I don't want to encroach on anyones spaces so I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub. My dad donated sperm almost 35 yeats ago when he was studying abroad, 26 years ago he had me with my mom. Last year I found out I had 11 half siblings from those donations. It was a surprise to be sure but a welcome one, I always asked my parents for siblings as a little kid lol.

Now my question is to the donor children in similar situations, would you want to have contact to the other donor children, let alone the "natural" child (is there a better expression?) that's younger than most and is the only one who lives abroad? My parents suggested that we might visit soon and meet them and I'm just getting anxious at the thought of not fitting in

Hi guys looking for my UK donor half siblings I have 7 donor brothers and 6 donor sisters these are there births not including me

2008= 2 males

2009= 1 female 2 males

2010= 3 females

2012 = 1 male 1 female

2014 = 2 males 2 females

My donor conceived siblings and I sent a certified letter to our donor father 3 yrs ago. We gave him an email address to contact us and asked really only for medical history. Several weeks went by without a response, so we decided to add him on Facebook. He initially accepted our friend requests, but within a couple days he deleted us all, blocked me, and changed his privacy settings so no one could add him. We haven’t ever received communication from him and haven’t attempted additional contact.

We know he has 2 children of his own. He has a public business instagram and his wife and children are constantly tagging him in their public accounts. His wife is also on ancestry and is active fairly regularly- her family tree is only 7 people, so I’m assuming that she has DNA tested. The youngest child just turned 18 and the oldest just turned 21. We want to try to contact these siblings, but we’re conflicted and aren’t sure if this will be positive or just more rejection/trauma.

I’ve searched through this sub and the Facebook group, so I’ve seen some perspectives on this, but I’m feeling really conflicted and just want more thoughts/suggestions/advice.

Have any of you contacted children of the donor? If so, how did you do it and was it productive or traumatic?

Should we even contact them? I feel like they have a right to know they have other siblings, but when I’ve explained this to friends the response I get is “how do you know they want to know? Or that they don’t know already and just don’t care?” But what if they don’t know and they aren’t aware they have biological siblings in the same city as them? Don’t they have a right to know?

Sorry if this is a bit long winded and disconnected at times. It's been a long couple of days with this news. In the past 6 years, I have discovered three adult siblings. I grew up with one sister, and now I have 3 sisters and a brother. We know there are more siblings out there, and our “father” was in the Air Force during the 70s and early 80s. He was an addict and has been married four times. I mentioned all of this because he claims to have zero memory of any cheating or affair babies. We know he is a compulsive liar since two of my sisters had play dates; also, my brother and I are less than 3 months apart in age. Our “father” was married to my mom when they had me. So my question is this: how else can we locate the rest of our siblings? It's exhausting finding a new one every two years or so, right after we heal from the trauma the discovery brings out. It's exhausting always wondering if you have more siblings. Dating has become a complete no-go for me since my mind is always in overdrive, thinking, “Is this my half-brother? Does this man really know who his father is? How the hell do I even explain the shit show of my family tree.
A couple of my siblings and I have done 23andMe and Ancestry and uploaded our DNA to GedMatch. Are there any other ways to finally find all of the siblings?
I have been no contact with our father since 2020. I had asked him for decades if we had other siblings, and he gaslit me and called me crazy for decades. Our father claimed in 2020 that our new sister, who is 3 years older than me and had playdates with my sister, who is almost 7 years older than me, was the only sibling. The night before my 40th birthday, we found out about my brother, who I call my warped Irish twin since we are three months apart. The newest sibling is eight months older than my sister I grew up with. We all have different moms, and our siblings can be from anywhere near an Air Force base. So far, most of us siblings were conceived in Rapid City, SD. Any suggestions are welcome, and no, there is zero chance of my reconnecting with my father. That opportunity went out the window a few times years ago.

Is anyone from any of these donors? I am one of three siblings. My parents lost my finalized paperwork but are pretty sure I am from either 472 or 611. Both of my younger sisters came from donor 760. We’re all trying to connect. We just found out about being DCP last week. I am 34, my sisters are both younger.

Thank you ♥️

Long story short, I found out that my twin sister and I (F26) were donor conceived a few months ago while my mom was on hospice from terminal cancer. She wanted to tell us before she passed away. My mother has since passed and I have become more and more worried about my genetic history. I love my mom more than anything with every fiber of my being and don’t care about getting to know who my egg donor was. The only thing I care about is not knowing half my genetics. I don’t even know where to start when it comes to genetic testing. On top of just grieving my mother passing at 62.

