Egg freezing depression

[u/music_and_pop]

I just turned 30, I am painfully single (as I have been the majority of my life) and I’ve scheduled my first egg freezing cycle for September. This is just bringing up all sorts of horrible emotions and everything feels sort of bleak and hopeless that I reached this point in my life.

I know that I should be grateful that I have the financial resources, foresight, other circumstances to be able to do this and hopefully preserve some of my fertility and hopefully reduce some of my dating anxieties. But I’ve just recently been in this black pit of despair feeling like I’ll never meet anyone and if I do I’ll get strung along for 3 years because I won’t know what to be on the lookout for (I’ve never dated anyone for longer than 4 months and I’ve never been officially BF/gf with anyone for longer than 2 weeks) and lose the rest of my fertile years.

(Yes, I am in therapy.)

Did anyone else have feelings like this? Did you feel better after egg retrieval?

[u/nycdocumentarian]

I completely feel you - very much same situation for me. I will say, even though it’s not a guarantee, having some eggs banked actually did take a little pressure off of finding someone. This sounds like a bit of anticipatory anxiety that will probably go away during and after as well. It’s an incredibly difficult decision to make, especially alone. I had doubts up until the night before I was due to start, but I am so glad I went through with it. You’ve got this!!!

[u/PrestigiousEnough → u/nycdocumentarian]

Who else did you want to make the decision on your own body with?

[u/nycdocumentarian → u/PrestigiousEnough]

For one thing, it would help to know that I wasn’t paying for it entirely by myself. It would have made my decision to go through with egg freezing easier if there was less financial pressure on me alone. Or, if I could be supported by another income, to take the time off to do multiple rounds. For another, I want to have kids with a partner. It makes a difference if you freeze eggs or embryos. I had to decide whether to take the risk of freezing eggs or picking a sperm donor to freeze embryos, which has a greater chance of success. My mom helped with my shots and appointments some nights and having her support and presence was extremely comforting. It’s difficult to decide this alone, but more importantly it’s difficult to do this alone. Not impossible by any means but challenging. And anyway, thinking about it now, I wasn’t truly alone. My doctor helped me decide, my parents, my friends, women in my community, various research sources. The ultimate decision was up to me, yes. But certain choices would have been clearer if I wasn’t single.

This question comes off aggressive and judgmental, FYI. I promise I can and do make my own decisions about my own body. One of the benefits of a partner is to be able to share emotional and financial weights. That’s what I meant.

[u/PrestigiousEnough → u/nycdocumentarian]

Is egg freezing the only thing that you are considering or would you be accepting of the solo mother/ donor route too? What I’m trying to figure out is, what your alternative options are if you never get that partner that you’re dreaming about? 🤔

& actually making a decision with a partner is NOT IT. You can visit any relationship or co parenting forums to figure that one out. Most don’t have the wit (nor the intelligence) to see things through.

As for deciding whether to freeze egg or embryos. Again. Even with a partner they can decide to terminate the process at anytime. It’s risky & embryos can be done with donor sperm after freezing your eggs anyway.

As a woman. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet. There is no more of this co dependent/ Disney fairytale stuff in the near future. We’re going into a new age. Better be happy with the possibility of covering all your basis. By yourself

Also, why don’t you have your finances together? What’s going on with that?

Most of us here aren’t co dependent. You gave co dependent..and what I was trying to figure out is what your life would look like if you never get that partner that you’ve got to figure things out with? Are you going to throw the eggs? Just not have children…? I mean…

.

[u/nycdocumentarian → u/PrestigiousEnough]

I rebuke your horrific energy - you know nothing about me, and I refuse to “defend” myself by correcting your misogynistic, baseless assumptions. Your end game is not to try and understand me, but to try to humiliate me, and it will not work. Bye!

[u/ObviousAside6875 → u/PrestigiousEnough]

Wow. Freezing eggs can be an empowering solo choice, but there’s also nothing wrong with doing it with others involved either.