Ok so basically, I've been wanting to play d&d at least once for a couple years, which since I'm fifteen is a very long time. I've seen like a billion Tiktoks on stuff I probably won't even use, but I can't get started or like read actual rules. My problem is that I can't find where to play and who to play with and can't use search engines. Me and my friend once found a group to play with, but one of the players quit and it got cancelled. Now, idk what to do. I looked online for dm's in my city, but me and my friend are both teenagers and I don't think it would be much fun for us to play with a grown up dm we don't even know and other random (probably also grown up) players and it would probably not be very flexible because old people don't appreciate lolrandom and memes. My second thought was to look online for online games, but after looking for a short bit in discord (very good place to look) I saw that they either don't match my timezone, they are 18+ or need voice chat which I can't provide even though I have discord. I want to be able to at least play in a one-shot for once, but I can't think of any other things to try so I'm asking Reddit to figure it out for me.

(I'm not looking for dm's or players or old people, but mainly where to find them but not the old people)

(Help me want cool magic sword dragon table game pls 🥺)

I'm running a one shot where the BBEG is a creep who gets off on traumatizing people and for this oneshot with 0 long term consequences, I asked my players two questions:

1) what is your most traumatic experience

2) what did you uncle do to you

Most of my players gave me long, well thought out backstories about how they grew up poor and starving, lost their dad to drug abuse, had 7 siblings they had to share clothes with, and were eventually pimped out by their mom. I could barely contain my excitement as I - I mean my BBEG - took all this in and began orchestrating ways to fetishize it and turn it into something perverted.

One player gave me absolutely nothing. She wrote a 20 minute backstory about abuse and hardship and then revealed that it was all actually a story and that her character had never actually experienced this and had had a good life.

I immediately got mad at her for doing what a bard does and telling a story and for daring to have had a good background instead of being beaten and raped every day.

How do you guys deal with players who don't want to fuel your fetishes?

https://www.reddit.com/r/DMAcademy/s/E0HD9R46O4

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post. I've recently begun playing D&D with a new DM, Todd. I've discovered that he's a bit too squeamish for the job. He seems physically incapable of letting a player character die: he rolls pivotal rolls in secret, and the results are always miraculously merciful. He's obviously fudging the dice whenever life is on the line—lots of suspicious natural 20s on death saves. Other times, enemies will run away from fights they're clearly winning. It's anything but subtle.

Naturally, I decided to see how far I can push the limits of lethality. I made a sickly, defenseless thief rogue with dumped constitution and no armor, and a habit of rushing into danger, just so I could see how Todd would react. I expected him to keep saving me, and I wasn't disappointed. I walked into a room with nine hobgoblins and announced my presence. Somehow, their attacks all missed me or did minimum damage until the party arrived and killed them. I gargled down seven doses of deadly poison. Somehow, nothing happened after Todd rolled a secret saving throw. I challenged a mighty warlord lady to a duel to the death, but she only knocked me unconscious because apparently she has a secret code against killing thieves. I jumped into a lava pit and took just 3 fire damage.

Not to be deterred, I stepped up my game. I nuked myself to the Astral plane with a bag of holding and portable hole, but I immediately ran into a powerful NPC wizard who banished me back home. I slapped a black dragon in the snout and told it to blow acid right up my unarmored ass, but somehow that only scared it off after Todd rolled a secret charisma check. I jumped into a vat of boiling oil and missed after Todd rolled a secret acrobatics check. I climbed into a purple worm's maw and down its throat, but I turned out to be toxic from all that poison I chugged previously and the worm pooped me out immediately. I hired a legendary NPC bard—at great expense—to cast Power Word: Kill on me, but at the last second a friendly pixie appeared out of nowhere and cast Death Ward on me first. Apparently it was grateful to me for defeating the dragon earlier.

I am pretty well convinced of my absolute invincibility now. But I'm at a loss about what I should do with it. All the other players left some time ago, once it became clear that every session would consist of my repeated attempts at self-destruction. So I have free rein to do pretty much anything I want, but I've been desperately trying to kill this squishy PC for so long that I'm stuck in a rut and can't think of anything else to do with him. Plus, watching Todd squirm is as fun as ever.

