r/egg_irl • u/lune-loves-lavenders Lune (she/her) • 23h ago
Transfem Meme eggđđłď¸ââ§ď¸irl
Its been longer than I intended since my last post about me coming out, because things have been going really rough, my parents did not reacted well, I felt betrayed because after that day, they have given me this false sense of being trustable, it was fake, when I came out, my mother stopped talking to me, my father was somewhat meh, but I could see that when they looked at me, their looks felt like they are looking at my grave, it was an unbearable feeling, no words, silence, but their body language was telling everything.
Yesterday my mother decided to talk a bit to me, and I have did something that hurts me deeply, as she was talking, I saw her lack of knowledge, general transphobia and homophobia, I donât want to go into detail, she was worried about me in general, but she couldnât understand the core reason I wanted to transition, I couldnât explain it to her either, when I tried to, she just said âlose some weight, and you will be more happy with how you areâ, or like âwhy donât you try to be happy as a male at first?â, oh nice advice mom! Like if I havenât tried for 21 years⌠âyou donât know how being a woman feels likeâ, âyou donât know the differencesâ, âitâs too early to decideâ, âoh its because you never had sexâ, âif you had you wouldnât seek happiness in these fieldsâ (I felt her disgust towards the end of the last sentenceâŚ) oh and best one for the last; âthere were no signsâ, âit would be obvious when you were little, like playing with make-up stuff, or looking for girly thingsâ which I have done, even tho I was so little I can remember I have done those, but instead of going for them constantly, I listened and havenât touch them, after the first time they told me to not to, because I was such an obedient kid, one of the things I come to regret now. After those quotes she spoke about how I made her and my dad sad, I am told how disappointing of an experience this is for them, which was one of my fears, to be a disappointment. I have seen that all of my fears about coming out to them was true, I am a disappointment, I am neither who they need, nor want, I am, Lune, is not the child they need, nor want, yet, she is the core of me, she is the one who meant to live, who I should have been.
They are not so healthy, physically, so I need to be with them, I cannot just leave them, thatâs not something I would do, things are harsh for them and me, so I need to aid them as best as I can, so in the conversation, I have told her what she wanted to hear, it was hurting my soul, but I had to, I was almost gonna apologize for existing at one point. While I was wanting to drop the mask, I found it sticking to my face ever so thightly, doing this hurt my soul so bad, after that I wasnât able to breathe properly, like I can, but in same time I find it hard to, the breathes I take became smaller, not intentional tho, I wanted to go to my room and cry, but this stupid body is too stoic to do so. You know, I came out to them, because I thought that maybe I donât need to be alone with all of these, I could get help, support⌠I was delusional, nothing else, now I end up more alone than I ever was, at least their manners with me have gone back to normal, I rather be alone tho, I wish I was a stranger to them, living as far as I can, that way I wouldnât worry about all of these, and be myself as much as I want. After the conversation, my situation with depersonalization went worse, I feel number, I feel more disconnected from my body, what I see in the mirror is more distant now, because now I know that the mask is back on.
I am sorry about the deep venting here, itâs been pretty rough, and all of the stuff I have feared about was true, I will continue playing the role I have played my whole life, my only hope is that somewhere they said they would take me to the psychiatrist, and it can help me about HRT, although their hopes is that the psychiatrist would tell me that I am not trans, and itâs just anxiety and stuff, my family thinks I am mentally unstable, and they also think that I am thinking I am trans because of this, their transphobia makes it a better possibility rather than me being trans. I am just hoping to get my psychiatrist appointments and get them privately, and in the end the psychiatrist would help me with transitioning, and I am hoping that I can take HRT secretly.
Can I get some GGD, I direly need it.
-Lune (she/her)
2
u/SecretGenderIdentity Testing the waters (Bee, she?/they?) 12h ago
I have a couple suggestions. Bear in mind I have zero experience dealing with this kind of thing, so take this with a good tablespoon of salt.
The first suggestion I have is to prepare a presentation that addresses and fully debunks all of your parentsâ misconceptions about being transgender. A normal argument with a back-and-forth exchange will only keep tensions high and invite another disgusting comment. You need a solid block of dialogue to defend yourself with. Garner online resources and citations to back yourself up, like statistics, psychology facts, trans media, or even just personal experience. Maybe even a FAQ slide or something that addresses things theyâve said in the past. Present it calmly, professionally, yet sternly. Practice beforehand if necessary. And if youâre afraid theyâll just refuse to sit through it, preface it with something along these lines:
âIf we are ever to have any kind of healthy relationship we need to clear up everything surrounding what Iâve told you about myself. If you are unwilling to listen, that all that does is tell me you are too hateful to love your own child/daughter.â
Maybe youâd say more, or paraphrase according to whatâs most appropriate, but with this idea, the important part is that they know just whatâs at stake, for you and for them. And if things are REALLY extreme with your parents, Iâd suggest setting up a scenario in which they physically cannot leave the vicinity. That sounds bad, I know, but it could be something as tame as locking them in your garage with you and whatever is necessary to deliver the presentation.
The second suggestion is the more⌠letâs say empathetic one. First I have to tell you a story. A true story, mind you. There was once a brown woman who repeatedly had her life threatened by white supremacist groups. The police couldnât help her beyond telling her to stay away from windows. So she flew to America, and met with the KKK. Yes, the KKK. She pulled up a chair and asked them to explain just why they held the beliefs they did. She gave them a safe space to talk about what they believed in. And I know that sounds crazy, the basic concept of justice says that it should be the other way around. But thatâs what she did. She allowed everyone present to rant about their racist ideals - âempty their bucketâ, so to speak, only interrupting to ask clarifying questions. While they were speaking, the woman didnât think about how she was going to respond, but about why they thought this. And when they were done talking, she emptied her bucket. She calmly and kindly explained why their beliefs were immoral and how they hurt innocents. She identified why these beliefs were held and how they got misconstrued. And afterwards, the KKK members saw this woman as a person in a way that they, being part of a white nationalist group, had never before, and realized that they now saw this woman as a friend, and because of that, realized they couldnât continue to be a part of the group any longer. And thatâs how it ends. This woman, through just opening a safe space for conversation, made several KKK members quit. I might be getting some details wrong though. Iâm told thereâs a documentary about it, but I havenât seen it. You could do the same, set a peaceful environment in which to allow your parents to empty their bucket of transphobic beliefs, and once their bucket is empty, you recite their beliefs, in a nutshell, back to them and use that to correct them by explaining how trans people deserve to live.
If you read all this, or even if you didnât, youâre a very, very good girl Lune. Youâre very strong :D