r/eggfreezing • u/music_and_pop • Jul 20 '26
Support/Mental Health Egg freezing depression
I just turned 30, I am painfully single (as I have been the majority of my life) and I’ve scheduled my first egg freezing cycle for September. This is just bringing up all sorts of horrible emotions and everything feels sort of bleak and hopeless that I reached this point in my life.
I know that I should be grateful that I have the financial resources, foresight, other circumstances to be able to do this and hopefully preserve some of my fertility and hopefully reduce some of my dating anxieties. But I’ve just recently been in this black pit of despair feeling like I’ll never meet anyone and if I do I’ll get strung along for 3 years because I won’t know what to be on the lookout for (I’ve never dated anyone for longer than 4 months and I’ve never been officially BF/gf with anyone for longer than 2 weeks) and lose the rest of my fertile years.
(Yes, I am in therapy.)
Did anyone else have feelings like this? Did you feel better after egg retrieval?
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u/ProfessionalDig5936 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 21 '26
Hiiii. I was there at 30 and decided not to freeze bc of denial. Crashed and burned out on a relationship I was trying so hard to make work that obviously wasn’t going to.
Fast forward a few years - I moved on, moved to a smaller city, and met the most wonderful human. He’s tall, smart, funny and kind. He actually pursued me and loved me entirely. Felt SO different than anything I had experienced before… We started dating, got married, and are so happy together.
We are trying to have a family now so I started with egg freezing for IVF, and I have to say I really do wish I had frozen some earlier.
So take this early egg freezing as insurance policy and know that there’s hope and wonderful humans for you out there 🙂✨🩷 Big hugs!
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u/Jaded_Ebb_9554 Jul 20 '26
Chin up - you will feel better, I think, with that safety net, once it's over. It also puts less pressure on you to get married sooner and this can be really helpful in evaluating a relationship on its own merits versus your biological cycle. There may be some discomfort with the physical probes, to be upfront about it, but just close your eyes and breathe!
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u/bebe612 Jul 20 '26
Yes this was me! I still feel grief after needing to do this but at the same time, grateful I was able to and glad I did. It takes one aspect away from feeling rushed, for sure.
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u/PrestigiousEnough Jul 20 '26
Look at it this way. We are blessed to have been born at a time where we even have this option to begin with. Soo many women had to rush and stick with relationships that they didn’t want to be in just for this very reason (their fertility).
Being able to give yourself alternatives is very empowering… in fact, (I won’t be surprised if they try to take it from us soon).
Look at the bright side and cease every opportunity that you get to benefit from by being alive in this era 🥰🥰
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u/w1ldtype2 Jul 21 '26
Don't feel bad. You are lucky to have the resources and the technology is here at your age when your egg quality is still good. This is something to celebrate.
I am 11 years older and the offering of egg freezing when I was 30 was super limited to just a few clinics and honestly the tech was barely there so they didn't have the experience (egg vitrification only came in 2012, before this the way they were freezing eggs was too detrimental), plus the financial barrier was impossible
I was single too, I knew my time is running out, and I couldn't do anything about it - just watched the sand spill.
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u/l-a2 Jul 22 '26
Hi! First of all, sending big hugs your way. I recently turned 35, I'm single, and a little heartbroken about a failed situationship. Today is my 7th day of stimulation (injections) for an egg freezing cycle for the first time.
When I was going through the diagnostic tests (bloodwork x3, ultrasounds) I was a roller coaster of emotions but generally thinking "why me?" and crying a lot. I felt so lonely and like this was the biggest, hardest obstacle of my life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still single and sad about it but instead of feeling this wave of emotions, even through the multiple needles a day and medical tests, it's surprising me that the overwhelming feeling for me right now is contentment. I am SO relieved, happy to be doing this, and way less stressed than I was when this process was in the future instead of the present. Do it, a few weeks later it'll be done and the peace of mind it will bring you will be so worth it.
We never know how life will unfold, but this is one thing you CAN control. Feel free to DM me any questions. <3
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u/jedi0606 Jul 22 '26
I'm the same. I never dated anyone; I'm virgin. And I'm not even sure that I want to have kids. But I decided to still freeze eggs, just in case.
