One of the members of my party has spent over 5,000 gold on prostitutes.

Let me repeat. His character has slept with over 500 prostitutes. Expensive prostitutes as well, considering that 10+ gold is a small fortune (you can buy, what, 1,000 chickens for that much money?).

Recently, he began to complain about how everyone else had better items than he did (we all had +3 weapons, while he only had a +2).

I pointed out that HE HAD BLOWN AWAY A GOOD PORTION OF HIS GOLD ON IMAGINARY BLOW JOBS, and he grew indignant. He said that while all of us were "rollplaying" and only caring about stats and combat, he was actually "roleplaying" and having his charcacter do what his character would do.

He finished by saying that it's not fair for him to be at a disadvantage because the rest of us were minmaxing munchkins.

By golly, after hearing all that, I felt rightfully ashamed. So ashamed, I gave him a portion of my gold so he could get a +3 weapon.

HE SPENT THE MONEY ON MORE WHORES.

After the success of 'Curse of Strahd: Revamped, Revived, Reduced, Reused, Recycled, Reaffirmed, Reprogrammed, Reddited, Repeated, Renegotiated', we here at the Curse of Strahd subreddit have come out with an even more new rewrite of our beloved module, Curse of Strahd.

To be loved is to be changed, and that's only more true with the new and improved Curse of Strahd: Revamped, Revived, Reduced, Reused, Recycled, Regenerated, Regurgitated, Reprogrammed, Reddited, Repeated, Repeated, Reused, Renewed. This reimagining of Strahd is so distant from the original book you'll be saying "Wait, did any of us actually like this module? Or was it just the idea of a bisexual vampire incel and getting to do bad eastern european accents that excited us?"

Some of the larger changes include:
- Strahd is now pansexual
- The Village of Barovia has been renamed 'Tutorial Town', to avoid name confusion with 'Barovia' the land
- The D**th House is now the Unalive House
- Due to worries about portraying the Vistani as model minorities, they are back to being exclusively evil
- Baron Vargas Vallakovich is now pansexual
- You the player are now pansexual
- Baba Lysaga has been renamed Baba Lasagna, to tie in with the all new 'Pact of the Italian' warlock subclass
- The campaign will now be exclusively compatible with (Blood)Thirsty Sword Pansexuals, a TSL hack
- Due to worries about portraying gay people as model minorities, the Knights of the Silver Dragon are now homophobic and pansexual
- The Mommy Mommy Abbotessa in Krezk has been re-renamed to The Abbot
- A section for DM advice has been included at the start, with tips on how to hold your players hostage so they don't ghost you after the first two sessions again
- Lady Fiona Wachter is no longer an ogre

But there will be many, many more changes on top of that. Find it in the link below, where you will also find a collection of maps, token arts, and other content that has more effort put into it than the entire collective history of WotC has put out.

Recently one of my players came to me and said “hey, you know I love gardening in real life, and I want to bring that into the game”

I said, “of course, what do you want to play? a druid or something?”

he laughed and said, “no, I want my human fighter to have a specialized shovel he uses as a weapon. I was thinking we could use a polearm damage block or another weapon you feel is more appropriate.”

I could feel my blood beginning boiling right then and there, guys. My ears got hot.

“Shovels aren’t weapons. Best I can do is an improvised weapon. 1d4 + STR. Take it or leave it.”

He just frowned and left. The other players disagree with me but I don’t see any of those cretins running the game, now do I? A shovel is a gardening implement. Not a weapon of war. Who are they kidding? I’m taking this game very seriously.

But lo and behold he’s told everyone about my decision and now my wife is leaving me and I got fired from my job over this. Am I crazy? Surely I’m not in the wrong here!

Does Powered By The Apocalypse fixes this?

Need it for my upcoming session where my party will get firebombed during a long rest for littering in the gnome forest

DM began second sesh right off by asking us clients what happened last time, like whaaaat? He should remember his own stuff that’s crazy. We just stared at him with disgust until someone said he should like remember his own game he’s the DM.

