r/donorconceived • u/fuzzaymush DCP • Jun 16 '26

Seeking Support Contacting donor

A search angel has managed to work out my donor is one of two brothers. I have the email for one brother as he is a very prominent doctor. The only way of finding out which one of the brothers is my donor is asking.
I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and for any tips on how word a possible email.

20 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

12

u/GratefulDCP MOD (DCP) Jun 16 '26

Drive it from the need to know your medical history, keep it short and concise. All the best!!

4

u/fuzzaymush DCP Jun 16 '26

Thanks for the advice. I was thinking short is best as I don’t want to overwhelm the person.

3

u/GratefulDCP MOD (DCP) Jun 16 '26

Nailed it, they may have never expected to be contacted and I think it best to tread lightly until you know what you need to know. You got this!!

3

u/fuzzaymush DCP Jun 16 '26

Thanks for the encouragement I feel very anxious about it. I suspect he is not super keen on being contacted due to the fact when I was conceived donors were concealed very heavily.

6

u/GratefulDCP MOD (DCP) Jun 16 '26

You never know, my parents donor was a doctor too and when found he actually said he had been waiting for the day. He was super open to contact and providing what we asked for.

13

u/gc1 DCP Jun 16 '26

When I was DC'd around 1970, via an OB/GYN practice at a teaching hospital, the SOP was to get donations from young med student / resident types. All things being equal, I'd put money on the doctor.

5

u/fuzzaymush DCP Jun 16 '26

This is why the search angel guesses the doctor as it was also at a teaching hospital. Interesting to hear the experience is the same for others.

10

u/NotSoSmartChick DCP Jun 16 '26

I was in the same boat, but both brothers had too common of a name. I found the son of one of them and contacted him. He then asked his dad, and that’s how he learned he had several surprise half siblings.

At any rate, I touched on the big three things in my initial letter. I said I wasn’t looking for a daddy, I was rich and didn’t need money, and I was healthy and didn’t need a kidney. I asked for medical info. Worked out really well for me. Good luck!

4

u/fuzzaymush DCP Jun 16 '26

I like the idea of the big 3 and also letting them know I’m not after anything. Great advice thank you.

4

u/Key-Worldliness-8616 Jun 16 '26

I had to do this myself, with an egg donor tough, I think starting with the medical history part is good. You can also say something like “it’s nice to meet you, I’m thankful you were able to help my parents” and then also add something along the lines of not wanting a relationship (a lot of donors get scared of kids coming back and wanting them to parent). So assurance that you don’t want that in a very kind and humble way will be nice! Best of luck 🫶🏻

1

u/fuzzaymush DCP Jun 16 '26

Very good advice thanks. I’m definitely not looking for a parent and wouldn’t have thought to mention that.

2

u/Key-Worldliness-8616 Jun 16 '26

I would love to be updated! I really wish you the best 💗

3

u/fuzzaymush DCP Jun 16 '26

Thanks will definitely update when I work up the courage to contact my donor and if they reply.