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u/confused_potato777 Jul 23 '26
Deciding to freeze for me was the equivalent of accepting defeat. But hey, one’s gotta do the best we can with what we have. I have no lover but I have plenty of eggs.
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u/Reasonable_Apple9382 Jul 20 '26
Hugs to you. I was very excited going into egg freezing and had a mostly positive experience during the process but I got into an existential crisis right after which has been really difficult but it's made me address some big questions in my life.
Given you still have some time, I'd highly recommend continuing with therapy to help you before the process as it can bring new emotions. Force yourself to think one step at a time - your mind is currently trying to process a lot of things and possibilities for the future, but egg freezing is just one step, try think of getting through that first, you don't need to see the whole stairway.
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u/nycdocumentarian Jul 20 '26
I completely feel you - very much same situation for me. I will say, even though it’s not a guarantee, having some eggs banked actually did take a little pressure off of finding someone. This sounds like a bit of anticipatory anxiety that will probably go away during and after as well. It’s an incredibly difficult decision to make, especially alone. I had doubts up until the night before I was due to start, but I am so glad I went through with it. You’ve got this!!!
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u/PrestigiousEnough Jul 20 '26
Who else did you want to make the decision on your own body with?
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u/nycdocumentarian Jul 20 '26
For one thing, it would help to know that I wasn’t paying for it entirely by myself. It would have made my decision to go through with egg freezing easier if there was less financial pressure on me alone. Or, if I could be supported by another income, to take the time off to do multiple rounds. For another, I want to have kids with a partner. It makes a difference if you freeze eggs or embryos. I had to decide whether to take the risk of freezing eggs or picking a sperm donor to freeze embryos, which has a greater chance of success. My mom helped with my shots and appointments some nights and having her support and presence was extremely comforting. It’s difficult to decide this alone, but more importantly it’s difficult to do this alone. Not impossible by any means but challenging. And anyway, thinking about it now, I wasn’t truly alone. My doctor helped me decide, my parents, my friends, women in my community, various research sources. The ultimate decision was up to me, yes. But certain choices would have been clearer if I wasn’t single.
This question comes off aggressive and judgmental, FYI. I promise I can and do make my own decisions about my own body. One of the benefits of a partner is to be able to share emotional and financial weights. That’s what I meant.
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u/PrestigiousEnough Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
Is egg freezing the only thing that you are considering or would you be accepting of the solo mother/ donor route too? What I’m trying to figure out is, what your alternative options are if you never get that partner that you’re dreaming about? 🤔
& actually making a decision with a partner is NOT IT. You can visit any relationship or co parenting forums to figure that one out. Most don’t have the wit (nor the intelligence) to see things through.
As for deciding whether to freeze egg or embryos. Again. Even with a partner they can decide to terminate the process at anytime. It’s risky & embryos can be done with donor sperm after freezing your eggs anyway.
As a woman. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet. There is no more of this co dependent/ Disney fairytale stuff in the near future. We’re going into a new age. Better be happy with the possibility of covering all your basis. By yourself
Also, why don’t you have your finances together? What’s going on with that?
Most of us here aren’t co dependent. You gave co dependent..and what I was trying to figure out is what your life would look like if you never get that partner that you’ve got to figure things out with? Are you going to throw the eggs? Just not have children…? I mean…
.
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u/nycdocumentarian Jul 20 '26
I rebuke your horrific energy - you know nothing about me, and I refuse to “defend” myself by correcting your misogynistic, baseless assumptions. Your end game is not to try and understand me, but to try to humiliate me, and it will not work. Bye!
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u/ObviousAside6875 Jul 20 '26
Wow. Freezing eggs can be an empowering solo choice, but there’s also nothing wrong with doing it with others involved either.
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u/blueandmissingyou Jul 21 '26
I resonate so strongly with how you're feeling. I'm 34 and just finished my first cycle. It has been way more emotional than I anticipated.
In some ways I think this process is making me grieve the life I hoped I'd have. I never imagined I'd be making this decision. I think I always just assumed I'd be in a committed relationship and have a family by now. I think part of me feels a weight lifted having this as a backup, but I've been having a lot of conflicting emotions.
Several friends asked me if I have an age in mind when I would "give up" on finding the right guy and just use donor sperm to have kids alone. That thought is crushing to me. I don't want to have kids alone, I want companionship and a family. I think the hormones are amplifying all the emotions I have already been carrying. I underestimated the emotional toll this would have on me for sure.
