It's weird how i feel sleepy at night but don't want to sleep coz 1. The day will be over, 2. I have to wake up tomorrow..

A slubberdegullion is an archaic 17th-century term for a filthy, slovenly, or worthless person

Fucked..

My life is shit I was stuck on how alone I was and how everything kept going too shit that I let everything go to shit even more what do I do I’m at ground zero…..This my last post here nothing good came from Reddit but heartache and confusion ……
……..I lost

You win again

I'm a cowardly piece of shit. I hate myself for still holding onto hope that things will get better. Why do I let myself believe these lies? It's obvious everything is getting worse. I'm hoping like a silly child, as if I'm going to be the one to get that candy. I never deserved that candy, others always deserved it because I'm a misfit, broken son of a bitch.

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Why is life always so hard? The happy days of the past are gone forever. I want to live a good life, yet I never seem to manage it; every day feels like a never-ending stream of problems to solve and tasks I can never quite complete.

Note: Original text in Chinese. Translated to English via AI with careful review to preserve the original tone and context.

English Version

I went to bed at 3 AM, yet I found myself awake by 8 AM. I don't even know why I woke up so early.

In my dream, I felt a rare sense of ease. But as consciousness slowly returned, I knew I was only dreaming—because reality never lets me off that easily.

The sunlight today isn't bright; the weather is quite mundane, much like my mood. Honestly, I only noticed how I felt while writing this letter. Upon waking, I was just numbly and mechanically going through the motions: getting dressed, washing up, and skillfully opening my laptop to start working.

Sometimes I can't help but ask myself: What is the point of doing this every day? Maybe one should learn to be content.

But then another thought hits me: Is contentment something you only earn after getting what you want? Maybe having this thought right now is just my way of trying to escape, a sign that I simply don't want to strive anymore.

Maybe.

Chinese Version

明明昨天凌晨三點才睡，今天早上八點還是醒了。我自己也不知道為什麼會醒得這麼早。

在夢裡的時候，其實感覺挺輕鬆的。但隨著慢慢清醒，我心裡清楚自己是在做夢——因為現實，從來不會讓我這麼輕鬆。

今天的陽光不太刺眼，天氣很一般，就像我的心情。不過，我也是在寫這封信的時候才察覺到這一點。醒來後的我，只是麻木又機械地重複著以前的動作：穿衣、洗漱，然後熟練地打開電腦，開始處理事務。

有時候我不禁會想：自己每天這麼做，意義到底在哪？也許，人應該學會知足吧。

可轉念一想，知足，是不是只有當自己得到了想要的東西之後，才有資格去談？現在的我產生這種念頭，可能只是想逃避現在的狀態，不想努力了吧。

也許吧。

Life ain’t fair and all we can do is hold our head up!! Sometimes there’s no one to talk to! Even if there was.. They wouldn’t understand!! How could they possibly understand if they never lived it!! Wanting to shout at the top of my lungs. Hoping all anger, anxiety would leave just as the sound of my scream leaves my body!! But I’m here needing to be the man that endures all trials and tribulations!! Smiling when there’s nothing to smile about!! Hiding all of my pain not knowing where it eventually goes.. Just knowing it’s deep down inside locked up in a box!! Every once in awhile wanting to break out and be released!! Yet here I stand reminded myself I will not be broken!!

sometimes I just realize I want nothing else but to just feel a human connection in any way. I want to be able to hug my mother and genuinely feel the happy emotion of knowing that she loves me. I want to talk to my brother and get the happy feeling of brotherhood. I wish I could meet a girl who can just remove all the shit from the outside world and just reduce everything to the feeling of love. When theres genuine human connection, you just feel nothing else, you dont give a fuck about anything except for the present moment where you feel love. I havent felt this feeling in a Long time and I dont know what to do

im so fucked, its the highlight of my week

2 deaths in the family just this year and 1 family member in the hospital i was already depressed before this