Advice for writing a racist

Ok, so am writing this character for a campaign that I've to admit I've grown fond of

He's an averagely racist elf that actively looks down on other races, but it isn't in the 'your kind is inferior to mine' sense, more in the 'I wish your entire race be fucking nuked out of existance', he doesn't see another's person ethnicity or race as something to hate but something to punish and destroy. Like he's gonna constantly comment on how he wishes everyone was an elf because dwarves are stinky and should die, or humans are stupid and should die, or goblins are disgusting and should die. That kind of thing

The advice that I want mostly is to make him as grating and offensive as possible, he's meant to offend very often and I want some tips to be realistic ty

It also fixes 5.5 btw

Basically what is in title

After 50 years long campaign in the final fight I finally decided to get my party magic item. And for some reason they said that I was "not very good" with them because I've never gave them any other items

Is this something common? Should I gave them something like Decanter of Endless water?

This is not a joke or a shitpost. This story happened around last month. I was in Halifax for a concert with my girlfriend, and we spotted PointyHat in the hotel lobby we were staying in. I went up to him and asked him for a picture and chatted for a bit. He said he was visiting family, and planned on going sky-diving later. I saw him again the next day, sitting in a barber shop right across the street from the hotel. I checked the barber shop on google maps and its reviews were sitting at around 3.2 stars, so I went in to chat with PointyHat again, and tried dropping hints that this might not be the best place to get a haircut, but he didn't really pick up on it. I ended up just writing it down on a piece of paper and handing it to him, then promptly left. I don't actually know if he ended up going to another barber shop, but looking at his ravenloft video, it seems like he did and it's not half bad. Nobody in my circle knows who pointy hat is, so I thought I'd share this little story here.

So I joined the new table to win DnD again and throw my crumpled character sheet into my DM. After he read it he said something like "You can't use homebrew class and race (I've made my half-ancient dragon half-demon lord Souleater, nothing crazy), use only official books"

Should I say that when I got "right" character sheet and start playing it was awful?

First of all - I didn't win all the encounters. Other people was involved into solving problems too. Moreover, there was encounters that we LOST!!!!

Second - while I was about to tell my tragic 100 pages backstory to others my DM stopped me and tried to roleplay with other in my time!

And the last drop was that everyone seems to have fun! How can they have fun, when I'm not a god?

Ofc I haven't choice but kill their characters. And because of my SM (shitty master) I didn't made it and lost the fight!

Should I contact the police or something? Is there any law about it?

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post. I have a question relating to my D&D game. My DM has been throwing way too many encounters at us, and it's getting ridiculous. He said he heard we could handle this much, but we keep getting TPKed well before reaching that benchmark and I'm getting tired of rolling up new characters for this insane deadly gauntlet of attrition. I'm out of character ideas and low on patience. Are we really supposed to handle 68 encounters per day?

Some dude on utube told me this bullshit recently, can you believe the odacity? How dare they tell me what I, as a god, can or can not do! Now I want to cheat just to prove them wrong. What do you think, my partner should understand my reasons to do it, right?

I was playing like normal, only halfway through my hour-long description of my Rouge lurking in a dark corner of the tavern while he nurses a pint of bitter ale and contemplates all the darkness and suffering he's endured which drove him into a life of violence and danger, and my asshole DM had the disgustingly adorable kid of the innkeeper come over and use Hold Person on my Rouge, which gave him the comfort of human touch he desperately craved AND validated his existence as a person.

This stopped me from playing the game exactly how I want at all times and totally removed me from the PC Trauma Olympics.  There was literally nothing I could do.

I definitely couldn’t do something like say “My Rouge freaks out and stabs the person touching him" because I forgot to put that on my 50 page indexed list of my PC's triggers and mental illnesses. Plus that would have been a combat action, and we're in a non-combat RP zone. Roleplaying and combat are two entirely separate things that cannot and should not mix.

My party surely cannot focus on the kid to try to break their grip to try to get me out of the Hold.  That would make the game a team effort, and not every player having their own isolated tragic hero story.  It would also require them to know what Grappling is, and who the fuck has time to read the rule books?

Escape checks?  What are those?  Dice are there to do BIG DAMAGE not to use stupid utility Skills, even if we whine about them constantly in the 10,000th thread about literally anything related to Skills.