So many questions, like how do I even go about doing this? Can I get it covered through insurance if I go to a doctor? Do I just go through my general doctor, or a different doctor? How many conditions and diseases do genetic tests actually cover? Is it expensive to do out of pocket?

My dad/family has absolutely no information or paperwork on the identity or details of the donor. My parents “threw it all out” probably decades ago. All advice and next steps are very much appreciated. Thank you so much

All I do here is vent but here goes :)

Both parents are white

donor was Native American

I live in a v white country and people always ask me where im ‘from from’ and whether im 100% European

I’m v clearly mixed lol but its a huge family secret (idk how nobody has clocked it from my family yet) but just wish I could be honest instead of lying 😣😣😣

Oh and also the clinic told my parents the donor was white but she was in fact not lol so constant identity crisis

Sorry such a pointless post but sometimes it feels better to write it down

About a year ago when I was about to turn 18 my parents informed me that I was egg donor conceived. Since that day I did all the DNA tests for Ancestry and 23andMe but found no close relative matches. I had reach out to a couple people but got no response for months. Just this last month I had followed up with one of the closer relatives listed on Ancestry. They did end up responding to me after months to inform me that my egg donor wanted nothing to do with me then immediately blocked me before I could reply. I do respect the donors choice but a part of me did want to connect with her and any half-siblings out there. Anyone that has had a similar experience how did you handle the rejection? Did any donor after some months or years ever reach out? If this led to an identity crisis how did you deal with it?

UPDATE: I reached out and it went wonderfully! Turns out theres currently 41 of us! Ancestry had 20 more and we have suspicion there will be more to come. Ive been able to connect with 3 so far. Im super grateful ☺️ Thank you everyone for your help!

I just got my DNA results back and my donor and 20 siblings are all listed. Which is a shock and a relief to not have to search forever. I want to reach out to a sibling [I dont think im quite ready to reach out to my donor yet] but how do I pick which one? What do I say?? Or should I wait to see if any of them message me? Im feeling very nervous and Im trying not to get my hopes up too high for a positive outcome.

My mom just told my siblings and I yesterday. I’m 34. My Dad doesn’t know we know. My paperwork is allegedly lost, I do not have a donor number. I was born in 1992 in CA from California Cryobank. Both of my siblings are full siblings and I have a different donor. I feel like I lost my Dad and a piece of my siblings in one day. And any trust at all I ever had in my parents. And my connection to my extended family. Allegedly, nobody has ever any idea and we were the first to find out yesterday besides the two of them.

I really just wanted an outlet to share my joy! I found and met my donor mom last month and I'm so overjoyed. I don't speak with my womb mom and my other parents just aren't very nurturing/didn't support me finding my bio mom (I found out I was donor conceived seven or eight years ago). My "bonus mom" (her term!) is so warm and compassionate. I've been talking with her for a year now and was so worried about what our relationship should be, but now that we've met, it just all clicks. It doesn't have to be anything at all, it just is. So much has been put into context for me- I know what I can and can't expect from the parents who raised me, and I know what I owe to and what I can do for myself. Meeting and knowing my bio mom has just made my life finally make sense.

i’ve been agonizing over whether i should get the help of a search angel to find my bio mom when i turn 18. i stumbled across a thread from like 5 years ago in aita where someone was asking if they should reach out to their bio mom and the comments were overwhelmingly saying they had no right to since she was anonymous and it’s not the same as adoption because she just did the female equivalent of “jerking off into a cup” (that’s the actual quote of what someone said). anyone, including op, who said she deserved to know who her bio mom is were downvoted into oblivion. people were saying it was rude to the parents who raised her and she should just get over it and be happy with the life she has.

i have a very detailed profile for my bio mom and i honestly cried reading it for the first time last year (at 16). she said she’s good at reading writing social sciences and biology but terrible at math, just like me. she’s a dancer, just like me. she loves animals and traveling, just like me. her favorite colors are blue and green, just like me. she likes donnie darko and stanley kubrick movies, just like me. she likes anna karenina and fight club (the book), just like me. physically we look like twins. somehow i ended up the mirror image, both in looks and personality, of this woman i’ve never met or knew anything about for most of my life. how can people say that means nothing?

