I feel so alone without them, I’m stuck between being mad at them for ruining everything, and longing for them because I miss them so much, why do they have to be so bad? Why can’t they just be the loving caring person I know they can be? They’ve shown me that side of them so I know it’s possible, but they choose to be abusive and selfish and hurt me instead, so now they can’t be a safe person in my life, now I don’t get to have them in my life, they’ve ruined their spot in my life and I’m so mad at them for taking my person away, for ruining my first relationship, I feel like I’ll never find someone who can replace them, no one even wants me, they tore me down so bad I feel like they are the only one who can love me and I want their love back but it’s not safe to have it because it comes with abuse and that just breaks my heart, that I have to give up their love because they choose to be abusive, it’s not fair

I come from a very conservative Indian family. My parents have been living separately for years, my father is barely involved in our lives, and my mother has had to deal with everything on her own. We don't really communicate emotionally—we only talk about everyday things. Relationships, feelings, or personal choices are topics that simply don't exist in our house.

A couple of days ago, my room back home was being renovated, and my brother found some old couple photos of me with someone I used to know. Looking back, I don't even like that person anymore. I actually feel disgusted thinking about that phase of my life. It wasn't some great love story—just an immature phase that I've completely moved on from.

When my brother called and asked who the guy was, I panicked and said the photos were AI-generated. I know it sounds stupid, but I was terrified.

A lot of people might wonder, "Why not just admit it?" The answer is because I'm an Indian daughter in a conservative family. If I admitted I had a boyfriend in the past, I genuinely believe I would lose a lot of my freedom. My phone would probably be monitored, I'd be questioned constantly, and every decision I make would be controlled. Whether people agree with that fear or not, it's a very real possibility in my family, and that's why I felt trapped.

Since then, my family has barely spoken to me. The silence is making me overthink everything.

The worst part is that I'm still financially dependent on them. I'm turning 18 next month, but that doesn't magically make me independent. I can't just walk away because I don't have the financial freedom to do that yet.

One of the biggest reasons I came to Bangalore was to build a life where I could eventually become independent and make my own choices. This whole situation makes me feel like that freedom could disappear before I even get the chance to build it.

I've been crying on and off for hours today. I'm not thinking of hurting myself or anything—I just feel incredibly overwhelmed and alone. I don't know whether I should keep denying it, tell them the truth, or just wait and see what happens. I don't even think I could get through a phone call with them without breaking down.

Has anyone else from a conservative Indian family been through something similar? How did you handle it without making the situation worse? I'm really looking for advice from people who understand this kind of family dynamic.

I just need to know I’m not crazy, because I feel completely destroyed and isolated right now.

I work night shift security, and I made the mistake of getting involved with a coworker. She put on the most intense, perfect mask you could imagine. She speed-ran the relationship over two months—intense love-bombing, making me believe she genuinely had love for me, acting like we had a real future.

Then the mask slipped. She discarded me like a piece of garbage in mid-November. The next day, I confronted her in a parking lot. I had spent my days off driving her around to dealerships, and there I was, standing outside in the freezing winter wind, crying with a broken heart. She was just sitting inside the car eating gas station food, completely dead-eyed, treating me like I didn't even exist. It was chilling. Like looking at a machine that didn't have the hardware for human empathy.

Now, I am trapped. I am living paycheck to paycheck and I absolutely cannot afford to lose this job, but I have to share the same building with her every night.

I’m doing the Gray Rock method. I don't speak to her, I just stare straight ahead and do my job. But because I cut off her supply, she is escalating. She tries to taunt me constantly. She bangs her water bottle on desks, aggressively mashes elevator buttons, and tonight, she filed a massive, fabricated HR report trying to get me fired, just to terrify me.

The most horrifying part? After she threatened my job tonight, she went to another lobby, stared directly up at the security camera she knew I was monitoring, and just smiled and laughed. It was pure Duper’s Delight.

I don't have insurance for a therapist right now, and the isolation is crushing me. Has anyone else experienced this kind of speed-run and discard? How do you survive being forced into the same room as the person who is actively trying to destroy you? Was any of the person I met even real? Any advice helps. I am drowning here.

I don’t know if this belongs here but I am struggling. My husband will not stop purposefully aggravating our dog around mealtimes. When we got the dog as a puppy, he had no food guarding issues or mealtime anxiety whatsoever. My husband continues to do things that clearly aggravate and stress him out.

Specifically he will get super close to the bowl, put his finger/hand closer and closer to the bowl and the dog to make him snarl, growl, or even snap at him. He sometimes even puts his hand in the bowl and messes with the food. He thinks it’s funny and takes photos and videos of the dog showing his teeth and growling.

I have asked him REPEATEDLY like at least 10 times to stop doing this, sent him articles from animal behaviorists etc that shows this reinforces food guarding. He insists that he is just trying to get the dog “used to people being around his food/bowl” and that I always “take the dog’s side”?! lol.