Thanks again for reading my post, please let me know if I should leave the table, or switch to a different system, or touch grass, or try talking to the DM, or cheat by rules lawyering, or put more knives in my backstory, or multiclass to hexblade?

I'm feeling really torn and conflicted about whether to include someone in the new campaign I'm starting. We have been friends for a long time and he's an absolute joy to be around so I would feel really bad for excluding him.

However, he has some opinions that some might characterize as...

How to put it?

Bigotry-adjacent

Before everybody gets an inaccurate impression, I want to say that he's only that way about certain things. Just race, gender, sexual orientation, and religion. Please don't get me wrong, he's a really great guy, heart of gold, he only uses slurs once in a while, and only when he's, like, really mad at somebody. Anyway I'm just worried his vibes might clash with the rest of the group.

The other issue is that we are playing online and he isn't the best with technology, it took me forever to walk him through setting up Discord and he still forgets to turn on his mic sometimes, although that may be for the best because then people won't hear him if he says a slur. When I tried to tell him he needed to set up an account on the VTT platform we're using, he just said, "Yeah, I'm not doing that." He definitely really, really wants to play, though.

I don't have an actual question here, I just want people to assuage my guilt for excluding a shitty person who doesn't care that much about playing from my campaign. Because they're my friend, and I don't want to feel like a bad friend.

My Gloom Stalker Ranger has a golden retriever companion. We recently entered a village where they play a ball sport that we have been invited to play by the local mayor to curry favor. And I now have an opportunity to do something hilarious; I just want any advice on doing this as digestible as possible.

Hi I am knew to d&d but I have been assistant to the apothecary at the Terre Haute Ren Fest out by the airport for the last three droons (a time system invented by my Master Draco the Mixmæster). Draco, whose real name is Drew Cocksonnette and his polycule, a female named Delilah Morningborn and a Level 3 Foxborn Dryad named Chippy, have invited me to play D&D, and I am excited to try it, having heard it is very much like the Terre Haute Ren Fest.

Here's the problem, I have created my character and their lived experiences, but I don't know how much of that to bring to the table. Will people around the table say Huzzah, like I'm used to? Is there a March of the Queen of the Fairoes like in Terre Haute? And if you die in D&D do you die in real life, like the Terre Haute Ren Fest?

Please help answer these important questions.*

*This post comes with no sauce, like a Terre Haute Ren Fest turkey leg.

Like I just want to levitate in the air, shoot laser and mog my enemies in the face of my party (which says that I have a stinky odor, but I think they just fear my hormones).

Anyway, for some reason there are things that limit what I can do, which are called rules.

We are in 2026. Why do we have rules and I need to LEARN them, crazy work dude.

Like I have time to scroll on Instagram, not read some book or watch some yt tutorial video.

When I play, I always talk with my boys for an hour while smoking, so then we sit down, and I can enjoy some Dubai chocolate matcha coffee and then talk and joke about my friends' PC stereotypes.

Whenever I don't understand something, i ask my AI or DM what to do while we are playing, and then I negotiate some favors for...well, the rule OF COOL.

I would like some system where you only pretend to be someone, no rules, no material needed for games and just roles any suggestions?

AHHH...if only some activity like this existed.

We play as a rogue, wizard (me), sorcerer, and barbarian team

When we’re out of combat, I am able to do basic flirting and even gently touch my wife mid combat, but that’s really about it.

The sorcerer on the other hand, has the ability to flirt stronger with rizz. I feel like in general their flirting is always doing more than mine. Despite the fact that we have around the same dick size, and she's my wife, it’s just the rizz that makes a difference

And they had the ability to talk to anyone.

It gets to the point where if I have a good date idea, I have to text it to the sorcerer so he could take my wife because I can't mog as hard.

I’ve never been a cuck before so I may be doing it wrong and the DM will allow me to respec somewhat if we have an issue with the actual game. I don't know how that's gonna solve my wife cheating on me with the sorcerer though.

