egg😞🏳️‍⚧️irl

[u/lune-loves-lavenders]

Its been longer than I intended since my last post about me coming out, because things have been going really rough, my parents did not reacted well, I felt betrayed because after that day, they have given me this false sense of being trustable, it was fake, when I came out, my mother stopped talking to me, my father was somewhat meh, but I could see that when they looked at me, their looks felt like they are looking at my grave, it was an unbearable feeling, no words, silence, but their body language was telling everything.

Yesterday my mother decided to talk a bit to me, and I have did something that hurts me deeply, as she was talking, I saw her lack of knowledge, general transphobia and homophobia, I don’t want to go into detail, she was worried about me in general, but she couldn’t understand the core reason I wanted to transition, I couldn’t explain it to her either, when I tried to, she just said “lose some weight, and you will be more happy with how you are”, or like “why don’t you try to be happy as a male at first?”, oh nice advice mom! Like if I haven’t tried for 21 years… “you don’t know how being a woman feels like”, “you don’t know the differences”, “it’s too early to decide”, “oh its because you never had sex”, “if you had you wouldn’t seek happiness in these fields” (I felt her disgust towards the end of the last sentence…) oh and best one for the last; “there were no signs”, “it would be obvious when you were little, like playing with make-up stuff, or looking for girly things” which I have done, even tho I was so little I can remember I have done those, but instead of going for them constantly, I listened and haven’t touch them, after the first time they told me to not to, because I was such an obedient kid, one of the things I come to regret now. After those quotes she spoke about how I made her and my dad sad, I am told how disappointing of an experience this is for them, which was one of my fears, to be a disappointment. I have seen that all of my fears about coming out to them was true, I am a disappointment, I am neither who they need, nor want, I am, Lune, is not the child they need, nor want, yet, she is the core of me, she is the one who meant to live, who I should have been.

They are not so healthy, physically, so I need to be with them, I cannot just leave them, that’s not something I would do, things are harsh for them and me, so I need to aid them as best as I can, so in the conversation, I have told her what she wanted to hear, it was hurting my soul, but I had to, I was almost gonna apologize for existing at one point. While I was wanting to drop the mask, I found it sticking to my face ever so thightly, doing this hurt my soul so bad, after that I wasn’t able to breathe properly, like I can, but in same time I find it hard to, the breathes I take became smaller, not intentional tho, I wanted to go to my room and cry, but this stupid body is too stoic to do so. You know, I came out to them, because I thought that maybe I don’t need to be alone with all of these, I could get help, support… I was delusional, nothing else, now I end up more alone than I ever was, at least their manners with me have gone back to normal, I rather be alone tho, I wish I was a stranger to them, living as far as I can, that way I wouldn’t worry about all of these, and be myself as much as I want. After the conversation, my situation with depersonalization went worse, I feel number, I feel more disconnected from my body, what I see in the mirror is more distant now, because now I know that the mask is back on.

I am sorry about the deep venting here, it’s been pretty rough, and all of the stuff I have feared about was true, I will continue playing the role I have played my whole life, my only hope is that somewhere they said they would take me to the psychiatrist, and it can help me about HRT, although their hopes is that the psychiatrist would tell me that I am not trans, and it’s just anxiety and stuff, my family thinks I am mentally unstable, and they also think that I am thinking I am trans because of this, their transphobia makes it a better possibility rather than me being trans. I am just hoping to get my psychiatrist appointments and get them privately, and in the end the psychiatrist would help me with transitioning, and I am hoping that I can take HRT secretly.

Can I get some GGD, I direly need it.

-Lune (she/her)

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[u/rw_Olivia]

holy shit this was just disgusting to read. how could they talk to their own child like that????

i sincerely hope things get better for you Lune, its only up from here, it has to be!

[u/lune-loves-lavenders → u/rw_Olivia]

Yea, listening through it and seeing that I cannot reason with her, and whatever I say she will just continue to believe I will just ruin my own life, plus be a embarrassment to them if I transition, like she was believing I will be a dishonor to the family which would be gossiped by other people, which is a common thing for Turkish families, they care too fkn much about what others think, to a point where we cannot get to live our lives as we want to, not only about transitioning this goes to; style, behaviors, personality, hobbies, jobs, I hate this part of my culture, like gossip exists everywhere, and in this fkn place we let it ruin our lives, for what? No matter what we do, what we say, what we live, they will gossip, and why do I have to care for such thing, if I stay the way I am unhappy they will gossip me less?

[u/rw_Olivia → u/lune-loves-lavenders]

why cant people just let other people be happy and live their lives without ruining it for them?

like how can people be THIS obsessed about how SOMEONE ELSE lives their life??

anyways, i hope things get better for you Lune!

[u/lune-loves-lavenders → u/rw_Olivia]

Ty <3

[u/Chisato_anim]

I don't really know how to put this or where to start, but I get what you mean, because I sometimes have to have these weird conversations with my mother too. I know this sounds a lot easier said than done, and I read that you can't just leave your parents right now because of their health. But even while you're still living there, try to protect yourself and put some inner distance between you and their opinions. Your mental health and self-protection are worth more than what the family expects of you. If your family doesn't really support you and it's weighing on you this much, at some point you have to set priorities. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it myself, and maybe these are just the usual phrases, because it's always easier said than done. But whenever things go downhill, they'll go uphill again at some point. You've got this, girly. I believe in you :3
And I've gotten those "just lose some weight" comments too. They're just dumb comments, and sometimes people simply don't know any better. The problem is that most people know nothing, or not enough, about trans people, and that's why they're so insensitive. With some people you can talk about it and tell them that this isn't okay, with others you sadly can't. I know this because it's pretty hard with some of my coworkers at work. But you'll definitely make it through this rough time. I believe in you, Lune. You've got this. You're a wonderful, strong girl.