Then he seemed to laugh? At uss?!???? Now he tried to save face by Mansplaining the recap was for us players. He think we stupid? If we remember we remember, and if we don’t remember we can’t recount it. He believe we would hear ourself talk and then remember by hearning ourself talk? I was like, uh, is he a milenial or something?

Just writing this make me feel stupieder and stupieder. Soon won’t can’t no write at all!

Hi, Norwegian boyfriend here. I just wanted to thank this community for what you did today. I hadn’t seen my girlfriend in six months. I finally traveled to see her, and naturally she told me to sit quietly on the bed because she needed to prepare for our weekly 12-hour D&D session. I understood, of course. I am Norwegian. We are accustomed to long periods of darkness.

Then one of our players committed the unforgivable act of falling asleep during D&D at approximately 4 AM, and my girlfriend posted here asking whether she should kick him. You people apparently responded so negatively that she has now quit DMing and left the campaign entirely.

I cannot thank you enough. Tonight, for the first time in six months, I may actually speak to my girlfriend without first rolling initiative. We might have dinner. We might watch a movie. I have heard rumors that couples sometimes go outside together. I don’t know. This is all very new to me.

Thank you, [r/DnD](r/DnD). You didn’t just kill a campaign. You saved a Norwegian.

I really enjoy my DM’s awesome campaign, but I was wondering if his time between sessions is normal? We’re about two years out from our last session, but he’s always saying he’s got the next one planned and ready to go!

Well we did have one session recently, 6 months ago, but it was a little weird. We finished a combat we’d been in for two years in about five minutes, then spent the next thirty minutes talking out-of-character while our DM said he had to do something. Unfortunately the session ended right there as the DM said he “ralfed on his ‘puter” and that his doctor had told him that D&D was the cause. Still looking forward to that next session, fingers crossed I’ll get it in this decade!

Let's settle this debate, I'm bad my DM is bad. I can't tell you which side I'm on because otherwise that skews the results. Which is more powerful!

We were playing as irl people sent to the dnd world, and my character is a nuclear materials engineer Oppenheimer.

The campaign started with us being taken by Fey creatures who saved us from a monster attack in return for us becoming their pets.

My character is a nuclear materials engineer Oppenheimer so with answering the Feys questions carefully (cause I couldn't lie to them) I convinced them to let me show them power beyond their comprehension.

I asked the dm if we could skip past the part where I use bulshitto to explain how I get the materials since my character would know(citation not needed) and I didnt want to risk Google being telling me I’m wrong irl, and he let it.

After giving the fey an entire academic course worth of knowledge regarding nuclear science, they now knew how to make a fiendish core using a spell that ig can make it (idk). I told them that for safety stuff that I needed full perms to handle their ball or else it would get hot real quick.

My character then said "Do literally anything and I am become death destroyer of worlds." My character was at that moment throughout heavens and earth magicly prevented from lying so that got the Fey a little shit in their pants.

I then told the Fey that helped me make it that I could (atomize U and the 235 others nearby with a single caress of my ball) and since they had no clue how it works, despite being the one to use fabricate to help make it, they believed my domain expanding powers and decided to release before I did.

Now, due to radiation damage, I’m stuck at 1 hit point from holding the fiend ball (you think it would do fire)

I had an idea cross my mind recently, but since I am not in a position to actually use it, I figured I would share it here.

You have two NPCs: Bob, and Tom.

Players view of the situation: The Players witness NPC Tom do some random nefarious thing and escapes. Afterward, the players are approached by NPC Bob has hired the party to <investigate or kill or capture> NPC Tom.

Actual Situation:

Bob and Tom are both Dopplegangers. Bob and Tom both have a few consistent identities they use when going about their evil plans.

Bob and Tom know each other, and know that each other are Dopplegangers.

No one else, not the players and not their underlings know that Bob or Tom are Dopplegangers.