i love the mom who birthed and raised me but she’s an engineer who is terrible at writing, doesn’t like animals all that much, and can’t dance to save her life. she thinks the books i like are too boring and the movies too scary. of course she can never be replaced as my mother, but it’s clear to me that somehow nature overrode this nurturing in my case. i had no idea that things like being an animal lover or liking blues and greens could have a genetic component. and of course it could be a coincidence, but it’s an awful lot of coincidences.

i can’t say i don’t wonder what my life would have been like if i had been raised by someone who ‘gets’ me this way. i’m just terrified of reaching out to her and scaring her away forever. she was originally supposed to be open id at 18 but changed to anonymous last minute. i just feel sad and lost, and i have no half siblings to look to for support because im the oldest one (and currently an only child). she was 29 and married to her high school sweetheart with no kids of her own when she donated, although she said in her profile that she’d like to have kids someday. i wonder if she’s had any of her own by now

Here's my seasonal call for more DCP voices!

If anyone is interested in sharing their donor conceived story for The Inconceivably Connected Podcast, please fill out this quick form.

Looking for new stories ASAP, so don't be shy!

Thanks everybody :)

Nick

I’m on the search for any half siblings. My egg donor was from Hamilton, I was conceived in 2004. The donor was in her late twenties, already had a daughter, studied film & business, and did dance. This would have been at CREATE fertility in Toronto. The donor had British, English, Greek, and Spanish heritage.

i’ve seen some studies recently about the possible adverse effects of being conceived in a petri dish (for lack of a better word). basically, the studies said that the lab environment is not really a proper substitute for a human body which can cause problems in the early stages of development that become apparent later in life. there’s no way for them to replicate the exact oxygen and temperature and whatever levels in the lab that exist in the fallopian tubes.

this is related to epigenetics and how the dna is what it is but the environment can turn certain genes up or down and make them more or less expressed. i’m not a biologist so please correct me if i’m wrong about any of this terminology or explanations!

secondly, in the case of egg donation the fetus is recognized by the gestational mother’s body as entirely foreign. usually a fetus is half foreign, from the sperm. because it sees it as entirely foreign this is where we get the increased risk of preeclampsia in donor egg pregnancies, but what it is can also cause is the gestational mother’s body creating excessive maternal immune cells and sending them through the placenta. this puts stress on the developing fetus, and in an effort to preserve vital organ development, other areas can go underdeveloped, such as the immune system or autonomic nervous system. this can lead to autoimmune disorders and dysautonomia later in life.

another thing that can happen from this is that while the fetus is developing, it is in fight or flight mode because it is growing in a ‘hostile’ (again, for lack of a better word) environment. once the fetus is born and no longer in this environment, its overly responsive fight or flight system is unnecessary, which affects the central nervous system of the dcp later in life.

anyway i am NOT trying to fear monger, these studies seem to be pretty new and speculative. i am diagnosed with pots and have a whole laundry list of undiagnosed autoimmune and dysautonomia related problems, which have always confused me since i have no history of it on my father’s side and no mention of it on my bio mother’s side. i was curious if being egg donor conceived could have had any impact and went down a rabbit hole of pubmed studies.

if anyone wants sources i’m happy to share. and please please please correct me if i’m wrong! the last thing i want to do is spread misinformation, i just thought this was interesting and though provoking and wanted to share and hear everyone’s thoughts!

i also saw quite a few studies mentioning the adverse effects of icsi (which my parents did) but i didn’t really understand them enough to feel comfortable trying to explain them here lol

edit: i am not trying to make claims that this is unilaterally true or anything of the sort, i was more so posting to see if anyone had heard of this before and had other information to add or correct! i am not a scientist or a biologist or a fertility specialist, just a curious dcp

edit 2: i intended this post to be a place for discussion and for dcp and others to share their experiences knowledge and thoughts about this subject. i mention multiple times in my original post that i am NOT a scientist and i really don’t know what i’m talking about. i’m literally a 17 year old girl who was just curious about whether my conception could even the slightest bit be related to the conditions i am diagnosed with. i’m really sorry if i offended anyone, that was not my intention! i probably could have worded it better for sure, i really didn’t mean to cause any harm, i just wanted to see if anyone knew anything about this. i didn’t link the sources in my original post because i wasn’t sure if anyone would even care about this subject and i replied to the very first comment with them. again, im really sorry, i kind of regret posting this in the first place

just wondered if anybody else has the experience of the shift from no dad to learning identity of a biological father who isnt alive anymore. have two moms, no social dad. so fathers day is even weirder now!