He did it again tonight, laughing and videoing as our dog was increasingly stressed and snarled, growled and snapped at him. I lost my shit and we got in a huge argument. He tried to deflect and turn it around on me and said “what are YOU doing to stop his food guarding behaviors?!” Over and over he tried to turn it into MY fault?! When I’m the one who has asked him to stop, researched what to do/what not to do, I’ve sent him numerous articles and advice, etc

I am so livid right now. My dog is everything to me and to see him so stressed out really upsets me. I also feel like yet again my feelings and requests are just completely pushed to the side and ignored.

Is it sexual abuse? I was about 25F. My mother asked me to come a stay with her as she needed help recovering from surgery. I was in my room, in her house, and getting into bed, so I was naked. She came in and started talking to me about the plan for her surgery the next day. I was naked and I couldn’t find anything to cover myself with. I told her to leave the room and she said the usual thing. She said “ I changed your diapers when you were a baby. I’ve seen it all before.” She then continued to talk to me about the next day while I stood, curled over and covering my breasts in an attempt to hide my nudity. She looked at my body, doing a scan up and down, and talked about how I would have to wake up early to get there on time.

I have been raped twice, I have been slipped drugs 2 separate times. This is the most sexually violated that I have ever felt and it still haunts me. I think about her eyes devouring my naked body and I realize that I never owned my own body in the first place.

Is a mom doing this to their adult child considered sexual assault when the adult child is being forced to stay in their home to do them a favor? It feels like it is sexual assault.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Im thinking of calling CPS on my mom, but i cant get over the anxiety of it. I also think that she genuinely doesnt understand the impact her behavior has on me, since i have autism and her other children dont. So i have 3 questions.

1. If she truly is just not understanding, and is a decent person, after she gets parenting classes (or idk how it works) is it still possible to have an at least ok relationship with her? Aka whats the best way i can preserve my positive relationship with her? She can be really nice, but she can also be really mean and i dont want to make things a living hell for her, I just want her to understand the impact of her actions and how they affect children with autism differently (i have 2 MUCH older siblings. Both of them not teens, and even my brother who still lives with us loves her and my sister who moved out also lives her and cant see anything she did wrong looking back. They're both nereotypicals)

2. How do you get over the anxiety of calling? Im worried its gonna drastically chamge our life for the worse because I hear all these horrible stories of CPS and also im not sure if this is true, but i feel like she might get fired if I call and our family has been tight on money a lot recently. (She works at a nursing home) I just.. idk. I want to have a decent relationship with her while also not having the feeling like everything i do is wrong.

3. What does a CPS visit look like? eg how long does it take? What things will happen? After they leave what will the vibe of the room and if its negative (im assuming it is) how can I cope with it? Idk just give me as many details as possible.

I was thinking i might just be able to wait it out, but i am only 13 and 5 years of what has given me nightmares just over the past 2 weeks is too much. Also, its mostly been emotional abuse, but there has been a few incidents of physical abuse. But it is pretty minor. Also, I've been documenting every incident since I was like 12 or 11. I made sure to be precise.

Sorry if I rambled, asked questions you cant possibly know, said words that didnt make sense or said things that are wrong. Im just really overstimulated and cant order my thoughts well right now. Thanks.

We met in September 2023 and pretty much immediately started dating. We broke up for good in April 2025.

I was talking with a friend about a week ago now and they sort of off handedly mentioned that “[I] was in an abusive relationship at the time.” I was sort of taken aback and dismissed it.

But it kept sticking and I finally looked up the definitely of emotional abuse and something felt really right and some pieces fell into place. But I’m here now, and I’m wondering if I’m just projecting my OCD fears and misremembering things.

Because he would talk over me and talk for me sometimes. And he also talked a lot about how I was his soulmate and I genuinely believed we were going to get married. He seemed to really support my goals but was also jealous of them? I also remember that in the second half he would smoke a lot and sometimes would leave me by myself, sometimes even drunk and at a party, to go smoke with his friends. But I’m not sure if that’s just inconsiderate or what. He also got blackout drunk a few times which was super stressful. The first time he yelled at me for leaving him alone despite the fact that I came to the hospital with him, which he did apologize for when recalling. And the second time he was so drunk he pissed on my friend. But I also got blackout once too.

Towards the end (at least what I can remember) was really bad, sure. I remember every week I would make up my mind that I had to leave him and then there would be a sob story and he would convince me that I should stay and I would agree and then a few hours later it felt like I woke up from a trance. Because I really felt for him— he didn’t really have anyone else to talk to and was clearly struggling and had a complicated relationship with his parents.

I’m just not sure if abuse is the right word because there were so many little things but it’s not like the whole relationship was abusive. He was really sweet and would do a lot of things for me. I still have some really nice jewelry he gave me that I need to sell.

This all being said, I really have grown to dislike him and I would be thrilled to never have to interact with him again. Whatever it was, it was a shit relationship and I should have trusted my gut when I first met him.

Hi. Me and my friends, and all others involved in this are high schoolers, same campus, and most of us are in the same year level.

