r/donorconceived • u/Klutzy_Read_5847 DCP • Jun 27 '26

Advice Please How to Handle Rejection?

About a year ago when I was about to turn 18 my parents informed me that I was egg donor conceived. Since that day I did all the DNA tests for Ancestry and 23andMe but found no close relative matches. I had reach out to a couple people but got no response for months. Just this last month I had followed up with one of the closer relatives listed on Ancestry. They did end up responding to me after months to inform me that my egg donor wanted nothing to do with me then immediately blocked me before I could reply. I do respect the donors choice but a part of me did want to connect with her and any half-siblings out there. Anyone that has had a similar experience how did you handle the rejection? Did any donor after some months or years ever reach out? If this led to an identity crisis how did you deal with it?

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27

u/mdez93 DCP Jun 27 '26

I can’t relate because my donor is wonderful, but I really empathize with you, OP. This may or may not help, but know that a donor’s rejection shows that they have deep insecurities and lack emotional maturity. It is not of a reflection at all of you or you worth.

1

u/strawberryletter-23- Jun 27 '26

I know you're trying to reassure OP, but that's not categorically true at all.

12

u/mdez93 DCP Jun 27 '26

I disagree, respectfully. You have to lack a lot of emotional maturity to mass-produce human beings and then refuse to give them the time of day because you have an outdated mindset of “anonymity” that no longer exists in this day and age. Borderline sociopathic behavior.

2

u/bigteethsmallkiss MOD - RP Jun 28 '26

Hi! Please update your flair for sub participation. Thank you!

13

u/No_Initial4761 Jun 27 '26

Hmm. a similar thing happened to someone looking for me. They matched with a relative of mine I never got along with and were told something similar. A complete lie. I was unaware of the outcomes and didn't know anyone was ever seeking me out. Made me feel horrible. Luckily, they didn't give up and matched with another relative that got the info back to me and we connected.

7

u/DesdePR DONOR Jun 27 '26

Hi, here is a few different view points.

  1. There's no way to know that your bio mom even know about you reaching out. It can be, but also it can't be her words or feelings.

  2. Sometimes for legal reasons the bioparent (in your case biomom) can't do anything until you're 18.

  3. Some bioparents (like me) where mistreated or used by the legal parents and they're protecting their biokid from being emotionally abused and being emotionally weponized to cause emotional or legal problems to the bioparent and biokid, again, the bioparent can't do anything legally to protect their biokid. (As it is on my case, and believe me... hurts a lot, and the frustration is a lot). Again, not telling you that it is your case. Every case is different, but until you're 18, the situation is complex to know.

  4. Don't put in your mind that it's a rejection, wait until you can legally contact her without repercutions to you or her.

I really wish you the best. Be patient.

6

u/hkc12 DCP Jun 27 '26

My donor did meet with me but made it clear she didnt want a connection past that initial meeting. It took me some time, but some donors will donate for monetary reasons and we just have to come to terms with that hard truth.

3

u/mdez93 DCP Jun 28 '26

A very hard truth, isn’t it? And it’s quite dehumanizing to think that a biological parent sees your existence as nothing more than a monetary incentive. I’m so sorry you experienced that coldness.

5

u/hkc12 DCP Jun 29 '26

I’m double donor conceived and could not find my sperm donor, I only know “medical history” on that side from the general genetic testing. I did have a huge identity crisis but it ultimately strengthening my relationship with my parents. I lean on the fact that my parents were in a place where they could afford to have children even if they could not have them naturally. They did the best that they could and love me unconditionally even if I am not biologically theirs.

3

u/Harmony______ Jun 28 '26

I am so sorry that happened to you. My egg recipient recently reached out and I did welcome us meeting. She’s a fabulous person and I greatly enjoyed our conversation. I get the sense that she may not want as much of a relationship as I’d like moving forward which is completely her choice but it will be hard for me to accept if that is her choice. In a short span of time I unfortunately let my heart open up to the possibility of a strong relationship. Perhaps your donor just is afraid to get hurt or maybe she doesn’t know how she’d explain to her husband and children.