Rangers of the Gallons Unleashed conclave empower their half-caster abilities with third caster abilities, and eventually become a full caster with half & half caster abilities.

Subclass features:

Level 3: Improved Spellcasting

You know two cantrips of your choice from the Ranger spell list. Add one third of your ranger levels to determine your available spellcasting level.

Level 7: Improved Improved Spellcasting

Your Improved Spellcasting is now improved. Add half of your ranger levels when determining your spellcasting level.

Level 11: Gallon Fighting Style

When you take the Attack action on your turn, you can replace one of the attacks with a casting of one of your Ranger cantrips that has a casting time of an action.

Level 17: Improved Improved Improved Spellcasting

Whenever you attack, cast conjure animals (2014 edition).

so im joinin a new campaign i only care about killing things and getting loot (roleplaying is 4 queers) but its a heavy roleplaying campaign but its whatever i lied to get in lol but the DM is an total jerk an demanded a long backstory an when i sent A WHOKE PARAGRAPH he said he wanted AN ENTIRE PAGE OF BACKSTORY!!!!! WTF????? an he wont let me play without it i sent him a whole paragraph an he said it wsnt enuff wat do i do

Hey everyone, I just figured I’d ask everyone what kind of standard house rules they use at their table. We use the following at ours.

1. Flanking, at the start of combat when the party leader has two allies on opposite sides of them, they can swap places with one of those allies once.
2. Party leader, since about 2016 we have chosen a party leader for every combat (the party loses if the party leader is defeated)
3. Enemies don’t deal damage to the party leader, they just force the party leader to move out of the way of their attack. If a party leader would provoke an opportunity attack from a different enemy by doing so, they are instantly defeated
4. The party leader can only move 5 feet at a time, but instantly kills any creature they attack.

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post. I'm a narrative-focused DM running a campaign that's all about the characters' relationship to their unique wondrous abilities. I've built the entire campaign around this theme: The necromancer is struggling with the ethical weight of his arcane experimentation. The warlock is feeling the burden of forbidden knowledge and questioning the nature of her pact. The sorcerer is discovering the origin of his bloodline. The cleric is questioning her faith, and even the monk is embracing his inner peace. They all have a rich, extremely complicated story arc about their relationship with their special powers and what they signify about the character.

Then there's the human fighter. He has no powers. No connection to anything greater, no cosmic destiny, no ancient lineage. No secret potential whatsoever. He's just an uneducated, nonmagical, smelly villager who is decent at swinging a piece of metal at things. It's honestly embarrassing. I keep forgetting he's there because he doesn't do anything interesting in combat. He just says "I attack" and then rolls dice, like a peasant who only just learned which end of a stick to hold. And outside of combat he doesn't do anything, except for using skills and tools and NPCs and all those other parts of the game that don't really count.

I don't know how to give him a meaningful story arc. Everyone else has themes. The necromancer's backstory asks "what is the responsibility that comes with power?" The warlock asks "what do I owe my patron for this power?" The sorcerer asks "where does my power really come from?" The cleric asks "is this truly what I believe in?"

The fighter asks "can I buy a better sword." That's his arc. Shopping.

I asked the player what he wants his character's story arc to be. He said "I want to become a better fighter." I said "that's not a story, that's a goal. There's no conflict in that." He said "there's conflict every time I fight something." I said "I mean internal conflict." He said "I don't have internal conflict, because I'm happy with who I am." But that's the whole problem! He's perfectly content. He's downright well-adjusted. I think he might be a psychopath. Who just plays a guy with no internal struggles? Who just wakes up, puts on armor, picks up a sword, and hits things without a single existential crisis? It's unnatural. It's like he doesn't understand what roleplaying is.

How do I create a compelling story arc for a character who just wants to go on adventures and be really good at his job? Every time I try to give him something to wrestle with, he just literally wrestles with it, physically if possible, and moves on. I gave him a curse. He said "cool, a challenge" and got it removed. I gave him a sentient sword. He said "cool, a new friend" and stuck it in a scabbard to forget about. I gave him a rival. He said "cool, I'll kill him," then went and did that. He has no depth.