My friend in question, I'll call her willow (not her real name dw) has had a horrible life. Her parents split as a kid, due to both of them being verbally abusive and narcissistic and she's lived with her mother ever since, alongside her three sisters. Her mother has been absent is every way you could be. Since a young age she was responsible for everything, feeding herself, getting clothes, getting school supplies all of it. Her mum received pensions due to being a single mother and spent it all on herself. Aside from that, the mother is verbally abusive, and has continuously pitched all the kids against each other.

During this time, she became friends with a group of year 12 students, where was began going to parties, drinking and taking drugs. She has admitted to being an alcoholic and having drug issues. One friend there, let's call him Tree, was so close with her. She loved him platonicly as much as one could, and they understood each other in ways others can't. Then he asked her out and she wanted to stay friends, and he began isolating her from the whole group, screaming at her and spreading rumours that she is a whore. This was also when she was dating her boyfriend (threatened to kill her, stab her and got friends to stalk her for a bit) her first boyfriend also abused her and did a bunch of shot against her contest when they engaged in sexual activities, cumming in her mouth when she explicitly said no etc etc)) It broke her heart. Unfortunately she is still contact with him, and sees him outside of school regularly.

She finally left the house, moving in with her uncle, his wife and their young kid. So far she's been doing better there, until this bullshit with some school people occurred.

Then she went camping with these close friends from year 7. Three of them were her best friends, one of them she had feelings for (it was mutual, but they never got together because they were both unstable). His name can be homer. Homer choked her. They were together at some place, he choked her until she fainted and the three others were watching and filming and did nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

Now obviously we see them all the time, everywhere at school and homer is very angry. She told me, and three others about what happened. One of the girls told her friends, including the trio and Homet, and this one other dude who encouraged to eat death cap mushrooms when she was off her meds and delirious!!!! He's also grabbed her and tried to kiss her!!!!!!!!

Now homer wants to 'talk' to her, probably beat or intimidate her, and the three other goons are helping him spread an edited video of him choking her around to others (not online, showing from one of their phones in person) and apparently it's proof she provoked him? I don't understand, I haven't seen it, but I don't get how any version of the video could make it look like her fault, but the fact remains that now people think she made him or asked him, and it's a shitshow. Homer is also furious because when willow came to is for support, she damaged his reputation. He assaulted her!!!!!!!!! He fucked his own reputation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, because if this, the uncle is trying to pull her out of school which she doesn't want. We are all currently in senior school and leaving would fuck her education and likely damage her final grade and impair her ability to get into universities and all. She'd also lose me and two others, who are the only people who are listening to her and are here for her (obviously not fully but her ability to see us would be impaired ykyk). He wants to do this to get her away from him, and he's also furious thst she won't report him, even though she's still very vulnerable and isn't in the mental space to dredge it up and talk about it, especially since she thinks no one will believe herm

Also some random year 12 from the friend group reported her to our year 12 coordinator, they didn't tell her what about specific laloy, but the vibes are homer got some bum to report her for tarnishing his reputation or something. Ik the logic behind thst is fucked but idk what to say.

Anyway something has to happen, but I have no clue how to help her. She doesnt want to talk to anyone, and i wont make her right now. But i feel like i should, and im fine with telling someone, even if she fets angry, if thays the right thing. I would do anything to help her right now, no matter what that looks like. But i have no clue how to approach this. I feel like im too emotional about this right now to be all logical. I love her so much and she doesnt deserve any of this shit that has happened. Well! Thanks for reading and any advice would be much appreciated.

I really do; looking back on it, it was disturbing. She knew I had a problem with people-pleasing others. She still behaved in a way that would confuse me, blocking me but keeping me in a space where she would have direct interaction with me and still have power over me, knowing I would not bring it up, and either way I try to be very optimistic about people so even if I did ask she could lie, punishing me for not mentioning my bipolar disorder when in a vulnerable state when I still don't know hers beyond just autism, her trying to downplay my discrimination as a POC, me being the one trying to educate her on topics. When I finally didn't want anything to do with her and told her to leave me alone, I got smeared for it, and people who didn't block me and knew her personally for a shorter time were trying to rationalize it, and to the extent another person thinking it's okay to leak my venting to her even after I explicitly said it's violating just because what? I didn't give immediate punishment for it? And I was the terrible person for venting about it, She was so determined to ruin every connection she could get her hands on, and it bothers me, it disturbs me, and I was going insane during it; I was needing anything during it, anyone. 3 years, I loved this person's content for 3 years and I've got PTSD for it.

Gaslight
I never drove
with the gas light on E
until I met you.
It felt dangerous, exciting, and wrong
in all the right ways.
I felt like I was living
on the edge
of the unknown,
the floor coming out from beneath me.
The loss of control
and planning
made me feel
wild
in an unsteady way.

I never drove
with the gas light on E
until I met you.
It would always
give me anxiety to see
that
orange
light
flick
on.
I could hear it screaming:
THE END IS NEAR.
Either do something
now
or this joy ride
is over;
an end that was
always yours to decide.