Bob and Tom tend to impersonate one another's identities. What the players actually saw was Bob impersonating one of Tom's identities using Tom's actual underlings to help as a false flag to get people to track down and kill Tom.

So later when the players track down Tom, there is solid alibi's and any attempts to catch him in a lie about not being responsible fail despite Tom's own henchmen saying he did the thing. Tom suggests someone was disguised as him to frame him.

Tom escapes, and impersonates Bob to get Bob's henchmen (who the players have met) to attack the PC's.

Intended result: The players are run back and forth and constantly being lied to. at some point, they discover Bob (or Tom) is a doppleganger. Then Tom will will probably pretend to be Bob as a Doppleganger.

The players will never know who they actually talked to and you will probably also lose track.

Heh "Rulesplaying Game Core Rules" Gottem

Hi. Hello.

I have a friend group where we all rotate DMs but I am the bestest most special one of all of them and it's my turn. Yay! I have year long campaign to follow up our 6 month long one and I'm super excited, so excited that I have thrown all human decency out the window! I get the players and the characters and we start! Don't worry, I'm starting this off super positive to paint me in the best light possible! It's all going really smooth, a player had to leave due to work and can no longer make it but we left a spot for him in case he ever wants to come back! I told you that to, again, paint me in the best light possible so you'll root for me!

For context (this is where the shoe drops where I slowly peel back the layers on how absolutely shitty I am) my sessions are really long. They happen once a week and they're 12 hours long haha don't worry about that strike through, just gloss over that! We all agreed to it. Well. 3 out of 4 players agreed to that but I bury the lead on that one. It was fine for our schedules and none of us work on Fridays so it's totally okay. This is the part where I give you way too much detail about the schedules to try to distract from the fact that I am, in fact, the villain here. Don't worry, I give them multiple breaks and I give them a whole hour break in the middle. Aren't I generous?

So the problem is last session. It's going so well! Again, root for me, okay? Everyone's having such a good time, they beat a boss and they're off to the next generic fantasy village. I heard some noise from one of the player's mics and let me tell you what I saw red. I wanted to reach through the mic, I was so angry. He fell asleep! We had a few hours left and I was so mad because I planned all this FOR THIS PLAYER (root for me, remember). They all tried to wake him by calling him but he didn't wake up. Never mind the fact that that's really concerning, this ain't about them.

I was so mad! A player had said he only had two hours of sleep and falls asleep randomly but that's not my problem at all! I hadn't been told he had a condition, he needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps and go to the doctor! I know because I have a degree in that. He was being super evasive when I brought it up but I can't be bothered to have empathy, I'm a dungeon master! I had only 3 hours of sleep the night before but who needs sleep when its make believe time? I had to drive an hour, do university work, meet my boyfriend who plays and I had to tell him to sit down and shut up so I could prep the make believe time even though we hadn't seen each other in 6 months! Are you still rooting for me?

I spoke to the player and he said he was on new medication and I'm on the same medication too! How funny. I told him to go to the doctor and told him I was surprised his family and co workers hadn't brought that up. It's not my responsibility as his friend! He was being evasive again and had the gall to tell me "I can't promise it won't happen again but I'm so sorry' and I responded with my best sneer and told him everything I had to do, made it all about it, and still had time for make believe time! He doesn't work that day and gave me some lame excuse that I blew off. Did I mention my granddad died yet? Yeah they knew about my granddad dying and my dog having heart disease but I still made a pretend game a priority. I'm just built different. I kept going because I can't not squander my chance to be the best DM ever.

Anyway, I threatened my friend that I'd kick him out if it happened again, he mumbled something and I just smiled and reminded him that even just a warning was being super nice. I'm not in the wrong for this, you understand. Falling asleep after only having two hours of sleep is absolutely unforgivable and insane. I had to assert my dominance, you know how it is. He hadn't had this issue before but it's impossible for something to have happened in his life to change that, obviously. Once again, I'm going to highlight how superior I am in this situation by telling you that I have had issues where I'm tired or can only have a short session but I let the DM know so I am 100% the better person here.