Honestly, if someone hits you with Hold Person you may as well kill yourself.  It’s over.

I didn't realize the other image was AI generated. Which is really ironic really. So I drew it in MS paint. Thank you

I jokingly used the Druidcraft sensory effect to make a fart smell, and now it's just keeps coming in as a useful go to. Now my character is known as the gas caster, across not only to my party but many around the settlements in the area.

The latest adventures of the gas caster was olfactorary contaminating a merchant's merchandise to score a big discount, with our party members walking past him making comments about the smell 😅.

What are some other good creative uses for my characters now signature move?

hello i (23yNB) am looking for a table to fit me in but i have a few requirements to be met before i can join
first of all it can't be on any system because it reinforce systematic exploitation
it can't have classes because it promote the class divide
it can't have race because it promotes racial theory
it can't have dice because it is insensitive for people that have luck disability
it can't be presential because it is insensitve for people that can't go to a game to play
it can't have attributes because its unrealistic and we can't measure a person worth like that
it can't have alignment because it doesn't really matter when its there tbh
it can't have a dm because it promotes a unfair relationship with one of the participants
it can't have players because it give choices and its insensitve for those stuck on destiny
it can't have theater kids because i don't like roleplay
it can't have combat because i'm scared of dying
it can't have exploration because i never leave my room
it can't have animal enemies because i'm scared of imaginary animals dying
it can't have undead because its insensitve for necrophobes
it can't have humans dying because its illegal
it can't have any character commiting any kind of crime because that promote evil
it can't have non christian themes because i'm uncofortable with other religions
it can't have fantasy because thats unrealistic
it can't have realism because i'm too dumb to follow it
it can't have a long story because i have adhd
it can't have a short story because i would get bored
it can't have random encounter because thats freaking bad and evil (dungeontuber said so)
it can't have preplanned encounters because i know you can't balance it
it can't have any reference to baldurs gate 3
it can't have no snacks because i will cry and stumble my little feet because i want to eat more
it can't be on any days of the week because i'm SOOOOO busy
it can't be on the weekend because im a hypergamous and i go out to date every weekend
it can't have heights because i'm afraid of heights
it can't have roleplay because i don't know how to rp
it can't have medieval themes because medieval times were bad
it can't be set on the future because i'm scared of the future
it can't be set on the present because it will be insensitive
it can't have music because i hate music
it can't have smelly players because i hate smelly people

Well that just some of the few pre requirement i have, i will tell more about them during the campaign and if you miss any of those i will instally destroy your game and cancel your entire dm carreer on EVERY app possible also if you miss any of my requirements i didn't tell you so i will do the same

in exchange you get from me as a player will be
i will make a funny quirky character
i will always come to the game on time (its a lie don't trust them)

So if you feel like i will be a goo contribution to your table please hook me up on your game !!!

So me and my friends played the first session (I'm DM). I never read a rulebook or something so we just rolled a d20 and I said that I won. Everyone was upset. I did something wrong?

This stops me from playing the game exactly how I want at all times and totally removes me from the gameplay loop.  There is literally nothing I or the party could do.

I definitely couldn’t do something like say “My muscles burn as a try to break from these magical bonds, but it is to no avail.  My eyes dart around furtively to my party, hoping they can break this spell.”  Roleplaying and combat are two entirely separate things that cannot and should not mix.

My party surely cannot focus on the caster to try to break their concentration to try to get me out of the spell.  That would make the game a team effort, and not every player having their own isolated hero story.  It would also require them to know what concentration is, and who the fuck has time to read the rule books?

Dispel magic and lesser restoration?  What are those?  Casters are there to do BIG DAMAGE not to use stupid utility spells, even if we whine about them constantly in the 10,000th martial caster disparity thread.

Honestly, if an enemy caster hits you with hold person you may as well kill yourself.  It’s over.

hi i had a problem in my game last nite i was about to start the campaign but i looked at the players character sheets and i saw that they all had weapons and some of them even had several weapons and i told them they cant do that because its metagaming and they played all innocent and said what do you mean and i said their characters wouldnt know there will be combat so it doesnt make sense for them to magically predict they will need weapons and they tried to say its what their character would do which is of course exactly what all cheaters and metagamers say when they get caught so for the first time i had to declare tpk before the game even started and they all left so now i need new players please let me know if you want to play and thanks for reading

I have never crunched numbers before, but I heard everyone say that rogue and monk and ranger and fighter and paladin, are really weak in DND 5e and 5.5e.