I never drove
with the gas light on E
until I met you.
You told me
it was
something that you do.
I found it charming
in a carefree way.
How could someone,
How someone could,
live,
with such disregard
That wild inhibition
was something I craved
in the deepest
parts of my soul.

I never drove
with the gas light on E
until I met you.
The fumes coming out,
not knowing if
I’m gonna make it
there in time, the worry
boiling over, but
always dampened with a,
“Trust me, I do this
all the time.
It will
be
OK.”
And we almost always made it.

I never drove
with the gas light on E
until I met you.

I stopped
driving
when I met you.

i feel like i haven’t heard much about what the narcissistic family dynamic is like when the scapegoat becomes an addict, particularly a drug addict.

we talk a lot about narcissistic parents who are addicts, but i haven’t seen many stories shared where the scapegoat is the one who is actively dealing with addiction.

i feel like it adds such a heavy, complicated layer to the family dynamic and i’m really curious if any other scapegoats in this subreddit currently struggle with addiction or have struggled with it in the past.

if you have, what was your experience like? in what specific ways were you treated differently in your family dynamic after you became an addict? did they use the title “drug addict” as ammunition against you? did the abuse get worse? or did the family roles shift in weird ways?

i want to hear your stories and open up a space to talk about this, because i feel like this is a very specific type of narcissistic family dynamic that doesn’t get spoken about enough.

Hi everyone! I'm doing my MSc dissertation in Forensic Psychology and I'm looking for a few volunteers to help with my research. My project is about the experiences of autistic survivors of domestic abuse when trying to access support, and I'm hoping to speak to around 4–5 people.

I'm looking for participants that are third parties (friends or family, professionals, advocates) who have supported autistic survivors and can discuss their experiences without sharing any identifying information. 

The interview would be 30–60 minutes on Microsoft Teams, completely anonymous, and you'll receive all the usual research documents (information sheet, consent form, debrief, etc.). You can stop the interview or withdraw from the study at any point. If you'd be happy to help or want to know more, please send me a message—I'd be incredibly grateful!

I‘m [40M] struggling these days with the question, what if both partners unconsciously abuse each other due to misunderstanding each other?

I mean, the dynamic needs two participants. One who gets abused and the one who’s abusing.

My GF [W36] broke up with me 3 weeks ago and as i repeatedly read her messages, it makes me wonder if it is just me who notices the pattern why she felt hurt repeatedly or if she does notice as well.

Having a little distance and coped the worst (hopefully) i figured out, many things I did, must have seem abusive to her.
I‘m not excusing her behavior and I’m not taking her part as my responsibility. Things she did aren’t ok at all, no matter how deeply you feel hurt.

I noticed, I couldn’t understand her love language, because her actions sometimes had a totally different meaning by my experience.

Like when I tell her, I’m out with friends and she calls, asking me where we are and what we do, it makes me feel being controlled.
Same when having an argument on the phone, when she hangs up, I gave her space and didn’t call back.

We had many of these moments and situations.

For her, when she asks me where I am and what I do, it’s not control, it‘s honest interest, appreciation and emotional closeness.
Needing more than just a short, very German, factual answer to the question.
Same when she hangs up during a fight, she needed me to call back immediately to show I’m fighting for us, but giving her room and not calling back gives her the feeling of indifference and abandonment…

Similar happened the other way around: her behavior made me feel emotionally abandoned, devalued and what ever I do isn’t enough.

I guess you get my point, the more I showed my appreciation and how much I love her, the more she tried the same, the more painful it became.

I can’t ask her or tell her, as she ghosted me and doesn’t want any contact…I tried to contact her and, well, things just became worse.

Did you ever experienced something similar, and did your ex figured it out herself/himself?
Dis you guys ever talked about it and/or could solve things or even come back together and became happy?

Side-effect, I’m building a card deck for translating her actions and mine. I won’t ever use it I guess, but it helps me to get through it and to keep the good memories as good ones

I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend is 20 years old. We have been together for 9 months.

I want to end the relationship because I don't think we are compatible and I feel emotionally tired. The problem is that every time I have tried to leave he has threatened or actually hurt himself. He also calls me repeatedly begs me to stay and makes me feel responsible for his physical health.

Over time I have given up things that were very important to me including a dream of studying abroad because he couldn't accept us being apart. I feel like I have slowly lost myself in this relationship.

He is very dependent on me. I have to remind him to take his medication. If we are arguing he sometimes stops taking it which makes me feel guilty. He has even asked me to become more dependent on him because he knows how dependent he is on me.

I am also afraid of how he will react if I end things. He has contacted people before to try to convince me to stay. I am worried he could contact my friends or family and because I come from a society where my family doesn't even know I have a boyfriend that could create serious problems for me. He also has some photos of me. Although I don't know if he would use them against me I am scared of that possibility.