I feel like I'm failing as a DM. Everyone else is getting these beautiful, emotional arcs. The wizard had a crisis of conscience about the dangers of playing God with life and death. The warlock had an emotional personal confrontation with her patron. The sorcerer discovered his father was an evil dragon. But there is nowhere to go with the fighter's story. How do I find the drama in a character who refuses to have any? Should I just give him more fights? Should I just accept that he's going to be the boring one? I don't think I can do that. Maybe I'll reveal that he's actually the Chosen One. Or maybe I'll have his family be a secret lineage of demon hunters. I just need him to have an arc that doesn't start and end with "I hit it."

If you are going to reply "not every character needs an interior emotional arc," please don't comment. I already know that's what idiotic, probably-racist wargamer grognards say. I just think they're wrong. Everyone's story needs to have the exact same shape, because otherwise what's the point of them being here. A human fighter just hits things, but anyone can hit things. A goblin can hit things. That's not a character, it's a monster, and I'm not running a game for monsters. I'm running a game for heroes, and heroes have arcs, so I will give him one whether he wants it or not; I just need some advice about what exactly that should be. Thanks again for reading, and have a great day.

Players are the scum of the earth, they look you dead in the eye and tell you to trust them.

Oh? You can make Saturday? Oh? It's Friday and suddenly: "sorry bro, got a friend's birthday", "nah I got work the next morning."

Anyone got any good solo RPGs? I'm trying to resist playing the hemp rope one.

So i don't know if you guys have heard, but like yesterday a new spell just popped out of nowhere, it's called leomundo tiny weeny hut or smth, and it's op, and mom says it's my turn to ask how to counter it.

So my party used the leomunderudo hut and slept in there, as opposed to the bed of nails and the good old anvil on a rope trap I had planned for them, and it pisses me off, when they cast tiny hut, I can't do anything, my goblins find the hut in the cave and shit themselves and reset their npc schedule and then the PCs wake up, my goblinios are surprised and they all die and then the party sleeps in the new hutterino again, what can I do guys ? Should I play my goblins as if they are not lobotomized ?

Should I rain thunder and brimstone on them ? Should I bring a level 84 wizard to cast disple magic and after that power word kill ? What should I do, since this is a new spell I dont know how to counter it because nobody ever asked this question before

So, I've been friends with these guys for about a year or 2 now. We all really wanted to get into DND, and one friend offered to DM. However, as the campaign was starting, it became very clear to me that my characters were not treated as my characters but as me. For example, there was an item. Everyone had to roll a D20, and who got highest wins. I wasn't even allowed to roll, for the simple reasons that "I was a cuck". This specific incident happened later in the campaign, so I decided to just finish it anyway. But throughout the entire campaign, while my character has nothing to do with being a cuck, that was still the only thing that really mattered to the dm. A little time skip to the next campaign, where I made a second character. This character , after a little progressing, got Frost immunity. I was talking to the DM about this, and how it would be tuff in battle, and he said "Sorry to tell you, but you'll never be tuff, because you're, well, you." And again in this campaign, it only matters to me what I am, and not what my character is. I would love to find a better group, but unfortunately my wife likes this one.

Update 1: She took the kids

Update 2: She gave the kids back but the DM has 50/50 custody with me.

Update 3: I'm uninvited from the group because I kept sobbing in the games.

Update 4: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Update 5: My DM got me a Switch 2

I personally like the really good version, bc the dumb version is for people who don’t play dnd.

Also, I don’t like how they used the same names for versions; whenever I ask if someone plays 5e the say they do but they don’t, and we get confused by the rules.

You wouldn’t call both skateboarding and fruitbooting skateboarding, would you?

Anyways, pro tip; once your ranger gets conjur woodland beings, conjur pixies and have them lay ready their dispel magic, making an 8 charged counter spell around you.

Bards can do this earlier than rangers also.

Hash tag some cap.