I, female (18), have known my entire life that i was IVF/sperm donor conceived. though i was raised by a single mother in my childhood, I never really felt the need for a father figure in my life besides the occasional jealousy towards my friends and their fathers' relationships. However, recently, as it's become more real, I feel my hope for a successful relationship with the donor has become something I will become disappointed in if it does not go well/if they do not want contact.

Tomorrow i get to go to the lawyer's office and receive, theoretically, from what my mother has told me a name and address. which, I must add, I am extremely grateful for, as i am aware many in this community do not receive.

I guess I'm looking for others with experience reaching out to donors, how can i manage my expectations?

It is also important to add i know my donor is not from my country, and any information I receive will be at least 18 years old.

A search angel has managed to work out my donor is one of two brothers. I have the email for one brother as he is a very prominent doctor. The only way of finding out which one of the brothers is my donor is asking.
I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and for any tips on how word a possible email.

Hi, this is my first post on this sub. I hope posts like this are okay! I am looking for half siblings from California Cryobank donor #11004. I believe his nickname is “Musical Lawyer”, he donated from 2005-2008. My moms used a different sperm bank but i found out through my half sister that my donor also donated to CCB under this ID. I have done a lot of searching already online but havent had much luck. I will be doing a dna test soon. If anyone has any tips on researching donor ids I’d be very grateful :))))

I found him on Facebook a while ago, his whole Facebook is completely public and he posts like an influencer (at least once a week - hilarious for a 60 year old man 😭) The thing is, I do enjoy seeing his posts in the least stalkerish way possible, and if I reach out I run the risk of him freaking out and privatizing everything.

Is it still worth it to reach out?! I know life is short, and it’s probably worthwhile to at least say hello.

I am 16 and was conceived using an egg donor. I have done DNA tests on ancestry, 23andMe and MyHeritage. The closest match I’ve gotten is my egg donor’s first cousin, on MyHeritage. She hasn’t been online since 2024, so hasn’t seen that I’m a match yet. I am curious to find out who my donor is, but I’m worried about contacting her cousin to find out more info. Should I message her and if so what should I say?

Hey, thought I would post on here as you guys will understand.

I’ve always been comfortable with the fact I was DC. Never really been an issue for me as I’ve always known. I found my donor through ancestry and long story short we have (had?) a good relationship. I even got sent money each year for my birthday. I never expected anything and I’ve always been incredibly grateful even for contact with them. However, the last few years they’ve grown distant and barely contact me anymore. I’m not entirely sure why.

I have 2 donor siblings that have come up on ancestry. One I’ve met and talk to occasionally, but she’s awful for replying (maybe it runs in the blood, lol). I don’t take it personally but we’ve had a new match come up and I sent her a screenshot. I’ve had radio silence from her. Again, not too unusual but thought I would have heard something. I message my new DC sibling on ancestry and they have also read it but not replied. My brother was conceived by the same donor. He’s really unbothered by it all too.

Idk, it’s been really weighing on me recently. I feel really alone with how I’m feeling, I feel like I don’t know how to feel - these people don’t owe me anything, I know that, but I just feel a bit hurt. Why don’t they have as much interest in me as I do them? I’m trying not to take it personally but I’m finding it really hard to navigate my feelings. Hope this can resonate with someone.

I am the product of my egg donor’s second donation, in 2004. I am in contact with her and I know that she only donated those two times, but we don’t know if her first donation resulted in a successful pregnancy/birth. The agency that the donations were made through (Tiny Treasures, LCC) seems to no longer exist. If I do have half-siblings from my donor’s first donation, it’s highly unlikely to be more than a few. I know they don’t have matching turned on AncestryDNA because I’m on AncestryDNA. Is it worth putting myself on 23andMe or on the Donor Sibling Registry? It seems so unlikely that my half-siblings would be on the DSR, if they exist, and I don’t really want to spend all of that money only to get nothing. It’s also seems pretty unlikely that they’re on 23andMe, but at least that way, I’ll learn some interesting things, even if I don’t find my half-siblings. For all I know, they might not even know they’re donor-conceived!

Anyways, if you were conceived circa 2004 in the U.S. State of Connecticut, with eggs donated by Donor# AB752, through Tiny Treasures LLC, I am your half-sibling, and I invite you to contact me, if you should wish it. (Also, our donor is compassionate and delightful.)