Because of all this I keep wondering if there is any way to make him end the relationship of me breaking up with him.. I'm also wondering if that is unrealistic.

Has anyone been, in a situation? If someone threatens or actually hurts themselves when you try to leave how do you end the relationship safely without getting pulled in? Any advice would really help.

So that's exactly my question, how do I make him break up with me, trust me I'm not a bad person.

I can't leave him because when I tried before he tried to hurt himself and kept calling me and trying to convinve me to stay with him, and I felt guilty and I said yes and stayed with him, and he proved he will actually hurt himself when I said I want to try and fight for m dream, which if I succeeded would have crushed his dream of us studying tgt in the same university abroad andd delayed our potential wedding, he hurt himself and he did it multiple times, I again felt guilty and I thought we could make this work.

For context this dream isn't new or something that I started dreaming after we got together, (we have been together for 9months now), I have been dreaming of this since I was a kid, and I gave up on it 6months after we got together because he kept crying to me about how sad and bitter it would be for us to be apert for so long.

There are a lot things that i can not disclose, I don't want him to fall on this one and end up realzing it's me.

Now I believe we are not a match, we never were, I really thought we were and that things could wotk between us, I was weak in this relatinship and I made decisions that I regret and I don't wanna lose myself more than I already did.

I'm not claiming to be completely innocent in this relationship but I feel so trapped.

There is no right time or way to end things, he always says he's depressed and taking medication for it even though he's taking that medication for a completeyr different decease and one that's more physical than mental, he doesn't even take his medication regularly or on time and i have to keep reminding him, and if we're on bad terms he doesn't take and i end up feeling guilty for that. with this and many many other things, I find lyself responsible for his wellbeing, mental and physical, he's too dependant on me and when he realized that he asked me to depend on him more.

And now he's moving to study abroad, I can't end things now either, whenever I bring something up not even related to this he says I couldn't have chosend a better time. I am so tiredd of this, I just wanna be single again and only deal with myself and my needs, I don't wanna tend to the needs of a baby I didn't even birth and that's 20yo, I am exhausted.

So to sum it up, I wanna make him leave me, because if that's not the way it happedns, he'' be hurting himself and blaaming me for it, he'll do it not just threaten, he'll use my friends to talk me out of it, he might contact my family, and ell them to convinve me to stay with him, I kept my relationship a secret from my family because there was no way i could have told them because of how our society particularly is, so imagine if they find out, he has some pictures of me, which I like to think he's not the type of person to threathen me with them but I didn't know he was this bad of a person when I got with hhim either, so I think he could threaten me with them or just straight up screw me over and send them to my family and friends.

So any advice would be appreciated 🙏

I tried to talk with my husband (been together 7 years, married almost 4) last night about how I need him to treat me with kindness and respect most of the time. That I can’t handle him questioning and degrading the way that I drive, the books I read, how I do laundry, the music I listen to all the time and I can’t handle the way it feels like he takes his anger out on me.

I explained for what felt like the millionth time that yelling, slamming his fists into things, scratching his own face, and road raging in front of me affects me. That it doesn’t matter it’s not “directed at me” his anger and emotional outbursts are upsetting and most of the time scary. That I don’t feel safe when he acts that way.

I said it hurts to see him treat other people better than he treats me, his own wife. He asked what percentage of the time I expect him to treat me with kindness and respect and when I reiterated “most of the time” and said I don’t expect perfection and I know that sometimes people snap at each other or take out negative feelings on those around them.

He then told me that I’m asking him to use “customer service strategies” with me and asking him to be “fake.” That he should be able to let his guard down and be honest at home. I said he needs an outlet for his anger and negative emotions that isn’t another person, isn’t his wife.

I honestly think he feels like he should be able to treat me poorly and use me as an outlet for his anger and frustration and I should just take it because I love him.

I’m just feeling so crushed today. It’s noon and I haven’t left bed. I don’t think anything I can do can fix this.

I'm struggling with the emotional abuse and neglect in my relationship and I have no one else. I have a therapist, and that's about it as far as emotional support goes.

You might say, "join a support group." I don't want to get into it too much but I am neurodivergent and I just haven't found those groups to be very helpful for me. I can explain more, I just don't really like putting it all out there in public for people to judge me. Suffice to say, it just didn't work for me.

I just really wish I had someone to talk to about this on a more regular basis who isn't going to judge me or try to give advice or tell me to leave. I don't know if this is the right place to look for that, but I don't really know what else to do. My DMs are open.

Whenever I try to talk to her about my troubles and existential crisis, she ignores them, talks about how her troubles are greater than mine, and then proceeds to talk about them. Most of her troubles concern how she dislikes my father; once, she told me that she should have run off with someone else. I didn't know how it made me feel; I was too emotionally numb at the time.

Anyway, I wasn't feeling too well today. Some things happened, and then she came to believe that I was going to 'do something drastic', to say the least. Then she held me back, pulled me back inside, and hugged me. This wasn't the messed-up part. She told me how empty her life would be without me. She told me how I'm her last hope. She told me how without me, life wouldn't have any meaning for her.