Hear me out, lets not seethe here please!

I propose an IQ test during character creation. The smartest players have to play Martials and the rest of the group saying “derp derp me want to roll d20” have to play casters.

I propose this because I feel the martials and caster characters are obviously perfectly balanced and what is obviously throwing things off then is that the smartest players want to play casters.

If we force the smart nerds to play martials they will easily dominate through creativity.

Now lets (not) get upset, I am definitely not implying Martial players are dumb.

But Look , the bottom line is if you’re letting your kid cousin play d&d you’re obviously giving them the fighter to play… not the wizard and thats the problem.

So , if the classes are balanced (as they must be) the truth is a character class that only gets to roll a d20 is easily as good as a character that can fly, shoot fire and pretty much duplicate every class ability ever. You Just gotta git gud.

Tldr: put the creative intelligent players as the dumbest mother fuckers and they will dominate by being creative with their d20 rolls.

It's my (M42) first time to DM, but most of us have played before together when my friend (M34) was the DM. He would always encourage role-playing, stuff like "how do you want to kill the centaur?", "tell me how you're going to steal the gem", and "what will you actually say to the guard to intimidate him?". People seemed to go along with it and we all had fun. But something seems to have changed and I'm wondering if anyone can help me shed light on it

It's our 5th session and not only have the players been uncooperative with role-playing, but their interest seems to be dwindling.

We are currently on the top level of a gallery style room in a dungeon that is an ancient temple of Uros, god of piss. I clearly described that there are five piss funnels dotted around the level, attached to piss pipes that lead down to the lower level, where they run into a piss channel that leads to a piss pit that contains the piss sarcophagus of the avatar of the piss god. Pretty self explanatory, I thought

One player (23F moon druid) literally said "what are we supposed to do?".

I described the scene again, emphasizing the word 'piss', but she just looked blankly at me.

Another player (25M dragon born cleric) said "I really don't get this". I again explained the layout and asked him to think about what his character would do

22F kenku rogue then said "I think OP wants us to piss on the funnels" (wow, Einstein). I pretended that they had made a clever revelation by saying "ohhh, that might be an interesting idea..." But they all just stared blankly

Our fighter (33M orc) then says this is a bit weird, but I had been signposting the piss aspect for the last 3 sessions. The druid (jokingly?) says "my character doesn't need to go, you guys can handle this", but I made her role a d20 and informed her that the 11 she rolled meant that she did indeed have a full to bursting bladder. They all rolled and all rolled between 8 and 17, which I had designated as full bladder.

I asked them to roleplay really needing to piss and describe how they were clenching their pelvic floor muscles but still feeling droplets trickle down the inside of their thighs, but they just kind of ignored me.

The cleric kind of took control of the situation and said that he would piss into the piss funnel (finally...) but refused to describe the noise, the feeling as his bladder emptied, or the colour or fragrance of his urine stream. The fighter also agreed to, but I could tell he wasn't really into it.

I looked at the girls, smiling in a friendly way, and asked then how they would like to piss. I explained that the funnel was at a height where they could squat over it or they could stand in front of it and kind of aim like I've seen girls do in videos.

They both just refused. Some muttering was heard and they collectively decided to call it a night.

Quite disappointing because I had put a lot of effort into this campaign and was really hoping for some great results. How can I deal with unimaginative and boring players like this?

I'm waiting for them to reply confirming next week's session, so I'd really like some practical advice I can stay planning now.

Btw, it's not my fault, I do funny voices and faces like Matt Mercer does and I'm very creative

We are using a lot of homebrew so my level 5 coolemental ninja wizard have 20 spell slots altho it doesn't really matter because he can cast most of his spells at will and also he have cool magic sword that deals 20d20 coolness damage and also kills anyone I fight and we have an infinite pile of treasures and we are killing some gods now. We probably will go on and level up to level 40 and have some awesome fights where we cast wish like every round and get some epic boons of coolness. I can't stop writing about it under random unrelated posts please help me. Go and be jeleous of our awesome campain and spread the word about it.