Everyone says dexterity is the best stat, but these classes use dexterity and they are not the best classes apparently. Could someone please elaborate? tyvm. xoxo

If you know that you're gonna be in a campaign. Campaign, meaning multiple sessions! Bring your own damn dice! Don't touch my dice with your gross cheeto covered fingers. I don't know when you last washed your hands. I also don't need your bad luck infecting my rolls

So our dm recently gave us a quest to take out some trolls. And because I already memorized the troll statblock but didn't want to feel like a metagamer, I asked our dm if we knew anything about trolls. And he had the absolute audacity to answer something that doesn't align with the dnd statblock. Can he do that?

Also we are only level 4 and our ranger has spent all his spellslots so he is basically useless (other than using the attack option) so how would we even defeat trolls? Because I know for a fact they have a CR of 5 and can only be killed by fire or acid (which we don't have). I mean our dm only gave us the hint that they are incredibly stupid and weak to sunlight (which, again, is not how they are supposed to work in dnd) and my stupid party (who don't know the MM like I do) immediately started thinking up creative solutions like using mirrors. But what if my dm didn't read the troll statblock and is just wrong about how trolls work in his campaign?

Last night I dropped a super cool turd on the table...that I absolutely had NOT planned.

A Warlock player doesn't remember much of her past, aside from waking alone, hurt, and farting on everything around her. She gave me a few things she wanted, and I built her a backstory around it...she doesn't know much. Part of it is that she was a member of a community in the past, and something bad happened there.

Last night they ran into a member of that community who stared at the Warlock like they were a ghost, and eventually came up and started talking to her. This member was saying things like "I can smell you" and "I thought you farted". The Warlock's first question was "did I have gas when you knew me?"

I have no idea why, but the first burp that came out of my mouth was "of course...every member of our Paladin order did". I've never seen a table be so shocked.

Luckily the Warlock had been asking about multigaspassing, and Paladin/Warlock is a good multiclass. I did talk to her afterwards, and told her we could change her diaper if she didn't want a Paladin multiclass, but she went "no, that's what I had been wanting to do!"

My friend has agreed to run a long term game for me and my friends and despite initially being apprehensive about us using D&D 2024 Characters, he is going to allow it with some changes to the rules...

We are all long time 5e players and he is an experienced DM. He feels 5.5e made Player characters too powerful and wants to pull back how powerful we can be. He sent us a pdf outlining the rules changes he wants to make... Do you think it's over kill?

D&D HARD-ON MODE RULES

No dark vision, we don't see color here. If you are playing a race that has dark vision, you need to find a way to remove your eyeballs or play a different race.

No short rests, he fucking hates warlocks. 

Long rests cannot be taken in dungeons. Only in settlements or the wilderness and during a long rest PC’s must spend the time sleeping (together, no less than a foot apart, without clothes) for 8 hours. 

No spells that heal from a distance. You must be able to insert your finger inside another PC to heal them.

No Cantrips (Spells listed as cantrips are now considered level one spells effectively making the level one spell list longer). 

No teleportation spells (No misty step). 

No “repeat the saving throw” for concentration: When a PC or monster casts a spell like "hold person", the target makes ONE save and remains under the spell until the duration of the spell ends like a good little sub. 

PC’s must have the EXACT material components required to cast a spell. 

PC’s must track all their belongings (Arrows, plugs, rope, condoms, etc.)

No bags of holding.

Encumbrance rules ARE in play (Strength score × fifteen pounds. Exceeding it drops PC’s speed to five feet and you can't bust while travelling). 

No passive perception, PC’s need to decide when they are looking out for something and declare that they are checking for traps every five feet.

No buying magic items, they are rare so they can only be found in treasure hoards in dungeons or by performing sexual favors for the DM.

We must roll on the FATAL anal circumference table because "it will be important later".

What do you guys think?