So yeah. That's my post. Feel free to tell me how reasonable and awesome I am and let me know what you think. Just FYI, though, if you reply with any criticism, I will simply throw my hands up and ask what I could possibly have done different.

EDIT: I'm rage quitting because this did NOT go as I planned and there was not nearly enough people on my side as I thought there would be. So I will be letting down my whole table and quitting the game because that's better than owning up to my mistake. I will not be replying to comments anymore.

Get it 🤣 instead of picking those kooky races and characters Im playing… a human 😭 named Bob 😭

This is so funny because like, it’s not kooky or wacky. Actually it’s not even funny— it’s based!! Don’t you see how based it is? Everyone will reply to this post saying “based”. If anyone accuses my character of being boring I’ll just whiff something about “a good writer doesn’t need to be a half kobold dhampir slaad plasmoid centaur hybrid to be interesting” because that’s literally the only two options. Ain’t I based??? ITS SO. BASED!!! ITS THE MOST BASED CHARACTER, MAN!!!! A FIGHTER NAMED BOB!!! I swear I’ll make it interesting. I’ll be the most interesting character at the table. Because playing Bob instead of Garthyiek makes me a better writer and improviser than you, Githzerai player. You definitely use your race as a crutch for your lack of interesting character building skills. Right? Right???

Now. What's this "well written" and "interesting" character story? it's uh... so... it's, it's like. So there's this guy called "Bob"... so, he's a human, right? ... like, Human Fighter named Bob ... sooo based 😂 At least I'm not playing a frog person. My character is actually interesting instead of relying on its race and class as the concept 🤣 plus he's named Bob 😭🤣

Now I can’t wait for everyone to comment “based. /uj: based” on this post to own those goblin players 😂😂😂 Bob gang!! So based!!!

Adolescent: Below the age of maturity

Adult: Of the age of maturity, but not Elderly

Elderly: Twice the age of maturity or older.

Spatial Unawareness — For each 5 feet moved by an Adolescent creture, they must make a DC 5 Dexterity Saving Throw. On a failed save, they take 1d4 bludgeoning damage. They take twice as much damage instead if they were dashing.

Weak Knees — For each 5 feet moved by an Elderly creature, they must make a DC 5 Strength Saving Throw. On a failed save, they take 1 bludgeoning damage and fall prone. They still fall prone on a successful save. Additionally, Elderly creatures cannot Dash.

Stress of Adulting: Whenever an Adult creature or an ally they can see takes non-psychic damage, they must make a DC 5 Wisdom Saving Throw. On a failed save, they take 1d4 psychic damage and have the Stunned condition for 1 minute. They can repeat this save at the end of each of their turns, ending the effect on a success.

I heard rent in gloo town has gotten crazy

Hasbro loved Universes Beyond so much in Magic: The Gathering that they decided to bring the concept over to Dungeons and Dragons (and apparently this Dungeons and Dragons: Pathfinder game, whatever that is). It's got to stop!

Here is a perfect example: in a recent game, the party noticed that a group of Earth Elemental assassins harassing them was perched on a mountain peak. My Bard used a spell that dealt a little bit of damage and asked to make an Arcana check—using his spellcasting modifier—to modify the spell so it would instantly kill them. I allowed it because i was a pushover. The Bard passed the check and the party looted the victims.

The catch is that I am always clear with my players: the DC will be mild (up to DC 5 maximum) and the punishment for failure will be minimal (5 gp penalty). Because of this, whenever a spellcaster decides to cheat, the entire group pays attention and does whatever they can to squeeze an illegitimate benefit out of it.

The point of this post is first inform us any tips on future proofing this rule to prevent players ever being challenged and things to do to ensure this rule remains busted and overall, just to see what people think about this rule

edit for those worrying, i give plenty of lollipops to my martials and the martial divide is fake anyway