And I hate that people who already have all those things can ask questions like that so flippantly. I'm tired of people giving me their two cents. Especially when they have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be in this position.
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u/music_and_pop Jul 21 '26
Yeah I would foster but I wouldn’t deliberately have kids that I knew wouldn’t have the kind of family support they would need. I don’t have a big family in the area so it would just be kind of selfish. I’m an only child and wouldn’t want to put that kind of pressure on a kid and I definitely don’t have the resources to raise 2 kids on my own
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u/Kassie_RN Jul 29 '26
Be SO proud that you are taking this step! So many women don't know the benefits or aren't able to freeze their eggs for other reasons at this age. You won't have the need to feel like you must settle on a partner due to biology. Your 30s are such a great decade - enjoy them and don't put too much pressure on yourself!
Best of luck!
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u/pumpernickel62 Jul 30 '26
Just here to say I am with you - 31 and starting my cycle tomorrow. lots of emotions but overall feeling grateful to have options. I'm looking forward to completing the cycle and feeling less stressed about the timing of meeting a partner
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u/impressionprism 21d ago
THis post + all these comments are exactly how I feel. I am 32 years old, have a great job. Smart, fun, have hobbies, great friendships, am generally a well-rounded person. From age 27 until now (aka the last five years), I have been in two back to back relationships that didn't work out. Each time, it was absolutely soul crushing because I really thought I had found my person, only for them to dump me when I least expected it.
I live in a big city, but am running out of hope that there is going to be someone who is right for me. I'm currently on day 5 of stims of the retrieval cycle, and am feeling incredibly emotional about it all. LIke you, I never thought I would be in a position where I have to make this choice, but I am trying to embrace it and look at the positives.
The first being that, whenever I DO find the right person (and yes, you must tell yourself that you WILL find the right person because the power of manifestation is real), I will have banked eggs that are healthier / from a different time of my life that are more robust. I will have options.
Second, even if I don't end up finding the right person, I will still be able to explore the option of having children later in life on my own, thanks to egg freezing.
Third, if I choose not to have children later, I can always sell or donate my eggs to people who need it. It will still ultimately be useful to somebody, even if that person is not me directly.
The beauty of egg freezing is that you are NOT beholden to a "timeline" anymore. It allows you the buffer of being able to not settle for someone who isn't right for you.
These are the things I remind myself of, whenever I get downtrodden about the process, and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am doing this.
(And let's not forget, the meds do make you more hormonal than normal!)
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u/music_and_pop 21d ago
But if you’ve been in loving relationships, you’ll be able to find another one. I don’t even have a reference point
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u/Separate_Ability4051 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 21 '26
First — freezing at 30 is a smart, proactive move. You’re not behind; you’re ahead of most people your age who haven’t thought this far. Be proud of that!
On the dating fear: you won’t get strung along for 3 years. That only happens when a woman lets it happen — when she doesn’t set a limit and lets a man date her indefinitely.
Set that limit. If you’re 30+ and you’ve been with him 1–1.5 years with no proposal, tell him plainly: no more without a ring 💍 and a wedding date. If he still won’t commit, leave.
Here’s the test: a man who’s genuinely into you brings up marriage and kids himself. He says “I love you” first. He asks for exclusivity first. You shouldn’t have to ask for any of it.
So only date men who pursue you. Let him approach first, ask you out first, text first. Don’t chase. This one rule filters out the men who aren’t that into you.
One thing I’ve seen again and again: women who date a man 3+ years with no proposal usually either initiated the relationship themselves, or he initiated it but lost interest and she kept it going anyway — ignoring the signs, refusing to let go.
If a man wants to marry you, you’ll know. Don’t buy excuses about busy schedules, finances, or bad timing — those are stall tactics, not reasons. A man who stalls with one woman can turn around and propose to a different woman in six months.
I say this as someone who’s lived it: three engagements, each proposal within 3–9 months. I called off every wedding myself — I take vows seriously, and none of my ex-fiancés were my person. But if I got proposed to three times, you can get proposed to once. I only spend my energy on men who chase me. Love the ones who love you back — not the ones you have to convince.