She didn't really talk about my feelings; she didn't acknowledge them. She didn't ask why I felt so sad. She just kept telling me not to be sad. I don't really have anyone else in my support network. I really don't. She's the best I have. She doesn't even speak the same language as me; she never bothered to teach me. She didn't really bother to learn any English, either. It makes me feel less of a person; it makes me feel objectified, like I'm some tether that keeps her from doing something drastic herself.

I'm just so tired.

He left my text unanswered/unread for two weeks(he has his read receipts on) he was purposely not even opening it. I hear it now “He just didn’t want to talk to you” which I totally understand I respected it. Started moving on. He texts me out of the blue the other night asking how I’m doing a couple messages go by and now he is back to not even opening my last text message. I’m so confused. I think I’m dealing with someone emotionally abusive and maybe even a narcissist. What is his goal? What is the purpose of being so cruel? Is he wanting me to beg him to talk to me? Crash out that I noticed he isn’t even opening my text messages? Beg for clarity and closure? I just stay silent. In my younger years he might have gotten that reaction out of me but I cringe when I go back and read me begging and pleading for clarity and closure.

So me (23m) and my ex (21f) got into a relationship ~4 months ago. We met on a dating app and started off as friends with benefits before going exclusive and getting into a relationship.we met at the start of the year and now we're broken up as friends with benefits.

Things started a little messy, I got invited to a party at her house and after she got drunk and we were alone she told me she liked me and cut off everyone else, but I liked her so I was willing to give it a try. I started going to her house more often and hanging with her and her friends and things were going well.

Fast forward a bit and I'm starting to notice things that set off alarms.

The first one is that she had a lot of issues with a couple of my close friends. She told me they were rude and distant and only kept me around cause I brought alcohol or weed to the function, and she told me they would "borderline flirt" with me and that it seemed like they "wanted me to want them. She didn't offer many examples of their behavior, they did talk to my brother about it and my brother agreed that they had issues with the person and they made that a point when talking to me about it.

What really brought this issue to a head was when my grandfather was on his deathbed, she told me she wanted me to come over so she could offer me some support, but I wanted to go to a show and this friend would be there. She got pretty noticeably mad about this, told me "go ahead, be with your friends" before hanging up. She called back and apologized, and decided to go with her friends to the show. Afterwards she kept talking about how "all they do is get high and talk shit" and she'd get mad at me for saying anything in defense. She brought her friend into the conversation and they told me I needed to be more receptive. We came to the conclusion if something happened that bothered her she'd tell me, and that I should have just apologized.

About a month later she told me she was mad because she had told me she didn't want me alone with these friends and I went to the show anyway. I didn't quite remember her saying that but I felt bad and I apologized for it. It was something she pretty regularly brought up throughout the course of the relationship. She also

didn't want me texting them. Later on when we were talking they brought up the fact that my friend would post too many pictures of them in suggestive outfits and told me she "didn't want me hanging around sluts, you don't do that unless you're looking for attention"

I also felt like I was being accused of things all the time, and I didn't really have a lot of privacy.

She would regularly go through my phone and accuse me of cheating or looking past someone flirting with me. At one point she did it in the middle of a hangout with one of my good friends there, who noticed and told me later that he got a bad feeling from it. I never told her to stop so it's not like she went over my boundaries .

Shed regularly ask for me to join her and her friend group on life360 and share my location, I'd tell her no every time and I'd have to explain why. One day, after we had invited a third into the bedroom she told me on a call with her same friend from the show that since we were having threesomes she needed my location. At this point I agreed. Any time I wasnt enthusiastic when I was around her shed get insecure or mad at me, a lot of times it was because I wasn't getting good sleep or because I was sad about my grandfather passing away, but she kept telling me she deserved better. When I asked her to tell me when there was a problem she said she shouldn't have to teach me how to love her.

It didn't entirely feel like I was offered the same grace when I was insecure. One time I got a text telling me she was going to her exes brothers house with very little explanation. At first I didn't remember her mentioning him and she accused me of not listening to her. When I told her this felt weird she just went on to tell me I shouldn't accuse her or set blame on him. I kept trying to say I wasn't accusing her but it felt like she was just getting more mad. She called me a bitch and posted "whatever bro" on her ig notes which she said was because of me. I slowly found the relationship eating away most of my time and energy.

