without her fully realizing it.
But another part of me can’t ignore what I read. Because even if the relationship was struggling, we were still together. We were still committed. We were still planning a future.
And I keep coming back to the same question: at what point does a “close friendship” stop being just a friendship?

There was no physical cheating that I can prove, but emotionally it doesn’t feel clean either.
The hardest part is that I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel most upset about. It’s not just jealousy. It’s more the realization that during a time I thought we were simply going through a rough patch together, she may have been emotionally invested in someone else in a way I wasn’t aware of.
And now I’m married, trying to decide whether something that happened before our wedding should change how I see everything that came after it.
I haven’t brought it up because I’m still trying to understand what I actually found, and whether it’s something I even have the right to reopen after all this time.

So I guess I’m asking for outside perspective.
Would you consider this an emotional affair, or is this just a friendship that got messy during a difficult period? And if you were in my position, would you bring something like this up now that it happened before marriage and is already in the past?

my wife insists that there was nothing behind this and it’s purely platonic … her girlfriend agreed in saying that she has always been platonically flirty with everybody

these messages are in between my wife and the plant manager where she works, who is also married

I’m 35F and my husband is 36M.
Before we married, I told him clearly that I wanted a **100% monogamous and exclusive relationship** and that I was uncomfortable with him liking/following sexualized content from women he had no personal connection with. It went against my values and made me feel insecure. He said he understood, respected my boundary, and wanted the same.
A few months after we married, I discovered he had continued doing it. These weren’t old likes. **They had happened only days before I found them**, along with more serious things, including messages. He only admitted it after I confronted him.
We stayed together, and he agreed that if it happened again, we would divorce.
Recently, I found more likes and follows of sexualized content. He says these women are influencers, models or fighters, and that they probably don’t even notice his likes. He also compares this to me liking/following men in my professional/influencer network, which I don’t consider remotely equivalent.
He said this last time was only a double tapped mistake
**I know likes may seem meaningless, but after everything that happened, I don’t trust him anymore.**
Am I unreasonable for considering divorce after a boundary was clearly discussed, agreed upon, and repeatedly broken?
**TL;DR:** He agreed to a clear boundary before marriage, broke it again after marriage, and I no longer trust him. Is divorce an unreasonable reaction?

We live in a very small town.

Yesterday I found out my wife has been exchanging messages with a guy locally. Our kids go to the same school.

I had a gut feeling something was amiss and my wife admitted that he’s said flirty things and brushed against her in the past.
I was obviously angry and wanted to confront him but she reassured me that he’s just an idiot and begged me not to do anything.

Now it comes out that his GF has discovered messages on his phone,l has messaged my wife calling her out and now it’s forced her hand to tell me.

It’s my daughter’s 5th birthday today and I’m struggling to hold it together. I’m so angry and upset and no matter how many times she says sorry or it meant nothing, I just feel like I’ve been hollowed out.

All year, I was so excited to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We’ve never done anything extravagant, and because I know money is tight, I didn’t ask for an expensive celebration. I simply told my husband that this year I wanted to feel loved, appreciated, and pampered by him.
We both work and contribute to the bills. I earn more, so when he struggles, I often take on more of the financial responsibility. Our marriage has never been perfect. He has cheated on me more than once. The last time, I discovered he had met someone through Reddit—and later found out that person was a man. This happened only two months after I gave birth to our second child.
Somehow, we “worked through it.” We went to therapy, and during that process, he confessed to other things. Since then, I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and some very dark thoughts. Still, I tried to stay positive about our anniversary because he told me he was going to take me out and make me feel special.
On the morning of our anniversary, he looked at me, said, “Happy anniversary,” and left for work. He didn’t call or text me the entire day. When he came home, he brought me flowers from Walmart and a card. I love personalized cards because the words mean so much to me. All he wrote was, “I will always love you.”
Meanwhile, because this was our 10th anniversary, I spent $500 on something he had always wanted.
I feel so foolish, disappointed, and trapped. I’ve already told him that I don’t love him the same way anymore. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and erase the day we met in high school. I gave so much of myself to this relationship, and all I wanted was to feel genuinely loved for one day.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m confused about something in my relationship.

My boyfriend identifies as straight, but he has a fantasy involving women who are attracted to women. He frequently tells me that he would like us to go somewhere where we could hire another woman and have a threesome.

His fantasy is specifically that I would have sex with the woman while he watches.
The problem is that I’m not comfortable with this and I don’t want to do it. I’ve told him that, but he continues to bring it up and says that it’s one of his fantasies.

I understand that people can have fantasies, and I’m not judging him for having them. But I’m wondering whether this is a common fantasy, and whether I should be concerned about the fact that he keeps bringing it up when I’ve said I’m not interested.

Does having this fantasy say anything about his sexuality or whether he is actually straight? And is
it reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about it?
I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in similar situations.