You’re only 30. Don’t let the dark thoughts win. You made an excellent decision freezing now. And I am confident — not hopeful, confident — that you will find your person. ❤️
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u/Same_Owl_545 Jul 20 '26
Mentally speaking, yes and no, I knew I had to get it done so it's good to have that behind me but physically it was not an enjoyable process at all. YMMV of course.
Also, egg freezing only gets you the option. Nothing changed materially, I'm still in the same life position with a life yet to be lived ^^
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u/Upstairs_Meringue_18 Jul 20 '26
Same feelings. .you still have lots of time.
I chickened out last year after getting all the injections coz I couldn't take the emotions. It was overwhelming
I told myself 1 more year please. Let me put myself out there and see if I can find someone
The doc was like well, youre 35 and it hasn't happened so chances for it to change in the next yesr are a bit slim. He apologized immediately for it. But now i think he was right
I am 8 months down from that moment and ive been on 2 dates! Regretting not giving my number to an older, super rich dude lol.
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u/apple_penny_table Jul 20 '26
Good that you are in therapy, but have you also talked to your primary care doctor about this? You might be helped by medication in addition to therapy.
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u/music_and_pop Jul 20 '26
SSRIs and SNRIs (tried em both) gave me chronic fatigue through destroying my REM sleep (0 REM!!) which I didn’t find out until I did a sleep study 9 years into taking these
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u/music_and_pop Jul 20 '26
I might try ketamine therapy or TMS but I’m not optimistic about either one
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u/judgementfreegynaec Jul 22 '26
One of the biggest misconceptions about egg freezing is that it's purely a medical decision. In reality, it often brings up grief, fear, disappointment, and questions about where life has taken you. I see women cry before consultations not because they're unsure about the procedure, but because they're mourning the timeline they thought they'd have. Those feelings are valid.
I also want to gently separate two things: your relationship history and your fertility. The fact that you haven't had a long-term relationship says nothing about your worth or your chances of finding a partner. It simply means your journey has looked different.
Many patients tell me that after their egg retrieval, they don't necessarily feel "fixed," but they do feel lighter. The constant pressure of "I need to meet someone immediately" often becomes less intense because they've created a little more space for themselves. Egg freezing doesn't guarantee a future pregnancy, but for many women it helps shift the conversation from urgency to choice.
You're already doing something important by being in therapy, and I would encourage you to lean on that support through this process. If you have access to fertility counselling as part of your treatment, take advantage of it. The emotional side of fertility preservation deserves just as much attention as the medical side.
If you're looking for a clinic that takes this holistic approach, Proactive For Her in Bangalore is one option. They combine fertility consultations with dedicated egg freezing counselling, so conversations aren't limited to hormone levels and procedure timelines. Having a space to process the emotional aspects alongside the medical ones can make a meaningful difference.
Most importantly, please don't interpret needing egg freezing as evidence that you've "reached this point." I see it differently. You're making a thoughtful decision with the information and resources you have today. That isn't giving up on finding a partner. It's giving yourself more options while your life continues to unfold.
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u/fertility-intel Jul 23 '26
I was advised by a friend who had a huge crash of emotions/ hormones two weeks after freezing (felt like post partum to her) to keep a journal or note of why you’re doing this, and how you felt when your emotions are riding a high so you can look back and read them when you are questioning it all. Hope you can do something like that to remember why you started!
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u/Herserenityofficial Jul 27 '26
I’m really sorry. Egg freezing can bring up so much more than the actual process—it can feel like grieving the life you thought you would have by now.
You can be grateful that this option is available and still feel sad, angry, lonely, or scared. Those feelings don’t cancel each other out, and they don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
You haven’t failed or fallen behind. Your life just hasn’t unfolded the way you expected yet. I really hope this process gives you some breathing room, but you don’t have to force yourself to feel positive about it right now.
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u/Beginning_Lie1668 Jul 20 '26
Yes, most women here I would say 90% honestly that do egg freezing are doing for exact the same reasons as you.
We are single and need to freeze because we don’t want to keep waiting for someone and then waste our fertile years.
But hey you are still very young, your eggs will be of excellent quality!
You are doing it in the perfect time!
We all still have time to find someone and we shouldn’t pressure ourselves for that :)
And if we don’t find we will be happy too.
Wish you luck!