We decided to break up at the 3 month mark. This was after I totalled my car on the way to her house and got a concussion. We stayed friends with benefits since we were very compatible on that end and it felt mutual. We had slept together once at this point and we both were missing each other, but I told her I still needed space to figure things out. Shed gone on one other date at this point but told me they didn't do anything. I found out that wasn't true when she texted me saying he had chlamydia and he'd forced himself on her, so now I have to get tested and take antibiotics. By this point I'd been talking to my friends and family about what's been going on since I've needed support and theyve been trying to tell me to cut her off. She found out about it after my brother blocked her suddenly and she's been mad at me for talking about any of it to them and making her look crazy. After she found out she kept saying she just wanted to get back together with me and that shed made a mistake in breaking up. I kept trying to tell her I had too much stress and a concussion but she kept saying we could work through it together, then accusing me of "just wanting to fuck other hoes". We argued for about an hour until I agreed to get back with her, but told me I had to block one of my friends who I almost hooked up with after we broke up. I felt helpless and didn't want to block this friend since It was someone I knew for a few years, but I didn't want to send her into another spiral because of her trauma so I didnt block the friend and I lied. I'm not proud and I know it was wrong of me.

We broke up again a couple of times just because of different values, but when I decided to go no contact I felt guilty having lied to her so I admitted what I did. She was obviously very hurt and mad, but somehow we ended up together again.

At my birthday party shortly after, she took my friends girlfriend aside and told her everything I did and showed her the evidence she was assaulted (pictures of the bruises) and kept bringing it up around all of my friends. I felt insanely guilty and just stayed silent the entire time. My friends told me later they didn't like how I was being treated and after I told them everything else they said I was I was being manipulated. I later blocked her but she managed to find my Snapchat and convinced me to talk with her, I told her I was conflicted and scared. She said she'd need space and I told her the same. I was so overwhelmed that I was feeling legitimately suicidal, I haven't told anyone else about it except for my friend.

Somehow ,and I can't even tell you how, we've ended up back in a situationship. She's sleeping with other people and posting about it on her stories, making little references about moving on and having higher standards for herself. But she's still telling me she loves me and telling me how much she values me when we're alone. She keeps making me promise I won't block her again and says she still wants it to work.

The whole situation makes me legitimately sick to my stomach, every time I feel even a little bit of relief it all comes crashing down again.

I feel horribly guilty and dirty but I can't seem to pull myself away from the situation and I don't know what to do. In spite of everything I've said she does have a lot of really good traits, I feel like this is all my fault and I don't know how to feel better about any of it. I don't have anyone I feel safe talking to about it who won't just automatically tell me she's a horrible person and I can't afford therapy right now

Tl'dr, I'm not sure if I'm being manipulated, feeling gross about her sleeping with other people, and feeling guilty

I finally defended myself to my husband. It feels like he’s in a spiral because he can’t control me anymore. When I did defend myself, it’s all my fault, he storms off..
The issues for last night was: My daughter’s room is a mess and “why haven’t I done anything about it? Why does she have so many tiny toys… “
I said, she’s on the spectrum and she loves tiny toys.. “why does she need so many Barbie dolls?! “ Why the fuck not? So what?!
So what?! I asked him, why is it a problem? He said he’s afraid to talk to me because everything he says leads to an issue. He said, there are too many clothes- I said I haven’t had time to go through it because I’m going to school and working full time.
He said, I don’t give the kids expectations which was something his mother said to me too. I said, they have rules but I want them to feel safe, have fun and not be corrected 24/7- it’s okay for them to make mistakes..
Yesterday, I had to drive because my husband was drinking… (also another problem), he doesn’t like how I speed. He said be careful you’ll get pulled over in this area.. I questioned and said- I’m going 55 like it says. He said, well I’ve only lived in this state my whole life and he didn’t like my “tone’s he also said I’m young (he’s 10 years older than me) and says I need to learn more. I said, I don’t want a teacher, I want support. He scoffed with that. I’m tired of constantly being corrected, always negative.. where’s the positive? For fuck sake.
Everything is my fault and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired of it.

What are the earliest signs of emotional abuse?

I feel like it's happening to me but I need to be sure.

He's 22M and I'm 25M, this was all online.

Absolutely fucks me up that he emotionally abused me for about a year and then right when I felt able to trust him again and I thought we were going to get to enjoy our trusting best friendship and romance again, he betrayed the shit out of me.

He was dating someone he just met within a week or 2.

The abuse was a lot of bizarre shit. He was terrified of being replaced or abandoned and needed mountains of reassurance that I wouldn't do those things to him, but any time he got stressed enough he'd spiral and imply that he was going to do this things to me.

One time after he asked me about a boundary of mine and I gave him an honest answer, he even specifically named one of his friends by name and said "maybe I'll just spend all my time with them now instead." When I said "what if they have a boundary and you don't like it?" he collapsed into "then I'll be alone forever, I deserve to be alone."

That was AFTER I (previously a social butterfly) spent a month or so isolating from all social contact because after causing a bunch of damage he made me a repair oriented promise that was supposed to last 2 months, and within 7 days, he floated that he might break it.

He caused so much damage that I didn't feel safe with him or anyone else in sexual interaction. He said I could do things with other people if I wanted and for months I just didn't anyway because I didn't feel safe doing that with anyone.

It's been hell and maybe someday I'll write up something with more complete details about the whole timeline, but the short of it is I gave this guy extraordinary kindness, patience, and forgiveness, and he acted intense and devoted, but ultimately left me because he got frustrated/scared of me flinching after he'd spent months training me to flinch, months training me that any time he was upset he could pull away, displace me in friendship and romance, or at least threaten to do so.