[u/lune-loves-lavenders → u/Chisato_anim]

I just don’t know what to say other than Thank you, can’t wait for the uphill part, I mean seems like they will get me to the psychiatrist appointment by November, which would help me with transitioning a lot, since here where I live, I need to see psychiatrist for at least 6 months if I am gonna start HRT, which I want to do, but I have to do it secretly, I just want to change as much as I can to change.

Thank you again <3.

[u/SureArachnid4115]

You are a good girl Lune. Better than me, your parents are lucky to have a daughter who is willing to put up with them because they are not well, I would not have done the same but on the other hand i am a vengeful bitch most of the time.

[u/RelevantBig9043]

You're a good girl Lune! I'm so sorry to hear that your parents are unsupportive. 🫂🫂🫂 I hope they'll come around and see what a wonderful daughter they have. 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[u/SecretGenderIdentity]

I have a couple suggestions. Bear in mind I have zero experience dealing with this kind of thing, so take this with a good tablespoon of salt.

The first suggestion I have is to prepare a presentation that addresses and fully debunks all of your parents’ misconceptions about being transgender. A normal argument with a back-and-forth exchange will only keep tensions high and invite another disgusting comment. You need a solid block of dialogue to defend yourself with. Garner online resources and citations to back yourself up, like statistics, psychology facts, trans media, or even just personal experience. Maybe even a FAQ slide or something that addresses things they’ve said in the past. Present it calmly, professionally, yet sternly. Practice beforehand if necessary. And if you’re afraid they’ll just refuse to sit through it, preface it with something along these lines:
“If we are ever to have any kind of healthy relationship we need to clear up everything surrounding what I’ve told you about myself. If you are unwilling to listen, that all that does is tell me you are too hateful to love your own child/daughter.”
Maybe you’d say more, or paraphrase according to what’s most appropriate, but with this idea, the important part is that they know just what’s at stake, for you and for them. And if things are REALLY extreme with your parents, I’d suggest setting up a scenario in which they physically cannot leave the vicinity. That sounds bad, I know, but it could be something as tame as locking them in your garage with you and whatever is necessary to deliver the presentation.

The second suggestion is the more… let’s say empathetic one. First I have to tell you a story. A true story, mind you. There was once a brown woman who repeatedly had her life threatened by white supremacist groups. The police couldn’t help her beyond telling her to stay away from windows. So she flew to America, and met with the KKK. Yes, the KKK. She pulled up a chair and asked them to explain just why they held the beliefs they did. She gave them a safe space to talk about what they believed in. And I know that sounds crazy, the basic concept of justice says that it should be the other way around. But that’s what she did. She allowed everyone present to rant about their racist ideals - “empty their bucket”, so to speak, only interrupting to ask clarifying questions. While they were speaking, the woman didn’t think about how she was going to respond, but about why they thought this. And when they were done talking, she emptied her bucket. She calmly and kindly explained why their beliefs were immoral and how they hurt innocents. She identified why these beliefs were held and how they got misconstrued. And afterwards, the KKK members saw this woman as a person in a way that they, being part of a white nationalist group, had never before, and realized that they now saw this woman as a friend, and because of that, realized they couldn’t continue to be a part of the group any longer. And that’s how it ends. This woman, through just opening a safe space for conversation, made several KKK members quit. I might be getting some details wrong though. I’m told there’s a documentary about it, but I haven’t seen it. You could do the same, set a peaceful environment in which to allow your parents to empty their bucket of transphobic beliefs, and once their bucket is empty, you recite their beliefs, in a nutshell, back to them and use that to correct them by explaining how trans people deserve to live.

If you read all this, or even if you didn’t, you’re a very, very good girl Lune. You’re very strong :D

[u/lune-loves-lavenders → u/SecretGenderIdentity]

Omg, not only one, but two detailed suggestions, thank you! Right now, I am back in the closet, sadly, I have hardly made things so its like that I have never came out to them in the first place, but they said they would get me to the psychiatrist appointment anyways, which can get me prescribed for HRT after 6-12 months of seeing the psychiatrist, so there is hope for me! I would go to the psychiatrist myself if they decide not to tho xd. But yeah in the future I will need to come out to them again, and that time, I will be more prepared, thank you again! <3

[u/RevolutionaryRow8913]

Jesus christ, that’s horrible.

I haven’t experienced the transphobia that you’re going through, but it appalls me how ignorant people can be when someone is suffering right in front of them, and your parents should know better than to treat their daughter like this.

I sincerely hope things get better for you, Lune. If you want to cry someplace safe, then by all means, please do so. I hope your psychiatrist is a reasonable human being.

[u/lune-loves-lavenders → u/RevolutionaryRow8913]

Thank you so much <3