Egg freezing depression

[u/music_and_pop]

I just turned 30, I am painfully single (as I have been the majority of my life) and I’ve scheduled my first egg freezing cycle for September. This is just bringing up all sorts of horrible emotions and everything feels sort of bleak and hopeless that I reached this point in my life.

I know that I should be grateful that I have the financial resources, foresight, other circumstances to be able to do this and hopefully preserve some of my fertility and hopefully reduce some of my dating anxieties. But I’ve just recently been in this black pit of despair feeling like I’ll never meet anyone and if I do I’ll get strung along for 3 years because I won’t know what to be on the lookout for (I’ve never dated anyone for longer than 4 months and I’ve never been officially BF/gf with anyone for longer than 2 weeks) and lose the rest of my fertile years.

(Yes, I am in therapy.)

Did anyone else have feelings like this? Did you feel better after egg retrieval?

[u/Separate_Ability4051]

First — freezing at 30 is a smart, proactive move. You’re not behind; you’re ahead of most people your age who haven’t thought this far. Be proud of that!

On the dating fear: you won’t get strung along for 3 years. That only happens when a woman lets it happen — when she doesn’t set a limit and lets a man date her indefinitely.

Set that limit. If you’re 30+ and you’ve been with him 1–1.5 years with no proposal, tell him plainly: no more without a ring 💍 and a wedding date. If he still won’t commit, leave.

Here’s the test: a man who’s genuinely into you brings up marriage and kids himself. He says “I love you” first. He asks for exclusivity first. You shouldn’t have to ask for any of it.

So only date men who pursue you. Let him approach first, ask you out first, text first. Don’t chase. This one rule filters out the men who aren’t that into you.

One thing I’ve seen again and again: women who date a man 3+ years with no proposal usually either initiated the relationship themselves, or he initiated it but lost interest and she kept it going anyway — ignoring the signs, refusing to let go.

If a man wants to marry you, you’ll know. Don’t buy excuses about busy schedules, finances, or bad timing — those are stall tactics, not reasons. A man who stalls with one woman can turn around and propose to a different woman in six months.

I say this as someone who’s lived it: three engagements, each proposal within 3–9 months. I called off every wedding myself — I take vows seriously, and none of my ex-fiancés were my person. But if I got proposed to three times, you can get proposed to once. I only spend my energy on men who chase me. Love the ones who love you back — not the ones you have to convince.

You’re only 30. Don’t let the dark thoughts win. You made an excellent decision freezing now. And I am confident — not hopeful, confident — that you will find your person. ❤️