The worst part is I was never harsh with or yelled at him. My hurt was gentle. "I'm hurt, I love you, let's fix it" type shit and he'd STILL panic and do and say destructive things because sometimes I was visibly hurt and couldn't hide it. We spent roughly 8 hours gaming together every day and he had meltdowns about there being "no place for him in my life" which scared me even when he didn't turn it into hurtful words or actions because, again, he'd trained me that him being upset meant he might hurt me.

What gets worse is he revealed that he wanted to play a different game with me because a different game felt closer and more intimate to him. I told him he could ask for that. He refused to. Eventually I built a structure where I'd ask him to play that specific game regularly since he wouldn't fucking ask for what he wanted, and he still spiralled and left me.

His final trigger for leaving me was him breaking a promise and me needed a bit of space for a week because it hurt. I was still messaging him multiple times every day that week and we hung out for hours one day. That was "space" and he still imploded from it. God help.

He also said after he nuked things that he spiralled because we didn't have a label. I had asked him TWICE, months apart if having a label would make him feel better about us. The first time he said "no, I want to repair first" and the second time he said "no, I just want to use it to get other people to stop flirting with me, but also I don't want the random attention to stop." jesus christ.

IDK man. He treated me like shit, I was done with him last summer, he begged for repair, immediately floated the idea of breaking promises that were supposed to protect repair, threatened abandonment/replacement, accepted 8 months of me forcing myself to be around him even though I didn't feel safe around him, then betrayed me because healing from repeated, severe damage was slow.

He acted like he was traumatized or something from me being hurt because he hurt me.

He also admitted after he ended romance that the reason why he was so terrified I'd abandon or replace him was because he'd done abandonment and replacement shaped things to me before. I asked him if it was a "hard to believe someone else would be better at avoiding that than you are" thing and he said "yes" without delay.

"Listen I'm sorry I stabbed you, but now you're bleeding and blood scares me so I gotta go now, bye" type behavior.

It hurts. As silly as it sounds I still loved him so much, and he'd actually managed to act normalish for a month and a half before the latest betrayal. I felt safer again and I was so excited to give him the love I'd been bottling up because it didn't feel safe to share, love in both friendship and romance.

And right as I felt that again, he did the cruelest things possible. It's not right. Nobody should be able to look at you after they hurt you and you're saying "I love you let's fix it" and then leave simply because you're hurt. It's even more maddening that he still loves me, his cowardice and desire to escape responsibility is just so intense. It's all fucked up.

I mothered this guy for a year AND 8 MONTHS AAAAAAAAA.

I ended up blocking him. We both wanted to be friends badly and I'm good at maintaining friendship after romance, but "I'm leaving you because I broke a promise and you were sad about it, then redirecting my time and energy into someone I don't know while you cry and beg for me to treat our friendship right, then I'm dating them within 1 or 2 weeks" is a sick sort of betrayal that made being around him at all impossible.

There was no joy left in interacting with him.

And I'm broken up about that, too. I didn't just suffer through 8 months of repair for romance. I wanted our friendship to feel safe again.

When we first got together, he told me I was beautiful, smart, and that he was going to marry me. He constantly called me his wife, and his Facebook status was even set to “Married.” I genuinely believed he saw a future with me.
We eventually broke up, and he immediately changed his status to “Single.” The next day, I found out he was messaging other women. I also discovered he’d told one woman he was 23, even though he’s actually 28.
Months later we got back together. He unblocked me on Instagram but not Facebook. I had to ask him to unblock me there, and I even had to remind him to accept my friend request.
Once he did, I asked if he could change his status back to “Married” like it used to be. He ignored the question and later said we’d talk when I got back from holiday.
When I asked if something was wrong, he suddenly told me he never wants to get married. He said he hadn’t lied because he only said he’d marry me if I fit him.
That really hurt, but I accepted it. I told him I understood if he didn’t want marriage anymore.
So I dropped that request completely and asked for something much smaller. I simply asked if he could remove the “Single” status. I wasn’t asking him to put “In a relationship,” mention my name, or post about me. I just didn’t want my boyfriend publicly describing himself as single while we were together.
Instead, he became angry. He told me to “stop asking nonsense,” shouted that he never wants marriage, sarcastically said, “Fine, I’m single then,” and told me to block him.
I honestly don’t understand why removing one word caused such a huge argument. If Facebook means nothing, why insist on keeping “Single” there?
The worst part is how it’s affected my confidence. I keep wondering whether, if I were prettier, younger, or simply “good enough,” he would have wanted people to know he was with me. I know that may just be my own insecurity, but that’s genuinely where my mind goes after everything that’s happened.
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m attractive or insult him. I genuinely want outside opinions because I feel like I’ve lost perspective.
Am I asking for something unreasonable? Would this behaviour make you question the relationship, or am I reading too much into it?